Body language question: What does touching the upper arm mean?

From what I know I would say it’s a flirtatious gesture.

It’s flirting but doesn’t mean they want to roll in the hay.
I don’t like it when people do it at work. It usually means they want me to do something for them, and not to have a cocktail after work with them.

I do it with co-workers, far more with the women than the men. I have to feel especially safe with a guy at work to do it (considering most are at least 20 years older than I am) I do it though to let them know that I am listening, or that I care when they speak or if someone says something that shows low self esteem, or if we’re just farting around and they make a joke. If you didn’t feel any threatening vibes it was probably just an innocent flirting gesture.

It can be considered sexual harassment. According to the definition I was given where I work, sexual harassment is basically any unwanted behavior that a woman doesn’t like. However, since touching is clearly invading someone’s personal space, even if it is flirtatious, it is inappropriate between colleagues.

You should have a professional relationship, not a personal relationship at work. Touching the upper arm is in the personal realm. The guy may or may not know what he is doing. However, it is likely he is testing your boundaries. If you don’t say anything, he will know he has more power over you than he might otherwise have. He may press his advantage and try to move you into even more intimate contact, the next time he shows up—or he may find excuses to contact you much more often.

That’s the worst case scenario. It could also simply be that he is unaware of what he is doing or that it is inappropriate. I still wouldn’t trust him. Not until I had a lot more experience with him. You might just take him aside and tell him not to do that any more because it bothers you and it is inappropriate in the workplace, and you want to be on good working terms with him. Just a quiet word.

It means you want to get closer to their heart (I’m making this up)

@wundayatta Thanks, that’s helpful. Judging from the tone of the conversation, I don’t think he was trying to intimidate me or have power over me. He probably meant it as innocent flirting, but that’s not appropriate for work. He left something at the store today and called back to say he’d be in tomorrow to pick it up. I can have a quick talk with him then.

I remember from somewhere that anything above the elbow is considered intimate.

@Haleth Do you think that leaving that object was an accident? Is it even in your store?

As to power relations—that’s a lot more subtle. The thing is, that by treating you less seriously (by feeling free to flirt with you), he is establishing himself as dominant. If you let him get away with it, then he can start asking you to do more and more things that really aren’t your job. It will build slowly, but in the end it will be untenable for you.

I’m glad you’re going to talk to him. That will tell him you know what’s going on and you won’t put up with it. It might actually give you a leg up if you can pull it off without him feeling like he’s been put down. Good luck.

Oh, and you might want to check into corporate harassment policies.

It depends on who you do it to.

If a male does it to another male, it represents dominance and confidence. It shows that he is in control of the situation because he is not afraid to break any barriers.

If a male does it to a female, that is a general sign of interest. It’s involuntary for most.

It sounds like a combination of the two things. He is probably a dynamic person, as you say, & consequently uses very positive bodylanguage to control the situation & conversation. Flirting is just another aspect of communication, perhaps he felt you would be more engaged if he flirted a little. Touching the upper arm is a harmless way of making contact… remember from the film hitch… “watch your hand placement, too high says, ‘I just wanna be friends,’ too low says, ‘I just wanna grab some ass.’

Touching on the arm is certainly flirting—just look at these google search hits. It is certainly not appropriate in the work place if the woman does not want to be flirted with.

It is an effort to establish dominance the research shows, according to this article.