Should I go behind my mother's back?

Damn! Why would she talk her out of selling it?? Gosh…...well, only you know what your mother’s reaction would be, and how long she’ll stay mad….

I would. Sorry, but you sound like you really need the car and your mother doesn’t. Can’t call dibs on a car like that. It’s up to your grandmother on who she wants to sell it to.
I just had a similar situation where my grandmother was selling her car. She ended up selling it to a cousin of mine, but then acted like she didn’t know me and my husband needed a cheap car. We got a better one though, so it worked out.

Well she has 3 cars already, that’d be a deciding factor for me. You don’t need a middleman (or middle woman), just talk to your Grandmother.

@Val123 My thought is she talked her out of selling so that she wouldnt agree to sell it to anyone but HER!! That’s my mother!!

I agree with @casheroo Do it. (You too, Cash, on Saturday night!)

If I was the grandmother,I would donate it to charity.

Yes, go for it. After all, your mom didn’t consult you before she talked with your grandma about buying the car. This experience, frustrating though it may be, could be a valuable learning experience if you let it. Next time, don’t use your mom as a go-between. She sounds very selfish.

@lucillelucillelucille Why?

@lonelydragon She is :-/ . We don’t get along, so I know I really shouldn’t care about her reaction. Im more worried about putting my grandma in a bad position I guess.

Family shite. I hate well.
Does it have to be your grandmother’s car that you buy? Since you have the cash, couldn’t you go buy another car?

@Val123 Doesnt HAVE to be…but I know her car is in excellent condition and has been taken care of. Also, I know that she would let me give her what I have now and then give her the rest after I sell my car :-)

@Val123 Regarding @lucillelucillelucille Makes me feel like Im back at Answerbag lol

I would, but act quickly.

I agree with @marinelife. Do it and get it over with…..

Maybe not behind her back, per se, but you seem to be an adult.

@Val123 -If I had any idea that people were bugging after my possessions while I am alive and kicking,the shit would hit the fan.

Do it, now. I’m sure you have your own powers of persuasion with Granny.

@TILA_ABs_NoMore This is kind of a sucky situation. In my opinion your mom should be happy to help you by letting you buy your grandma’s car. Ugh. I hate going behind a family members back, but since I think your mom is being awful, I guess I say go for it. Maybe you could tell your grandmother the whole truth, that your mom says she wants it, and then your grandma might take responsibility for the decision and tell your mom to stop it. Only you know the dynamic there though.

Go to Grandma, but be upfront. Tell her what your mom said, and ask if you can talk her into selling it to you.

Go to your grandmother directly, then ask her how she is feeling about being without a car, and offer to give her rides if she is in great need. It is also a traumatic time for a person to lose their independence. When I took my dads car keys away I locked his car away. It was till his car.It was a very traumatic time for him. So maybe if you assist her in some way it could be a win win situation.

@TILA_ABs_NoMore -You are unaware of what your question says about your actions?You clearly pointed out what your mother is doing wrong.Why can’t you see it in yourself?This is my opinion.You don’t have to love it.

@lucillelucillelucille I hear you.

@Just_Justine -Thanks,Just Justine :)

@lucillelucillelucille How is it wrong?!?! Enlighten me

It’s wrong, in my opinion, not speaking for @lucillelucillelucille, because the family is not working together to do what is best for everyone. Your mother is selfish, and selfish behavior is even more distasteful when it involves a persons own children, you in this case. But then you going behind your moms back, is only being considered, again because of the dysfunction in the family. That is why I, like @YARNLADY suggested being honest with your grandma, so at least you are being on the level with her. Otherwise you involve her in the deceit without her even being aware of what she is doing. The hope is she would be the voice of reason, but she might be the one who started this whole way of how the family works, and it has been passed down, I have no idea. I understand why when dealing with your mother you might have to go this route, because you cannot change her. My hope is that in your own relationships with SO’s and your children you will break the cycle, if there is a cycle.

@TILA_ABs_NoMore -Sneaking around trying to get an advantage over your mother for a material good is not what I consider honorable.There are plenty of cars out there.Don’t be a predator.

@TILA_ABs_NoMore I can’t say it is wrong, I am not here to judge, however, I think if you had read my answer for example, you would understand, from my answer that being 80 and losing your vehicle can be highly frightening and frustrating for that person. Perhaps it was the way you said your mother had said “she has dibs on it”. When my dad had to stop driving, I cried for him. I could see his frustration and I felt despair. It just appeared from your question that no one had thought of this in your family. I could be wrong of course. If I am forgive me. It was just his car was more than a vehicle it was his life, his person, his pride. It was more than the car it was everything around it. Perhaps suggest to her that you can assist her in some way so the loss is not so hurtful and the scramble to get her car is less evident.

@lucillelucillelucille Im not FORCING her to do anything. She doesnt want to drive anymore and she’s fine with it!!! You’re painting a picture a little helpless old lady with vultures all around her and that is not the case at all!!! IF and only IF she does decide to sell it, I just feel that it would benefit myself and kids more than it would my mother. Getting around my mother or getting her to understand my situation is my dilemma.

@TILA_ABs_NoMore -There are still many vehicles out there that would not cause a conflict.What if you and your mother work together and sell this vehicle to the higher bidder.Would this not benefit your grandmother who actually OWNS the vechicle?Stop coveting and hiding behind your kids ;)

@lucillelucillelucille I’d go for that but my mother wouldnt. Especially if she knows that I’m coveting ;-) I should just let her talk my grandmother into giving it to her. Karma is a bitch anyway…it probably wouldnt make it past the driveway lol

@TILA_ABs_NoMore -If you find your own car,you will not “owe” anybody an f’n thing and will be better off for it ;)Let your mom behave however she wants.

@TILA_ABs_NoMore -It is rare that when connfronted with a flaw in one’s character that one reacts as gracefully as you just did.You rock :)) Good luck

@lucillelucillelucille Why thank you ma’am ;-)

@TILA_ABs_NoMore -You’re welcome :))