Is it rational to be insulted?
Somebody recently said something somewhat racist that insulted me, and after I got over the initial shock and anger, I began wondering exactly why people are insulted; Shocked, maybe, but why insulted? What does the feeling really mean? Wouldn’t the rational thing to do be just to shake it off and be annoyed; What is the difference between being insulted and being angry or annoyed?
I am curious to find out what exactly being insult means, what it is, and why we feel it. Is it rational? What do you think?
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Well some will say that no one can make you feel anything, only you are responsible for your feelings. I am not one to say such things and fully believe others can hurt us with their words and the reason we feel insulted is because they say something unfair or judgmental when they have no right to do so, even if they’re family.
I think it could have to do with personal values and personal boundaries. If a person crosses those it feels insulting. Also if it is a common insult against a group of which many people have fought to banish ignorance on it is an insult.
People (usually rightly, I think) consider an insult to be a form of disrespect. And if you allow people to disrespect you openly and intentionally, their abuse—even if they never escalate it themselves—is interpreted by others to demonstrate your “less than them” status and makes you a target for others.
It’s the personal equivalent to the “broken windows theory” of neighborhoods. (A broken window on an abandoned building signifies very little ‘by itself’, but it is often interpreted by vandals to mean “here is a building we can attack with impunity”).
Why wouldn’t it be rational?
It’s probably best to take a page from professional athletes on this one. Fans say the most terrible things to players but most times they don’t even acknowledge it. That seems like the way to go.
Ultimately it’s probably (IMHO) an evolutionary survival thing as many feelings/ emotions are purported to be (by some philosophers) Alternatively it could be a socially constructed response or a mixture of the two. To feel insulted is a response mechanism to an attack. If you constantly let people insult you and make you feel crap about yourself it could possibly lead to depression and even death…..
To feel insulted therefore is to emit a dislike of the attack… to take offence…to be unhappy about what someone has said or done to you and ultimately prompt you to take action against them…. yes, I would say it is a form of survival… It is a cognitive recognition that someone is not being nice…or approriate…so action is needed. without the emotion there would be no action and harm could be inflicted in the long or short term…. perhaps?
@Captain_Fantasy I understand why human nature makes us insulted. I simply wonder, why is that human nature? What does it mean to feel “insulted?” It just seems like a very unusual emotion.
Ego.
The ‘false’ self that takes things personally, as an enhancement or diminishment of ones identity.
It helps to realize that we should never take things ‘personally’...meaning that it is never about YOU, that person would act, say, do, the exact same thing to others.
It’s a hard concept to grasp for most who are still attached to a ‘personal’ self. But, very true.
Doesn’t mean there are not consequences or perhaps we choose to not associate with certain personalities, but nothing is ever ‘personal’, not even murder.
Being angry is a reaction to something truly and genuinely upsetting. Feeling insulted is a self induced reasoning to be upset with something that you choose to be upset by. Feeling insulted is clearly a choice where feeling angry less of a choice and more basic emotion.
Perhaps because it questions or mocks a person’s worth. It’s natural to feel insulted although I’m not sure why. But I suppose that depends on the form of insult and the knowledge behind it.
Someone on the street could call me a bitch, but if they don’t know me they’ve no basis for this so I just figure it’s pretty random and lame. But someone who knows me and finds things and traits about me and fashions an insult based on these can be hurtful.
I guess it’s a pretty complex subject actually, and kinda depressing when you think of it too much.
It’s all ego. That’s all it is and ever was.
After a while you will see how sick the insulter is, and you will begin to wonder if some sort of medication might be beneficial to them. You will cease to feel insulted, as that emotion is negative, somewhat equivalent to the negativity of jealousy and envy (equivalent in the same sense as knights and bishops are equivalent in chess).
You may even learn to smile at the person as the insult is being delivered, because you truly think this person, outside of the obvious visible imperfections, is in reality just another human connected one to the other and to the universe.
I don’t get insulted or offended easily. If someone says something to me along these lines, I usually point it out to them, and ask what they meant, their intention. Sometimes people do not even realize what they said would be taken as an insult, and it is up to us to point it out.
Um….I don’t know if it’s rational or not, but I feel insulted when someone questions my integrity when they don’t even know me. Or even when they DO know me. My ex came into town to visit the kids. I took the opportunity of having a free babysitter to actually gasp! go on a date! (I just didn’t date. I couldn’t see spending any time with a guy that I probably wouldn’t even like, instead of my kids.) We went on a picnic by the river. Anyway, it was such a rare event, me not being there, that the kids kind of freaked out when they couldn’t “find” me. (And, of course their Dad, all into head games, didn’t bother to explain anything.) Anyway, they called my Mom. Well….she accused me of shacking up in a motel room for a day with the guy. I was so hurt. So hurt. I hadn’t even kissed him. My Mom had this thing about always seeing the worst she could see in people, and she hurt and insulted me a lot.
@davidbetterman Who lies? You guys are driving me crazy today, talking to people and not saying who you’re talking to!!
When an insult becomes disrespect. I get peeved.
Otherwise I’m rubber, you’re glue…
Yes, true, a ‘defense’ mechanism, but not the same as fight or flight when real physical danger is threatening.
The old ‘sticks & stones’ mantra. lol
@Val123 I am sure your moms reaction was unsettling, sad that some project so much negative assumption.
Boy, on the rare occasions I still fall into assumption I find I am ALWAYS wrong! haha
@Val123 I woud feel the exact same way. My thought is why human natures makes us feel this way.
Well, if someone says the truth, one should not be insulted. If a lie is spoken, it shouldn’t matter. Not much offends or insults me. If you want to deride my culture, my heritage, race, (good luck with that, Hungarian, French-Indian, Scot, English) my looks, my life choices, my parents, my kids, have at it. I don’t attach that much importance to what people have to say in any negative context.
My cooking, on the other hand, we may have to go a couple rounds.
You may react to an insult either rationally or irrationally. There’s no yes/no answer to this question.
People often try to use insults to express their disdain of others. It can catch us off guard and cause us to react badly, but if we have time to think it over, we realize it is a reflection of the giver, no one else.
I am one of those people who likes to help other people and when they spurn my efforts, I can react as if what they say is true, rather than realize where it is actually coming from. Usually people with poor self-esteem themselves are the worst offenders, because they need to try to bring others down.
in the contexts im guessing the setting is some type of debate when one person is claiming to be rational on the topic but uses insults. using insults in a debate like setting is a sign of frustration normally caused by them losing the debate. Ad hominem is a cop-out, in that case i would accept my win and move on.
@Pseudonym I don’t know. Some always see the worst, like my Mom, and some always see the best. It can go to both extremes. I think a lot of it has to do with one’s own self esteem. Mom’s was very low. She had a very low (and unjustified, IMO) opinion of herself. I guess it’s a form of projecting.
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