Do you think guys have double standards when it comes to sex?

Well it’s not guys only that accept this double standard – society, in general, accepts it and all genders perpetuate it. It has to do with systemic and so forth sexism which everyone renames ‘that’s just how things are’. There should not be this double standard – the whole ‘he’s a stud, she’s a slut’ mentality is hurtful to all people.

I think this depends a lot on the individual, but there is definitely a double standard, but I don’t think they’re the same.

I don’t think it’s acceptable for a guy to brag about how many notches he’s got on his bedpost. He might, in some sort of pathetic attempt to assert his masculinity or whatever, but ultimately these guys are trashy and classless, but that could just be my bias. I’m a guy, and I don’t discuss my sex life, my sex history, or really my sexuality with other men.

However, lots of guys do. And in my opinion, it makes them look desperate and trashy.

The only difference is that girls are expected to be decent, whereas guys that aren’t pigs are to be appreciated, as if to imply most guys are gross and most girls are not. Girls can be just as crass as guys are pidgeonholed to be, and guys can clearly also be classy and modest.

The standard is that guys are pigs and girls are supposed to be angelic. Neither is true, but that doesn’t stamp out the stereotype. I don’t think it would be too controversial for me to say that in general, people expect guys to think with the head between their legs and aren’t surprised when they do it.

Where there definitely is a double standard that I can see is in sexual performance. I know too many girls who say that every sexual partner they ever had basically had no idea what he was doing, and guys generally aren’t expected to know how to do anything. I’m not trying to make a generalization here because I don’t think it’s invariably true, but lots of young guys who think they’re pretty dope and attractive are actually quite awful in bed, whereas girls are expected to know all the rules and be professionals.

Just my two cents, of course. =)

Yeah my standards are really very high when it comes to the horizontal shuffle.

GQ, especially for wording it really well.

There was just reading an article in Penthouse about something similar. What that article basically said was that virtually all mammals have courtship behaviors before gettin’ it on. Humans sometimes forget that we’re just animals. If a man doesn’t have to put in the expected effort, he might have negative feelings about the woman’s worthiness as a partner. Yes, I know people don’t actually only fuck for a loving partnership.

Personally, when I was dating I rarely had sex without a wait period. I don’t mean playing hard to get- but realizing that sex with me (and you, and you, and you) should be something special and I don’t do things I consider special with someone I just met. That being said, I’ve had more than a few sexual partners and I’m sure some people consider me promiscuous or a slut or whatever. I don’t care about what other people think about my very personal behavior.

To answer your questions:
1. When you want to. For me, that means when the person has led me to believe that they don’t just like me for sex (unless that’s why I like them too).
2. If a woman has sex on the 1st date, I hope she’s aware of the positive and negative benefits of her decision. No judgment.
3. I’m not a guy.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yes , but the thing about ‘he’s a stud, she’s a slut’ seems to be more prominent as compared to the other way around. And a person’s sexually is definitely not for anyone to judge. And it seems that people (both guys and girls) tend to be more critical towards women when it comes to their sexual experiences.

@noyesa Yes, sadly I have to agree on some things that you said .

@ucme Why and how so?

@Likeradar Thank you for answering my questions. I see your point of view and I think it is pretty similar to mine. I’d not judge a person just based on their past sexual experiences or the number of people they’ve had sex with, or even if they choose to have sex on the first date or not. But I just feel that it is not really for anyone to make a say in it, every one has different views on sex (or making love, as my boyfriend likes to call it)

@higherground Love, you are so preaching to the feminist choir here, :). I agree with you, it is a double standard and it’s wrong

I think you’d enjoy reading Jezebel.com—it’s a feminist blog and they often have pieces that touch on this subject. Specifically, they talk a lot about the problem of “slut-shaming”.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Lol oops ;) Just feel unjust for those girls who have been labelled as such based on their sexual past.

@EmpressPixie Thank you for sharing ! (=

@higherground I would recommend you read
http://www.amazon.com/Other-Double-Standards-Every-Should/dp/1580052452

there are a lot more double standards out there than this

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Wow haha interesting read , gotta find it at the local book stores here. Hopefully they do bring such books into my country (= And thank you !

@higherground I hope so too – but life will teach you the double standards or hang around me long enough and I will eventually bitch about all of them.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Haha I’m sure, at least I gotta learn how to deal with such things. I’m adding you to my fluther (=

@higherground you’re well on your way to learning how to deal with such things – the way is to apply logic and compassion to all people and you will see patterns emerge in society going against that and you’ll learn to recognize bias and injustice

No more so than do the girls, who want a studly good lucking guy to make their babies, and a rich guy to marry.

It depends on the guy. Some of them are only dating around because they want someone to have sex with, and in that case yeah, all those little gestures and kind words are to get the girl into bed. But not all guys do that, sometimes it’s because they genuinely enjoy being around the girl and being that kind is simply a by-product of that feeling, not because he wants to get into her pants. I know that’s how it is for me. To answer your questions:

1) When will it be appropriate to get sexually intimate? (Based on how many dates? Or weeks? Or months? Or years?) And why?
There’s no such thing as an appropriate timeline. People are far too different to be able to distinguish that. For some (including women) it feels perfectly natural to hook up on the first date. For others it could be months, and for others still it could be until marriage. In short, the “appropriate” time is whenever both people are ready on their own, without pressure. I think that while the stereotype of a girl who sleeps around a lot is usually called a slut and a guy is cheered by his peers still exists, that’s changing. It’s very much an older perspective. I can’t count how many times in the last five years I’ve heard a guy be referred to as a man whore, and I certainly don’t have any respect for them.

