What are some advantages seldom noticed that men in American society have that women do not?
As some of you know, I am a women’s studies minor at my university and this semester, I am taking the required women’s studies seminar. It is a very small class so we can talk about many issues and ideas that we couldn’t otherwise. In our class is one man. Every once in a while, he makes a comment intended to spark discussion about some differences in gender. Most recently, during one of our classes, he said that he, as a man, never feared being raped. This lead to an interesting and thought provoking discussion about why women often fear rape or sexual assault of some kind and what can be done about it.
This got me to thinking about the advantages in American society that men have that women tend not to have. Everyone knows about the more obvious ones such as the gap in pay and how few women are in positions of power. However, there are, I’m sure, a number of ones that exist but are not very noticeable. In the example I gave above, I had never really thought about how I am more careful after dark if by myself or with other females because I have always been taught to be careful and afraid. Once the man in my class pointed out that he never feared being raped or assaulted, that’s when I started to think about it.
Can the collective inform me of other advantages that often go unnoticed?
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Boys, as children, are given much more leeway to be physically active than girls are. They are not told to “sit still”.
If men sleep with a whole bunch of women, they are labeled ’the man’. It is also considered cool to report back to their friends with their latest sexcapade.
If women sleep with a whole bunch of men, they are labeled a whore.
I think the majority of the population has this mindset.
Not necessarily everyone though. I, myself have run into plenty of man-whores.
At the same time, I don’t judge someone who has had more sexual partners than myself. It’s really none of my business.
@Vunessuh: Interesting point. That makes me think of another inequality that I have noticed. Often, people put the word “man” or “male” in front of a word that ordinarily describes a woman and it is meant as something of an insult. A man who is a nurse is a male nurse and it is assumed that he was a med school drop out and had to be a nurse because it was the next step down. The same is true of male strippers, male prostitutes, male models and, as you pointed out man-whores.
Personal services for men, like hair cuts and dry cleaning, are cheaper than for women.
I don’t really know. Women seem like they have more powere than men.
At work, the leaders, administrators and even the scientists there are all women.
That depends on whose doing the noticing. A lot of men are blissfully unaware of the things going on around them. To wit, that could indeed be an advantage, and is often used to one’s advantage.It’s a double whammy.
@Vunessuh
http://bash.org/?908184#d
And even though that’s just an analogy I think it’s links to the true world still hold. Women choose who they want to go out with then the men get to accept that.
It is seen as skill as it’s harder for men, while women can easily have sex with many men. It’s still not an accurate way or measuring your skill at attracting women but still.
@marinelife – BS – I was told to sit still non-stop in school and when I didn’t they pinned me down and shoved an addreol down my throat because they didn’t like the fact that I’m a kinetic learner.
Here’s one I’ve come to enjoy that isn’t too obvious – I’ve actually made friends by beating them up. It’s not a fear thing either – this guy we call Mexican John in my little circle met me by trying to pick my pocket. I slammed his head on the roof of his car, then we went upstairs and played madden and super smash bros for 14 hours, and have been fast friends ever since. And that’s not an isolated incident – it’s bizarre that we can be evil monsters and befriend each other because of it.
Also, I’ve known a couple of girls that have man-harems and probably herpagonasyphilaids and actually have respect, the admiration of peers, and a head on their shoulders to boot. Life norms are changing rapidly for today’s 20something.
Men still have the power overall——it’s unseen, but the infrastructure, the whole corporate thing, government, sports, generally most walks of life, men have the authority. Even in those professions that women “dominate”, like teaching and library work, men control the inner workings. I don’t think that will change soon, and I doubt it will, ever.
I am reluctant to get my car looked at by a mechanic unless my boyfriend is with me because I am afraid that otherwise they will overcharge me for their services.
Take a baby for a walk in a stroller. Dress it in pink, people tell you “oh how pretty she is!”. Take the same baby out dressed in blue overalls, and people will tell you that he looks “smart.” Same baby – not that you can tell gender on a baby, either.
