What would you do if you knew your partner was cheating?

You should walk out of that door and never look back

I would recommend leaving him. I know you don’t want to, but honestly from what you’ve said I can’t see it working out. Can you go and live with your parents and get their help? Or a sibling? Or other friends? You don’t need him. You can do this, you can be strong without him.

Can you stay with your family while you get on your feet? You are falling for the basic trap. You think you can change the guy, but you can’t. If you can you need to run away as fast as you can.

edit :: And best of luck to you. You are in a rough spot. People love you and want to help. Sometimes you just need to ask for it.

Leave him. Cheating is completely unacceptable, and things are not going to get better unless you walk out and cut him out. You need to move on and do things for you. This man is wasting your time and your life. I hope everything works out for you. Stay strong.

What’s your relationship with his parents like? If you leave him, is there anywhere else you can live? A guy who lies like this is not going to make you happy in the long term, and it doesn’t sound like he really cares about that. The thing is, even if you ignore the cheating and stay with him, and he stays with you and helps to raise your child, you will never feel like a family.

Leave him. You don’t deserve trash like that and neither does your child. Be strong and good luck.

my relationship with his parents is good but I feel as if his mother knows whats going on, Last night when he left I was in the kitchen getting some snacks, and when he went to tell his parents he was leaving I overheard his mother saying “she’s a good girl, and good girls are hard to find” which made me feel like she knew he was doing wrong but then I wonder why they would even let me stay there knowing their son is seeing other women and still dating his ex, And he still hasn’t told his parents I’m pregnant yet saying hes not sure how they will react.

Pack your bags and get away from him as soon as you can.
Do you have any family members who you can stay with?
Once a cheat always a cheat… he won’t alter… and he is also a liar, by denying what he is doing.
Get away and give your baby the best start in life. Good luck

if i were you i would try to see if i could go back to my parents, which may mean swallowing your pride if you have had some hard times with them. or you could stay with some friends temporarily. you did not say what your financial situation is but you may be eligible for some financial help from your local government Department of Social Services. when the baby is born you would be eligible for child support. In NYS which is where i live, it’s 17% for one child. The guy is not likely to change. when i left, if i were you, i would tell his parents why because it will be helpful for you to maintain a good relationship with them. you will need all the help and supportng, positive people around you that you can.

Look you do not want the heartache of staying with a cheater. What is he doing going out while you stay home?

This is no life to live and no life for your baby.

It will be hard, but you should leave him. He will not get better.

This is not worth it.

Hit him over the head with a tire iron and remind him he is about to be a father to a child and that you value his contribution to him being a “dad” to this child. Also remind him that he was so willing to throw spern inside you that he should be man enough to settle down and support you as the mother of his child.

If he is not man enough to quit the shenanigans fire his a$$! I would be prepared to issue the pink slip.

My answer is if I were in your position, me personally. I would not have the baby. I would not stay in his parents’ house any longer than possible. I wouldn’t be able to bear the idea of a man staying with me in a relationship and playing up to me because I’m pregnant, I’d never be able to convince myself he really loved me not matter how long he or I stayed. Also, unless I’m able to give my baby a loving supportive family all around, I wouldn’t subject one to how hard this world can be.

You say his parents don’t know about the baby, but you suspect they know about the other women he is seeing.

Tell his parents immediately that you are pregnant, and see what their reaction is.

Perhaps if they knew about the baby, they would have a few hard hitting words to say to their son. And maybe, only maybe, he will see the harm he is doing.

@partyparty I completely agree, I’m afraid that is the reason he doesn’t want them to know, I would love to tell them I’m just afraid how he would react to me telling him I want to tell them, He has a bad temper =/

If you stay, it is bad and…
You are reliant on a dishonest, immature man and his family (who probably know he’s an ass). He will not change because you want him to or love him more. He will continue to use you. Your relationship will become toxic and will greatly effect the baby.

If you leave, it is bad but…
You may be able to move in with your parents or a relative or someone who loves and respects you. While it will be a struggle, it will get better with time. Best of all, you can focus the majority of your energy on raising a happy, loved baby.

