Are my bridesmaids unusually opinionated?

I think they are! It’s your wedding, not theirs!!! Set a firm boundry right away and tell them that you appreciate them being bridesmaids for you but that you will be handling the arrangements. Good luck and congrats!!!

Are you familiar with the term “Bridezilla”?

@nikipedia: I am familiar with that term, did you have a point?

Perhaps we should now coin the term, “Bridesmaidzilla” LOL!!!

You’re upset because your bridesmaids have opinions and want to be involved. As far as I’m concerned, that’s pretty ‘zilla.

I’d have to side with you on this one. Your wedding. Your bills. They should be coming to you with a “what do you need from us” attitude. They may think they are natural wedding planners and certainly are feeding off each other’s opinions, but they seem to be severely lacking in perspective.

I feel a good bit in the dark about how to negotiate your way through that except to say that in my life I try to focus on the behavior rather than the person. Perhaps you can say something like “I’m really excited about this, and I’m really glad you all are sharing this with me. What I need from you to make this the perfect wedding is to focus on x, y & z. I know that you want to help more, but I can only handle so much delegation and input before I start getting nervous and stressed out, so really the best thing you can do for me is x, y & z and let me focus on the rest.” Obviously, that’s not how you would say it, but hopefully that gets the wheels turning.

My wife and I had a similar problem with a family member who wasn’t even a bridesmaid. There was a constant flurry of criticisms about every decision we made and pointing out things that we “should” have or “should” do. Ultimately we just ignored this person. It was our day, we called the shots.

I’m pretty sure the only thing bridesmaids get to choose are your shooters and strippers.

(Laughing out Loud for you gailcalled)

Yeah, and they have to make you a lifesaver dress.

This is part of the baggage when you have a Big! Spectacle! Wedding.

@cwilbur: I don’t know how the size of the wedding contributes to the attitude of bridesmaids? I’m not seeing the connection…

I think you need to sit down with them and tell them that you appreciate them being a part of your wedding, but that you have things under control as far as your preference for the music, etc. I think it would be a good idea to have a cleary defined list of what you want/need them to do written out before you have this sit down. It might even do you some good to have it printed so you can hand them a copy. That way, instead of handing them a long string of don’ts, and risking them becoming offended and causing you undue drama, you are giving them a list of do’s and making them feel important, and with a purpose.

Help them help you by guiding their energies. Keep them busy with tasks, and they may back off trying to take over so much. Just know that this is a nerve wracking time for all concerned, but you will get through this. Best of luck to you!

Yes, it sounds like they are being unusually opinionated. It’s not their job to decide the wedding details, it’s their job to support you. I really don’t agree with nikipedia at all. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable…

Your bridesmaids might be asking to come to events and check out vendors with you because that’s their way of trying to be supportive. If it’s not helpful to you, you should thank them profusely and explain that it’s easier for you and your fiancee to make these decisions just the two of you.

Weddings can be a fine line to walk, between a community event and an event for a couple…just stay patient, take some deep breaths, and remind yourself that it’s a blessing to have friends who want to be so deeply involved in your joyous occaision (and then find a respectable and polite way to encourage your bridesmaids to back off).

The one exception to this would be if you are asking them to spend a tremendous amount of money on a dress and shoes, it does make sense if they want to weigh in a little on the dress—and it’s polite of you to ask/include them in that. One of the best ways to do it is pick a color/fabric with some different patterns so that each can pick the cut that looks best for her. It’s really hard to find a dress that looks good on every woman’s body, and it’s really tough for the bridesmaids to have to pay $300 for a dress that they think is unflattering and they will never wear again. Then again, that is part of the shtick of being a bridesmaid…

You can also tell them that you want them to focus their energies on planning the best-ever bachelorette event. That gives them a way to feel useful and also gets them off your back for the other stuff you want to do on your own.

With things like their hair, shoes, etc. I think it’s more than okay to have opinions – they are not just living dolls that you get to dress and make up however you want. I’m sure they want to look pretty and elegant, and their sense of style might be slightly different than yours – a bit of compromise on your side and theirs is probably appropriate.

With issues like the music and food, they probably just want to be helpful and involved, but feel free to ignore them. And going to vendor meetings and looking at contracts? That seems a bit odd to me. I’d set some boundaries there.

@Supergirl: it’s the attitude of the person putting it on. If you make it a Spectacle! then everyone is going to want it to be Perfect! and you’re going to wind up butting heads. If you want it to be a party where everyone has fun, it will be a much more pleasant time.

There’s also the notion that you get what you give: if you’re being demanding and opinionated about what your wedding should entail, you’re going to get a healthy dose of people being demanding and opinionated back at you.

But I’ve given you this advice before, and you seem impervious to it, so carry on.

It’s your wedding!!!!!!!! It’s your special night and they should just let you do whatever you want.

There should be some signed Contract of Being Reasonable before you proceed with Bridesmaids.

This is your day. Don’t let THEM take over and stress you out even more than you probably already are. Sit them down and talk to them about it. If things don’t improve, I’d consider giving them the boot and replacing them with girls who genuinely care about your happiness and not their own.

You call ALL of the shots on this one, my dear! Tell them when they get to be the bride, they can have it anyway they want it, but right now YOU are the bride and you get it your way. Just do not tell them about your appointments with vendors, flowers, designers, etc. Let them manage their own hair and make-up, but as far what THEY wear, what YOU wear, what MUSIC is played, what FOOD is served, that is all between you and your groom and none of their business. Be the ‘zilla, Girl!!