Do you feel like your therapist judges you?

I have had them judge me, and I’ve had others not. But then it was 25 years difference, and I’m a completely different person now than then. Maybe I really was as bad as she thought.

Sure, it is their job in most cases to use psychoanalysis to tell what is wrong with a person, part of that would likely involve judgements.

Short Answer: A good therapist will not openly judge you. You should feel comfortable with them. Perhaps uncomfortable with the “work” but comfortable with the counselor.

Longer Answer:
I get an overwhelming feeling of acceptance from our counselor. Every once in awhile I get a small feeling that I did/said something wrong but the next time I see her I forget all about it. I think it is very brilliant of you to recognize that you could simply be projecting your feelings. At the same time your counselor should be making steps to make you feel more comfortable. You should not have to express your discomfort repeatedly. One of the largest deterrents of people making progress in counseling is them not liking their counselors. If you feel you aren’t making progress it might be worthwhile to switch but don’t do so pre-emptively as you’ll have to start anew which is rarely easy.

Well, first off, therapists are suppose to make judgments. How else can they evaluate a situation? These particular judgments are used to help you, not hurt you. It sounds like you’re interpreting them the wrong way.
However, there are other judgments that can be made that are of no help to the patient or irrelevant to the patient’s issues. These should not be made by any therapist.
Personally, I’ve not been judged in that way by a therapist. They’ve all been relatively accepting and patient with me.

I read a book written by a therapist once that said later in therapy he would sometimes confront his patient in some way to see how they respond (to a criticism or suggestion).

I usually dress up, and I mean in dresses and nice stuff. The one day, and only one day I went to therapy in sweatpants I was having a medical procedure at the hospital and didn’t want to be all dressed up but wear something comfy. They usually make you take things off anyway. Sure enough she said something about my change in appearance. I remembered the book though and thought she was using it as an opportunity to “confront” me as a test. I just nodded and agreed with her that I had not dressed as I normally do. She insinuated this dramatic change in the lack of care in my dress might be a sign I was slipping into a depressed phase. She made bonkers big deal out of it. I agreed she was so very right and next time I was going to do better.

But the next time I came in I was dressed up like a drag queen on crack, because I am a real smart ass that way. I had on a prom gown and lipstick put on horribly. Yes, she has a file on me miles thick. She started scribbling on her pad while I laughed really hard, and she raised an eyebrow and said “Thank you for making….an effort. You seem a little manic.”
Thanks doc.

They just don’t get my sense of humor. I’m not crazy, really.

Other than that one time, I have no problem with her. She does stop and correct me. If I say “I’m an idiot” she will instantly tell me to stop putting myself down, or connect a few dots from previous sessions and remember my mother said that to me all the time. She will basically give me a lecture about “negative self talk”. Or if I describe an argument with someone she might suddenly decide to work on communication skills or “I messages” or something, so that I can learn to handle things better. She usually does a good job and I like her.

I’ve had the silent type before, the kind that just make faces and write notes. I don’t find them very helpful. My therapist comes out and says things. I don’t have to make insinuations. She comes out and says what she thinks. I’ve often wondered if the silent scribbler was more Freudian or something.

I’d rather be my own therapist, and learn my lessons the hard way. The only person in charge of changing my life is ultimately me. I’ll just pay attention to my senses and follow them accordingly.

My counselor, who has recently become our counselor, is wonderful. She does make judgments and she will tell me when I am wrong. Isn’t she supposed to help judge which behaviors are causing me trouble and then help me resolve them? I have never felt like she thought negatively of me because of it. I could tell I surprised/shocked her one time, though.

As she says, she is tough on behaviors but gentle on people. I feel like she follows that philosophy very well.

Now that I think about it, I did have one counselor judge me in the way I think you mean. She looked at me like I was a cruel bitch b/c I didn’t comfort or hand my ex-husband a tissue when he sobbed while telling her his life story. I had already heard the same stuff a million times and knew that he played it a bit to get sympathy. I stopped going to her.

No. That’s why I go to the therapist that I do. I have, however, felt unnecessarily judged by other therapists. Not all therapists are good. Some of them are absolute shit.

You’re projecting. If she judges you or not means less than how you judge yourself.

I think you’re projecting. You’re not paying her to be attracted to you, like you, defend your actions, or agree with you—you are paying someone to be objective and redirect you. You have to accept the fact that you say or project possibly could confound, bewilder, dismay, puzzle, and possibly irritate her as a person, but as a professional, she will unravel, coach, redirect, and clarify what you are saying.

