What's the most self-destructive thing you've done?

Dropped out of school when I was 16. It affected my career and my earning capability my whole life, and left me less better equipped to deal with many other issues than if I had gotten my advanced degree in my 20’s rather than my 60’s.

I’ve definitely displayed a lot of self-destructive behavior, mostly in the past.
I won’t go into details, but I don’t regret any of it.
I grew from those particular mistakes and feel if I hadn’t gone through any of it, I may not be the person who values her life as much as I do today.

I have a tendency to only do the things that come easily. This has affected everything.

I tried to kill myself one night when I was 12 or 13. I planned for a couple of weeks, maybe a month. At first I tried to obtain acid – I’d jump off the overpass onto the highway, and I figured being high would make it easier. That fell through, so I got up on the overpass anyway, and the highway looked way too close, I knew it wouldn’t kill me, so I crawled down and slit my wrists. But nothing happened; I mean, I bled, but not enough. So I went home and swallowed a jar of Tylenol. My dad found me and brought me to the hospital, where I stayed for a couple of weeks. It was a pleasant holiday from the world, and when it was over school was practically over, summer lay ahead of me – ultimately, after that I had a brighter outlook. Things have sometimes been tough, and this wasn’t my last self-destructive act but I never again tried to kill myself or even had suicidal thoughts.

The most self-destructive thing i ever did was to consent to allow my two oldest children to go into the foster care system to placate my wife.

I was severely depressed and suffering from extreme anxiety at the time and I felt helpless to stabilize the situation.

The damage that did to my children and my relationships with them was and is immeasurable. My failure to try and correct my mistakes in the years that followed compounded my initial failure.

I am grateful my daughter reached out to me and over years we have rebuilt an wonderful relationship.

My youngest child suffered living with his cold and neglectful mother but he and I remained close.

My older son (middle child) and I had been very close and my failures cost me that relationship. We are still trying to find a way to have a relationship as adults but we have further to go than perhaps he will be willing to allow. Time will tell.

There are few days where the pain of my self-destructive choices do not plague me.

cut half of my left hand off, two fingers and half of the palm.
construction job, didn’t even know it had happened, and there was no pain.
anyway, the hospital sewed the fingers back on, but after a week or so, they had to remove them because of infection.
thankfully i have the thumb and two fingers and have adapted to the situation.
i was pretty lucky to have any fingers left at all…

I procrastinate doing everything.

Marrying my first wife.

Here’s the story:

I married her. I had several difficult years with her. I divorced her. I filed for bankruptcy because she financially ruined me somewhat. I haven’t seen or heard from her in about 14 years, to my benefit.

The End

Alcohol, mostly. I’m still doing it haha.

I’ve driven too fast to the point where it could’ve led to destruction. I just drove fast because everyone else did. One time I was a passenger in a car that would’ve crashed head-on into another truck if I hadn’t screamed. I could’ve died that day. May 11th, 2008. Never going to forget it and that made me much more careful about driving. I’m not just going to drive fast because all my friends drive fast.

Also, early on when I first started drinking alcohol, I drank too much to the point where I blacked out. Not my idea of fun at all. Of course I didn’t know how much was too much at that point, but I discovered pretty soon that I am a lightweight and I do not consider drinking that much to be fun at all. I know what’s too much and I don’t get to that point.

So no, neither event brought real self-destruction, but they could’ve led to disaster. I was never the typical teenager who thinks he’s invincible, but those two events showed that even I can get carried away sometimes. They were wake-up calls, more or less.

I believe the most self-destructive thing I’ve ever done was to pour alcohol down my throat on a daily basis for years and years. It affected my health, my mind, my relationships, my career, everything.

Thankfully, I had an epiphany and joined a 12-step program. I’m happy to report that I haven’t had a drink in over 10 years.

I drive like a fool.I’m not dead yet and neither is anyone else ;)

Removed by Me.

Sorry, changed my mind.

When I signed up for Fluther.

I became a really hard core drug addict and lost everything I had, career, children, home and family. It’s over and now I have regained most of it, but I often think of the bad old days. If a total stranger hadn’t helped me I’d be dead

I did and do drink too much, have had to do some relationship work because of it and was in 2 not good for me relationships because of alcohol.

