(NSFW) How can I teach my boyfriend how to finish the job?

You need to just tell him exactly what it is you want or you will need to take a book to read to occupy yourself while he’s busy wasting his time down thereJust tell him what you like! :)

@lucillelucillelucille I try to tell him, but I don’t think I’m expressing myself as well as I should. I’m more looking for specific wording for my directions.

Get his head down there between your thighs and squeeze like bloody heck until he licks you three multiple orgasms.

Have you tried spanking him?

Sometimes the old ways are the best. It’s amazing to me how many people can’t figure out the basics. Or maybe reading about other peoples’ sexual “how-tos” is just a growing freak like if you can’t do it, take a poll.

Once and for all NSFWers The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort. Amazon $15.

@davidbetterman wouldn’t that distract him from the licking? lol
@hawaii_jake it’s kind of hard to spank him I’m laying on the bed, and his knees are on the floor
@galileogirl “Sometimes the old ways are the best. It’s amazing to me how many people can’t figure out the basics.” so you think I don’t know the basics? And the Joy of Sex is from 1972… a little out dated for me

put your hands on his head, put your fingers through his hair and moan louder when hes doing something right. if all else fails, tell him the old high school trick of spelling out the alphabet with his tongue on your clit while fingering your gspot.. add a little bit of clit sucking and teasing in there and hell get you off in no time…

but be sure to let him know when hes doing something right!

edit: and make sure he’s using two fingers.. from my experience that’s the ideal amount

Ok, this will be graphic. If he’s a young guy, he probably doesn’t have a clue how to satisfy you orally. So you need to tell him, but you need to do it in a way that he is very receptive. Don’t suggest “change”. Talk in terms of “new” things you might love. Make it a time when you are being very lovey and whisper provocatively in his ear that you’d just go crazy if he would gently nibble your cl**, or whatever it is that you really want. Give a couple or three things if you want and tell him that you really get off when he changes techniques while he’s doing it. And you might add exactly how you like those changes made….but all in a sexy provocative manner.

Of course, if he doesnt love doing oral, he may not be much of a learner on it.

@odali omg I love it! I’m literally going to cut and paste what you said and e-mail it to him now!
@plethora we are in our late 20’s but he had never really given a chick oral before me, and I was having a very hard time teaching him., I love the nibbling idea.

@Violet haha, glad to help.

@odali Yeah….great advice….:)

It might be easier to talk about it during a non-sexy time. It’s amazing how much miscommunication can happen over sex, and it’s tough to ask your partner to change what they’re doing when it’s actually happening. It sounds like an old people thing to do but it can actually be fun and helpful to set aside some time and just talk about it.

@Violet If ya gotta teach em, you might consider a more experienced guy.

@Haleth we do talk about sex when we’re not having sex, but not so much oral sex. I feel it’s a sensitive subject for him. He’s so new at it, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, or insult him.
@plethora I love him, so I’ll teach him.

@Violet He will be forever grateful.

@Violet Oh… I see. It isn’t insulting if you’re not negative about it. He probably genuinely wants to bring you to orgasm and might feel inexperienced that he can’t do it, so maybe he is afraid to bring it up himself. Without bringing up anything that he’s doing wrong, tell him something like, “When I’m getting close, can you use a lot of pressure on my clit?” or whatever you need him to do, and be specific. Nothing in that question is a comparison, so it doesn’t imply that what he was doing before was bad. How is he with his hands? Maybe you can guide him at doing that first so he can figure out what kinds of stimulation you like, and that will help him with oral sex.

Men respond to sound, move his head around and moan when he hits the spot, that is what he wants to hear and therefore that is where he will go. Or, don’t moan at all when he starts and that will frustrate the hell out of him and he will try his best like never before.

@Dibley I don’t know why, but I have always been pretty quite in bed. Do you think it would be weird if I started now? I think it’s a good idea

@Violet I don’t think it would be weird for him, it would be a major ego boost for him and probably make him a little harder! It will definately be a great night for you. I have founfd that if I am quiet they try so much harder, and when I do moan they really concentrate on that area.

@Dibley then I am going try the moaning. I like that idea. Thank you very much

@Violet Your welcome, let me know how it goes.

Advise him to take a read of the appropriate articles on http://www.askmen.com
It has many, many suggestions on how to improve performance….

It’s pretty simple to just say “I like it when you kiss and lick this this” and “I like it when you lick and kiss here” and when he gets is right let him know it and not just “yes, that feels good”.... grab his ears and do the When Harry Met Sally scream OH Yes!! That’s it!!!

Got sell the moment and he will never stop!

