People talk about violence and guns, which, if that is the way they truly see the world, is pretty scary. Makes me fear what the Supreme Court is about to do all the more. However, I seriously doubt it will come to violence. What I think it will come to is serious emotional trauma.
”…fiancé is never around, I feel it’s almost an arranged thing or marriage of convenience. It started out as friends and that’s my deepest hope that it ends that way, I’ll be happy as a clam in mud.”
I’m not sure I know what the “It” in the second sentence refers to—her relationship to her fiance or her relationship to you. I’m going to assume it’s her relationship to her fiance.
Clearly she isn’t all that happy with how her fiance treats her. So maybe you are thinking she will call off the wedding and free herself. Maybe that will happen. On the other hand, she might go through with the marriage and then you will suffer serious emotional trauma. I doubt she’ll keep up with you if she’s living with him.
If she does leave him, then it’s hard to know what will happen. You have really given us no detail on your relationship. What do you do when you are together? What is the main thing you do? If it’s primarily sex, then this relationship will not hold together without more. Maybe you are just comforting each other. Maybe she is just taking advantage of your inexperience.
People are very complicated. People who have strong morals can easily find themselves doing things they never thought they would do. I’ve met people, some of whom are on fluther, who are very moralistic in their comments, and yet have done some of the very things they are railing against. It happens way too often for it to be an aberration, I think.
People often do not act as they believe they should. So various truisms, such as “once a cheater, always a cheater” aren’t really worth more than the pixels they are displayed with. The truth is that no one can know if she would cheat on you if you were together. You don’t know. She doesn’t know. It could be that you give her what her fiance does not, and she would be loyal to you.
They say that a lot of people have intimacy issues. People with multiple relationships just aren’t able to let themselves be completely vulnerable to anyone. True intimacy is not possible in such a case. That’s what I hear anyway. I don’t know if it’s true, and I don’t know if I know how to have true intimacy.
I know that loneliness scares me so much that sometimes I think I’d be better off dead. I know that I feel like I missed out on something and I’ve been looking for it for a long time, but I don’t know exactly what it is, nor where to find it. I do things that most people do not think are moral because of that thing I’m looking for. I don’t really understand why that is such a powerful motivator, and I would predict that if I were to ask a question about it, most answers would say, “just stop.”
For whatever reason, I think differently. People will judge me for that. That makes me sad because I want to be liked and I want to be loved. Which is exactly the problem.
I say this only to point out that we have no idea what is motivating your girlfriend. Have you asked her? Can she provide a satisfactory answer? Could she be hiding things from herself? Is she? Most of do, I believe. I guess I think that one other consequence of this is that you can get lost. In an existential kind of way.