Treat em Mean, Keep em Keen?

No I think that is totally wrong. All it does it start a relationship in the worst possible way. Kindness and caring works much better.

Kindness, caring & honesty. Never fails.

To quoth, “Be excellent to each other.”

That will work in dog training(for aggressive breed).

This is odd. Perhaps the type of person who falls for this deserves the type of person who does it to them.

That old Sadist/Masochist form of relationship.

I don’t want to be a door mat and I don’t want to treat someone like a doormat, but that’s me.

@Doctor_D Yes it does almost seem like dog training. I agree with you totally

I’ve never done that. I’ve always treated my men like they were the king. Maybe that’s the problem. Be nice and they take it for granted…

I think if one did that, and it worked you’d be with men who are needy and have a low self esteem. Which may in the long term be a pain in the azz.

That is an attitude from someone that does not understand the philosophy of the work environment and work in general. The goal is to get the job done as efficiently as possible.

It’s nothing personal, it is just business.

Not to say there are not “asshole” bosses. But they are in their position for a reason. Or they would not be there. Apparently they are doing something right.

Well I don’t know if this is the same for everyone, but say if I go on a date, and the guy doesn’t call me or message me for a few days, I will think about him more than if he messages me straight away. And then when he does finally call I’m like putty in his hand!!!!!

I guess if guys play the “hard to get” card, or the “treat em mean, keep em keen” card with me It makes me think….“why does he think he’s better than me? did I underestimate him?”

If a guy is nice and thoughtful and really into me straight away I think “What the F*CK is wrong with this guy?...I must have missed something”

Basically, the “treat em mean, keep em keen” thing keeps me interested for a while…..I’m a sucker.

@ChazMaz what are you talking about?

LOL @ChazMaz…wrong thread?

@jOey, you’re not a sucker you suffer from the ‘I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have anyone like me as a member’ syndrome.

You don’t think you’re WORTHY of getting excited over? If a guy goes on a date with you, you don’t think he should spend the next day daydreaming about you and then calling you the next night after work?

jOey, if you don’t fix this, you’re going to end up dating a run of guys who don’t value you and the breakups are all going to sound the same…‘I’m just not that into you.’ they’ll say and it will reinforce your low self esteem.

@cazzie hahah must be wrong thread, maybe the answer is good here too lmao

@j0ey So nice guys do finish last? Are abusers even hotter?
Please don’t tell me that works for you. Please…

@ChazMaz oh gosh Im hysterical ahahahah

@j0ey sadly I think it does work though. When I am really not interested in someone I can’t get rid of them.

I was just applying the statement to a business environment. It applies in anything you do.

Even in a dating situation. When you treat them mean to keep them keen, you are playing into something you should not be.
Ignore them, or walk away. Anything else is taking an active participation in it. You will not educated and you will not get you point across.
This person moving on to the next or now making the effort to wear you down. Just like a phone solicitor or a bill collector.
All you are doing is playing along and getting baited in the process. And just like my job related example you are then taking it personal.
It’s always business.

:-) Beside it is still early for me.

@cazzie haha well yes the men that I have had relationships with the past 2 years have all been absolute pricks…but luckily I usually see that at about the 8 week mark and dump them, vowing never to fall for the same BS again….only to find myself in the same BS situation AGAIN..you are right, I do need to fix it.

& @worriedguy…....Nice guys do finish last for me…I wish they didn’t, but I cant help who I go weak at the knees for…..but I dont take any kind of abuse…I’m just a sucker for having to work at someone.

@j0ey Don’t be surprised nor disappointed when he moved on looking for the next conquest.
My partner and I are equals. I can’t imagine it being any better.

I even try to finish last! ;-).

I dont think it’s the nice guys who are finishing last in this scenario.

I don’t use those methods but I know people who do. It doesn’t work on men as well as it works on women. Women seem to think they can fix a mean guy. Some women think they have a magic triangle, capable of changing a man. They are wrong, but what are you gonna do. You try to tell these women that it ain’t going to work and they tell you you’re just jealous. ~sigh~

But isn’t this the same as liking the thrill of the chase? its more fun to chase something that is running…. back to the dog training analogy ..LOL

and i know SOOO MANY guys that love to chase women, so maybe guys are suckers for it too, they just see them selves as a mighty hunter in the equation…And when women do the chasing, they are perceived to be pathetic, desperate parasites hahaha.

There is no “thrill of the chase,” it is a pain in the ass. We just do our best to make the best of it.

@ChazMaz…as if it isnt fun chasing someone…

I prefer the pleasure of what comes after the “hunt.”

well yeah, thats what makes it fun…no one would do it if the pleasure didnt come after it, and no one would ever be in any kind of relationship.

Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen? Hell, no! No, that doesn’t work for me, because mean people suck! >:(

I may not know a whole lot about intimate personal relationships, but I do know that if someone’s mean to me, then it stands to reason that they don’t like me, and I’d rather not be around people who don’t like me. I like myself enough to not go through that kind of ish with anybody.

@j0ey – that’s why I said, “We just do our best to make the best of it.”

So you are saying if the girl you like you could get to know from just saying hello.

You would rather to chase after her? Play the cat and mouse game?

Treat me mean,get YAK. ;)

Women don’t have the lock on stupidity. There are guys that would chase this .
(What was he thinking? The Jerk.)

