Husband cheats after 20 years of marriage with tons of prostitutes . Keep him or can him?

Dump his ass, quick.

Sorry Ms. Woods. I’d recommend moving on.

I would kick his ass out.

Document. Keep your calm, and get recordings, photos, transcripts of chat room records, texts, etc. Build a case first. A good one. THEN, as @jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities said, “Dump his ass”.

Dump him like yesterday’s trash. Obviously you deserve a better life than one with a nasty, cheating husband who doesn’t even service your sexual needs anymore.

Also, if you have had any sexual contact with him at all during the course of this cheating, get tested for STD’s. You never know what he contracted and possibly gave to you.

Walk out the door and never look back.

Been checked lately?

It’s time to move on.

May be a messy divorce, but it’d be an even messier relationship to try to salvage….sounds like it was hanging by a thread anyways.

Really? Sorry you are going through this. But I say Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye.

It’s time to pull the plug on that relationship, like yesterday. Send him to a deserted, uncharted island where he’ll never be heard from again. He’s earned it. And you deserve a lot better.

Would divorce be messier than your marriage?

Wow! That’s a lousy Valentine’s Day present if I ever did hear of one. My sympathy.

If this has been going on for some time and your own intimacy has suffered, it’s unlikely to change even if you confront him and extract all sorts of promises. So your realistic choices are to confront him and agree that you will both enjoy the benefits of hired paramours whenever wanted, or toss him out.

I know, after 20 years, it will be hard to move on, but you really need to find the best divorce lawyer you can and move on.

I am so sorry you have been treated so shabbily. I can hardly imagine any reason why you would keep him. Even if you felt you did not deserve better treatment, there would be no reason to tolerate further neglect and abuse. Document the situation as @Dan_DeColumna suggested, get the best divorce lawyer available and reclaim your dignity!

If you keep him, he might infect you with a sexually related disease. I am surprised you haven’t contracted AIDS or venereal disease yet. Yeech. Use something to clean yourself thoroughly, then wipe the slate clean by getting rid of him and other germs forever.

Messy divorce? Would that be worse than keeping him? I suggest you see your doctor right away, it might already be too late.

Of course, you could choose to stay, and make him take care of you if you really do develop a full blown venereal disease. That would teach him!!!

You deserve better. DTMFA

@johnpowell Too funny.

Stuff is always complicated. That is definatly worth dumping him but perhaps there is something deeper that is going on. I would try to find the root of the problem on why he would do that before taking any drastic action that may end very messy.

Call your lawyer ASAP and get a referral to a good divorce attorney.

Sorry dear, he already left you first. Your best move is to keep it that way.

Nobody has the rights to confiscate your happiness.

And you are not alone, we are all here with you (=

If you want a divorce, I agree with @Dan_DeColumna that you should plan for it. Make sure all of your cards are in place, then play your hand. Consult with a good attorney, and gather all necessary evidence, separate your finances, etc. before making your move. You do not want to get embroiled in a lengthy divorce battle that takes years to settle – it can get very costly, both in time and money. Do your research first and put yourself in a winning position.

It may be worth considering why he cheated. If sex was non-existent perhaps a marriage counselor could help you work things out—if this is something you want.

It is really your choice to make.

Keep him. did you know that evian is naive spelled backwards?

I’m so glad i’m not married, i would not have to think of that.

He’s gotta go. Divorce is hell, but this continuing this relationship would be like hell on steroids… SuperHell.

Ick…..He’s a sick bastard and I personally would kick him to the curb, because he’s broken all the trust, and hookers? He needs professional help, not another prostitue in MY BED, Yikes, I’d be livid.

He is abusing your marriage… bringing prostitutes to your home is the ultimate insult.
Get rid of him immediately.
He isn’t showing you any love or respect.

First off, I feel terrible for your predicament. It’s sad when love goes bad. As for your question, well, everyone speaks from their own experience and opinion. I’d say it’s beyond repair – how much messier can the divorce be than the current situation?

Hope things work out for you.

You know, there are times people go into crazy mode at about this age, but this man brought women to your home. I would never look at him again, but, that’s me.

Do you love him? You must have wanted him around if you did not leave him for so long, so it seems to me the two of you have something to work out together. Marriage is commitment to work things out when they occur together, because life is not perfect and neither are people.

Why would you want to continue allowing him to disrespect you like that ?

Are you under the illusion that he will discontinue cheating if you stay ?

That IS DEFINITELY an illusion.

But as others have pointed out, prepare for you announcement by getting yourself medically tested and get adequate documentation of his activities and possibly a recording of him discussing this with you.