@Violet… Here is something I guess intuitively knew but had really thought about until someone pointed it out. Only you know what you feel. Someone else (your partner) can only guess as to what they think you are experiencing. So that means that what they do is based entirely on their previous attempts and your reaction to what they are doing (if they are attentive). Now as and example someone who has some experience “down there” (pun intended), will revert back to what they have experienced being good. So if they had “success” with another partner or they think they have had “success” with you based on your reaction, that is what they will try. (By the way this is why it is bad to fake orgasm, if your partner thinks it worked once that is will they will like go back to and if I didn’t work you will get stuck with it) So in your case, he needs to either have his mindset altered so he no longer thinks of “success” in the old way. That comes by telling, showing and/or expressing.

Here’s a couple of ideas from a male that loves to see a woman get off this way. Get him a copy of Nancy Friday’s book, I think its titled Secret Garden, What Women Want and mark the areas you like. I think she wrote two on the same subject. They should be required reading for men. I was with a girl that knew exactly what she wanted in the sack. I loved to tease her by doing it lightly or stopping and starting. When she had enough, she’d wrap her legs around my head and squeeze hard to hold my head exactly where wanted it. She had very strong legs, so I knew I’d better get down to business. This would maybe scare an inexperienced guy, so keep that in mind. Lastly, one girl recently got really wild one night and just said “harder, faster” over and over as she got close. It drove me wild, I did what she said and the results were spectacular. Keep it simple but direct. We men aren’t very complicated but were also not very subtle. Tell him exactly what you want him to do. It works.

@Violet and @lucillelucillelucille I want this wording as well! (So I know what to listen for and how to interpret it.) I hope I’m never too old to learn. Or practice.

I fully support original research in this area, too. Another GQ.

@Violet make sounds! that will help him immensely! when he’s doing something right push your hips into him… but not crazy at first or it will mess him up.. pretty soon hell be able to stay with your spot no matter how wet he gets you and how much you’re bucking. it’ll be a great experience for both of you!

If he’s more of a visual learner, I would gladly demonstrate it to him . . . 8-P >

@njnyjobs hahahaha… awesome.

@Violet The human body has not changed perceptably since 1972 dontcha know and women have been communicating their wishes for 200,000 years.

@galileogirl true.. and the kama sutra, illustrated or not, is a great guide to love, and is much older than the joy of sex.

@odali The Joy of Sex is a primer, accessible by anyone on this site and covers things like communication. The kama sutra is more advanced than @Violet ‘s questions.

Have him stop for ten minutes, clean the tub, and come back. I hear that really works.

@Violet In my humble opinion, being verbal (not just moaning) during lovemaking (or sex) is more important than any physical technique you could possibly use. The mind is the biggest sex organ and if you don’t verbally capture that, what’s the use? Talking, teasing, whispering, moaning, squealing, etc, etc, etc. But it has to be what comes naturally. You may have the habit of being quiet in bed, but I’m guessing there is plenty of the verbal inside that could come out.

You say he DOESN’T change how he’s giving you oral at the crucial moment, but in my experience my partners have wanted me to keep doing exactly the same thing to reach orgasm – any change just before will put her back a long way! I believe most TV programmes and stuff these days also tell men NOT to change their rhythm as she’s about to cum.

But that just illustrates that everyone is different, and unless you tell him what YOU want then the advice of others who know nothing about you is all he has to go on…

And reach down with your hands and guide his head, tell him longer(more tongue) or left/ right and so on while you move his head- and don’t forget the moaning!!!

I he doesn’t get it right you could spank him!

I will have to agree with the majority of answers here. Moaning is a good process indicator for him, but like @sleepdoc said, “So if they had “success” with another partner or they think they have had “success” with you based on your reaction, that is what they will try. (By the way this is why it is bad to fake orgasm, if your partner thinks it worked once that is will they will like go back to and if I didn’t work you will get stuck with it)” Make sure you’re sending the right signals to let him get the right idea.

I guess I was lucky and had a lot of partners that taught me correctly (kind of makes me sound bad, lol.) and usually give great head. I’ve developed this technique that seems to do the trick. I start out lightly on the hooded area. Just kissing and rubbing with the tongue until the clit gets a little engorged and then proceed to touch lower with my fingers. I think this is a thing a lot of guys forget to do. They concentrate on one or the other when in all reality you need to be a kind of multitask-er at getting down. When she starts moaning and moving a little more I then proceed to penetrate the fingers and do some tickling in there and the lightly rubbing has become a sucking tactic. Here’s where the trick comes in. I’ve found a trick to lightly grab the clit with my front top teeth (it might sound crazy, but I’ve often been asked afterwords what I was doing, “because is was awesome!” and yes I’m quoting.) and lightly apply pressure up towards my teeth and increasing the pressure as her movement gets more intense and the moans get more frequent.