No, I don’t think he judges me, whatsoever – I think he gets quite the kick out of things I say because he’s sort of traditional.

I’m totally different and mine is so accepting and never judgmental. He climbed Kilimanjaro and brought me a stone from the summit recently. I have found the exceptionally great guy. He is there when I need him.

I went to another guy who picks lettuce out of his shoe while listening to me. Glad he went on to war. Needed some shock treatment.

No, she doesn’t! ...I actually wish she would… would just tell me, with her body language or words, that what I’m saying is stupid or ridiculous…. I keep waiting for her to, and she never does. She just soaks up everything, always looking somewhere between fascinated, touched, and concerned… she’ll get goose bumps and teary eyes just by what I say. (I kinda like that!)
She’ll hardly say anything, which is hard for me, that she wants me to do the talking… and when she does speak up it’s that she’s trying to take what I’ve said and piece it together to form a theory for me to think over for the week. No judgements, no opinions, no ‘you should do this”... just agreement and theories….so not what I expected.

If I am judged by my therapist, it is with approval. I have had the same therapist for about 13 years, and she is an expert at setting up situations in which I can show how I succeed.

During my trying times when I’m depressed, she draws the answers out of me. She helps me help myself.

I do judge myself badly for some choices I might make. So I could be projecting, but I also think she looks a bit shocked. She points out the harm such choices might cause, and opines that I probably wouldn’t want to create such harm. Which is right. I don’t. But I also want what I would gain through these choices very much.

Anyway, her mien changes. She gets more serious. Leans back in her chair. Doesn’t laugh as much. She points out consequences of these choices. I agree. I start to beat myself up. Then I tell myself to stop that. I want what I want. It’s not an issue of being good or bad. It’s not an issue of deserving or not. It’s an issue of understanding what is likely to happen, and making choices with as complete a knowledge as I can have.

It’s hard to know what I’m doing. It’s a big risk. I could end up isolated and unsupported no matter what I do. God knows what would happen then. I might not care to care for myself. On the other hand, it also might show strength—that I can go my own way even if I don’t have the approval of others. I’ve never really done that before. I’ve always needed to please people so they’ll like me.

It’s very complicated and I don’t know what is inside me and what is outside me and who is judging what and I certainly do not know what the right thing to do is. That it is not obvious to me is also disturbing in its own right.

@wundayatta
In all honesty no one can be a blank slate and the idea has come and gone anyway. From a strictly Freudian perspective which can take a looooooooong time you would be laying down with your therapist behind you over your shoulder and he would simply be a disembodied voice. ( I think they may have been traditionally male as well Father figure). But no doubt you would make the same projections and transference only now imagining their expression or tone of voice. I mean you can even do it on Fluther just reading words. Freudian is really a therapists therapy because it makes for many sessions.

Sometimes different methods are actually more expedient. Primal scream..boot camp…in your face shock…a smack on the head from a zen teacher We can all delude ourselves as well if just allowed to go on and on endlessly. Anything can work if you’re willing. I actually just realized that I’ve collectively been in various therapies for ¾ of my life and I’m really not sure what it ever did for me except to realize that therapists are pretty fucked up. The only things that ever practically served me were actions I took directly in my life: stopping drugs/drinking/ graduating college/ starting a business/exercising etc. As per Fluther I’m not sure what this is all about. Maybe this is a collective purgatory. Oh well.. The sun is shining and it’s a beautiful day.

A psychoanalyst told me many years ago that the analyst was duty bound to refer patients that didn’t interest him/her to other therapists [great Freudian dream pun The Rapists]. My analyst when I was in college admitted to being bored with rich, frustrated housewives. He also used to sing the words to “Ole Man River” to me, and told me that being an analyst was not so different from being a general practitioner, which he had been before, described it as “same shit, different shovel”

If the judgement is something that puts us in a person’s box of classification and in the person’s mind, that their box is the right box, the only box the object of judgement belongs in, ooooh scary.
If that person is not open to suggestion that there is more than one side to a coin (three sides actually) and it is only from their perception they are coming from that is valid,and they don’t discuss it with you to see where you are coming from, I would “judge” that as poor therapy.
;-)

If one looks at a color and says, that is a color, well, that’s not too harmful.
If one sees purple and one sees blue, and each perceive their observation to be the only true one, that would be an example to me of judgement gone haywire

I think it boils down to how ridgedly a person holds on to their own personal view point, and how willing they are to negotiate their perspective that makes the judgement accurate or not, harmful or not.

A willow that bends with the wind is seldom broken

Becky

Peace