I was told I was a twin, but I do not know if this is true?
I could really do with some insight into this. I am not sure if anyone can really answer this question, but I would appreciate it, and your time, if you could perhaps make a deduction based on some of the facts that happened.
I had a very unusual upbringing. In that we moved all the time. I was told I had a younger brother that died. Let’s call him Brad. I then had another brother “Dean”. Dean was a complete handful as my parents told me, and caused untold misery in our household for loads of reasons. My father disowned him. I haven’t seen him for 20 odd years. Nor do I want to. When I was around 10 my mother in an angry moment shouted at me that I wasn’t a wanted child at all. (My parents had issues being parents”) the story went that my mom was going to abort me, but they changed their minds. In later life they said they were glad. I was the “make it all up to them daughter” making up for the loss of Brad and the way Dean was.
Fast forward to the last few years. When my dad was dying, he was very distressed and kept on saying “I am so glad we never got rid of you” but he was upset. So I would just laugh and say it’s OK. He kept saying “you don’t understand?”
After dad passed on, my mom who had by now had a brain haemorrhage and so had very poor short term memory started to ask me where my twin was. At first I thought she was just having a moment. But it was consistent. Then I eventually asked her. She said I had been a twin. And that because of the past experiences with the “other two” had decided to “farm the other twin out”. It kind of fits their parenting style. I would try and trick her, and say how many kids did you have she’d answer four. (You must realize the brain damage to her brain was quite severe). I would say I saw Mrs so and so who is a twin you know and she would answer “like you”. When I checked my birth certificate I was only registered six weeks after birth. My brothers were registered quickly. Which kind of fits in with her story as she was told she said to wait and see which twin fussed less. Once many years ago, we were in a restaurant in Rhodesia and a girl walked in, around 13 the same age as me, and she was identical to me. They were flawed, and kept on staring and commenting.
Do you think it is true? Is this why I never met any of my extended family? Why my aunt ever answered any letters I wrote to try and strike up a friendship with her? Or was it just a dementia like thing? She never made up any other stories? Although when my dad died she would say “Oh I saw your dad today”. So maybe not. What do you think? And I was born at home, so there is no hospital to contact. However I did find out there were 3 girls born on that day. None registered to my father. But would they have registered her to my father? If he did not want to ever see her again?
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40 Answers
That is a facinating story, and it sounds like strong evidence that you are a twin. It also sounds like you had a difficult, but interesting childhood. Maybe you could post some pictures of youself as a child on some social networking sites like facebook, myspace, etc. if you are interested in finding your twin (if she exists).
I’m of the opinion that it is true. When people are demented, it is hard to tell a consistent lie, mostly because you don’t remember what you said before.
Verifying this would be next to impossible using public records, given what has happened in Zimbabwe. I’m sure all the records have been misplaced or destroyed by now. Any neighbors or friends would have emigrated somewhere else and would be very difficult to find, and even if you did find them, they might not know.
Your only hope would be relatives. Since your aunt refuses to reply to you, I think you’d have to go to where she is and become physically present to see if she will talk. Well, you could call her first.
I don’t know your family, but given your mental illness, you may suffer from the stigma of mental illness. I don’t know how the culture of South Africa deals with mental illness, either. Your aunt may be reluctant to deal with you since you are “crazy” (their thinking, not mine—or mine, but with a much different connotation). Maybe you’ve done things in the past that bother them? Maybe they don’t approve of you?
I’m wondering if your surviving brother also has some kind of mental illness. That would help explain the trouble he brought to the family. I’m also wondering whether your disorder came down from your mother’s or your father’s side? Do you have a guess? Then the question becomes is the aunt the other parent’s sister?
The prevalence of mental illness could also explain why your extended family is reluctant to have anything to do with you. You might be considered weird and dangerous. Again, all this depends on their attitudes towards your behavior or your family’s behavior. Maybe they never approved of the marriage of your parents and have basically disowned you.
What do you think?
This would drive me crazy. I’d consider hiring location services.
Your birth certificate would indicate if you were a twin. Your birth had to be registered by law. On the other hand this sounds a little bit like one of those “help me with a plot line” posts and it turns out you were born in the wilds of northern Canada and your birth was never registered.
You just gave me CHILLS!!! WOW!!!! Yeah I agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir I would definitely contact someone. If you can’t afford it, you can always try contacting one of those tv shows!! That sounds far fetched, but with a story like that Im betting they would jump at a chance to help you!!
Oh my goodness!! I would certainly try to find out for sure through legal avenues if you can afford it… but just really wanted to say…it sounds like you’ve been through a lot…and I can’t imagine what you must be feeling…love and hugs xx
@wundayatta I was a model child. I was only diagnosed last year March as bipolar. I only ever met my aunt a few times when I was young. I was no bother to my family at all. In fact I was the only achiever. I think my father was bipolar. My bipolar only became apparent when all my family died. Which was last year.I excelled at school and I took care of my parents. Alcoholism etc., I have always been a daughter one would want I felt I had to be that way. You know straight A’s always winning awards. So no, it was not that. Besides despite what I have just written none of my family know anything about me obviously, I have no contact.
Sheesh! “If you can afford it” A certified copy of a birth certificate can be ordered on line for $25 or less. It will even give the name of the bear/midwife.
@galileogirl she was not born in the United States. You are looking at this from a US perspective. I think she was born somewhere in AFrica, AT HOME not in a hospital. When her parents registered her birth weeks later, they could put whatever information they wanted.
