How to develop trust in a relationship?

Nothing. She’s probably projecting or you don’t appear (to her) to be trusting of her, so she thinks that you’re projecting.

When people know that I trust them, they generally seem to trust me, too. And when they trust me, then I usually trust them as well.

You don’t, unfortunately. You have to earn it from that person’s perspective, and what that means I have no idea. You can’t make someone trust you. Some say it’s an indication of hypocrisy, and it very well may be, but I think some people just don’t trust anyone.

what if you have shown time and time again that you implicitly trust him/her and that you too can be trusted, yet it persists?

I trust someone until they give me a reason not to. I have a very hard time trusting after that. It’s almost like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You can’t force them to believe you. Be who you are, continue to do what you do and this problem isn’t your problem even if annoying.

Cheat and show her what it really feels like so she knows next time when you’re telling the truth.

This is totally about her insecurities and not about you. And as much as you might like to help her with her insecurities by trying to convince her that you’re faithful, it won’t; which reminds me of a great saying, “If you have to bend over backward to get or keep a relationship, you’re going to have a backache for the rest of your life.” Girlfriend needs to work on herself!

@Dracool sadly i would be inclined to agree there.

I hate to say it like this, but in my life I have learned that people who suspect others of doing nefarious things, are usually suspicious because they themselves would, have, or are doing those very same acts.

btw… there is a fairly high probability that the person in question is looking in on this question as i just tried to use some of my fluther answers on cheating as evidence of my opinions on fidelity.

Don’t give reasons for suspicion. People have an uncanny sense of when something’s amiss and retrospect usually pans out they are/were right. If you value your partner then you’ll talk together about boundaries and perspectives of what are “untrustworthy” situations. When people feel like they’re on the same page then there’s more trust. Talk ahead of time about what constitutes cheating, betrayal/insult of friendships. Establish between the two of you what your ideas are of a friend versus an acquaintance, the priority of family versus couple, stuff like that.

Example: You may think it’s innocent and harmless to sex text a longtime friend of yours, maybe you two have been doing it for years. Your partner finds out and is deeply hurt and distrustful of what all else you’ve been considering is “harmless and innocent”.

Be careful. The people who are inclined to accuse you of cheating will be the cheaters. Happens almost every time. And don’t give up on the things you like to do because she’s insecure about you cheating. The only way she’ll get over it is if you go out, hang out with friends, do what you like to do. If she doesn’t like it, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship or have a serious talk. Been there, done that.

@silverfly agreed, but for the purposes of discussion, in this instance my crime was giving my opinion on her friends looks.

she was showing me pictures, and i was giving vague answers. she kept saying things like “hold on, ill get a real pretty one”

as part of an attempt to head her off at the pass, i tried to end the conversation by saying that its ok, i dont need to see a prettier picture because i can see she is pretty in the picture i was just showed. all hell broke loose and i was accused of being a ’‘potential cheater’’ for saying her friend was pretty.

i feel as if i was trapped on this one, had i said her friend is ugly i could have offended her, and given the past and track record, i knew what saying the opposite could do.

i find the entire thing amazingly paranoid and irrational, specially as i have shown that i have no problem with her going out for the night with friends with other males present. i dont think she is a cheater or anything like that either, so im real confused as to why im being treated with as a suspect.

@poisonedantidote I withdraw my earlier statements and assumptions. Your girlfriend is a whack job, and if you stay with her, then…

Then I’ll let you complete the statement. (I can tell you from experience, though, that whatever you “are”, you “will be” miserable.)

@CyanoticWasp… hmmm, what to say. lets just say i read what you said.

@poisonedantidote yeah, well, I lived it for one hellish year. I don’t recommend it.

@CyanoticWasp my main problem is that i do love her. and have never really loved anyone this much before. i would gladly trade my happiness for hers, i have no problem being miserable if it will make her happy. however, it looks like neither of us are happy.

thats not universally true, we do have very good times together, and when its good its real good. but when its bad… well.

i guess i have to give it a little time and if things dont change then go from there.

