Im dating this guy... he's great but he has no sexual drive.. should I end it?

I believe I would find someone else to date and leave Mr.Excitement alone ;)

Yeah might as well, sexual attraction is a part of any relationship, regardless of what some others may say. The sexual organs are there for a reason.

Yes, dump him. It will only get worse. And I would find the words to tell him why, but not be mean about it, just matter of fact

If you are sexually active and enjoy it, why even bother to ask us?

If your sex drive is high and he’s not meeting your needs, then dump him.
There are plenty of other women out there who can appreciate a man like that.
But it’s not fair to him that you’re looking for other men while you’re still with him.
End the relationship and find someone willing to fuck you sideways.

Are you coming to the San Francisco Fluther meet?
just wondering

He might need some psychotherapeutic or endocrinological assistance. If you like him, talk to him first, and help him rule out a soluble problem before you ditch him. If you don’t like him, why do you care anyway?

I like him, and have feelings for him.. I can’t say that I love him but it’s too early for that anyway.. For some reason it’s hard to let him go.. I guess I need the guts to just end it and wait for the next one…

great advice from everyone though!!!

if you know deep down its going to be a problem you can’t overlook, then just end it now before it gets harder to do.

Pack it up unless you’re looking for a project guy.

If you’re not super-invested in the relationship yet, I would end it now. The problem is likely to continue or get worse. It’s worth talking about with him, though, if you haven’t already.

Any chance this could be reticence in initiating things on his part rather than a lack of a desire?

Why, @janbb? Maybe it’s something very, very simple like hypogonadotropic hypogonadism which can be treated with a transdermal patch. Or even a thyroid issue, also easily treated. Why drop it before you know what’s up?

My first response that came to mind was an instant “Don’t bother!!!”

BUT… consider all of the things that can effect sex drive and try to remember that it’s not necessarily a long-term issue. Just to name a few: medications (antidepressants and smoking cessation aids for just 2 examples), diet, stress level and on and on.

So, if this is a guy that you care about, even if it is too early to profess love… I would suggest talking openly about your concern. If he can talk openly about your concerns and there are some indications that he will be able to work on this I think he deserves some understanding and patience. If he is unwilling to admit to the problem or discuss what could be done to improve upon the situation, then it is a larger problem that you don’t need to tackle early on in a relationship.

Yes. Why bother if you’re not getting busy?

Better to have a person who matches your level of energy in all ways. Keep this guy as a friend and find a better partner for you. It will be better for both of you.

Only you can decide how much you are invested in this relationship and only he can decide if his low interest in sex is something he wants to work on with you. Seems like it might be productive for you to talk about it, recognizing that he could be helped if he wants it. If he balks and is not willing to discuss it or work on it, you probably want to move on.

Maybe he notices that you are still looking around and just maybe thinks you are not in to him enough for him want to drop trow for you!

I think if you really like him and you feel it is worth investing time to you should work on it. Maybe once you guys have a deeper connection he will be more sexual. I know for myself I am much more turned on when I care about the person then if I don’t care at all. Maybe it’s not sex you need to work on, maybe it’s the overall connection.

If that fails, try some sexy underwear and if that doesn’t work then maybe you can both go boyfriend shopping ;)

Since no one has asked this question, i will. is he on drugs? some drugs can mentally impair a man ability to carry what you have asked.

Drop him.

eh. get out of it now. things like that get worse over time.

Why do you believe he has no sex drive? If it’s because he hasn’t made a move on you yet, then it could be because he’s shy or he’s trying to be gentlemanly and not force the issue.

If, OTOH, you are certain that he has a low libido, then you should get out now before you become emotionally invested. As the person with the higher sex drive, you will always want more. The longer you go without sex, the more often you’ll find yourself looking at other guys. Alternately, you will suffer from low self-esteem, because you’ll wonder, “Why doesn’t he want sex? Am I undesirable?” Over time, these feelings will grow into a deep unhappiness. It is best to leave this relationship and try to find someone whose sex drive matches yours.

How long have you 2 been dating?
About how old is he?
Is he under stress, depressed, or on any medication?
Is it possible his sex drive will ever change?
Have you talked to him about this?

ok…so we do have sex.. like once a month(not enough)....
we’ve been dating for 4 months
he’s 29..
under looooots of pressure because of work
I’m hoping this will change
I haven’t talked about it…
Im scared to hurt his feelings..

You really do need to talk to him about it before making any decisions. It may be painful for you both, but short of deciding the issue entirely by yourself, talking about it is the only way to go forward.

Once a month, for 4 months is not enough (I’m really sorry, that sucks).
I think it is really important to talk to him about this. Nothing will change if he doesn’t know how you feel.

Thanks for giving us more background info, logon82. Perhaps you should talk to him, especially if work is legitimately stressful. First, approach him in a teasing manner. Playfully offer to help him relieve the stress (it helps if you’ve already begun to set the mood with low lighting, music, and lingerie). If that doesn’t work, then have a serious conversation about the issue.

Above all, make sure that he isn’t just making excuses. If he keeps giving more of the same lines, such as, “Family problems are stressful” or “Mowing the lawn is stressful”, then he may be avoiding sex. I am not trying to make light of his problem if he really is under a lot of pressure at work, but when men say, “Work is stressful”, it’s often the man’s version of “Not tonight, I have a headache.”

Best of luck to you. You are young and you should be having as much sex as you want, especially if you’re in a relationship.