I don’t know if it’s the most self-destructive thing I’ve done – but I continue to screw up relationships and even friendships – I blame it on borderline or maybe bi-polarism (self-diagnosed) – and part nurture – but I don’t feel like talking about it much. Not right now, anyway.

@Vunessuh Pretty much what I wanted to say

I very nearly offed myself, if that counts, but times have changed and I would never go down that road again.

i use to drink like a fish. I still dont give a crap if i die of alcohol poisoning.

Id have to say cutting.. I haven’t done it in months, but I must admit the temptation is there…

I guess when I was a teen, I drank a lot and put myself into dangerous situations – it hasn’t ruined me but it could have.

Bulimia. The story’s too long.
Denied myself of what could essentially make me happy- love, school, jobs.
I’m quite a self-sabatoger.

When I was a kid of about 11 years of age I picked on another girl a couple of years younger than me. She sent me home, crying, with a black eye, a bloody nose, and torn clothes. My reputation was in the toilet and it seems like for about a year everybody picked on me and bullied me constantly. Worst of all, I kinda deserved it.

Not getting enought sleep, and coping with the consequences of my sleep deprivation with too much black coffee every morning to sustain me through the day. Sigh!

Continuing to feel as though I was unworthy and treating myself in that way. It wasn’t even for any logical or emotional reason, it’s just that I made a decision at 2 or3 years old that, well, I was an unworthy being, no matter the evidence to the contrary, and I kept up that belief and behaved in a manner that reconciled with that belief, even when offered the opportunity to do or think something different. It’s much the same as knowing that smoking was bad for me and hurting me, but I did it anyway for years.

It was just a really entrenched bad habit that kept me from treating my body with respect (I smoked, didn’t exercise and ate badly), it kept me from talking to people because I would act as thought they were “better” than me, expressing myself, showing my work, etc. Imagine thinking that you were an unworthy person for 35+ years. How would your finances be? Your romantic prospects? The type of job you held? Anything? Breaking the habit of thinking badly of myself as a person is THE HARDEST thing I have ever had to do.

When I was 18 I wanted to make my family sorry they didn’t see how sad I was, so I tried to commit suicide. I sprayed a full can of insect poison into a closet, and laid down on the floor to die. Nothing happened, and after a couple of hours, I got up and went on about my day (and the rest of my life) as if nothing happened.

Lived with an abusive (now-ex) boyfriend for almost a year

Dated, and fell in love with, an insecure narcissist. Almost was the end of me, literally.

Nurturing my rage for more than two days.

Rationalizing all the time wasting activities I have engaged in.

@hawaii_jake ; I hear ya brother; Good on ya! ....going on six years for me.

A twenty-five year nicotine addiction.

Following Fyrius’ directions to Fluther. :D

Drinking too much. I am one of those people who can drink to the point of functioning not aware of what or where they are and not remember a whole lot. Used to be I’d drink until sick or pass out but as an adult there’s a twist. I try not to go to this point any longer but occasionally it happens and there are always regrets and fallout.

Here’s the story. I drank way too much one night, went outside to have a cigarette while arguing with my partner and decided instead of following them back inside, I’d go for a walk. It was midnight, there was snow, we were in a mountain resort I was unfamiliar with. A sober person wouldn’t have taken the walk but I did and ended up stumbling down some snowbank off a road, slipping on ice and blacking out for a few hours while my worried people searched for me. I’m told I’m lucky I was found when I was. This has determined my decision to stop drinking again.

This question makes me realize how I have abused myself time and time again. In various ways. One doesnt always see it at the time, some of the destructive behaviours. I hope I am not doing it now in anyway. I hope I have developed insight and foresight.

The single most destructive thing I’ve ever done is attempt to outflank an enemy position on my own… kinda trying to pull a “Seargent York.” Almost got captured for my efforts!

@CaptainHarley What’s the story there? Why would you try to do that? What made you think you had the power and position to take advantage of the situation, had you managed to outflank them?

If it had been only those who were firing at us, and not those others off to one flank, I may very well have succeeded. I had the firepower, I would have had the position to bring flanking fire, and my team would have taken the cue and attacked at the same time. Why would I try to do that? Lack of experience ( at that point ) and foolhardiness. : )

I once took 11 NO DOZ. It was a horrible feeling.