2) If a woman agrees to get sexually intimate on the first date, what do you think?
I’d think she’s extremely attracted to me, but if she wants me on the first date how many other first date hook-ups have there been? It’s time for a disease check-up first. The first thought, yes, is usually that she’s a bit of a slut. Then again, I feel like women think the same of a guy when he tries to get in her pants on the first date. The thing is, this is also extremely dependent on how well I knew her to begin with. Was it a friendship first, or is this a random person? A co-worker? Maybe feelings have been building for months already before the first date. That changes things completely, because the fact that she hadn’t slept with me until that point would mean she had standards of some kind and wasn’t sleeping with everything that moved.

3) If a woman doesn’t get sexually intimate with you, how long can she keep you interested in her for?
A long time. While sex is amazing let’s face it, that’s not what a healthy relationship is based on. If I can’t be with a woman without sex, the relationship is going to be so shallow I don’t want it in the first place. Does that mean I wouldn’t get sexually frustrated? Hell no, of course I would. That said, if everything else is solid then it’s worth sticking around.

@higherground Yes, and I’ll keep my mind and heart opened to them (= Thank you so much.

@davidbetterman Really ? I will never understand the reason for this kind of mentality but I can accept!

@Mitchell_Lewis Thank you for answering my questions (= And your answers are awesome , thank you again ! (=

I think it changes with age. Everyone likes sex of course, we all just have different ways of getting it. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong, but I heard that it’s easier to get an STD from a woman as well, so maybe that has something to do with it as well as the many other reasons, one including hypocrisy. Remember…..there used to be more discrimination against women in the past, so of course males would say “You can’t do this, only we can…”. It was easier for men to get away with it because it was more accepted.

@Blackberry You do have a point there, but we also have to realize where the woman got the STD from (=

@Blackberry are you asking if it’s easier for a man to get an STD from a woman rather than a woman get an STD from a man? or are you asking if it’s easier for a man to get an STD from a woman than from another man?

@Simone Both lol, I don’t know much about the topic….

@Blackberry I am pretty positive when I answer that it is easier to pass HIV and STDs male—>female rather than the other way around given the vagina’s disposition for tear – the same goes for why it’s easier to transmit during anal sex, no matter the coupling.

@Simone Makes sense.

I know lots of men and women who hook up just for the sex. I don’t really feel like there is a stigma attached to them because of it. There is a bit of a double standard but its just the nature of things I think. Maybe its a natural selection thing. The more guys sleep around the more genes they spread around. But a girl gets stuck with a baby for life if she’s not careful

@LKidKyle1985 the fact that she can get ‘stuck’ is not about natural selection – it’s about the idea that men who get her that way don’t have to stick around and take responsibility -another double standard.

Why you have sex can effect how people perceive you.

Some women are confident and have sex when and with whom ever they choose and people don’t think the worse about them.

Other women think very little of themselves and have sex with men to get attention thinking guys will like them for it. They look desperate and pathetic. People hate weakness and will pounce on it.

Well put shae

When I was younger I did not expect or follow the double standard, everyone has there comfort zone in anything. If I got a second date or a call for coffee I figured she wanted to see me and have more experiences so i would take her on a hike or day trip and see if she wanted to explore and even cuddle a little. then I knew she like closeness and I would leave it and see if her hands roamed at all.

Firstly, it seems that if a guy has had numerous sexual partners, he is usually envied by most of his peers. But if a girl has had numerous sexual partners, she will be labeled as promiscuous or (insert a word that goes along the same line as a slut.)
Men can and are called sluts. I don’t think there’s a double standard there.
1) When will it be appropriate to get sexually intimate? (Based on how many dates? Or weeks? Or months? Or years?) And why?
a couple weeks sounds good. And because it’s enough time for the 2 people to get to know each other.
2) If a woman agrees to get sexually intimate on the first date, what do you think? Doesn’t matter to me
3) If a woman doesn’t get sexually intimate with you, how long can she keep you interested in her for? a couple months.. if she’s lucky
Sex is important to men and women. If a man didn’t want to have sex with me after a month or so, I would have to move on.

The standard has not disappeared, just blurred a bit.

I agree with @Shae on the perception issue. The self-esteem problem is often a condition that has been forced on a woman from childhood by abuse, rape, etc. Just because a woman has low self esteem and has been sexually promiscuous doesn’t mean she wants to be that way. If a woman like this happens to meet up with a man who who treats her with respect, an amazing transformation can occur.

There are also men who liitle self-confidence sexually. This can be caused by lack of social skills in early years, repeated rejection in dating attempts; many just give up trying.

The double-standard cuts both ways. The woman with little self-confidence and is promiscous gets labelled a “slut”. The man with liitle self-confidence gets labelled a “wimp” or “loser”.

I agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir that there are a plethora of double-standards, all of them wrong and hurtful to people caught up in and labelled by them.