Do you know anyone who has been "in the closet" for so long that they are unable to "come out" to even themselves?
I have an immediate family member that exhibits many, many signs of being a gay man (I won’t go into them, but, just to clarify, these are not stereotypical, shallow signs. They are behaviors, comments and situations that have occurred over the last thirty years.) But, he is so religiously conservative that being gay would completely destroy everything he has been about for his entire adult life. It saddens me to see someone so internally conflicted and unhappy.
Do you know anyone in a similar circumstance? Have you ever broached the issue with them?
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One of my nieces and one of my nephews waited until their 20’s to come out.no one cared ;))
There is a man named Mel White who was once deeply immersed it the conservatively religious culture before he embraced being gay. He ghost wrote for the likes of Billy Graham, Jerry Falwell and Pat Roberston, if I remember correctly. Reading his story may be helpful towards giving you some insight. It might even be a way to start a conversation.
Yes. It’s called internalized homophobia.
Yes I do know someone, and I have never spoken to them about it.
@jaytkay Funny links. I actually met Ted Haggard at New Life (for something work related, I wasn’t attending) before the whole scandal broke. The really funny part was he told me he was on his way out because he had a “meeting” in Denver. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he said that.
@liminal Great link! Thanks!
@tinyfaery Is that a real psychological condition?
Former Congressman Massa.
Not anymore. The answer would have been different 20 years ago.
“they are unable to “come out” to even themselves?”
Would this not be a form of “racial profiling.”
Easy people. ;-)
My aunt who raised me is, at the very least, bisexual, but not only has she got some serious emotional issues, she’s still a fundy Pentecostal AFAIK.
She would come home from work every day complaining for a good ½ hour about some woman or other on her job hitting on her. Or trying to hit on her. Not just one job, no, at every job she had, there was always some woman who was hitting on her. That started when I was 9. Then she “accused” me of being gay when I was 11 and stopped me from calling my friends. She accused her son of being gay when he was 13. Even after I showed interest in boys, she would alternate between telling me not to be a slut and that I was just “covering up” my lesbian feelings. ?????? She would go on and on (and on) about how awful homosexuality was and how “those people” were going to H-E-double-hockey-sticks. She had an idea who the gay people were in her church too!
I didn’t get it until one day, well after I’d left home, I called her to chat and she started in with asking me about a TV show job I was on at the time. Then she started asking me which, if any, of the actresses were gay.
The light bulb suddenly popped on, and written on that bulb like in a Warner Bros. cartoon was the word PROJECTION in big black letters. I have never confronted her with this, but until her son and I stopped talking, he believed the same. I’m not sure if he told her of our suspicions, though.
I also never told her about that famous lady hitting on me at a party when I was 25. She’d’ve flipped.
aunt demonstrating internalized homophobia ^ ^ ^
@aprilsimnel wow. Have you had to work had to shake off that nastiness?
@liminal, yeah, plenty. It took me years to even admit to myself that I had a terrible childhood and that none of what she did was my fault or under my control. I feel badly for her now, though; not pity, but something like “It’s a shame” sort of feelings. It must be rough going to be her.
yes, there’s a couple of people that spring to mind. It’s never to late, but it must be truly difficult to deny one’s own sexuality.
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