If you were engaged to someone your parents hated would you go through with the wedding?

If I were in love with the person the wedding would happen with or without the parents, but I moved away from my parent’s home over thirty years ago so…

Marry your father and cheat with your boyfriend. That’s the only way I can see to fix this.

It’s probably very important to listen to why your parents hate the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and then make your own decision. That’s what being an adult means.

It’s my life so fuck yeah do it now in a heartbeat.

It depends why they hate him. Most likely I would do what I want and get married, but many times I think parents know best. Why do your parents hate him? Or is this just a hypothetical question?

I respect their choice not to attend and I get married.

Parents should support the decisions of their children, and then be there for them if/when it turns bad.

If you are of marrying age, then ask your parents why they now question the way they raised you. They’ve had plenty of time to influence and teach your decision making abilities. Now they must sit back and enjoy the fruits of their labor.

My life, my choice. If we were in love with the lady then I’d go ahead. Of course my wife may have a problem with this.

Ultimately, what’s important is my love for her. And if I feel like marrying her is the proper decision, I’d do it with or without my parents at the event.

However, my parents have been around a lot longer than I have. They’ve dealt with more people of all types, and they’ve managed to have a successful marriage of almost 30 years. So I would ask them why they disliked my would-be wife. Perhaps with that extra knowledge I may be able to make a more informed decision about whether or not I should marry her.

Though, I would have asked them their opinion on my SO way before marriage came into the question. To wait that long to ask them seems so very ridiculous.

@JLeslie my parents hate him for something he did over 18yrs ago. My mom did some snooping and found something she didnt like that he did 18yrs ago. His’ record has been clean ever since. No problems what so ever. And 18ys ago he was only a teenager.

Time to do a little snooping on Mom. Everyone has at least 1 ghost that haunts them.

I wouldn’t let anyone else make that descision for me.You are the one who has to live with your new spouse,not your parents.

Ha! tell them to find you someone better. Until then, proceed as planned.

What do parents have to do with anything?

This is a really good question but hard too, I was in this situation during my first relationship a few years ago, and there was no changing their mind.. but the relationship ended in a way that I didn’t have to decide him or my parents, I don’t know what I would I would of done if it would of come to that but I love, and care too much about what my parents and family think, I’m sure I would end the relationship over hurting my family, From what I’ve been through and feel I know, A man will lie and hurt you, and your family is always there to make things better.

Ask your parents when they plan on Growing Up.

Then your parents should learn how to forget and forgive (or whatever that quote says). Is there any way where you can have all of them sit down and have a meeting about this(marriage problem) or would it result in more problems? If you really love this guy and your parents just don’t accept him because of what he did 18 years ago, then, you should marry this guy without your parents being there. Er, good luck! :)

It would depend why my parents hated this fellow. You say they hate him for something that happened 18 years ago. Do you know what this something is? Are you ok with his having done it? Does it have repercussions today? If it is something that requires it; has he made amends? Has he made changes in his life to keep from doing this thing again? Only you know if you are ok with his past. If you are and believe he is being 100% honest with you and are ok with whatever it is that happened, go forward with the wedding.

If you feel compelled, you could explain to your parents how you feel about the situation and about the man. It might not change their minds, but it is worth a try.

I absolutely go through with the wedding. My parents and I never had a great relationship and they never really had my best interest in mind so their opinions don’t really matter much to me.

@cyndihugs I would bring both my parents and him together. However, both kinda hate each other equally. So I am sort of afraid to have the three of them in the same room. I used to be the quite one in the family. I would always take the blame for things never speak up when something pissed me off. And I used to always listen to my parents. I don’t do that now because my fiance opened my eyes to what was going on. Needless to say my parents don’t like that.
@SuperMouse : I do know what he did 18yrs ago. I know what the circumstances behind his actions were. My parents do not as I have yet to tell my mom that I knew about his past long before she went snooping. I am at peace with what happened and had it been me I would have done the same thing. He did make amends with what happened. And yes his life has changed a lot since that happened yrs agol.

@puckbunny 18 years ago and he was a teen? How did she see his jeuvenile record anyway? Or, do yuo mean someone told her what he did? I am all for forgiving the mistakes of teenagers. It would have to be really bad for me to old onto that as a good reason. What is most important is how he treats you, and that you feel you know him well, trust him, don’t feel controlled by him, and that you both have common goals when it comes to each of your roles in marriage, money, and children.

