How can I avoid awkward situations at family reunions with family members that don't know I'm IN the family?

it’s unreasonable to expect them to just know who you are, right?
they can’t know without learning, can they?

you have to introduce yourself and become known. that’s how it should be.

Take charge and make everyone name tags that say, Suzy’s daughter, or Aunt Mary. Have fun with it and get silly, and make sure your relationship to the family is prominently displayed as well!

@ninjacolin We have name tags, generally. Each immediate family has their own color/pattern. I DO introduce myself, but it’s pretty awkward going up to someone “Hi, I’m ___’s daughter. Nice to meet you” and get a response of “oh. I didn’t know there were two of you”

It doesn’t help that I’m very shy IRL and big groups of people like this intimidate me.

Your guardians should pass the word shortly before the reunion. I often had to explain who I was to some of my extended family , too many of us?, a little dementia? and I was blood.

you can take one step this visit to mute this issue in the future: do something memorable for everyone. that way, they’ll talk about your memorable feat and spread the news on their own. it’s called: assuming celebrity status. :)

Most of the people at my family reunions have no idea who I am, and I was not adopted. Do you know who they are by sight? I never do.

I have been mistaken for someone else many times at reunions. Once someone thought I was my Dad’s wife, eww! So try not to be offended.

Your parents (@faye, they adopted her, they’re her parents, not her guardians) could take some responsibility for this – the adoption should have been a huge celebration with big
announcements, etc. – it’s not too late. Anyway, I wonder if you’ve told them this is awkward for you. I bet they’d figure something out that would help. Or you could ask them to! They love you, right?
Shy is normal at events like this, I think. Are there some people you’re always happy to see? Talk to them about this too, perhaps.
Heart with you.

@susanc @rangerr Ah, I’m glad it was adoption. I didn’t want to say it if it wasn’t so.

I agree with @susanc . Talk to your parents and let them know how this made you feel. They should take the lead and make sure you feel acknowledged and valued as much as any blood relation.

Your mom could send out a newsy letter with a family photo prior to the reunion with a photo that says, “here we are, with our 2 daughters, Muffy and Rangerr.”

When anyone says, “I didn’t know there were two of you,” the answer is, “Yes, there are.”
And leave it at that.

People who ask clueless questions are the same ones that, when they see you up on a ladder painting your house, will either ask, “Are you painting your house?” or “What are you doing?”

My extended family on my dad’ side have no idea who I am either, nor my two siblings. Our dad died when we were little and we only really keep in touch with his sister, who strong-armed us into going to a big family reunion a few summers ago. It was ridiculously awkward. I got a lot of “And you are…?“s and upon responding “_____’s daughter” anyone who knew him would get very awkward. I can’t blame them I suppose, but it was a very depressing weekend.

My advice is to make it their problem that they didn’t know about you. If someone says “I didn’t know there were two of you!” you could laugh and say “You need to get out more.” If they’re going to be rude to you, I don’t see why you should be the one who has to feel embarrassed. They’re your family! They should be excited to meet you.

I’m with all of those who say many folks have no idea who I am, and I’m not adopted!

This is not all that uncommon for even those of us who aren’t adopted. You’re there, that means you are part of the family. Just give them a friendly reminder of who you are. Why is this still an issue? You have been part of the family since you were five, seems like everyone would know or at least have seen you by now.

As an aside. One year, when my daughter was 13, the people putting the reunion on had this great idea to indicate, on the family tree, who was adopted. My oldest is. I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. It REALLY hurt my daughter too. It’s like saying, “Yes, so and so isn’t really a member of this family. Not by blood.” I pitched a fit, and I don’t think I was the only one, so they didn’t do it in subsequent years. My daughter didn’t go to another reunion for 15 years. I could not believe the callousness of them even considering doing something like that

I’ve given up trying to anticipate how to navigate potential ‘awkward situations.’ I just go with the flow, get centered on myself—there’s some saying that goes like this, at our deepest roots, we are love. So when we go to a place where there is no awkwardness, that is love.

Just try to be patient with everyone… as much as you hate having to identify yourself, maybe they will feel awkward too for asking and more so after hearing the story. I’ve yet to meet all my family members and have had a few awkward moments, but you get over it and learn from the experience.

If all else fails tell them “Be nice to me or Dr. C will beat you up”

Sweetheart, love of my life, town twin.

Some people in my family didn’t know I existed until I was 13.
Some people in my extended family don’t know I exist even now.
And some people in my closer extended family don’t even bother to speak to me. Example, my cousin just got married. No one fucking told me. Invites were sent, people went, and Facebook notified me of her new relationship status.

Don’t take it personally. There’s a more awkward weight attributed by you having been adopted, and that’s probably making it worse for you and them. But really, it’s not that abnormal to be out of the loop. People are self-centered and when they aren’t, their focus generally is only on their own family. Do you know all of their names? And are you sure you know every cousin and sister in law of your half aunt from a previous marriage? Probably not, I sure as shit don’t know all of mine. Hell, the majority of my relatives don’t even speak English.