Do you have or use a spittoon?

That is so gross! Please don’t try and bring back the spittoon. That’s worse than those guys walking around with spit bottles for their tabacco chewing.

To use a spittoon would be like wiping your butt with leaves.

We have modern approaches to these methods.

Reminds me of a very old (and very tasteless) joke. Don’t say you haven’t been warned…

A bunch of friends were getting drunk in bar one night until one of the friends spotted a dirty old spittoon in the corner of the bar, spattered from years of misuse and neglect. They started laughing and joking about (and using) the spittoon, until one of the friends bet the room $1000 that no one would dare drink from it. One of the drunker members of the group accepted the bet.

As he raised the spittoon to his lips the room fell into a reverent (and disgusted) hush. He put his mouth to the rim and raised the bottom.

“Stop!” cried his friend. “Please stop! You win the bet! I’ll pay! Don’t do that to yourself! Here’s the money!” He put the $1000 in cash on the bar.

Despite the capitulation of the bettor, the man continued to drain the contents of the spittoon and swallow in a sort of rhythm. This went on for a full minute, until the man set down the implement, wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and belched softly.

“Didn’t you hear me? You didn’t have to do that; you won the bet just by starting. I never wanted you to drink all of that. Why did you do it?”

“Yeah, I heard you, and I wanted to stop. But I couldn’t; it came out solid.”

My Brother-in-law chews.

He used to use soda cans and once I thought it was my soda.

I would vote for him to use a spittoon

@CyanoticWasp I heard it slightly differently, but kudos to you for beating me to it.

I’d say that since a spittoon is typically brass, solid, and not transparent, it’s heaps better than a clear plastic cup filled with tobacco spit and sunflower seeds.

@mrentropy I’m not sure that I got it right; that punch line just seems “off”. Maybe your version is the right one.

@Dog Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

@CyanoticWasp The way I heard it was mostly the same, except:
“I’ll give you $100 to take a sip from that spittoon,” said one.
“All right! You’re on.” The man raised the spittoon to his lips and took a sip. And another. And so on until the brass bucket was emptied.
His friend handed over the $100 saying, “Man, I said a ‘sip’! You didn’t have to drink the whole thing!”
The guy said, “I tried to take a sip but it came out in one long strand.”

@mrentropy @CyanoticWasp – The thought of drinking from a spittoon is one of those rare things that can cause me to feel pukie.

Thanks! ;-)

Yeah, my stomach turned after reading this. I was already feeling sick this morning. Thanks for the great topic!!!

@mrentropy I bow to the master. Your version is much better.

@ChazMaz @bellusfemina It is an honor, of sorts, to know that I make people sick, not just locally, but far and wide as well.

@CyanoticWasp Ah, it’s just how I heard it. Or read it. I forget which.

@Dog I’ve also drank chew spit before. I had to induce my own vomiting directly afterwords, too.

Years ago,I was working with a handicapped man who became hospitalized. I chose to clean his apartment before he returned home. I armed myself with gloves and garbage bags for the removal of 14 large coffee cans full of spit. Revolting! So my suggestion would be to quickly put a plant in that antique spittoon so you will not be tempted to use it.

It’s a step up from spitting into an empty can or styrofoam cup but whatever, spitting is gross. If you’re truly so ill you have excessive phlegm then a compassionate date will probably understand a few runs to the bathroom but I doubt she’d appreciate a spittoon no matter how ornate.

Well, no.