I used to respond to that like Pavlov’s dog salivating to a bell. I had no self-esteem, no idea what self-esteem looked like, no way of knowing that it was my fault that I was being treated badly, and no understanding of why I was loving, but not being loved back (thanks again, mother). Funny, ain’t it? Self-esteem does not respond to this at all, other than to leave. It responds to live, kindness and respect, though. Ergo, this does not work on women who understand thier value.

I do not like the sound of this method one single bit.

Treat me right or I’m takin flight!

hehe, just made that up ;)

I think this works with people who train dogs or chickens for fighting. Not seeing how this would work for people without the chance of someone shooting the person who is mean.

Any “method” is strictly a way to control someone else. A relationship should an opportunity for two people to share their lives with each other, not control them. It’s probably not a very popular insight, but I believe you should take the time to chose someone that is a good fit for who you are and the way you want to live your life so there isn’t a need for one to try and change/control the other…...I’m just saying…..

@ChazMaz…for starters, I am a girl…I’m not sure if you had picked up on that.

And getting to know someone IS chasing them…If you are getting to know them purely for the purpose of a relationship with this person..then that IS chasing. If they are a bit more challenging, it just makes the chase more interesting.

You can’t chase someone without saying “hello”.

@j0ey How old are you? It’s my impression that this is something that might work on the very young, but it gets old very quickly. I have zero interest in games of any kind (except perhaps the bedroom kind) in a relationship.

If you treat them mean to keep them keen,
You’ll end up getting off to a computer screen.

I have never been intentionally mean, but I’ve noticed that if I am more aloof with dating partners, they’re more solicitous and attentive towards me. If, OTOH, I am nicer and more attentive to them, they take my kindness for granted. That’s the availability principle at work. The more elusive something or someone is, the more a person wants it. Unfortunately, it seems to be part of human nature.

Me & my girlfriends would do anything for each other, but we’re all rather aggressive by nature.

We draw the blood, then treat the wound.

@j0ey – Sorry about that. But you get my point. ;-)

“And getting to know someone IS chasing them”
No, it is getting to know them.

Unless they are playing hard to get. Then you have the choice to chase.

Chase: To pursue in order to seize, overtake,to follow or devote one’s attention with the hope of attracting, winning, gaining, to drive or expel by force, threat, or harassment.

I prefer to get to know them. ;-)

@lonelydragon thats exactly what I’m talking about! THANK YOU

yay!! finally someone really understands what this conversation is about.

@augustlan I am 22.

If used on me it could be renamed….. treat em mean, get a slap in the face!

I see what you mean. Thought you were speaking of physical abuse. If you meant to be inconsiderate and neglectful than yes, is does work. Mostly for someone with no self esteem. But then why anyone would want to be with someone without any self esteem is beyond me. When I was dating (way back in the day) I broke up with a guy I was really in love with because he was inconsiderate and neglectful. I knew it meant he would never love me or respect me the way I deserved to be. He tried to get back together with me after we broke up but I couldn’t torture myself with his head games.
I think he thought it would keep me keen as well. It did for a while but at some point most people ask themselves the big question. Why am I accepting this bull? And you figure you can find someone who will treat you better.

@lonelydragon @j0ey I just don’t understand the point. What good is the attention of another if you cannot reciprocate? I want to be in a relationship with someone to SHARE myself with. If I have to maintain an aloof demeanor in order to keep their attention, what good is that attention. It doesn’t make sense to me to find someone and then have to play games with them to keep them interested. Why not keep looking till you find someone that is interested in you for who you are and what you have to offer instead of working to cater to someone’s insecurities?

@Exhausted…..the whole “treat em mean, keep em keen” when it comes to dating only actually applies for the first few weeks I have found….It’s not like your whole relationship is based on it…Although the guys that I have been with that have been like that in the beginning usually disappoint me in other ways down the line.

@j0ey EXACTLY, you just made everybody’s point.

The reason that it seems to work sometimes is I think because of the relative asymmetry in most love relationships. Even if there were a way to measure “how much in love” people are with each other (and there is no quantifiable metric or rating system for that in the first place, much less a way to measure “percent of total capacity for love”) we all know of instances where one partner is “more in love” with the other than he or she gets back.

So let’s assume that the “aloof” partner “treating the other one mean” is “less in love” than his / her more or less dominated partner. That is, one partner is so in love with the other that he or she will endure all kinds of neglect, abandonment and even abuse—in order to stay with the loved one. And the other, being “less in love”, either leaves from time to time to pursue other interests (and maybe even other partners, or just to get away) and keeps the “abused” lover at arm’s reach in general. In time, that morphs into “gimme a sammich and a beer, and keep these kids offa me so I can watch the game, and maybe I’ll ‘do ya’ later—where’s that sammich?”

I’ve never understood why someone would choose to be mean to someone they like / fancy…. seems self-defeating to me.

@JeffVader Agreed.

@JeffVader I thought I explained… it’s not always that they do treat the other person badly (I didn’t explain that so well), but… they aren’t as “in love” as the other partner, hence more aloof. A lot of these observations about “he treats her so mean, so why does she stay?” are made by third parties—not one of the principals in the relationship. Apparently, if they stay together then what they’re doing is “right for them”, even if you and I wouldn’t like it ourselves.

@Exhausted I agree with @j0ey. that the playing hard to get rule is usually applicable to the initial stages of a relationship (the first few months). If I find myself having to be aloof for a very long time, I take that as a sign that the the relationship needs to be re-evaluated.

@CyanoticWasp I think you explained it very well.