Boys are raised more often as though their toughness or brains matter, but little girls (from baby on up) are treasured for being pretty and delicate – even when you can’t really tell yet how they will be, they’re pushed in these directions, even by strangers. I think it has a lot to do with how people see themselves and what they choose to encourage in themselves because of its perceived value.
Convenient Restroom facilities, and trees and fences.
It seems like there is less pressure towards being in a relationship for males. A single woman in her 40’s is not viewed the same way as a single man in his 40’s.
Edit: I’m not saying that’s an advantage per se, just a disparity.
When a woman is assertive she is called a “bitch” while a man is admired for being a leader or take charge type of guy.
Our genitalia can be used as an insult or compliment. A brave man is said to have “balls” but if he is a coward he is called a “pussy”.
@holden That is so true. A few years ago I went car shopping with my gf and negotiated a decent price with a guy. I let her go alone to pick it up. A little while ago she was cleaning out some papers and the car contract was in there. The cocksucker jacked the price up. He’ll never see another dollar from me.
Men are never expected to want to be parents. A woman somehow becomes suspect if she doesn’t want children. Suspected of what, I do not know.
@Adirondackwannabe >:( That’s because they’ll assume that girls don’t know a lick about cars and are more willing to take advantage of them.
A lot of these type of things also go both ways. Women have some areas they’re perceived to have the power .
@tinyfaery: Very true. Also, if a dad is looking after his kids, it is often referred to as “babysitting” even though he is their father.
@Adirondackwannabe: I agree with you completely. I feel as if we need to identify the inequalities for both genders before we can truly deal with the issues for either.
Someone should ask this question as it pertains to men.
As a man I can dress as I want without concern of attracting unwanted and uncomfortable attention from women.
I have always struggled to avoid admiring a woman and looking too long at her because I find her sexually attractive. Our society has made all aspects of women’s bodies and fashion sexual issues, it creates a real challenge even for men who khow better than to treat any woman as an object.
Men have to try so hard to attract a woman’s attention without resorting to “pick-up lines.”
They never have to worry about having women stare down the open collar of their shirt or brush against them intentionally in crowds or elevators.
You guys are giving me brain cramps with all this heavy thinking. Look at the vulnerable in a dress question. 139 responses. At least both sexes are willing to talk about this.
I have been the only girl in my school’s technology club for several years, and it’s amazing the assumptions that people make about me right off the bat. Our club recently went to a showcase where several technology-related competitions were being held. Our club advisor (a man) delegated certain projects like building a catapult to some of the guys. Then he calls me over and asks if I’d be interested in doing the digital photography competition. Now, this man knows very little about me and my interests, and I find it interesting that he assumed that I would be interested in photography and not in building a catapult.
@Adirondackwannabe I know what you are saying. There are biases both ways. Men rarely cry their way out of speeding tickets. hee hee.
@escapedone7 Just don’t get Justine in on this. One butt kicking is enough.
Usually we don’t have to wait to use the bathroom. Urinals are almost always open.
@worriedguy True, but we do have to learn the unwritten code of urinal etiquette to avoid sticky situations. Difficult stuff. ~
I think this type of thing is so much more ingrained in the older members of society. The older the worse it is, for the most part. Then again, generalities really suck, don’t they?
more brain cramps
As a father of three children (who are now all grown up) I spent most of their waking hours caring for them, much as most mothers do. When we were out in public, I responded to comments about babysitting by pointing out that when a man is caring for his children it is parenting not babysitting.
My children’s maternal unit was cold and distant from them once they were weaned. I was proud to be their parent and despite all the subsequent problems, I am still proud to be their Dad.
Is this a good place to mention that there are fewer than 5 female students in each of my advanced math and science classes where the total enrollment is over 20?
I have been told that drug and medical studies sometimes fail to take into account women’s different biological and hormonal makeup. I also have heard that research for cures for female specific diseases are often under-funded. I don’t have data to back it up and never looked into it, but it would be worth examining closer.
All of you have great answers and I agree with you.
Here are some not so important…
Men, the world is their bathroom.
They need few pairs of shoes.
A dark suit and they have all the dress clothes they will usually need.
