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Did a girl I fell in love with use me to make my friend jealous and to see if he liked her?

Asked by santiagoart (14points) February 26th, 2010

Did a girl I fell in love with use me to make my friend jealous and to see if he liked her? And when they got it together why did she keep rubbing it in my face?

I would be very grateful if people to tell me what they think she was doing. Did I miss read her or was she using me? The problem is I want to move on but I’m still hurt in love with how I thought she was.

It all happened a few years ago, I had just moved to London to start a university course and was at the time recovering from major surgery, which left me with a colostomy. I was not looking fro a relationship as I was just starting to accept having a colostomy. When I started the course I met a lady how seem nice over time she started to be very tactile with me touching me and liked to sit next to me and she also laughed a lot at things I said. Slowly over time I fell in love with her, by this time she new of my medical condition. I decided to pluck up the courage to ask her out so I could tell her how I felt. I think she new I liked her as a mutual friend told me later on. She said she was having to do work on her dissertation o I thought ok, I tried this a couple of time and the same thing was said. The odd thing was if she wanted to be just friends I thought she would have gone out and told me she want to be just friends or stopped the tactile giggly behaver around me. I thought she was playing hard to get. Eventual she said yes but in the one of her voice it sounded like a plan had gone wrong, later that night accidentally her friend I was walking home drunkenly mentioned she like my now ex friend. He asked me a while before I f there was any women I liked and I said yes and told him, he said there was no one he liked. But strangely over time he started acting funny like sulking around me. I decided after hearing what the drunken friend said the best thing to do was to have no more contact with the girl I loved so I’d be able to concentrate on my course. This was fine she left me alone for awhile but then she started trying to sit next to me join in my conversation and giggling and the tactile behaviour, by this time she new I loved her and was hurt knowing how she felt about my friend. I soon realised she had started dating my friend how acted funny around me before and said he did not like anyone I think he did and she used me to make him jealous. By this time as they were together he was acting like and idiot and trying to be really friendly with me and she was acting flirty, the thing is I’d hated the fact the new I did not want to have anything to do with them but the seem to lovely telling me about the favourite places the went out like they mentioned they hand a favourite jazz bare noodle bar and had been to Venice. I want to get cross but we all share some friend so I didn’t. Strangely when she saw me at an event chatting to mystery girls she looked really pissed off then later on when I was alone on a different day looking at a gallery she accidentally was at with her boyfriend she seemed to poses no consideration to my feeling and ran up to me laughing and being tactile. Eventually I managed to get rid of her when the course finished as I left London. I would really appreciate if people could tell me what the think she was doing thank

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7 Answers

marinelife's avatar

She sounds like one of those women who like to have a group of admiring men around them.

They engage in flirty, come-on behavior until the guy tries to get into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with them, and then they distance themselves.

But every time it seems like the guy is going to get out of their orbit, they reel him back in again.

There is only one thing to do in this case: cut them dead. Completely walk away.

You need to let go of why she was doing what she was doing in order to move on. It is keeping you stuck thinking about her. Don’t worry about why, just be glad you found out in time.

You also need to forgive your male friend. It sounds like he was remorseful. He got caught up in her web just like you did. Move on.

When you think about her, you are just reliving all of this pain. There are no real happy memories. She was not who you fell in love with. She was not the womn you thought she was.

partyparty's avatar

I think she is a flirt, and loved playing around with people’s feelings.

Try to put this behind you and move on.

JeffVader's avatar

I believe she’s what’s known as ‘a shit stirrer’... playing you & your friends off against each other & making herself the centre of attention.

partyparty's avatar

@Cloverfield Couldn’t have put it better myself!

evandad's avatar

I think she liked you, but loved your friend. I don’t see any deception on her part and If possible you should try to remember her as a friend. She was.

ChaosCross's avatar

Sorry, but this sounds like a common case of an attention whore. Listen to “Beat it” by Micheal Jackson and then move on.

And again, I am really sorry it happened.

stardust's avatar

I can be a real flirt. It gets me into trouble sometimes. Move on & try what @evandad suggested

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