How do I deal with my bipolar father?

Just tell him you love him and you don’t want anything bad to happen to him. You can also say that you and your brother need him in your life, so you hope he continues to take care of himself, including taking his medication.

Good luck!

Speaking as a person with Bipolar, what he needs is prompt medical care. He needs to get medical attention and treatment.

Offer to take him to the doctor. Make it part of the time you spend together. Go out for lunch or coffee afterward. Tell him that this is how he can have time with you- by taking care of himself. It may be hard for you, yet tell him you love him and need him to seriously seek medical help.

Does your father have a support network? If not, he needs one. There is a good online support website that is easy to use. PM me if you would like more information about it.

If you feel he is a danger to himself or others then it is time to take him to the hospital. If he refuses to go to the doctor that is a red flag, as well, that he needs urgent help.

Get support for yourself. Join a group, find a way to talk about how this is impacting your health and life. This isn’t a small thing and you won’t be blowing it out of proportion. There are websites and support groups out there for you as well.

Call a suicide hotline (1–800-SUICIDE) and ask them for their recommendations.

If you are feeling brave, then ask your father directly if he is thinking of harming himself. If he says he is, ask him if he has a plan to hurt himself. Try to assess how far along in planning he is. If he has a plan, and he has the means to carry out it out, then the best thing you can do for your father is call 911 and tell them he is at risk for harming himself. This is not overreacting.

Good luck.

Tell him you want to be there for him and you’re trying your best to understand his problems.
Then try to determine if he is in a situation where he may harm himself and if it is serious, 3 way him in on the suicide hotline.

If he’s just texting to tell you he’s had a few and is feeling bad, he needs to know that it’s not cool to text you with “woe is me” at 3AM unless its a serious emergency.
I know bi-polar people too and electronic media is all too accessible when someone is having a bad day.

Is he still unmarried? Does he have a new partner?

When you go off your meds, and you eventually get depressed, it’s kind of on purpose. It’s a plea for connection. What we really want is love. We want people to be near us, to hold us, to bathe us in love, because we lose track of who we are and what we are and how to hold onto the world.

Because of that loss of connection, it gets increasingly difficult to imagine one has any place in the world. It gets more and more painful—this depression—and the longer it goes on, the more it seems like it will never stop, and if the pain never stops…. well, suicide starts looking like a good option.

You are in an incredibly tough situation. But I think you can play a very important role. He loves you. He really does love you, no matter what he says. You can remind him of what he means to you. And also, that if he were not there, it would be incredibly devastating to you. It scares you the way he’s acting. Please, for your sake, you can ask, get back on your meds, and get back to life.

Remind him he has three? kids, and that if he were to kill himself, it would affect you really badly for the rest of your life. It is not a legacy he should hand to you. Tell him what you’re afraid of. If he is reminded of who you are, it could help bring him back.

He needs love more than anything. Your love. Your siblings love. Even the love of a wife. Any true love at all.

The meds help one feel love. It brings you up enough to start to feel it. All I can think of is that you stay in touch with him as often as you can, and beg him to get medical help, and beg him not to leave you.

I’m sorry this is happening, and it must be really scary, and I think your fear is justified. Just understand that this is not really him. It’s something going wrong in his brain that makes him feel and act this way. If he gets help, he can change.

This might not go down well with some here but my experience with a bipolar parent is that if they are not following medical treatment, you have to protect yourself. The stress and anxiety they can bring into your life will effect you and your relationships negatively. What do you think “hanging out” means? It seems among young men it means talking about shared interests with their peers while using alcohol-not an activity to share with your father.

If he is following Dr’s orders you might want to find an activity that you can share for a couple of hours (fishing, taking in a game, sharing a meal) as you build an adult relationship-not daddy and child. If he won’t stay on his meds, you might want to keep it to phone calls. I could talk with my mother about 5 minutes before she started blaming everyone for her unhappiness and then it was Ok Mom, have to go talk to you later,

Hints of suicide may or may not be bids for sympathy or attention. Nothing you can do will be useful. You will not be able to get him hospitalized without his agreement. All you can do is call the police and let them deal with it.

