If your paper towel could talk, what would it say?

You mean all the paper towels I’ve ever used or just the ones that are still in the trash?

Mine would recall the times I used it to dry my freshly-washed face simply because I loved the smell that it gave off when wet. It’d criticize me for this infrequent wastage, but would thank me for using the same paper towel to cover pasta in the microwave AND wipe the tomato sauce from my mouth after eating.

@La_chica_gomela whatever, use either

“Thanks for the bacon.”

“Again?! Okay, you guys have way too much sex.”

@Frankie lol, ditto.

OMG @Frankie. Forgot about that. GA!

It’d say, “Why are you asking me? I’m just a paper towel.”

“Oh, shit! He’s got Skinemax on again!”

Now would you like to hear what my toilet paper would say?

“I hope i stay in the kitchen and not rolled into the bathroom. i hate wipeouts”.

@Frankie: You use paper towels for that? Your poor private bits! They must be so chapped!

I suppose mine would say “You’re wasting me by using me to pick up things you’ve dropped when you’re in the middle of cooking and don’t want to wash your hands again.” And then my sink would respond: “No, she’s saving water!” and then they would have a fight about it, but since they love each other, they would kiss and make up later when I wasn’t looking.

It would say “what the hell am I even doing here? You never use me.” :)

It’s kind of a running joke in my family that we have paper towels but we never use them. My mom thinks they’re a huge waste of paper and that a dishtowel is much better and can take the place of a paper towel in most situations. So that’s what we all got used to. We really only use paper towels to hold certain foods when they’re in the microwave.

When I was younger, I would annoy my mom by bragging about how I used a paper towel to clean up a spill and she would be like “the dishrag works just as well!”

Mine would reminisce about the many baby faces they have cleaned over the years, be less than thrilled about all the cat puke they have scooped up, criticize me for using them to dry hand-washed dishes (I hate lint from towels to get on my nice clean dishes), and remember the many fun messes created and cleaned up during crafts days with my children.

@La_chica_gomela Haha! I’ve never had an issue with that, and I don’t think my male friend has had any issues with chapped private bits either…we’d use regular towels but we go through them so fast! :(

“Stop personifying me!”

@La_chica_gomela What a great response! You should write more!

“You don’t appreciate me enough. You treat me like an object. You never appreciate me when I’m there but you miss me when I’m gone and once I’ve done my job you just throw me away like I was nothing. You use me up and when you’re done with me, you just move on to the next roll like I never existed in your life in the first place. I deserve better.”

My reusable dish cloths and I have a much better relationship.

It would probably say things like, you know you filthy bitch, when you spill ravioli between your breasts, you can make use of us you know.

“Godamnit, not again! Can you ever have a cup of coffee without spilling it?”

I spilled coffee on my keyboard as I was typing this. Paper towel time.

Probably something along the lines of “Back away, don’t pick me up. There’s a bar towel right there, you really don’t need me. What, is it something that I did? I promise, I’ll be better next time, just don’t touch me with that.” followed by
“O, wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,
That has such people in’t!...it’s sticky.” What, your paper towel isn’t steeped in literature? Mine is also steeped in tea.

@timothykinney: My paper towel also says you’re too sweet to me. And it wants you to come over.

@Symbeline: I know exactly what you mean!

“all I do is clean up masticated baby food and dog urine! What gives man?”

if my paper towel could talk, it would say : you are so beautiful, so pretty, everybody will love you and everyday is a good luck day…haha

“make me wet!!”

In my home it would be a rag.

Mine would be colored up with paint and abstract brush marks. There would be a lot of red. It would have a bit of wood stain and maybe a bit of oil from messing around with something mechanical. It would have some cereal stuck to it and milk and other kid dirt along with some dog mess and turpentine.

If it spoke to me it would likely not be happy. After all it was once born a proud and beautiful towel and ended up dissected and dishonored in my home and studio. So my guess would be “Just burn me”

@La_chica_gomela My paper towels are inanimate objects. But I’ll come over anyway. <3

I have a roll of paper towel hanging up in the kitchen, that’s saying ” hey, hey over here, you crazy bitch, you forgot about me again!”
I am a dish towel person, and I don’t like using paper towels. The ones at my house have been there since maybe Christmas, if not before.

“You should be ashamed of yourself”

“I won’t forget that time you ran out of toilet paper.”

@shego holy crap that is funny. I’m the opposite.. i love paper towels!!

PAPER TOWELS ARE SOFT AND SNUGGLY!!!

Squeals in a few sheets. WEEE

My paper towels would say “You didn’t used to use so many paper towels. You didn’t use to use paper towels at all You had dishtowels. You could use them over and over and then wash them, you almost never used paper towels. No dead trees, no filling up the landfill with waste that future generations have to deal with or else be buried in it. What happened? What got you off the path? You used to be a better person.” Really no need to state the obvious, but as you can see, my paper towels are extremely judgemental. I don’t know what to say to them. Paper towels have become a bad habit, an addiction and I can’t seem to stop.

Mine would say,“oh’ how she loves us in spite of the guilt”.

Screw that quicker-picker-upper guy! Love ME!!!

The last thing I want is to hear complaints when I wipe my a** in the bathroom.

“Psst…hey Jonsblond. Those dish towels are all washed up. So old school. You really need to give me a chance.”

She’s an old cat and you’ll miss cleaning up her nasty little messes when she’s gone. One day soon you’re going to wish you had a little puddle of vomit to wipe up.

Don’t touch me, unless you have a very good reason. All the trees out there will thank you!

”Another hairball? What are you feeding those cats?!”

@JeanPaulSartre well… no matter what, you can’t beat paper towels for the kind of stuff that cats vomit up, or anything, for that matter, that comes out of any cat orifice. Even in my dishtowel days, there were always paper towels for that sort of thing.

@lillycoyote yep, I draw the line on my environmentalism right about there. lol.

“Why are you such a klutz?”

Oh God… are you out of toilet paper again? ...

you remember we are not soft enough to blow your nose with, right?

! I am sentient! I smell like rotting Mexican food! Nooo!!