I would…
1) Make plans to leave and stay with family.
2) Tell his parents you are pregnant and why you are leaving then leave immediately.
3) Arrange to have an attorney send him a letter outlining his rights and responsibilities as the father. If he wishes to communicate further, to do so through the attorney.

I would arrange this all so it happens on the same day. Boom, boom ,boom.

Best case scenario: He steps up as a dad. Requests and keeps visitation, pays child support and is at least a decent dad.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts you again and has nothing to do with the child and you’ll have to explain some day why daddy is not around.

Bear in mind: He may request a paternity test. Grant it and move on.

Despite all that…YOU NEED TO RESPECT YOURSELF and REALIZE YOU HAVE VALUE. Do not allow yourself to be treated this way for another second.

Best of luck.

If you were my daughter, I’d kill him in his sleep. But that’s me.

@cprevite very informative thank you (:

I believe I would start looking at other ways to live without him.

@Lothloriengaladriel with so many brilliant answers here there is not much left to say. I just want to point out that this fellow has shown his stripes and philanderers rarely change. He is not seeing just one, but two other women. I understand that, with you carrying his baby, it is difficult to up and leave, but please realize that you being a healthy woman alone is better than exposing this child to the toxicity that is your relationship with this man. It may not seem like it right now but you have options.

tell him I don’t care what he does as long as he comes home every night and doesn’t spend any money on her.

@cprevite Great words and clearly defined, and yes, the temptation to kill him would be very great!!

Life is too short to try to be with someone who cheats on me or makes me unhappy in other ways. I decided last year to stop wasting my time and to stop settling for less than what I want. One may as well be alone as with someone who doesn’t love you.

Operation: Annihilation.

@candide Could you honestly live like that?

give him a shit and have a new life
be happy:]

Quite simple really:

Kick him in the face.

@candide I was thinking that way too (I don’t care as long as he comes home to me) and I realize now he is spending money not a lot, Probably because I’d notice but he did manage to spend $15 last night when he was just going to “a friends house” and I know it wasn’t spend on gas or food.

spent* ):

I’m sorry that you’re in such a tough position. I can’t really give advice because I’ve never been in your situation but here are some things you should think about: What if he gets one of these other women pregnant? Because this very well may happen. Would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t love you? Because obviously he doesn’t. Do you like being lied to all the time? Of course the answer is no! So I’m pretty sure that you know what needs to be done. You just need some reassurance so here it is- you need to leave him as soon as possible because once the baby is here, it will be more difficult to leave. Just keep your head up and things will be rough but you can do it!

Wow @Lothloriengaladriel you have made a lot of bad choices. You have put your future and that of your child in the hands of an untrustworthy man.

First you need to find a place to go. Whether you have family that will take you in or if you need to go to a woman’s shelter, your current living condition is too precarious. Your boyfriend’s parents are supporting his bad behavior and as time goes by the threat to your welfare will be greater.

After you get out of this mess, you need to come to grips with your decision making process.
1. Never again put your life in the hands of a man who has no legal responsibility to you.
2. Never have a child with a cheater and a liar.
3. Always maintain financial independence. Get a job and keep it, Never comingle your finances with anyone outside of marriage and even inside the marriage always keep informed about the family finances,

The most important thing in any relationship is trust. Unless your bf went completely off the rails in the last 4 months, you knowingly gave your child an untrustworthy liar and cheat for a father. In future. do a lot better

@Justnice @galileogirl The thing with me and my parents is they took the news that I was pregnant very hard, They expected me to be married, and my mother really wants me and this man to get married before the baby is born. Anytime I have mentioned something about not needing him or maybe not having him in the babies life they completely attck me and tell me he has to be there, and I have to treat him like a king or he will leave me, They make me feel like I’m the bad one in the relationship because I don’t want to deal with his crap. I do have a job (he doesn’t) I am in school, I was just raised to think I need a man, and I’m being told by my family I have to stay with him or they wont support me in my situation.

Wow that’s tough. So your problem is that you really have no support. Do you ever think about staying at a shelter? Or do you have other relatives you could stay with? If not then the only thing I would say is to just stick it out with him until the baby is born or until you find a solution. I know it seems like no matter what you do, you’re still gonna be screwed but it will get better

What an awful position you are in. Why are your parents saying you have to treat him like a king? Do they know he is cheating on you? Do they know he has a temper? If they don’t know then I think you should tell them now!!