EDIT: i guess the main question is how long do i give it, and have i already given it that long already.

“what if you have shown time and time again”

So you say… Wondering eyes do you have? Any off the cuff comments referring to the opposite sex? DO you have a collection of Girls Gone Wild tapes?

@ChazMaz i used to be a real shy teen, so i have actually consciously trained my self to not have wondering eyes. lets just say i would pass the red dress lady test in the matrix with flying colors.

comments about the opposite sex, only when raised by her and 99% of the time i will do the whole ’‘i only have eyes for you’’ routine.

pornography, i dont watch the stuff when im in a relationship and have offered my browser history as evidence for this.

@poisonedantidote
I’m going to give a wild guess here and suggest your girl may have been angling for some affirmation from you about her looks as in, “hey, pay attention to me, give me some compliment and tell me I’m prettier than my friends” kind of thing. Aside from that, it’s odd.

@poisonedantidote I’ve written before about that year of my life; if you search through my answers (good luck on that) then you’ll probably find it. I’m not going to rehash it here. But you may take this for what it’s worth: It happened (ended) 35 years ago, and it has colored every relationship that I’ve had since.

It’s easy to say that you would “trade your happiness for hers” (very romantic; I know the sentiment), but you won’t be. Can’t. She won’t be happy, period. So the question is whether you want to be unhappy permanently with her, or temporarily unhappy without her while you get over this mild neurosis of yours and develop a sane relationship with a girl who is no more than normally neurotic herself.

My ex was pathologically jealous—of absolutely nothing—and it cost me dearly to try to prove to her “what a good guy I was”. Seriously, you’re better off with the temporary grief of breaking up with her now than you are shackling yourself to that kind of nonsense.

I’ve been having a fun day on Fluther with flip, sarcastic and more or less funny answers, but this time I’m serious, dude. This girl is not going to be right for you. Good luck doing whatever you decide to do.

@Neizvestnaya i tell her on a daily if not hourly basis that she is the most beautiful girl in the world, as well as a barrage of other compliments, from her eyes to her nose to her cheeks, and even forehead and ears. i think i have all bases covered on that one. and im genuine about it too, she really is amazing.

@CyanoticWasp wise words, thx.

Ok… She has issues. Run away! You seem like a good man. Deserving better.

NEXT!

@ChazMaz thanks for answers.

All the above are good answers. the bottomline is it just takes time to develope the love trust two people have for each other. giving out false insinuations is just adding fuel to a fire that does not exist. it only causes suspicions and doubts in both people. you have to earn trust. its up to each individual person to do their part and leave the insinuations out of the picture, unless you have positive proof.

@john65pennington i hear that.

@poisonedantidote
Depending on the relationship experiences of your gf, I’ll take a stab that she’s unappreciative and might even find your care and love for her unmasculine or somehow weak. It’s too bad if that’s the case, find a better girl to give your energy to.

@Neizvestnaya apparently she finds me very manly. as for her experiences, she has not had many at all. thanks, ill take it all in to consideration.

she has low self-esteem. i wouldn’t trip.

Trust breeds trust. People in general who do not trust are not trustworthy.

I’d find that very irritating but then I avoid insecure people.

@poisonedantidote Dude, I had an even worse experience… My ex and I were watching TV one time and a celebrity surfing show was on. One of the celebrities was a victoria secret supermodel. When asked if I thought she was pretty, I replied, “well, yeah. She is a supermodel” I never heard the end of it – followed by the silent treatment. So needless to say: that’s why she’s an ex now. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for misery. Nobody’s worth it man. Tell your lady to get on here so we can straighten her out and give her a nice spoonful of reality.

@silverfly silent treatment eh? thats where i am at the moment lol. i wonder if its the same person hehe. anyway, thanks man.

@poisonedantidote God help you if it is.

Time.

Maybe in your case, trust is highly overrated. From here on out, pretend that you just began your relationship, and leave the what-ifs behind.

You can’t force it, any previous experiences with cheating have done their damage. I’ve also noticed that people that accuse/insinuate that their partner is cheating have engaged in extra play themselves.