Any suggestions on how to stop a nervous, self-mutilating habit?

I don’t know how to be directly helpful, in that I don’t really know exactly how it happened, but from the age of 5 I bit my nails to the quick – they always hurt, they always bled, and I couldn’t even hold a pencil right. But somehow at, age 45, I stopped. I just stopped, and never bit them again. Maybe you will find that encouraging.

There are certain aversion techniques you can try such as wearing a rubber band on your wrist and pinging yourself every time you get the urge. However, it might be worth going for some short term counseling to see if there is a more effective way to stop the behavior. If you are in school or university, maybe you could go to your counseling center for a referral.

@janbb funny enough I am a counselor. I know all the techniques, but the mindlessness is what I struggle with.

@KhiaKarma Maybe a nice™ DBT seminar with Marsha Linehan would help.

To rid yourself of a nervous habit, you have to resolve the underlying cause – stop being nervous. That is invariably very difficult to do without assistance.

I have the same issue with mindless Fluthering; I’m only half-joking!

@dpworkin probably would…I love the DBT concepts of mindfulness and distraction/soothing techniques.

@DarkScribe you mean I actually might have to take time for myself to address my own issues? :)~

Sounds like a case of physician, heal thyself.

It’s good for your practice, too. You have DBT training on your resume you can raise your prices.

@janbb for rizzle—although I really don’t “feel” nervous…
@dpworkin It is encouraging that you just quit, but I would like to stop before 45. People always think I am younger than I am and I know that part of it is probably that I am fidgety or am always picking.

Maybe you can try subsituting a less invasive tic, like a little pinch? But I think that some directed therapuetic apporach as @dpworkin suggests is the way to go.

@KhiaKarma you mean I actually might have to take time for myself to address my own issues? :)~

No. I mean you need to get some skilled external help. Having counseling experience is of little use in this instance. Psychiatrists and Psychologists generally have others they rely on for personal issues or counseling – in many places it is law, required for them to maintain their license.

This suggestion may sound weird but I have seen it work. It can’t really be used while you are in public and maybe not even in a work environment. But it can be used at home.

Part of your problem is that by now you have “muscle memory”. It feels perfectly normal for your limbs to be raising your hands up to be bitten or to pluck back without a single conscious thought. After this long of a time it is more than a habit and is a learned reflex. So, one way to help break it is to restrain your arm movements. You can secure a cord to your wrists and waist in various ways so that you can use your arms for basic tasks but when you go to bring them up to your mouth, they will be stopped by the restraints. After awhile, this will start to break the reflexive movement. This isn’t an immediate cure all and it won’t necessarily relieve your underlying nervousness, but it will help the muscles to “unlearn” what you have taught them.

Be careful, though, because walking around this way will inevitably restrict your freedome of movement. If you fall, it will be more difficult to use your hands to break your fall, thus increasing the risk of injury. I am not saying this is a big risk, just one you need to be aware of and take into account. I suppose it might be safer to use elastic restraints that will tug at your arms when you try to bring them up to your mouth rather than stop them outright.

Good luck.

@DarkScribe yeah, I understood. And actually had to do some work of my own with another counselor when in school. I feel so busy, that I have no idea when I would fit it in——which may be more the reason to make the time.

@semblance that probably would be really helpful, I had the idea to maybe rubberband my finders to start with when watching tv or reading, etc——can’t do that when fluthering, though! :)

Have you talked to the doctor?maybe using an anti-anxiety med for a short tome would help.

Anti anxiety meds usually get in the way of dealing with anxiety.

@dpworkin, it could give her a break for a bit to heal and step back and find her coping skills. Sometimes it’s hard to see solutions clearly when you’re overwhelmed with anxeity.

There are better ways to deal with anxiety. Anxiolitics tend to prolong anxiety, rather than to offer people a break.

I agree with @janbb and as a counselor you probably know this yourself but really the idea is to bring attention to the behavior. So even if you don’t catch yourself every time you need to start being actively conscious of if you are doing it or not. You may set your watch to go off every hour or two and at that time think about if you are doing it or not. This just triggers your consciousness of the activity. Once you have that going you may need to continue and use some aversion techniques like the rubber band on the wrist.

I used to curse horribly. I was not aware of it all the time. To stop I simply started counting every time I cursed. It made me aware of it enough that I was able to stop.

@dpworkin; my daughter would greatly disagree with you. Sometimes it’s just chemical. She has panic attacks where she just freezes for no reason. The meds help her in less than an hour. It happens a couple of times a month.

Panic attacks and generalized anxiety are two entirely different syndromes. In panic attacks or panic disorder, anxiolitics are the preferred treatment. I guess we agree.

we usually do :-)

This will seem like a flip answer and it sort of is, but there is a point to it, but if you can relax, then it won’t be a nervous self-mutilating habit.

Yeah, seems flip, right?

But seriously, if you can relax, then you can probably stop doing that, too. So I would look into learning relaxation techniques.

that’s what we meant by CBT, @CyanoticWasp

@Judi I have nothing against meds, and have actually had a couple of rounds of antidepressants in the past (clean and clear now!) My body acts out in the weirdest ways when I don’t even think I am stressed. I sometimes even have heart palpitaions (when I have a lot going on in my life) I just don’t think it is intense enough for me to go back on medication. I like the behavioral approach for this particular problem, but may consider investing some of my time in personal counseling. Possibly…..

Thanks everyone! Lots of great ideas and feedback!

@dpworkin thanks, but that’s an acronym (CBT or DBT?) that I’m not familiar with.

I hadn’t even read most of the other responses, either, or I would have seen that @DarkScribe already had my answer.

It’s a form of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (Called Dialectical BT) that among many other things emphasizes self-calming techniques.

@CyanoticWasp I do need to chillax. I keep thinking how ironic it is because I was just talking to a client today about relaxation techniques. Well, maybe I need to live what I preach. Speaking of….time to get on my exercise ball! That’s definitely my relaxation!

Maybe try applying vaseline constantly to your lips so theres nothing to pick at, meanwhile work on the relaxation techniques or CBT etc.