I think you and your fiance should speak directly to your parents about his past, come clean so to speak, let him explain his state of mind at the time and why he is different now. It seems like you are not giving your parents a real chance since you and your fiance are not communicating with them about the issue.

keep in mind your parents are not trying to control you, they are worried about you.

I was, and I did.

It became clear to them why I did not have a wedding after I told them I knew they woulld be such jackasses that they wouldn’t even be there for me on my wedding day, so I didn’t bother wasting the money.

I also made it a point to mention to them that I wouldn’t have chosen any of THEIR spouses, either, but didn’t live my life around making thier lives miserable for who they chose to marry. You let it go and be happy that they have someone. Basically, it was a sit down, STFU, and consider how YOU would feel, kind of chat.

By the way, out of every member of my family who poo-pooed my choice of spouses, I am the only one of the bunch who has never been divorced. I’ve never heard another word out of them :)

@JLeslie Mom has friends in high places so to speak. She has done the same thing on most of the guys I have ever been with. When I met my fiance I was still in college at the time and raisng my son on my own. He encouraged me to keep going in my studies and would often help me on my school work if I needed it. He did meet my son a few times. But out of the best interest for my son we both deceided that we would keep the contact between him and my son to a minimum in case something did happen where he could not be apart my life as a whole. We felt that it would be easier for my son not to get attached to him than to have him get attached and upset if things really didn’t work out.

I told my parents that kids have a great sense of good and bad people. I have seen many times where my son would not go near someone or even talk to someone because he either didn’t like him/her or just wasn’t comfortable with them.

Most of us would probably go ahead and do what our heart tells us, but NEVER underestimate your parents’ views. They can often see what you cannot or will not because of your blinding love. When one day you DO see what they had seen all along it may be a bit late. I do respect free will and independence, but I really know that most times
(whether we want to admit it or not)parents are so right. They may have seen right through
your future spouse. Speaking from personal experience, they are 90% correct probably, but the truth is we all have to go ahead and make our mistakes and see for ourselves. I hope they will never have to use the phrase “I told you so!” Bear in mind what they say, whatever you decide!

Yes, I would if there is no doubt in my mind. However if a person is feeling doubltful and uses this as an excuse than they may feel something is not right and then they should postpone till they understand what its wrong. Sometimes parents simply see what the other person refuses to see. Like the person is selfish or an abuser and they know the marriage will end in failure or worse. Of course some parents just don’t like the competition or feel that no one is good enough for their baby.

Your parents aren’t the ones who have to live with your future spouse for the rest f your life. If he/she makes you happy, then do it. It’s your life, if your parents can’t understand that then too bad. That’s really unfortunate, and I understand completely how you would love to have their support. If that’s not coming from them though, then I’d still go through with it. If I’m happy, and my fiance is happy, and we’re happy together, then that’s all that really matters.
Maybe your parents will get over it eventually once they realize that they have no say in this department and that this decision is completely yours to make. Especially if it means seeing you with him/her, or not seeing you at all.

@Lothloriengaladriel: I know this sounds strange, but actually I have the opposite situation! My boyfriend is there to support me when things go to shit at home…

As it’s been mentioned above, I too would find out why they don’t like him. If that something he did 18 years ago is the only thing; and you think it’s a bullshit excuse not to like him (I do)…then go ahead with it. Send them an invite and inform them that you will be getting married; so they should be proud of it or don’t show up.

@puckbunny How old are you? He is at least 31 if he was in trouble as a teen and it has been 18 years. Not sure why you told me about your child and the relationship between your kid and boyfriend. I would not say that children are always the best barometer of who is good and who is not, but for now I am going to trust that he is good to you. Where is the father of your child?

Once youre married, I believe that you “leave” your family and make a new one. It wouldn’t be my parents sleeping next to the man and spending eternity with him.

“My mom did some snooping and found something she didnt like that he did 18yrs ago..”
You couldn’t have possibly been more vague on something that is the keystone of this question.

I’m not going to be able to give any advice before knowing what the offense was.
Did he have sex with a 14 year old?
Rob a liquor store?
Beat someone with a baseball bat?

You got to give us something and it not like anyone here knows the guy anyway.

What if he really is a bad guy?

Hold up I’m doing some math.
“18 years ago this happened when he was a teenager”. This puts him at anywhere between 31 and 37.
How old are you?

You know better than anyone as to why your parents disapprove of him. Listen to your inner voice and do what YOU know is right. Some parents are unreasonable and some love you enough to tell you when you are screwing up. Only you know the truth. Look for red flags with this guy, be honest with yourself, even if it’s the hard choice and do what YOU know is right regardless of what everyone else tells you to do.