They can be proud of farts. ( I don’t know why, but they are)
They don’t have to wear any kind of makeup. (not that women have to)
@holden: Yes, it is good to mention, but I do not necessarily think that more male students in an advanced math and science course is the advantage here. I think that more attention being paid to them is as much the advantage. In high school, I found that my advanced english and language classes often had a disproportionately large number of female students but attention is never paid to those.
@escapedone7: I don’t know about medical studies as a whole, but I do know that the symptoms of a heart attack in progress are wildly different for men and women. Often, women do not know they have had a heart attack because we as a society are used to the male response which is generally a seizing of the left arm sometimes right arm, but it is uncommon and a general weakness in the body I think, I am no medical student and these are not the same responses a female has.
Do women think it’s funny when a guy takes a shot to the groin?
the fart thing made me ask.
I am not married but I have noticed a little trend among some of my married friends. There seems to be a clear disparity that I see in some of my married friends with children, in how much housekeeping, cooking, laundry, and home responsibilities are placed on the female even though they both work full time. This is not in every case though. Some of the men are wonderful about it. A few though, still think of some things as a woman’s job in the home.
@Adirondackwannabe I don’t think a shot in the groin is funny at all. Do men think it’s funny?
@wilma We laugh and groan at the same time. @escapedone7 Guilty as charged. I help out as much as I can, but that’s the case. On the other hand, anything outside the house lawn work, landscaping is left 90% up to me.
As always, I woiuld like to point out certain demographic trends that are going to change society significantly in the not to distant near future. Basically, it’s about education. Women form a significant majority of college students, and it is growing. The disparity is even greater in graduate school.
Also, in the lower ranks of business, there are more women than men. These trends mean that in not so many years, there will be fewer men who can do intellectual work. Women will have to fill the leadership positions. There won’t be enough men. Women will also have to make more money then men, in aggregate. It will happen. Too late to stop now. The question is when will it be seen that boys have been left behind and are being discriminated against in school (since teachers love girls who can stay still and can’t stand boys who all have ADD (because they run around all the time)).
As I woman in her 20s I have recently began to feel massive amounts of pressure and restrictions on what I can do with my life.
Restrictions because I love history, archaeology, anthropology, etc., and I want to travel all over the world and learn, spend time, live abroad, whatever. But I know there are certain places in the world I can not go, or would not be able to visit alone.
Pressure because basically, I feel like I constricted to the time I can have children without them having physical disabilities. I know that’s mostly a biological restriction, but it is very stressful. I don’t want kids now, or anytime soon. But time is moving faster and I’m getting older and one day I’ll be 35 and I’ll have to make a decision on when to have a child, or I’ll have to live with the consequences which I don’t think I could ever do. I’ve seen what having children young does to people, many of my friends have children.
And on that note, what the fuck is up with that? So many young, intelligent women I know are getting pregnant at 20–23 and dropping out of school, or taking longer to go back, working full time, getting married etc. And for many more of my young friends that is what they want. And all that they want. I don’t understand it, I feel like there’s so much more to life than being a housewife and a baby machine, and I have never wanted to be associated with that in any way. I feel like men have an advantage because they can always start over. At 40, 50, 60 they can marry a younger woman and start having kids then, or whenever they feel like. They’re not restricted to a stupid fucking biological clock.
@tragiclikebowie : Yeah we are. Our sperm loses its edge after a while, and we’re just as susceptible to the same genetic degradation all mortal life on this planet is.
And groin shots are funny, as long as they happen to our friends or people we feel deserve it.
@Fenris Yeah, I know but it’s not the same thing really. Charlie Chaplin had a kid when he was 73 without all the fancy fertilization technology today.
@tragiclikebowie : ...
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73? Wow. So… um.
Must’ve been awkward for the kid.
and in my previous post I meant to use they instead of we in the last part. I’ve never heard of men having healthy kids outside of 50-ish.
My Dad was 58 when I was born. I’ve very healthy up to the present shittiness. And got very good marks in school. But I know there’s exceptions to every rule.