This is about the time most women would grab someone head like a predator and can’t stop moving like some sort of snake sex goddess. I also increase speed around this time and open my mouth, and do a bit of breathing (breath on the area is a neat effect of stimulation too, ;). When she’s close I sometimes take my other hand and apply a little pressure on the backdoor. Not enough to penetrate, but enough for it to be felt. This is usually a preference of the women, but I’ve also found that a lot don’t even know they like it and that’s why I kind of use it as a surprise when they’re close. It’s like that extra gust of wind that lightly pushes you over the cliff.

I probably left out a lot of my technique, but the teeth in combination with suction and tongue can do wonders and can take some time to develop proper use, but practice makes perfect. Also, most of it is being able to read how it feels to her and that’s why communication is so important. So, talk talk talk!

@Violet Apparantly, he is trying to do what most men have been told, read or shown to do. That is, doing what is necessary to get you fully aroused, settling in to a specific location, speed, intensity, method and then not changing anything until you achieve orgasm. Your needs are slightly different.

I’m of the verbal opinion on this one. You need to determine in your own mind exactly what you need him to do. Stimulate a different area? Faster? Harder? Switch from tongue to lips or vice versa? Once you know and can put your desires into words, just tell him “You’re doing good (stroke the ego). At a certain point, I need you to do (X). When I reach this point, I’ll signal you by doing or saying (Y).”

In an earlier posting, you said that he needs for you to “speed up” at a certain point when you’re on top “riding cowgirl”. How did he communicate that need to you? He needs to know what you need; if he’s truly a loving partner he’ll do it (or try at least). You may actually have to experiment with him to determine exactly what it is that you need. Think of it as a fun science experiment.

Because of my Aspergers Syndrome, our relationship had to be based on exact verbal communication. I slowly learned to read her non-verbal cues, especially in bed. But I needed to be told at least once what each signal or cue meant. She taught me very well.

In our case, when I had gotten to the point of direct clitoral stimulation, she wanted me to shift back and forth between lips and tongue, then gently inserting two fingers and stroking her G-spot and gradually increasing the intensity of that. At the point when she was near orgasm, she wanted me to stay with either lips or tongue, increasing to a certain rhythm and intensity, then “set the cruise control” so she could go over the top.

We had set signals worked out for what she wanted my lips, tongue and fingers to be doing at that moment. Including an “I’m ready to orgasm, keep doing exactly what you are doing” signal. (Our signals were French words that actually had little or nothing to do with exact directions – just signal words we mutually understood). It actually took us several years to work out these signals to perfection and also my ability to “read” her body signals so that verbalization became less necessary.

Gentle discussion and communication, the male ego can be a bit fragile in this area. He wants to please you. When you get that first orgasm from his oral efforts, he’s going to be so pleased with himself that he’ll probably want to do it again right away. You’ll probably have to explain your need to be “brought down gently” before going again. Good luck, Violet!

@Axemusica +GA Great write-up. I found that my lady didn’t like the “teeth” thing, but our girlfriend did.

LOL @Axemusica at the term “process indicator”. Do you have a formal ISO procedure, gauges, statistical process control and calibration stickers?

Seriously, it was a good answer, though.

@CyanoticWasp haha, yes. I have quite a resume in fields requiring ISO9000.

Tie him down and sit on his face, and tell him he’s not taking another breath until you have an orgasm…

@HungryGuy ; That works for the wife too, she is an accomplished swimmer and can _hold her breath for almost two minutes if she needs too… Handy for _deepthroat sessions!

@phil196662 – Indeed I know :-) When most people speak of face-sitting, they generally think of the woman as the sitter and the man’s face as the seat. But there are women who love the reverse, heh-heh-heh :-p

Oh yes , and the _cum drool is a real sight! with my hands on her stomach gripping with each thrust…

Indeed! :-p

@sleepdoc I haven’t faked an orgasm in years. (and never with my current partner). Before me, he has never really given a girl oral sex (we’re in our late 20’s)
@galileogirl I’m talking about communication. You keep saying The Joy of Sex over and over.It doesn’t sound like you’re giving any advice on “how to give him directions on how to finish the job.” It feels like you are not trying to help at all.
@eponymoushipster If that is a joke.. I don’t get it
@plethora I have to be quite, but I don’t want to be : ( I guess I could make a few noises, but they would have to be very soft
@SomNinja I understand what you are saying. I think I would like it if he want faster, or something when I feel like an orgasm is coming on. (like the way I turn my vibrator from low to high)
@phil196662 do you think it would hurt his feelings if I gave those kind of directions? Sometimes I want to say “higher” or whatever, but I don’t want to sound like he’s doing something wrong (he’s new at giving oral)
@Axemusica your answer turned me on He sometimes does the bite thing, but not when you do it. I love your technique. How do you think I should tell my boyfriend all that you just told me? Do you think a copy and paste to an e-mail is too forward?
@stranger_in_a_strange_land what a great answer! I like he idea of signals. I’m not sure how we communicated the cowgirl thing. I may have brought it up, because I knew I couldn’t go fast when on top (we actually talk while having sex, or between positions)

