How do I calm down my 91 yr old Mom who is delusional?

This sounds like it is beyond your capabilities. It could be alzheimers. She should go to a doctor who can diagnose and treat her.

I don’t want to scare you, but this certainly sounds like the onset of Alzheimers.
My mother-in-law started off like this, thinking there were people knocking at her door, people living in her cellar etc.
I would get her to see her GP asap.
Sorry to be so blunt with my answer.

This type of paranoid delusion is common with the onset of cognitive deficiencies. You need to see if the dementia is organic, or just due to something exogenous, like nutrition or a hormone imbalance. You need the help of a professional to make the diagnosis.

I am so sorry to hear this it must be hard for both yourself and your mother. It is very scary for people with dementia/Alzheimers, I would recommend you getting correct assistance for her. It may just be too scary for her to stay alone now in her own home.

This little spitfire doesnt do anything against her will. Do I need her to admit there is something else going on besides her fence?? Can she? She is shutting people out. My older sister thinks she’s in charge. I’m the compassionate one. Keep up with the answers. Thanks.

a-a-a-a-a-a-lcohol.

Spoonful of peanut butter.

Will she not just go to a doctor on your request? This is potentially a disaster in the making. If she now thinks you are doing things against her, she there is no telling what will next be in her head. If she takes action according to something that she “thinks” it could end badly.

She doesn’t feel safe. Good luck with this!

There is a med (Aricept) that will slow down the Alzheimer’s or Senile Dementia for some people. My mother at 95 takes it but she has no delusional behavior; just absolutely no short-term memory.

Sadly, there is no treatment or cure for Alzheimer’s that is effective.

@gailcalled We don’t know what is causing these delusions yet. We needn’t leap directly to Alzheimer’s. The greater share of senile dementias are treatable.

She goes to doctors all the time…...they give her zoloft. I have been saying she needs something more, but can she take it, being alone. I know she does not feel safe. My sister has a room for her. She is so hard to please. and MY MOM. I just called her and told her I’m on her side and we will get through this.

My father in law is suffering with some form of cognitive loss. The other day, my MiL caught him searching the house… opening drawers… checking cupboards… she finally asked him as he was down on the floor looking under the sofa… what was it he was looking for. He looked at her a bit startled and said, ‘Us.’ He’s under the watchful eye of his doctors.

@MrGeneVan alcohol for her, or me?? I live 5 minutes from my aunt and uncle who died just a couple of years ago….and it is not easy at all. It’s pitiful to see those you respect break down. I’m so lucky my uncle kept his gown on the last time I took him dinner. My aunt didnt know anyone the last months, except me. we had some good moments of love. Now, my Mom, is so feisty…..it’s the biggest challenge yet.
I didnt go to PT today. I learned not to call her when I get up to go to the bathroom.

haha wow. tranquilizer?

wow, good luck….vote for @xRIPxTHEREVx‘s solution!

It may be her blood pressure is increasing her delusions (decreased blood flow). Two things you need to do right away.

1. Have her tested by the DMV
2. Take her to a Dr who specializede in gerontology. Have a conference after the examination

Alzheimers is just one form of senile dementia. If she is having delusions she needs to be in a safe place or with a home aid.

Put her in a straight jacket and strap her to a chair.

If she won’t go to a physician, then I would simply agree with everything she says

If there has been a sudden change or increase in the delusions, there is a possibility that they are caused by a unrinary tract infections. Surprisingly enough, these can cause delusions in elderly people. This happened to my mother and although she had dementia, caused a real increase in the delusions. UTIs are verty treatable with antibiotics. She needs to be evalauted by a physician.

I hope you find a solution. I am sending you a PM.

@cazzie Sad but kind of funny- black humor- nurse here.

take her to the doctor. he can diagnose her, and if necessary put her on an anti-anxiety med. the people that are making jokes about strapping her to chairs and alcohol are just being immature.

@dpworkin has given you the best advice of anybody on this thread.

aww shucks

Keep claim and she will be claim, the worst thing you can do is let yourself get stressed and impatient.

We keep extremely claim (sic) around my mother (95) whose live has shrunk to almost nothing because she can remember nothing. My sister and I keep her on course with dozens of post-it-notes, weekly trips to throw away magazines, newspapers, third class mail and debris, and many phone calls.

We have a lady who cleans her apartment, a nurse’s aid who checks twice a day for medicines and once a week to fill pill box, we insist she do her own laundry (which she does), we schedule and remind her to get toe nails and hair cut, we bring her small amounts of food that require no cooking, we do all her paper and financial work. We make sure she takes a shower and shampoos her hair once a week; we are happy that she has to walk a lot to get to communal dining rooms.

It helps enormously that she chose to live in a staged care community while she was still herself and able to enjoy life and be relieved of the chores.

The medical treatment for the dementia is marginally efficacious. We won’t take her off the Aricept to see whether that is true. We give her 4000 IU vitamin D3, 81 mg baby aspirin and a multi vitamin daily. She takes Fosamax for osteoporosis and Norvax for high BP.

The next horror awaiting her will be the necessity of replacing a very old pacemaker. The cardiologist bought her an extra year, but we are here now. Hospital, surgeon, general anesthesia – all bad things even for the young. We hope she will live through this, but we can’t avoid it.

@fyoz That’s fu*ked up, made me laugh. Wonder what that says about me. hahah

@Silhouette : It says that you are fortunate not to be the caretaker of an older person who has either Alzheimer’s or any form of dementia. Haha, indeed. (And I hope that the jokesters here have found the fountain of youth.)