@tragiclikebowie I literally have all of the same interests as you, and I agree with you completely. My friends are doing the same thing yours are, and that’s how they want it. I’m on a completely different path in life and sometimes I’m made to feel like an idiot for it. I couldn’t tell you how often people ask me when I’m going to have a child. When I tell them that I don’t plan on having one any time soon, if at all, they look at me like I’m a freak.
Regarding traveling to certain places, it would be extremely hard, because going certain places alone is simply out of the question. It makes me feel like I can’t truly be independent because of my sex, and that does not sit well with me.
@DrasticDreamer I feel the same way. I hate, hate, hate, hate feeling inferior because of my gender, but I do because I know I can’t do what I want because of it.
Let’s take kung fu and then travel together!
Men are generally physically stronger and they cant take a leak standing up without splattering it everywhere.
The systemic, political and otherwise advantages placed upon/allotted to men in our society are not subtle to me, whatsoever. There are more men in positions of power whether the field is politics, medicine, science or business. Men make more for doing the same job. Men are linked to humanity and women to ‘the other’. Men are encouraged to compete, to change the world, to walk talk with their head held high – women can do these things if they remember ‘their proper place’ and remember to pop out a couple of kids. It is men, in this country, that decide on women’s reproductive choices and policies. It is men that carry the family name and it’s perfectly normal to think that being Mrs. Frank the III is awesome, like omg. Men don’t have to feel vulnerable on the streets for what they wear, they aren’t expected to parent as much as women. I can go on and on and on. However, @_bob question stands because gender norms hurt all genders and there are a lot of things women are allowed to be, wear, do and say and men don’t. It’s not comparable because these injustices are committed on an individual level (while sexism against women is committed on societal, national, etc. levels) but it’s worth examining. And there’s always this
@davidbetterman That’s not “seldom noticed” believe me. A drunken night out in the city and it becomes very noticeable.
One of my initial thoughts is the typical pitch of voice that is “permitted” by general society. Obviously males are biologically inclined to have deeper voices but even in spite of this it often struck me as more socially acceptable for males to speak, laugh, greet etc more loudly than is expected of them than females who are producing an equivalent amount of sound.
@tragiclikebowie @DrasticDreamer
In a martial arts group I attend there’s actually a young woman who cross-trains in a few combat sports specifically because she wishes to travel after finishing her undergraduate but doesn’t want to be restricted when doing so. Though I certainly hope she never has need to use her training, should she have to she seems more than prepared. By which I mean she’s terrifying.
Males are allowed (even encouraged) to be intimidating and/or scary, while females are not. As a result, my children are much more likely to listen the first time if it’s their father or step-father giving the ‘order’ than if it’s me. I pretty much have to go bat-shit insane to scare them. Not that I really want to scare them, but it sure would be nice if they took me a tad more seriously! Anyway… my point is, parental discipline seems to be less work for men.
@escapedone7——Don’t forget “penis envy”. Women are assumed to have penis envy when they get jealous of men and the power they have. You never hear men having “clitoris envy”! Lol.
@Dr_Lawrence——True, men don’t have to worry about women staring down their shirts or brushing up against them, but then again, I think most men would like that! Lol.
Despite the many unseen “advantages” afforded to men in society, there are sometimes negative consequences that come with these advantages. For example, although men are encouraged to be assertive and “be a man” in our society, they face greater pressures to be successful than women do. Consequently, men often end up with poorer health caused by stress and societal expectations, and by trying hard to conform to the stereotype of the strong, unwavering male. This stereotype is perpetuated not only by men but by women too, for a “soft-hearted” or unassertive man is seen as a negative by both sexes. Both men and women are affected negatively by society-created, gender-role stereotypes, so men don’t always have it “good” either..
Men will get preferred treatment in some employment because women of “child bearing age” can be seen as only short term employable. Men are often seen as being able to work through “child rearing” years because he is expected to devote himself to the company first, then family second; whereas women are expected to place work on a back burner after children are born to care for the child. A man who tries to get the same time off to care for children, are soon deemed unreliable and passed over for advancement.
@escapedone7 It is worth noting that the recriminations only arise when we’re talking about men acting like women. Women acting like women (and men acting like men) is appreciated.
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