Why is it, when boys/men cry, they want to be left alone, while girls/women do, they need the opposite?

That is what I would characterize as an assumption. Guys want a time out when they cry because boys don’t cry and don’t want anyone to see them. But I would take a good firm hug every time I get that upset to shed tears.

When I cry I want to be left alone and I’m a woman.

I don’t like for people to see me cry.Ever.

In school guys get teased and are vulnerable to attack…Also It lets the other now how to hurt him better.

I think sometimes people are afraid to show their emotions as it is seen as a sign of weakness. I personally think showing emotion is a sign of strength. It is what makes us human.

That’s quite a generalisation there. My girlfriend gets really embarrassed when she cries, and even though she says she wants to be left alone she later thanks me for supporting her anyway. I don’t cry often at all (I remember every single occasion and the reason for it in the last three years), and I find that when I do I can bring it under control within a few minutes anyway so it doesn’t really matter if there are people around or not.

@FireMadeFlesh Well thats why I asked this question to see outside my own world.

woah woah woah! I think its the other way around for me, I need to be alone if I’m crying I don’t want peoples pity. You know oddly enough this sounds JUST like my relationship which I just got done venting on.I use to be like your boyfriend. You guys should both try to let go of things in the past its not healthy. I’ve learned something if people are really in love they wouldn’t let petty things get in between their relationship, they’ll work through them and figure out a solution together. They will go stronger and understand eachother better as well.

How many times have you heard parents saying things like ‘boys don’t cry’.... I mean, there’s even a film called that, just to illustrate how the saying is accepted in society. We’re taught throughout our lives that we’re not meant to cry or have displays of emotion, that it is bad for us to do that. I’m sure he feels embarrassment when you try to comfort him, he might even feel as if you’re undermining his masculinity by doing that. Don’t worry too much though, once he grows up abit, becomes more mature it wont bother him so much.

@whyigottajoin Society says big boys don’t cry, so its percieved as a weakness for men to cry. I don’t know how that figures in for women, to be honest. I say screw society. If Mark Messier can let the waterworks go at Gretzky’s and his retirement, I’m not going to be embarrassed to show my emotions. I too think it’s a sign of strength, not weakness. But everyone is different so to each his/her own way of dealing with this.

Because men think they are not being masculine when they cry… they don’t want a female to see this happen.
I am female, and I think to see a man cry is extremely masculine. They are doing something they really don’t want to do.
However I do understand why men don’t see it this way.

I wish I could remember where I saw it, but I once heard about a study that said that when women vent, or cry with each other or what not, they tend to create a sort of feedback loop, that it actually increases their stress, agitation, anger, whatever. But when men vent, they actually get it out of their system and forget it and move on, decreasing their stress. Don’t know how accurate that is, but it seems somehow related to this question.

@Snarp This certainly makes sense to me.

I don’t always want to be cuddled when I cry. It depends on why I am crying. Sometimes I want to be alone.

Men don’t always push someone else away when they cry. When they do, it is because it is difficult for them to process intense emotion, and they feel overwhelmed. Wait about 9 hours, and then offer your guy comfort.

I’ve cried before, and always want to be left alone… It’s a pride thing for me. I don’t want pity… Maybe that’s just me.

Ugh. I’m female, and if I’m crying, you’d better leave me alone.

You are assuming that all females are like you.

@marinelife you’re right, intense emotions are definitely there. I can’t speak them effectively in the moment. I’ve put my thoughts on paper to discuss later to effectively describe my thoughts and feelings.

@RandomMrdan I was being literal with the nine hours. That is how long it takes men to process intense feelings whereas women process them to the point of being able to verbalize about them much faster. Our brains are wired differently. It was really helpful to me to read that, because I stopped demanding responses to things from my husband. I now put something out, ask him to process his feelings about it, and then get back to me the next day. It works much better.

I know it is much more difficult for me to see a man cry than it is to see a woman cry. I will go out of my way to leave the man to his grief.

a man thing

Just so there’s no gray area too in all this…....for anyone who believes crying isn’t manly and men shouldn’t cry and crying for a male isn’t masculine….....that’s 100% complete bullshit all the way around. Everyone will need to and is going to cry at some point. It’s a release and it helps and it isn’t a bad thing, no matter what sex you are.

For the record, when I’ve cried in the past, I’ve done it alone. Sometimes I just need that kind of solitude for my grief.

@BoBo1946 Is it because men are embarrassed because they are crying?

@marinelife Thanks for the good advice, it was helpfull for me too. =) You’re right, and I’ll definetly work on handling the situation more like you do..

@partyparty got’cha…we all do it, but we do it in private!

Because they’re taught that way. Some people are able to transgress gender norms and be men who show emotion and women who don’t.

I want to be left alone when I cry. Are you saying I’m not a woman?

@nicobanks No absolutely not. I was just curious what it’s like for other women.

@whyigottajoin I can understand that, I just take issue with the phraseology… I know you don’t mean it, and I know I’m being nit-picky, even a degree obtuse, it’s just I always read and hear these “men are like this, women are like that” statements/questions, and they rarely apply to me, and I AM a woman (and I feel like a woman, you know? I start thinking, in other people’s eyes, I must be transgendered or something! But I’m not, I’m ALL woman. I shouldn’t take it personally, but it seems everywhere I turn I hear something like this. I get overwhelmed.)

@nicobanks It is frustrating – hence I identify as gender non conformant..but that’s just me…I don’t get statements like these either, they make no sense to me, they don’t apply to me and are therefore pointless, to me

really depends on who you ask. Sometimes i need a shoulder to cry on other times i do not. I try not to cry because as a man I am expected not to but i cant help it sometimes and im not ashamed of it.