Does the birth certificate have to be filed by law in the country you were born in. It sounds like the rules were pretty loose when you were born.
@Just_Justine I’ve been interpreting your question as though you were born in Rhodesia. Is that correct? If not, where were you born?
Getting information about a birth Rhodesia some forty something years ago—a country that no longer exists and that has a successor country that is considered one of the most disorganized and poor nations on earth—seems nigh on impossible Having a detective head off to Zimbabwe would probably be extremely expensive, even if you could find one who would do it.
And even if it were South Africa, I wonder how well records have been kept by successor governments. Any other African nation, and I think it would be nearly as difficult as in Rhodesia.
I really think her best avenue of investigation is her family, although, if she was born in South Africa, it would certainly be worth investigating the neighborhood where you were born, or policies about adoption records in those days.
How often did you move around when you were younger? Would there be any newspaper records you could look up if the company still exists, but that’s probably a long shot. I don’t know what kind of archives exist.
@everyone, sorry it was unclear yes. I was born in the UK. I am “older” so apparently my mom told me in those days they had midwives do the delivery at home. My aunt was there when I I was born. The girl they saw in Zimbabwe simply looked like me and I suspect threw them. I only arrived in Zim when I was 14 although having said that, they had lived there before I was born. Its quite odd actually as they moved from Canada to Rhodesia back to the UK, then back to Rhodesia, then to S.A. then back to the UK. I am totally confused. I think there is some sort of answer to this. Anyway I placed a advert on a site in the UK where I was born. It was there I found out 3 girls had been born the same day. One was me, the other two were not registered to my father.
UK=required registration. older= 20th c. Govt benefits=registration
Public access to all marriage, birth and death records in the UK. When we add the African doppelganger we get a plot twist, not a real life Star Wars or Parent Trap.
By the way there are lots of teen stories about twins separated at birth so you might want to shoot for adult fiction
@galileogirl I am not really sure what you are on about? care to clarify
I was told that I was not a twin, and that’s what my birth certificate states, too. But I could wonder myself into a spin on that, too.
Aside from your unconventional parents and upbringing, what will it avail you to find out (if it’s true) that you do have a twin? How is the information going to help you or her (or him)?
@Just_Justine what I think she’s implying is that you’re making all of this up and that you’re trying to write some kind of a story and that you’re just asking us so that you can develop a plot line…hence all the references to plots and adult fiction…obviously, shes wrong
No, @simone, I think @gallileogirl is just calling @just_justine a liar but in a way that makes @galileogirl think she’s being clever. So, @galileogirl must think this makes her sound bigger and smarter than sticking out her tongue and singing “liar liar pants on fire”. She’s mistaken. it looks no more productive or mature. Hi. I’m a bitch.
@galileogirl Believe it or not some people move, not only from town to town but country to country. They also have vague and bizarre lives. Perhaps you have only seen it in the movies or Star War films? and so in desperation you have posted here to illicit a response. I have a life, I do not need to make one up. It is also complicated, different and not at all conventional perhaps that is why I was never a fan of Star Wars in the first place unlike yourself? Perhaps take a deep breath before you answer a post where obviously there is pain and anxiety involved. However if it “gets you off” makes you a little taller then carry on. By all means be my guest.
@CyanoticWasp I have no living family that is why it is important to me.
@Just_Justine not to make light of your desire and intent, but… you would still have no living “family”. The blood relationship won’t make you “family”, even if it’s a nice hope and dream—and part of so many feel-good movies and stories.
well thanks everyone for your input. It sounds like it is worth following up. That was my main objective in posting this. <3
@Just_Justine, you have a fascinating mystery on your hands. One that I am not sure if we can truly help you with. I’m at a total loss as to where you should even start.
Even knowing that your family was so erratic, I will ask whether they were religious. Could you check baptismal records where you were born? Still, they may have waited to take care of the baptism until after they’d decided which twin to keep.
I can understand you desire to know the truth, though. Finding out one has a sister after all other family has died would build tremendous curiosity. It’s just my opinion, but we all have a desire to belong, and family seems to give us the strongest belonging.
Yes, I think I would suggest that you start with the baptismal records. Try birth records submitted by midwives for your date of birth and in your place of birth. Other than that, this may be a mystery that has to remain one and unsolved. You may have to learn to live with the uncertainty.
@Just_Justine I find the whole account interesting and disturbing. I have encountered two situations in life that bear resemblance to your situation. I advised both friends to literally knock on the relative’s door,without warning. Both did it and neither regret having done it. One friend acquired peace from the information she found. The other friend came away angry but better for it, as she would say. She didn’t care if the information was good or bad as much as she simply needed to know.If you consider confrontation, be prepared for disappointment and walk away leaving it behind you. Heart Hugs
lol @galileogirl ! I know my motive and I stated it. What part of “I am a bitch” did you not understand?
I am trolling today. Poor Augustan is going to ban me. I’m having fun in the mean time.
Uh oh I got my warning! I have been told to behave myself. I will try. Because, I lurve Augustian. I will shut up now.
I am sorry for hijacking your thread @just_justine. I am being very naughty today.
@escapedone7 funny how some people get warnings and others can just spew up any tripe they want? and its considered an answer.
Another idea. The incidence of conceiving twins and losing one during the first 20 weeks of pregnancy is much higher than the birth rate of twins would indicate. Is it possible that your mother was pregnant with twins, saw twins on an ultrasound, and then the other twin was lost?
If you can’t make contact with your aunt, was there anyone else that your parents kept in contact with?
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