@Justnice thank you, I’m glad you understand my problem and my original question not being about wanting to leave him but how I can better the situation and make him want to better himself in our relationship. I’m sorry if I sound ignorant but I would never consider a shelter or taking my child to one, and I don’t have any other family I could possibly stay with, The only other family I’m close to is an uncle in a fairly bad part of new york, So basically I am stuck.

@partyparty its funny I’ll tell my mother or my grandmother (worst one of all of them) they just say its not true, and I’m making it up. It’s really bad.

I feel your pain honey. I’m gonna say something that might make a lot of people angry. Your best bet is probably just to stay with him for the time being. It’s gonna suck because I don’t think he loves you but I’m not sure if you love him either. Do you?? Anyway keep going to school and save as much money as you can and one day you and your baby can leave him and you’ll be happy

@Justnice But she tells us he has a temper. What if he takes it out on the baby once it is born? Not a good situation to be in.

Well that certainly is true but we don’t know what kind of temper he has. Everyone has a slight temper. Is he one that would physically abuse his woman or child? Has he ever hit her before? I would like to know

thank you guys

I don’t understand why people put up with cheating even for a moment.
It should be a “one and done” situation.
No tolerance even if kids are involved.
Staying with someone when they cheat on you is saying “you can sleep with other people as long as I don’t find out.”
Fuck that.

The thing that worries me (and I apologize if someone already talked about this) is his temper. That and his desire to keep the news from his parents. Third, he has successfully isolated you from any source of support other than him. Perhaps you are afraid of him and you have no other outlet for safety?

I’m no expert, and maybe there are women here who could say more, but this sounds like the genesis of an abusive relationship, with you on the short end of the stick. He knows there is little you can do, and he knows that you’ll do what he says, and I suspect he believes you are afraid to cross him. You’ve been brought up to believe you need a man—perhaps that you don’t count without a man. This is a recipe for disaster.

I hope I am just overreacting and my imagination has run wild. You and others can set me straight. But if I am right, then it is more important that ever that you get out of there.

Everything you say he tries to tell you is a lie, eh? You have to leave him. People who try to gaslight you, temper or no temper, are being abusive. When someone is gaslighting you, they’re trying to get you to distrust yourself and what you see and what you know in order to manipulate you.

Don’t let him do this to you. You know what you know. Call him on it, even if he protests otherwise, and then leave. You must tell all your friends and family what’s happening, and I’m sure one of them would put you up.

Confront him directly and let him know, if he does not clean himself up, leave.

Easier said than done, especially if you love him, but that is a good course of action to take.

You will never raise your baby and be a family with this man. Think about your options, but , what you want is not going to happen.

Been cheated on—as soon as I found out, I left and after the heartached left, realized it was totally the right thing to do. Much more complicated because you are pregnant, but this is really not a good relationship you are in with him and likely won’t improve. Find out what your options are.

Is there someone you can talk to that isn’t in your family or his—someone you might be close to at school, an advisor or counselor? I know I answered pretty abruptly “just leave”, and that isn’t really helpful to you. It’s not likely that this guy is going to step up, sorry to say, and you will find later in life that it’s much worse to be with someone you are unhappy with than to be alone. At first it will be a lot to sort out with a baby, but with good babysitting services that someone might help with, it will allow you to work and continue school in some way.

@Lothloriengaladriel so your parents think you should hitch your future to an untrustworthy lying cheater? Something tells me there is a history of screwups on your part or you haven’t come clean with them about what’s going on. If Romeo was going to marry you he could have done it in an afternoon. So tell your parents it isn’t going to happen and whether they back you up or not you are out of his parents’ house.

If they won’t give you a roof over your head then you need to put on your big girl pants and take responsibility. Get help from a non profit or social services to get shelter and job skills. As soon as the baby is born file for support.Use that money for chold care and get a job. The next 4–5 years will be the hardest timr of your life, but if you get your act and your head together, you will be successful and happy. Your only other option is to stay in a humiliating relationship until sooner or later he carries out the ultimate betrayal and leave you in the dust.

