How do you personally get over or through a loss?

Just go through life one step at a time dealing with the waves (or cycles) of grief as they come along.

@marinelife -Is there anything specific that you do or have done?

that’s hard and I think everyone does it differently. I have known people who have surrounded themselves with memories of their lost one. And they never seem to get over it and seem miserable to this day.

I think the best thing you can do is move on. Sometimes literally. When everything around you reminds you of that person it can be hard. Make new memories, date, be with friends, and family. Live life, do things you’ve always wanted to do. And dont hold back.

Life is short. Don’t miss out.

I suffered from hair loss several years ago & that can be at first, quite a harrowing experience.Name calling such as baldy,slaphead,egghead, yes mothers can be cruel. I have shaved my head ever since & have a hair today gone tomorrow attitude about it.Besides bald is beautiful.

Sometimes keeping busy helps me; sometimes, I have to just sit with the pain. Sometimes, I can get lost in a good book or movie; at other times, I can’t focus enough on that. Being with close friends and enjoying the intimacy seems to help the most.

@willbrawn -Good advice as usual :)

@ucme-You have a great attitude and yes,I agree,bald is beautiful :)

@lucillelucillelucille You got it. Cheers!

When my Grandpa passed away the whole family came together. We are a close knit family anyway, but we spent the days together for about a week. We talked about Poppy, told funny stories, cried, laughed, ate, and tried to help each other thru it. I’ve never lost anyone or anything as important to me as he was, so I don’t know what else there is to do.

@janbb -I read your advice and was just now thinking of calling a friend when Fed-Ex rang and delivered flowers nice nice nice.:))

@lucillelucillelucille My friends are the best; they have helped me through some crazy things. Do it! (And nice about the flowers!)

@knitfroggy -That’s a lovely way to help ease the pain as well:)

I take care of business. It was theraputic for me to stay busy.
After my first husbands death it probably seemed strange that I was concerned with things like, “Do I need to pay his speeding tickets?” “How do I deal with his final paycheck? What do I do with his uniforms? How do I apply for survivor Social Security benefits for my kids?”
ibwas also obcessed with staying close to my kids and didn’t sleep for a week because I was no where with a bed big enough for all of us.
I also drank A LOT.
I got into another relationship fairly quickly too. I tell my current husband (of 20 years in August) “thank goodness it was you.”
in the state I was in I could have hooked up with anyone. Someone was looking out for me because I have the most amazing husband in the world.

I’ve actually never lost anyone that was too, too close to me.
My grandmother passed away my senior year in high school. I didn’t get to see her often because she lived in another state and I rarely spoke with her, but when dealing with the grief, I focused my energy massively on school and sports. I’m not sure if I properly dealt with it by doing it that way because I never took any time out for myself. I don’t even remember crying. Actually, I did cry at one point because I felt bad for my dad since it was his mom, but I was crying more so for him and not for me.
It seems that whenever I’ve lost someone, I always seem to deal with it by keeping myself as busy as possible. If I don’t, it allows my brain to focus constantly on it and an anxiety attack always ensues. Keeping busy and working is my best solution for every unhealthy and/or difficult emotion and since I have a really small family and currently live by myself, I don’t really have anyone to lean on.

I’m going through it right now and probably doing all the wrong things. I’m still on heavy medication for depression, I’ve isolated myself from the world and I still drink more than a healthy amount. I’m trying to do something about it; moving back to the farm soon and have been accepted as a doctoral candidate. But I still regularly think “what the hell is the point, life isn’t worth living without her”.

@Judi -I do think certain people are “sent’ to us for a reason :) They are a gift,that is for sure.

@lucillelucillelucille I have written about my feelings. About dreams that I had about my lost loved one.

I developed rituals—like celebrating my sister’s birthday (not the anniversary of her death) by lighting a candle in the candle holder that she picked out for me the weekend before she died, and thinking of her.

I talked about my feelings of loss when they came up.

@Vunessuh -Hey,friend!You can always talk to me if you need someone to lean on:)really I think your advice is pretty good.One of my options for keeping busy is hitting the weight bench and walking.Walking,walking,walking….

@stranger_in_a_strange_land -I hope you read and follow some of the advice here as I think it is very good.I wish you alot of strength to get through your grief.

@marinelife -I am sorry about your loss. Your way of dealing with it is as good as any I’ve seen.I tend to go for the rituals too.I do think I will start a journal soon.I have been thnking about it alot lately and should probably just do it :)

To all, this topic is being bookmarked. . . Great advices!!!

njnyjobs-You are absolutely right!:))

Go through it however best I can. The details of my methods used are unimportant. What matters is that whether I use reflection or just drink like a pirate, I don’t have much of a choice but to get through it somehow.