@Captain_Fantasy I asked the same thing. I’m thinking there is more to this story.

If you are 18, listen to your parents; they have much more life experience than you do. If you are 40, ignore your parents and do what you want.

@Captain,-Fantasy I agree, there has to be something more. It sounds like he must’ve done something totally unforgiveable as a teen. Like child molestation or some really violent act that would hint that this may not be just foolish teen error. I can see if its child molestation or rape where her parents may be concerned for their grandchilds safety.
Unless it was something like he was 17 and she was 16 and she consented.
@puckbunny If children were so good at figuring out who means them harm and who doesn’t than there wouldn’t be so many children molested/rape or easily lured.
Even cautious dogs get it wrong every once in a while and they are better at reading body language.

I get the feeling punkbunny is very young and engaged to a much older guy. If this is the case, the parents are trying to desuade her from marrying someone that could have an unfair advantage in a relationship. Not that age difference relationships can’t ever work, but it my child were marrying someone much older than them, I would be concerned of the person’s motives and whether or not they had my child’s best intrests at heart.

@JLeslie I am 26. The father of my son left both of us when my son was five months old. He went back to Mexico. Just left didn’t say why or that he would be leaving. I haven’t heard from him in over 3 yrs.

@Captain_Fantasy 18 yrs ago he was protecting his brother from someone who was beating the daylights out of his him. He returned the hits. No weapons involved. He just hit the kid hard enough to knock him out. The kids parents took it as far as they could leagally anyways.

I would go ahead with the wedding. It is my life and my parents can’t control me and never could.

Unless my parents had a legitimate reason for hating him, such as him treating me poorly, I would go through with the wedding. What matters isn’t whether your parents will be happy, but whether you will be happy. After all, you’re the one that’s going to be married to him, not them. They had their chance to select a mate and plan a wedding. Now it is your turn.

I wouldn’t be able to marry someone my parents didn’t like, because usually if they don’t like someone I am dating then they have good reasons.

I’d consider it a good sign and go through with the wedding.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir lol4rl!

@SuperMouse I am completely serious…they liked my first husband, big problem…they thought I was nuts marrying Alex..he’s American, bah…he left his wife, bah…he likes philosophy, bah…and doesn’t want to be superior in the marriage, he’s gay!, bah…yeah…that’s how I knew I should marry him…because they thought I’m crazy

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I hadn’t thought about it like this before, but my dad really liked my first husband. You are probably on to something here!

@SuperMouse I’m sure it doesn’t always work…just when your views are really opposed to that of your parents, then it works…if you and your parents have a good relationship and agree on things, their hatred of your fiancee might have some value

@Simone_De_Beauvoir you are of course right, but in my case it is a pretty good plan to follow.

If your parents refuse to attend the wedding, it will be their loss.
If you throw away someone you love, it will be your loss.

You are old enough and experienced enough to make your own decisions and live with the consequences.

I would assume by 26, and having been through some crap already in life, you probably can decide for yourself. I still think both of you should sit down with your parents and try to build a trust, avoiding them will not give them any confidence in the situation.

I would guess your parents worry about your judgement in men, please dont take offense to that, I am not accusing you of bad judgment, shit happens and it is noot always predictable. But, since the first guy just took off they may be overly concerned. Did they like your first husband? Also, if your fiance is 35, they might not like the age difference? You did not tell us how old he is?

I think his record is of no consequence as long as he does not display any controlling or violent behavior now. If he is very possessive or jealous, don’t walk, run.

I hope it all works out for you. This must be very difficult. My husband’s parents were not thrilled when we got married, They did not threaten to not attend the wedding, but they tried to stop him. We have been married 17 years.

My parents loved my first husband. None of us ever seen any sign that he would leave me or his son. We had been married for three years before we had our son. So it wasn’t like it was a new relationship.

As for my fiance he is 37. When my parents first met him and was told about his age they had no problem with that.

He’s not possessive at all. A little jealous but no more than any guy I know. Ya it’s difficult to deal with this at times. However, I keep reminding my mother that she always told me that only I could make my self happy. At the moment that is what I am doing. I enjoy being with him and can see myself being with him for years to come. In time things will work out hopefully.

I wish I would have listened to my dad-who said my marriage was a BAD idea. But I was so in LOVE> Who knows you better? My dad!!!!!!