Small digital tape recorders are very sophisticated nowadays. You can get one that easily and unobtrusively fits in your pocket.

Is he threatening you with making the divorce as messy as possible? Get his threats on tape.

Do whatever you need to do to position youself legally. Find a top notch lawyer and then DTMFA.

Reclaim your dignity.

@thriftymaid I am with you on this question. Imagine the arrogance of bringing a woman back to her home. Throw him out I say !!

Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel like there is anything left worth keeping? A messy divorce is way easier to handle than a messy life time of unhappiness.

Sounds like a keeper to me. Both, him and the prostitutes.

You must be hiding some pretty gritty details if you are even considering keeping this guy around.

@Cruiser

You may be correct, even if Evian is unaware of it. I do not wish to presume, but it is often the case where religious upbringing brainwashes spouses to keep the sanctity of marriage alive at all costs. The thought being the divorce is a sin, and if the grace of God is limitless, then so shall we attempt to offer grace and forgiveness as well. Evian may or may not be religious currently, but it could be seeping in from childhood teachings… I may be wrong in this case, but many others have proven this scenario very true.

What they don’t understand is that people should be held accountable for their actions. And you can indeed forgive a person, but also let them suffer the consequences of their own actions. The religious teaching is not true to the original teaching. If she’s subconsciously concerned about committing a sin of divorce by leaving the marriage, she must face up to the fact that He already left the marriage by way of the acts he committed. She’s not leaving him. He already left her. Her responsibility is to accept the truth, and move her life into a more fulfilling position accordingly.

Funny how a heart can turn
Away from all it once did yearn
Yet another draws so near
To everything it used to fear

Say goodbye
Make a change
Live a lie
Or rearrange
Say hello
Do a deed
Rest your soul
Plant a seed
Say goodbye

Love the one who’s sentimental
Leave a heart that’s filled with greed
Staying is only detrimental
Someone else can fill the need

Just say goodbye

It sounds like you are young enough and financially stable to support yourself. Leave! When my mother was in her 60s she found out that my father had a prostitute girlfriend for years. She found out because this woman called my father and started to blackmail him. Not only did he give my mom an STD during the holidays, he had to file Chapter13 because he maxed out all his credit cards to support this whore. My mom is still with my dad because she doesn’t want to be alone. Don’t get me wrong, my dad is a great dad and he is trying to make things right with my mom, but the pain is still there for my mother and it is just too much for her to forget. If I were you I would get out while I could. I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

Everyone is naturally going to say kick him out, but i have a comeback question. married only 20 years and you two have very little sex? what is this all about? why are you not having very frequent sexual relations with each other? is this what has driven him away from you, no sex? there is always two sides to an arguement and we have not heard his side. is there more here than you have stated?

These are all great answers! Thanks for taking the time to help me sort this out. You have given me a lot to think about.

I think the question whether to keep him or dump him, is the minor issue here, the major issue, as I see it, is that you are very unhappy.
We all deserve to be loved, to enjoy sex, to feel good in our life.
Sounds like you are unhappy with your own.
How would you like your life to be?
Than go and get it!

If you can do it whithin the marrige (which I don’t suppose from your description of the problem), that is great.
But if not, Go for Happiness!.
We are all the creators of our own reality, seperate, find yourself a nice home, where you always wanted to live, one like you always wanted, furnish it the way you’d always dreamed of, then make a list of all the things you always wanted to do, and start with what you can.
Along this path, you will meet new friends and eventually a new love, you will have great sex, and then, when you are laying on your new couch, in your new home, in your new and happy life: don’t forget to thank your ex for putting things so clear, that you finally had to leave

LOL thanks!!

And by the way, if you have any kind of record of his cheating with prostitutes, especially bringing them home, I’m sure he can’t make a divorce so hard for you, you will have him by the b___s

Keep in mind that it is entirely possible to simply separate, and not divorce. A lot of people do that, so I hear.

All of this is well and good, going for your own happiness, etc.,...
but I am of the mind that you and your husband need to try to work things out, even if it does end in your leaving, because if you don’t, then you just run away from the relationship, the problem and your self-respect, and it will always be with you. If you take control of the situation by confronting it, you can at least leave feeling like the woman and not the victim.

I empathize with you .In my case I really trusted him and was faithful all along.I am beautiful,attractice and sexy and yet he has this sexual perversion for 20 year old prostitues.He is sick and a sexual pervert.You would be much happier and feel much better in a healthier relationship with a REAL man!!