Your best chance of being in a traditionl happy family is with a good man, not a lying cheater. Even if that doesn’t happen you can still build a good life with your child.

@galileogirl: Well said.

@Lothloriengaladriel : you say he does not have a job and he spent $15 when he was supposedly going to his friend’s house. where did he get the money from? if he got it from you, does it not bother you that he is taking your money to go see other women with? possibly spending your money on them? that’s crazy. also not good that he does not have a job. i don’t know how old he is but he does not have a job, lives with his parents because he has no choice, has a girlfriend with a baby on the way and cheats on her. He has “Loser” written all over him and i would not tolerate his behavior by reassuring myself that “he comes home to me every night” like you said you were thinking. He could “come home to you” with a disease, which would endanger you and the baby. you do have options and i would start by moving elsewhere and taking him to court for child support. don’t be a pushover. you deserve better than this. Also, when you leave, tell his parents you’re pregnant and tell them why you’re leaving. maybe they’ll slap the crap out of him for you.

I think that @galileogirl said it all.

Good luck, @Lothloriengaladriel..

@jjmah thank you.

If I thought he was cheating, I would keep quiet until I had all the evidence I needed and then confront him, I would like to say I would then leave, but I am not sure I would. You have all the evidence and you are pregnant, if not for you, then for your unborn child, you need to leave. Go and stay with your mum, raise the child in a healthy enviroment.

I don’t know what I’d do if my partner was cheating…. but that’s because I don’t really feel jealousy. In your situation, if I were to hold off on the emotion I’d say leave & probably have an abortion. A man like that is only ever going to be harmful to both you, and the child. However, I know that’s slightly controversial & so would advise you to do whatever you think you can bear.

since she is 4 months pregnant, having an abortion (if she wanted one) is a bigger deal then it would be in the first 3 months.

Forgive her if the apology was sincere and honest.

i want to know why the guy does not have a job. did he have a job and got laid off or did he never have a job, and just lives off his parents? depending on how old he is, if he’s young, maybe it’s not such a problem, but if he’s in his 30’s or something then it’s like WTF?

WAKE UP CALL!!!

He needs a wake up call… BUT YOU NEED ONE MORE!!!

WAKE UP CALL!!!

This will be difficult, but great strength comes from facing difficulties.

WAKE UP CALL!!!

Will you spend another moment with a man who will teach his own child to be a jobless triple time cheater? Will you spend another moment with a woman who allows him to do that, and by default, is showing unwitting support for doing that?

WAKE UP CALL!!!

Leave the Woman you have made of yourself quickly! Make a new Woman of yourself immediately. Do it now and save yourself (and your baby) while you still can. Do it later and become a bitter, angry old woman in the near future. Get out of that house ASAP! Go anywhere you can find safe shelter without him. Your local Church should be able to provide assistance.

!!!PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CANNOT HAVE!!!

Make it IMPOSSIBLE for him to have you. He will want you desperately. DISAPPEAR from his life. He will long for you sorrowfully. VANISH from his world in a flash. He will search for you intensely. SILENCE yourself from him. He will demand to hear you.

Respect yourself and your child, and he will respect the both of you. Disrespect yourself and your child, and he will disrespect the both of you for eternity.

Prepare yourself for this change silently and cleverly. Make all arrangements in advance without the knowledge of anyone else in that household. Document his cheating and start keeping a secret journal. Judges LOVE Journals. You will need this to ensure the proper child support for your baby. It’s not about you. It’s not about him. It’s about YOUR BABY. That’s all the Judge will care about. Your baby is the first priority. Do this and find peace for yourself in the process. Peace will come naturally to you for doing this.

Distance yourself and he will pursue you. Make him fight for the treasure that you and your baby are. You are both precious jewels in the cosmos. Take it away from him and watch in amazement as he tries to reclaim that treasure. The harder you make it on him, the harder he will try. Do this and find strength. Find strength, and he will naturally show respect.

HAVE NO FEAR!!! Nature loves and rewards Courage.

Wow, well said!

Give them words of hell. Make it clear they lost something good and tell them to kiss your ass goodbye. Best part is when they have no means of reaching you after that. Drives them crazy.