(NSFW) How intense an effect could having drasticly less sex in a relationship have?

Sex is very important in our relationship – not just for the pleasurable aspects of it but because our bodies need each other – if we had circumstances that we couldn’t control and had to have a lot less sex, we’d be fine, for sure (our connection has other aspects to it like the intense intellectual spark) – however, we’d make every damn effort to change those circumstances around so that we can have sex more often.

It could be quite dramatic actually. I know personally, when my boyfriend and I don’t have sex as much as I want or I notice a decline, I get upset. There also seems to be some kind of weirdness in the relationship, something kind of like distance. It’s like that for people in marriages. Look at how many people cheat because their partner/them/or both partners is unable to have sex with the other. Sex is a big part of long term relationships.

Yeah, it can bring you close to divorce. Or rather, it has brought me very close to separation. There’s a lot to hold us together, and it seems a shame for sex (or lack thereof) to break us apart, but it makes me increasingly unhappy, because, frankly, if I’m not getting laid, I don’t feel loved. If I’m not loved, what’s the point?

I suppose that depends on why the reduced frequency. If it is because one or both partners are upset with one another, then it might be a serious warning sign of impending failure of the relationship. If, on the other hand, the couple are playing a dominant/submissive game and the submissive is being deprived to highten excitement and awareness and to make the final release that much more sweet, then it can be like pouring gasoline on an already hot fire.

In your case, I don’t think many times a night is likely to last long term in any relationship. I wonder if the decreased frequency now (a few times a week is fairly normal for a long-term relationship) isn’t more because of the other things that are going wrong than a trigger for them to go wrong.

You can’t fuck like bunnies forever. At this point you should have established a way to be intimate without being sexual. A few times a week is more than a lot of people. Sex is a big part of a relationship, but if you can’t feel close to your partner without it, that’s a problem.

Theres a difference between feeling close and feeling loved. But, I’m sure that needing sex to feel loved is seen as a problem in many places.

How has no one questioned 3–6 times a night?? How old are you?! don’t you sleep? How old have I been all my life then?

Not much. It’s not the act of sex itself that would affect my relationship, but if we lacked physically interaction at all…like those little things, such as groping, touching, kissing, hugs, hand-holding…that would very much affect us. Affection is extremely important, I’d say it’s more important than sex because it’s a way of showing you care without stripping down and sexing it up in public. lol

Relationships go through phases, people go through stressful periods in their life…you can’t expect to constantly want to have sex. Some nights one person is too tired, or just not up to it. It happens.
Also, it depends on why you can’t have sex. I’m about to have a baby, which means no sex for six weeks (thats what they recommend). Will my husband go crazy and leave me? No! Because there’s a reason, I’m not just pushing him away and rejecting him..so it’s completely understandable.

@faye, Yes I have to admit my eyes widened when I read that.

@faye , @lfino It’s not about the initial amount, really, it’s about the amount it has declined. That’s like someone who has it a couple times a week, going down to once a month. We’ve just recently started to have a harsh decline in alone-time, because of family/friends obligations, which, among other things, affects our intimacy frequency.. I feel as though this is yet another thing that has lead to a decline in the relationship, and was curious if others have gone through a decline in sexuality with their partner, and how that has affected them..

Jesus!! 6 times a day! you shouldnt have anything to worry about as long as both of you are accepting of those circumstances.

Well, thats the point, we aren’t able to do that anymore.

I’m wondering when you had time to talk, let alone build a relationship! I was young, living with my fiance and we sure did not f**k 3 times a day, let alone 6. We had jobs, household chores, friends, sleep as well as each other. Unless your sex time is 10 minutes, and then that would be why it’s not happening so much.

No we’d spend a good, idk about 3 hours a day having sex.. sometimes more, sometimes a bit less…. but im really not posing this question exclusively about my relationship, but more about relationships in general… the reason we have not been able to is social circumstances, what about things like that or, having children, having to work more hours, busy schedules, etc reasons why people would not be able to, which are out of their control.. am curious how it has effected others, or if it has.

@odali I think a strong relationship has to be able to absorb those sorts of pressures and stil stay strong. Of course, you need to find time for love making now and then, but a hug or just holding hands can do a lot to let your partner know you still love them when there are kids under foot or neighbors constantly dropping in.

I could be wrong, but I would hypothesize that sexual frequency, or desire for sex, is a lot higher for people with bipolar disorder. Or possibly ADD, too. Or it could just be the normal variation in human behavior, @odali and SO out there on the teeny weeny end of the bell curve.

However, with bipolar disorder, I know for sure that acting out sexually is very common. It’s one way that we get the sense that we are actually there. I think most people don’t have this experience, so they really don’t get it, and think it is wrong or a sign of decadence and immorality. I know I’ve felt that kind of desire all my life—even before I got sick. It was when I got sick and the sexual frequency in my marriage dropped on maybe four times a year that I started acting on it. Smart as I may be, I didn’t know what else to do.

It raises all kinds of issues of feeling rejected or less attractive, or worrying that your partner is getting bored, etc. It seems to me that the bond between lovers can be more fragile than we think and sex is an important way of reaffirming your importance to each other. Outside circumstances can affect sex and this is difficult to work with. My boyfriend and I live apart and only see each other at weekends. This means that our [physical] sex life is squeezed into two small days a week. Our drives aren’t entirely compatible in that I want it more than he does. This has caused a few minor problems. I think if the sex were to dry up altogether, especially given how little time we have together, it would be difficult for me to cope with.

I am sorry, but to be honest, to me if you need to have sex three hours a day every day or your relationship goes down the drain, there seems to be something seriously wrong.

Having to have less sex than both or either party would like is definitely something that puts stress on any relationship. I would venture a guess that any longterm relationship will have issues over this sooner or later (mostly issues that will be solved and stresses that can be tolerated until situation improves, luckily).

But 3–6 times a day, every day, hours total? It does seem that if you need that much, something else is missing.

3–6 times a day seems sort of unrealistic. it seems like that would be hard to maintain in any relationship. I have to have sex every day, that’s too much in my mind I would much prefer less but it’s not an option but that’s fine, at this point if it was less i’d probably think something was wrong

Most people here seem to be getting the wrong idea about the question.. I was simply stating the 3–6 times a day was the normal frequency for my relationship.. I was not asking if sustaining this amount for any relationship was a good idea, however this is what made me think of the question.

I was asking if in any relationship, no matter the initial amount of sex, if a harsh decline in it could have detrimental effects to said relationship.

@odali And my response is…It shouldn’t have detrimental effects if you two actually have a relationship not based on physical intimacy. Yes, it’s possible to both have high sex drives, but things change over time. It shouldn’t ruin a relationship, and if thats the sole factor that does, then it wasn’t a good relationship to begin with.

@casheroo the above wasn’t wasn’t really direct at you, i think your response above was one of the best and most complete..and thank you for clarifying your response. =)

“I was asking if in any relationship, no matter the initial amount of sex, if a harsh decline in it could have detrimental effects to said relationship.”

Could have, yes. Will have, not necessarily.