Do you or someone you know have social problems?

I have, what I think, is an odd social problem. I am really awesome at customer service, people skills. But the second something turns into a social kind of thing, I freeze like a deer in headlights. I have no idea what to do at parties. I’m a wallflower. My parents got divorced when I was 4 or 5, my dad got custody. I found out years later, that he told all my teachers that I wasn’t allowed to have social skills. In high school, I forced myself to be social and it pretty much worked out to where I could make friends. I think it’s something that’s learned. Like feral children, as an example. It’s something you learn when you’re young and really hard to learn when you’re older because you feel embaressed that can’t do it. That’s how I feel about it.

Check out social anxiety and Asperger syndrome. Do either of those sound like you? Also, welcome to Fluther!

Yes, I know someone who has a very hard time socially.

Yes I do. He is a guy I met on the net over 5 years ago. We chat daily, he has a social phobia and or anxiety that is crippling to him and his lifestyle. It is very easy to manage with various therapies and medication. But that is only if you want it to change. I hope you get the help you require as you only have on life, it’s just better to make the most of it. I do believe it is an anxiety based disorder.

I’m not a huge fan of crowds, but I can easily have a conversation with someone. My communication skills aren’t phucked up or anything. I just prefer social settings of 5 people or less. Anymore than that and I panic a bit.
I’ve always been rather introverted and anti-social and I’ve always had anxiety issues, but I’m slowly managing to come out of my shell a bit so I can explore the world.

I have a friend who is recovering from agoraphobia and she didn’t leave her house for 8 months.

I agree with @augustlan. Check out the links for social anxiety and Aspergers.

Could you please give more specific details?

I myself, and just about everyone I know, has some sort of social problems. The personalities involved are all wildly different, and the problems are a wide range: insecurity, lack of awareness, bossiness, independence, pride, over-eagerness, complacency, etc. I could go on. The more you think in terms of flaws, the more you find, lol.

However, what brings value to my point, is the flipside. Each one of these people is truly a beautiful, smart, loving person.

Everyone’s beautiful. Everyone’s different. Everyone’s got problems! lol

(raises hand)

It’s a bit idiotic. I often feel intimidated by people I don’t know, in real life. And they usually only need to say one or two words to me for all of that to disappear. It’s like some part of my brain is suspicious that anyone might secretly be a vampire or something, unless they can convince me they’re just another a human being.
I resolve to get over that. With practise. To shift the default setting from “potential vampire” to “just another human being”.
I already got it right for people on the internet.

I’ve been diagnosed with PDD-NOS when I was a kid. People on the Autism Spectrum seem to have to put up with this sort of rubbish a lot.
This may or may not have anything to do with you. Ask a shrink.

@Violet I can’t decide if it’s a fear of socializing or a lack of desire to do so. I find socializing so exhausting and taxing that I avoid it. I also am very uncomfortable in social situations with people I don’t know well, like at school. Yet somehow I wished I had people to do things with that share my interests. I have read about schizoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, aspergers, social anxiety disorder, and all of those, and they all have aspects that fit me really well. My therapist didn’t seem to really go with any of these suggestions though.

“I also am very uncomfortable in social situations with people I don’t know well, like at school. Yet somehow I wished I had people to do things with that share my interests.”
I am the same way. I have never been diagnosed with any social disorder, but I am prescribed Xanax for emergencies.
A therapist isn’t qualified to diagnose you, they don’t have a medical degree. I think you should go to a psychiatrist. (not psychologist)

@Hexr
“I can’t decide if it’s a fear of socializing or a lack of desire to do so.”
Or both.
But you also mention being interested in having friends… Doesn’t that mean there’s some desire in there to socialise a bit?

“I also am very uncomfortable in social situations with people I don’t know well, like at school. Yet somehow I wished I had people to do things with that share my interests.”
I think I know what you mean for both situations.
But if people you don’t know well make you feel uncomfortable, there’s an obvious solution: make some friends and get to know them well. A discomfort investment for the benefits of friendship.
And I wonder if there aren’t more people like you at your school. Shy and socially awkward people who would like to have a friend but don’t know how to find one.
I had three classmates who were also somewhere on the Autism Spectrum. Two of them were my best friends throughout high school. They called us the Three Musketeers.
The last one was a bit of a smug tosser. We didn’t get along too well.

Or you can use the internet for social interaction. I don’t recommend it as a complete substitute, but it’s easier and still rewarding as a supplement, and constructive as a first step in learning to deal with people in general.