Has your father ever threatened to commit suicide to you? if so, remember the date and then call the police. the police will take him to a location for another current evaluation. he is making comments that are leaning toward suicide and you see this and this is good on your part. if the police are not in the picture, then you call his doctor and update him on your fathers comments. no one can make him take his medicene. even the police cannot do this. take the advice from his doctor. if he recommends hospital treatment, your mother will have to sign the commitial papers. talk to your mother first, then contact your dads doctor.

I am bipolar.

If I were in your shoes, I would ask him if he’s taking his medication as prescribed. If he says yes, then I would have a conversation with him about his depression and suggest he speak to his doctor about whether or not his meds are working. If he says he’s not taking them, I would encourage him to get back on the meds.

Tell him that you and your brothers love him and need him in your lives. If he sounds depressed, you might ask him what he’s doing to help himself get out of the depression. Is he taking care of himself otherwise? Is he exercising daily?

@galileogirl is right in some respects. You have to protect yourself to a certain degree, if he won’t follow doctors’ orders.

@galileogirl Brings up an excellent point. Help him but not at the expense of your own sanity/health.

There is some great advice above, with a lot of it coming from people’s personal experience, making it very credible. I imagine that some of these actions (calling 911, taking your dad to the hospital, playing tough love & point blank asking about what’s going on) could be really hard for a young person to put into action. I’m sure there are things you can do, and maybe you can start with baby steps, so to speak. For instance, you love your father deeply, so find ways to show him that you do. Get comfortable with that, maybe the next hardest thing (e.g., talking with him?) might not seem so bad anymore.

I would just add that you need to take care of yourself as well. If you’re worried & stressed, it’s not good for YOU, and it may make some of the above harder to put into motion. Find someone you can confide in, perhaps a trusted family member or friend, and spill your guts.

Dear Dad,

I feel sorry for you. Not because you’re not trying to be a good father. I’m actually really excited about all your crazy messages to me. It’s obvious that you see some problems and want very much to make things better. That makes me proud to have you as my father. Many other sons can’t say the same about their dads.

But I feel sorry for you because you’re kinda stuck in this weird era. You grew up in a world without computers, distractions, emails or anything digital at all. It must be difficult to see the world change around you so fast. I bet it’s hard for you to recognize it sometimes. You’ve got old world values, and that means a lot. But you’re forced to live in a world that doesn’t always recognize the benefits of your knowledge. That must be tough for you. I can’t imagine.

What I can say is that I value your presence more than anything. There’s so many young men out there who don’t have fathers, or good fathers willing to know them. That makes me special and privileged. That gives me a leg up on the modern world. That’s what having you in my life does for me. That’s why I need you as my father.

I’m impressed that you are so open with me. It means we can get past the trivial relationship and actually start to know one another as a father and son should. I want to know about your experiences. They can help me. I want to know about the history of our family. That will ground me. I want to know you dad. You opening up your heart to me means that I can feel better about opening my heart to you.

It’s a big bold world out there dad. It’s better knowing that my dad is there for me. I want to be there for you too.

You’ve recieved some really good advice. Speaking as someone who had mental health issues in my past, I think it’s important for you to protect yourself first and foremost. You should be your number one priority. After that, I would talk to your Dad. I know this might feel uncomfortable for you, as you’ve mentioned you have difficulty being open. You could tell your Dad how much he means to you & explain that you’d be more than happy to spend time with him.
I would not undertake such things as doctor’s visits with him, as I think this is not your responsibility. I do appreciate that it mightn’t be so black and white when your in the situation.
I hope it works out for you. He’s lucky to have a son who cares so deeply for him.

@ihateyoujk Not cool.