@CyanoticWasp awww, thank you : )
@Adirondackwannabe I like the idea of buying a book, and marking what I want. I think I’m going to go get it now

@Violet – Nope, talk to him first and tell him he can make you happier and then you will reciprocate and make him crazy! And tell him he can’t do it wrong because your target moves and he just needs some target co- ordinates…

Just saw the comment where you said you have to be quiet. Some external reason I assume. You can make all kinds of low sounds including whispering in his ear, talking dirty, etc. Assuming that comes naturally, of course.

@plethora I will definitely try that next time

@Violet if he’s understanding & willing to try things to please you than I don’t see why he would be opposed to it. Maybe if you think it would be to forward, you could always suggest techniques in combination with signals as @stranger_in_a_strange_land mentioned. I’m sure he’ll be willing. Yeah, it might hurt, but when he does eventually make you O it’ll make him feel like he’s king & I think that might be worth a little critizism. ;)

I’m enjoying reading all these responses, 52 at this point, but it just dawned on me, why does this man require all this instruction? In my entire life, this is one subject on which I’ve never needed instruction. Discussion, yes. Passive instruction and encouragement, no. He should be the one asking the questions. Does this feel good? Would it be better if I did it this way? How about that? etc, etc, etc. It’s very awkward to “teach” the partner about sex, either way.

Just a thought. Perhaps neither valid nor useful. People are different.

@plethora I needed and wanted my lady to teach me.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Ahh, well we are all different. Thanks

@plethora maybe he’s playing dumb. I can’t remember the name of the show, but it was with Paris Hilton. She was told to put the dishes away. She purposely put them all in wrong places so she wouldn’t be asked to put the dishes away again (clever strategy).

@Violet Very clever. I’m thinking men are more known for that than women. Unusual situation you have.

@plethora do you think my vibrator could be desensitizing my clit? I’m worried that it’s too powerful.

@Violet I’m guessing that could happen. I know a guy can desensitize the “head” by whacking off a LOT.

@Violet One addl thought…I’m all for toys of any kind, but I would note that it is almost impossible for a man to compete with a vibrator if you are highly skilled at it’s use. You can make it do just exactly what you want and only you know. Even if he knew where and how, the vibrator goes on endlessly until you are totally satisfied. Longer than he can.

@plethora do you think I should stop masturbating for a while?

@Violet You raise an excellent point. I know that this can be the case with men (not many will admit it). I have no idea if ladies experience this same desenitization from vibrator use, or how long it would take to restore sensitivity. In my case it took about three months of staying away frm “Madame Palm and her Five Assistants” to restore enough sensitivity for consistant orgasm via vaginal or oral sex.

You could experiment with not using the vibrator for periods of time and comparing results. As @plethora says, the vibrator is capable of speeds and intensities that no human tongue can duplicate; at least until someone invents a bionic vibratory implant for the tongue.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land… at least until someone invents a bionic vibratory implant for the tongue.

You can bet your bottom dollar that the Japanese are working on it around the clock.

@CyanoticWasp You can buy little vibrators that attach to the tongue.

@Dibley I lurve this place.

@Dibley Where do you find those?

@Adirondackwannabe I’ll send you a link.

@Dibley Thanks, I sent you a theme song

@Adirondackwannabe I saw

@Dibley No response?

No, here is your link www.BedtimeHeaven.co.uk .

@Dibley The long silence was me being distracted. The “clone a willy” I had to check out.

@Dibley You strap that “Tongue Joy” to the tongue with rubber bands? Might take a bit of practice getting used to that gizmo in the mouth.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land There is like a little metal bullet that you clip onto the end of the tongue, you can get slightly bigger ones to go on the finger.

@Dibley So it’s the vibrator and not the tongue that makes contact with the lady? It was hard to figure out from the description on that site. Too bad that there’s no device yet to make the tongue itself vibrate at that intensity.

Ooooooo- kinda racy thread here! nice… ok- how about an upgrade to a _ten’s glove… nice little jolts to get things started!

@Dibley How do you put these links in the text?

@plethora Just go to the website and cut and paste the address.

@plethora there are instructions under the box where you type your text.

you put whatever you want within “quotes”, then add a : and post the link

@Violet @Dibley Thanks much….:)

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your advice. The oral my bf is giving me just keeps getting better and better. It’s amazing now.

@Violet Good for you….and him…:)