Should I avoid all contact or not?

It sounds like what drew you together initially is gone, and you are not a good friendship fit right now (age difference; life differences). I would just no contact her again.

@marinelife I think you are right, we got on great at work, but I have other priorities now which are more important to me.

She asked a question you gave an answer. Doesn’t sound like there’s much else to say.

Sometimes life changes and we change with it. You could just tell her it was nice to see her again and catch up and that you are busy with lots of stuff for the next while.

It’s your life, and your decision, we can’t tell you what to do…

@sleepdoc She won’t take no for an answer though.

What is your reason for not wanting to go out with her at all on weekends anymore? If it is because she is just someone you are no longer interested in having a friendship with then it it may be better to not “string her along” and just let the relationship draw to an end. People change and sometimes you lose what you shared in common with someone you once enjoyed spending time with.
This may not be the case at all, but I would caution you against spending all weekend, every weekend with your boyfriend, particularly if you are now living together. I think its important to maintain your own friends and it can be good to go out from time to time seperately. A relationship can grow stale fast and co-dependence is an easy thing to fall into.when every minute is spent together. Again, not meaning to imply this applies to you!

@Dibley: If she is pushing so hard (she won’t take “no” for an answer), then you are going to have to be really firm. That will end the friendship; is that what you want?

This decision involves two people; you are one of them.

@sooz74 You are sort of right, I don’t want to go out without my boyfriend. When I did go out with her after I moved in, I didn’t enjoy myself, I was forever texting him and missing him. Plus I have been made redundant so can’t really afford it.

@gailcalled I don’t want to end it completely, just want to meet her at lunchtimes without the pressure of having to meet her at weekends.

@Dibley; Simply tell her that you are available for lunch during the week but for the time being cannot (cannot) commit your week-ends). If she asks “Why,” stay firm and say that the details are irrelevant.

@sooz74 makes a good point about not letting your boyfriend take over your entire emotional life. That makes you too dependent.

@Dibley Let me ask this. Do you want contact with her at all? Or is it just the time(s) that you don’t like?

@gailcalled I am dependent, and I like it like that.

@sleepdoc It’s just the times.

@Dibley; As you mature; you may want to forge your own person. That always makes for better love relationships.

@Dibley If that is the case, then just tell her now that your weekends are “family” time or whatever else it is you would like to term it.

I have been that place as well, reluctant to spend any time away from my boyfriend. It can be hard , but I have learned it is really important and healthy as far as the relationship goes. I was in one relationship in which I spent every minute with the boyfriend. Eventually and justifiably, he began to want some space and time for himself and his friends. I had become so reliant on spending time with him that I had great difficulty being alone. I had stopped spending time with friends I once had and and truly felt unable to cope with him even only out for an evening. This may sound extreme, but its not uncommon. It is important to find a healthy balance with your time spent with others as well as spent by yourself. Losing your ability to be independent, even when you are in a strong partnership, is a terrible thing.

@gailcalled I am anti social, and a loner. I don’t want friends.

Tell her as gently as possible that your weekends are with your boyfriend. If she wants to meet up with the two of you, then why not try this once or twice.
If it doesn’t work out then perhaps she won’t ask you again.

@pThanks. I hope so. She is only 20.

Because I answered your other question, I will answer this one. If you like her, and enjoy her company then tell her weekends is the time you get to spend with your boyfriend, but you have other times you can see her. I feel you need friends so go for it. Unless she is a pain in the ass then avoid her and toss her number in the rubbish bin!

@Just_Justine She is ok. She is completely different to me though. She can’t understand I would much rather be with my boyfriend,

@Dibley well most of my friends would rather be with their boyfriends on weekends. I could say invite her for a visit to meet him, but you don’t feel comfortable with her in that way yet. Never mind, we don’t have to explain our actions to people we don’t know too well. Don’t feel obligated to.

@Dibley – If you have told her multiple times and it’s like she doesn’t hear it then instead of not calling her just meet her for coffee and when you have her full attention make it totally clear then get up and leave her sitting there.

But make sure it’s a place you don’t go for coffee so you don’t have to avoid her all the time! Good Luck…

Sounds like your friendship is not compatible, and that she really needs someone to hang out with. I would perhaps introduce her to some people to hang out with otherwise.

just keep saying you don’t want ti

Why not just stick with lunches. It seems to be something that you both like and are able to manage.

I am anti social, and a loner. I don’t want friends.

I have a friend that (whom) I used to work with.

Are you contradicting yourself?

Use the age difference. Tell her you’ve moved to a point where going out for the sake of going out isn’t fun any more, you’re not interested in meeting guys because you met yours, and that too much loud music makes you cross these days. You’re just not fun the same way any more. But you would love to have lunch with her periodically, and hear what she’s up to because you don’t want to lose touch.

That’s setting the boundaries, and if that doesn’t work for her, then she isn’t a friend, and cut her loose.

Why not suggest other ideas? Is going “out” on Saturdays all she wants to do?

You could have get-togethers with more friends, go to the movies, go eat, go shopping together… etc.

Why dont you want friends? If you dont want friends, I suppose the quickest route to go is to blatantly tell her that you dont want a friend…

@gailcalled No, she was my only friend. I used to work with her. I think I only want to stay friends with her for information, as I much prefer to be on my own.