@Symbeline -Yes,it is an individual thing for certain,but I have to say that some of the advice offered here is very good and different from my standard MO.I am very glad I asked simply because of the different viewpoints.Thanks for your answer—Drinking like a pirate?Now,that’s just funny—:)

@lucillelucillelucille Thanks, hun. That’s sweet. And you know I offer the same. :)
And yes, I totally forgot that working out is a fantastic way to relieve stress and keep your mind off of things. I also go for random drives. Not heading anywhere in particular, but it helps immensely to clear my head. I always feel comfortable in my car. I hear most people do because you’re outdoors, yet safe inside of something at the same time.
Music is another thing. I use music to improve my mood which actually comes hand in hand with going for drives. I really can’t do one without the other. I can’t just sit in my room and listen to music. It’s weird. It doesn’t impact me the way it’s suppose to, unless I’m driving. Afterwards, I just feel so damn motivated and focused and it helps tremendously to either put aside or handle any unhealthy/hurtful emotion.

@Vunessuh -I almost always have music on.Right now it’s Howlin’Wolf at volume 11.
This is on right now :))

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJy9kWfClGM&feature=PlayList&p=4683E24BEC4535F3&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=5

@lucillelucillelucille Right now I’m listening to Blackbird by The Beatles and Dream on by Aerosmith. :)

@Vunessuh -Blackbird is one of my favorite Beatles tunes :)

@lucillelucillelucille You know a resource I found just recently was this forum. I was feeling so low because of a loss, not by his death, but it was still harrowing thinking about my SO and all the regrets and just processing through the grief. I received so many kind words and encouraging thoughts from the jellies here, I must say that it really helped.
So, to paraphrase what some have said to me; be kind to yourself. Take it slowly and allow yourself to feel it. Surround yourself with those who care about you and talk to those who can listen and help you process this.
What I did was to face it and tell others that I needed help when I got to my lowest. I’m glad for the chance to pay some of that back. You can PM me anytime. Take care.

Thank you for the offer,Trillian.You offer great advice as well :))

Since you have no choice except to get through it you do. Some bounce back faster than others. I don’t. I still carry around stuff from years ago, but each day I make it through. Try not to dwell. It will get better with time. Good Luck.

I’ve never really experienced a loss. And if I did, it would most likely be an animal over a human being. That reminds me. My pet rabbit died a few years back, and it took days to weeks to get over it. It was hard though.

Personally, I let myself feel it. To put it off or downplay it just makes the grief last longer. I’ve learned to try and do what’s best for me and not worry about who thinks I’m overly sensitive or taking too long or whatever. I like to cherish the good memories of people I’ve loved and if I want to hold onto their pictures and have a cry now and then, I will. I will avoid sharing my grief with people I know don’t want to see it or listen about it.

@evandad -Thank you very much :))

@neverawake -It still hurts though.I have had pets die and it is pretty tough.

@hungryhungryhortence -I think you are a smart cookie and I like the way you think very much.Thank you for your answer:)

I Pray.

Depends on the type of loss….a death…a memorial works wonders for remembering the contribution that person had on your life….if you lose your favorite ear ring or wallet….those hurt for sure but can be replaced….if you lose a friendship or a lover it will again depend on the need…for complete closure a full on purge with a bonfire to consume any and all memories can help wipe the slate clean. Sounds as though you have a full plate…good luck.

@Cruiser -Thank you

@ChaosCross -Thank you .It does seem to help many people :)

When I lost my first husband, I had to take care of our new baby, but that’s all I did. I went back home to live with my parents, and went through the entire year like a zombie. They took care of me, and slowly, but surly, I rejoined the rest of the world.

I was lucky I had my son to take care of, because he was the real pleasure of my life.

This may seem like a really stupid answer, but I talk to my dogs, and cuddle my dogs.

They listen, don’t judge and I never get any negative feedback from them.

They get me through bad times.

@partyparty I must agree. My dog is pretty much the shit. I’ve never had a pet more intellectual, emotional and sensitive to my emotions than her. She knows when I’m angry, happy, sad. What a great point you bring up. :-) Pets can definitely help you get through the bad times.

@Vunessuh Yes, they certainly do know your moods don’t they? Glad you feel the same. What dog have you got?

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Hope you still taking that one step forward every day !!

@partyparty I have a Chihuahua/Terrier. What do you have?

@Vunessuh Two lhasa apsos… one totally black and the other one grey and white… my babies LOL

I have lost alot of friends to the Grim Reaper and its hard to deal with loss when it’s someone close. I tend to talk alot of about them. They pleasant memories and such.

Bummer. One of the reasons for leaving FB this week. A beautiful young woman (21) I had just met and had hopes of my son meeting died at her home from a cyst in her ear. She was the sister of my niece’s boyfriend. The cyst caused a spasm and she drowned in the bath tub. She had already scheduled an operation with her doc. I only knew her for a couple of hours but she was so amicable and animated and it was as if I had known her a long time. I deactivated.

@Mikelbf2000 -I think that is helpful.
@bummer -I’m sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

I have suffered the pain of someone I love leaving and I am about to suffer it all over again with yet another person. I am in denial that it is ever going to happen even though it is only a matter of weeks before he walks out of my life forever.

Life goes on, I guess. The things and people you wanted 10 years ago you probably couldnt even bring to mind.
Thats a funny thing about life, as easy as it is to love someone, it is just as easy to forget them.

Just think for every loss you have to suffer through, you will gain something that will make you 10 times as happy, that is what I do.
I keep my head high and think ‘just get on with it’
Life goes on, I will meet many wonderful new people and see so many more places, it excites me to the point of madness!