What would be an inappropriate thing to say to passengers on a plane during turbulence?
Asked by
ucme (
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March 26th, 2010
Yeah remain calm, everything is normal, nothing to concern yourself about.Those would be the reasonable things to say to allay any fears amongst the good folk.What if the person in charge had a wicked sense of humour,or was just “plane” stoopid?What would be the last thing you would want to hear given those circumstances?
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55 Answers
oh shit! followed by prayers…
if ya got’em smoke’em
this won’t end well
after a particularly hard jolt…
pilot: well, I’ve never seen this before? what do you think it means?
copilot: idk, but i don’t think it should be doing that.
a particularly evil pilot might just tip the nose forward a bit.
How about “Don’t worry—I survived the last crash caused by weather like this.”?
May I have your attention.
The captain just crapped his pants.
Please put your trays and seats in their upright position.
If you have not written a will yet, it might be too late.
The good news is that if the plane goes low enough you would have wireless signal to call your loved ones.
It’s everyone for him or herself!
I never imagined I would die by spiralling down to earth in a fiery hell.
It is not uncommon that a plane would drop 500 feet within 3 seconds during turbulence like this.
Tommy do you like Gladiator movies?
There’s a gremlin on the wing!
“Well, there goes engine number one. I hope the other stays functional for a while longer!”
I hate flying and on one flight, I sat next to this particularly dishy guy. He was British and super hot. We chatted a bit before take off and I confided in him that I was a bad “flyer”. Anyway, during take off, the plane jolted in a very odd fashion and of course he saw my fright and said “I have that effect on women”. It was just so funny, at the time. He was so nice, and that kind of diffused the situation for me.
“Have you ever thought of what your epitaph should be?”
WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!! lol
Talking them them about metal fatigue and explosive decompression.
Or if you’re a pilot, saying anything less understated than this: “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them under control. I trust you are not in too much distress.” BA flight 009
Feign a female voice and say “This is the head stewardess. The pilot and copilot just died from food poisoning. But don’t worry guys, I can do this!”
I’ll never be over Macho Grande!
Don’t panic! The pilot is doing a great job for his first flight.
Do you smell smoke?
@ucme -I’m going to wear a BIG -ASS diaper !!
because I want to
:))
so there
Have no fear ladies and gentlemen, I was 12th in Scully’s class!
“How do I land this thing again?”
Don’t know if it’s gonna make you feel better, but i expect we’re all gonna star in an episode of NatGeo’s – Air Crash Investigation.
@ucme looks like I picked a bad day to give up_______________
Captain – “Would everyone who can swim please go to the left side of the plane? All those who cannot swim, thank you for flying Eastern Airlines.”
Pan Am Captain – “So this is what it feels like, flying into obscurity.”
ALMA de México Pilot – ¿cuál la cogida era ésa?
Emirates Airline Pilot – “No, you infidel! This is OUR plane!”
JetBlue Airways Pilot – “The cargo hold is the safest part of the plane!”
China Airlines Pilot – “Please secure all pets until the galley can properly prepare them.”
Avianca Pilot – “Damn, that turbulence sure kicked up a lot of whitish dust, but my sinuses are so clear now!”
Braniff Airlines Pilot – “I hope we can clear this rough patch. I have some totally kick ass plans for this money!”
Caribbean Sun Pilot – No worries, mon! You put de lime in de coconut…...”
Centennial Airlines Pilot – “It’s okay. They didn’t have long terms plans for this airline, anyway.”
Hooters Air Pilot – “In case we can’t get through this, please use your attendant as a flotation device.”
To the flight attendant: Where’s my double scotch?!?... while you’re back there make that 2.
Everything will be okay if we land.
“Man, I hope this doesn’t set off the bomb in my shoe.”
Good: Hold on! This will pass!
Bad: I think there’s something on the wing!!!
@Symbeline which reminds me of a story.
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails.
Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril,and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He was gourgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle,unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman,and whispers: Iron this…
or…
I was on another Trans-Atlantic flight from New York to Paris, where we were taking a 747 through bad weather. A lightning bolt shot from the clouds and knocked out an engine.
The pilot got on the intercom and reassured us, “Ah, folks, this Boeing 747 is built with so much redundancy that the loss of an engine is no problem at all. We won’t even have to turn back to New York. We’ll get to Paris just fine on three engines, but because of our reduced speed and altitude it will take a little longer, and we may be an hour late on arrival in Paris. I’ve instructed the cabin attendants to offer everyone a free drink for the inconvenience.”
No sooner does he finish this speech and the drink orders are being given, than another lightning bolt knocks out another engine. The captain spoke again. “Folks, I promise you that we’re going to get to Paris. Since we’ve passed the halfway point in our journey, we won’t be turning back, but I assure you that the plane is so safe that we could fly with even this loss of power. However, our speed will be reduced considerably, and we may be as much as three hours late to Paris. Please try to make yourselves comfortable while we press on.”
Not long after this a mechanical problem developed with one of the two remaining engines, and it flamed out, requiring shutdown to avoid damage to the wing. The captain, again: “Ladies and gentlemen, I know this looks bad, but the plane is so reliable that we can still make our destination even given the latest problem. The big problem is that we’ll be more than four hours late on arrival. I suggest that you try to get some sleep while we continue on our way.”
At this point the blonde next to me complained, “I sure hope nothing happens to that last engine, or it will take us forever to get to Paris.”
Has anybody seen my pet rattler?
“HOLY SHIT!!!! WE’RE GONNA CRASH!!!!!!
We’re probably going to be OK.
Don’t worry, these planes are perfectly safe!
“Death to the infidels! Allah be praised!”
“Okay, Herb, you better turn on the black box!”
“I told you not to piss off that mechanic!”
Fasten your seat belts! It’s going to be a bumpy night!
“Good afternoon folks, this is your pilot speaking. We’ve just turned into a 200 ton glider due to our engines not cooperating like they should because the turbulence knocked them out. With that in mind, this aircraft now has the flight characteristics of a rock. When we belly flop in about 3 minutes, calmly make your way to the emergency exits if you’re still conscious and if there is any semblance of an aircraft left. Thank you for your attention and have a nice day.”
“Attention, ladies and gentlemen; your attention, please. There is absolutely no cause for alarm. The wings are not on fire.”
I wonder if they could land this plane in the Hudson?
smiles happily “welp, looks like this is the end for you guys, but luckily i’ve bought with me a parachute, later.” salutes and jumps from the plane
-After lots of shaking.
“There is absolutly nothing wrong”
To be said by young child looking out window:
“Oh boy! Mount Rushmore! There’s Abraham Lincoln!”
That the vast majority of air travel disasters happen right after take off or before landing. That’s what told my daughter during one of our transatlantic flights. Oddly enough it didn’t really reassure her.
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