@Silhouette lol I know right…. But thank you! I knew I couldn’t be the only one that found it hilarious!

You may need to consider that your mother needs to live in a structured environment, not alone.

She has chronic UTI and is on macrobid always…...It would be nice to think that is the problem. But she has always been quick to take offense.

i may ride to my neice’s 2 hours away with the controlling sister saturday (torture). That also means 2 hours back…..takin a boy toy with me to deflect the weirdness.

she is so upset she wont listen to where i think the photos r she wants of her fence, or the fact i’m going to the neices. It’s always all her, all the time. I have some crazy health issues myself and this is awful. and a whole nother story…...The weather is nice, except for the rain…the culprit in her trouble.

Oh – I didn’t mean to imply that that was my mother’s only problem; there are several, including narcissism and dementia. But the UTI did cause a spike in the delusions, as did stopping her meds on her own.

@gailcalled Au contraire mon frere, I care for both my parents and they have Alzheimers symptoms. I find any humor in these situations help make the unbearable, bearable. Maybe it doesn’t work that way for you.

i think something important is with anybody who is not what they call “self directing” you need to take her money out of her name, or take away her power to write checks. you don’t want some predator coming along and befriending her and getting her to sign over her bank account or anything else of value.

@janbb….thanks @Silhouette it’s very important it try to find humor.
@ice my sister has POA and my mother will not give up writing checks. She was business owner and loves doing her books. They balance to the penny. i talk to her twice a day and I know what she is up to. She doesnt drive far and is a fairly good driver….she doesnt text, and pays good attention….drives better than some…..
The problem is her ears, the sounds, have elevated into hoses and water over her fence.
always an issue, since she got a letter saying she cant cross her side of fence, years ago. Her obsession. we all know they are obsessions. she doesnt. hate to be defensive, but she is my Mom. we all can be obsessive….
I’m worried about the physical effects. this woman is spunky.

Another issue she is a control freak…..along with my sister…...giving up control for her????? I need to get her to understand I’m there for her. I have sacrificed alot to keep her as content as possible. My aunt and uncle both died at home. She is an Aries.

I’m the baby at 48…..the compassionate one who people dont listen to. Not on the power trip.on the peace train.

so is that a way to get her to know, she is safe. all is good.?? will aricept do it? and how to get her there??

@jazmina88 You have to realize the difficulties will never get better, this is a downhill course. You describe her as spunky but maybe it is something less benign. Maybe it is resistence to necessary change because she is afraid of her increasing confusion. It got to the point with my mother that she accused us of stealing from her and accused public officials of conspiracies against her. She became a nuisance to her neighbors and her condo association was threatening to dispossess her. Adult protective services was no help and we even tried to hire private social workers.

She was a month from being homeless when she fell and broke her hip and was hospitalized. When medical people could see her behavior her condition became obvious. She lived another 5 years, after 2 she could no longer recognize family and became violent. That’s what stubborn and controlling can turn into.

@galileogirl How horrible.!! You hit it right on the head. I hate for her to be so miserable instead of enjoying her twilight. I love her so much. She is afraid of her confusion, but she has always been spunky since before I was born.
this is a hard situation…...and it is going to get worse. Trying to keep relationship and her trust is a big issue. I guess I’ll take it day as it comes and keep on praying.

It is my understanding tha Aricept only helps alleviate some of the memory loss duirng the early stages of Alzhiemer’s. It sounds like your mother may be suffering from a cocktail of issues, like my Mom is, mood swings, delusions, etc. She really needs evaluation by a gerontologist and probably a psychiatrist. Try to find a way to get her there. There may be mood levelers, anti-psychotics, memory enhancers she can be on, but she has to be seen and diagnosed. (My Mom was also a business owner, by the way, who would pour and pour over her bank balances in the later years.) Good luck with it!

@janbb: I appreciate your input. My mother’s primary care doctor told us about the maybe/maybe not issues of Aricept, but that’s all there is available.

Luckily my mother has no mood swings, is not delusional and as long as her life is kept very simple and routinized, she does fine. My sister and I are the little tug boats that keep the ship on course.

We have tried to suggest anti-depressants but Ma says no. Your mother sounds like a more serious challenge. (We threw away all unsafe shoes and force her to wear black support sneakers…she is now docile about that.) She uses the walker for all activities outside her apartment and has easy- to-don clothing. When we pop in, she is wearing earrings and lipstick and knows who we are.

She stops at the community library and sometimes reads the same books twice; she also reads the local paper daily.

@gailcalled I was responding more to @jazmina88‘s description and issues than yours. Your Mom definitely sounds more functional than either of ours. And of course, as always, I am just speaking out of my own experience.

if someone is agitated and violent the doctor can always up the meds. otherwise the patient will have trouble keeping hired help for the house, and if they go into a nursing home the home will medicate them so they are not a danger to the workers or to themselves.

Well, she is much better this week…..still complainin about her fence…...but stopped the cryin. Thanks for the support, my flutherites. Til the next round.

My MIL became delusional to the point she was naked in the hallway of the NH. They put her on Zyprexa which made it worse. She too was talking to an imaginary guy under her bed. Claimed to be at a basketball game. It seems to me that this all really began when her husband died. Your mom needs to have a 24 hr caretaker. In time, you’ll see this clearly . Good luck to you.

I figure out last nite the planes are UPS, which my sister is higher management.