NSFW Under what circumstances would you turn down, or accept a direct offer of sex with someone you are not in a committed relationship with?

My minimum qualifications are a committed relationship and a minister who just pronounced us man and wife. A nice rock wouldn’t go amiss.

I’ve known him at least 4 days.

Have no interest whatsoever in casual sex

I did this several times in younger years, and almost always regretted it, but those times I took them up on the offer, I regretted it too.
Today, for me to break my marriage vows, it would have to involve my saving the world by porking Natalie Portman.

I highly doubt I would ever have sex with someone I’m not in a committed relationship with. I’ve fooled around without being in a relationship but it was always with someone I had known for a long time and found trustworthy.

Just my physical preferences and to not have any STDs. I am actually surprised people are saying they wouldn’t be interested in a casual romp, very strange…...

@filmfann “porking Natalie Portman” hehe GA

Ahh, I am betrothed to my beloved therefore couldn’t possibly entertain any notion of sex with any other.For Angelina Jolie I may be persuaded to make an exception,perhaps one day who knows. Oh okay yes i fucking would, there I said it so what!!!

Given that I waited until I was 40 for even a kiss, I’d say I’d not do sex outside a committed relationship. Aris is all I have ever wanted. I am not interested in anything more. Even if I were not in a relationship with him, I’d not be with someone else, unless the feelings I have for Aris were there. Then it would be a committed relationship.

Hugh Jackman? Oh yes. John Cusack? Oh yes. But I have a vivid fantasy life.

Now that Sandra Bullock is soon to be available I could be forced into it! ;)

@ankeyshaenim What?! I have to ask, why? Did you have a sex drive at all for the majority of your life?

Ummm, I guess if they were attractive & could hold a conversation…. & were clean.

Before I was married I would often have “fun only” flings, but since marriage I have turned them all down. I have had a few offers over the years, but I have never regretted refusing.

If she refuses to pay me in advance.

So, I can believe these denials from the ladies, but guys, if a very beautiful woman approached you and was very attracted to you, and requested to see you sometime…and you were not in a relationship, and you saw her maybe twice, and she just came out with a request for sex, you say yes or no. Ladies please substitute male nouns and pronouns in the last sentence if you’d like to answer.

Turn down = Looser

Accept = Winner

Turn it down????
So long as she was a female attractive to me all she had to do would be ask!! :-/ I’m open 24hrs, Lol…..
BTW anyone else getting mixed profile pics on here today or is it just me??

I’ve never been able to have casual sex without some kinf of relationship. I literally don’t get physically turned on unless there’s an emotional connection. I’ve tried it to see if I could break myself of it, but it just felt mechanical and hollow.

I live in a small town and work with children. It would have to be out of town. And she would have to be aggressive. I tend to be shy. Then I would say yes.

@benscoobydrewim Its an April Fools from the mods

The fellow and I would have to be, at least, in a publicly acknowledged romantic relationship before having a romp. But that’s just me.

@benjeffvaderimew

Thank goodness for that!! bit late on me it’s past 17.00 0ver here! :-/

He actually looks a bit like me before I went grey Lol… maybe just the beard Lol….

Yuck… just not interested at all… never

It’s funny, most of the men here are like “oh hell yeah, casual sex for me”, and the women are like, “no, I wait for commitment and emotional involvement”. Oh dear, now I can see why the divorce rate is nearly 50%...

@benhtdcimew Indeed.

@timblackberryewen AKA @Blackberry Yes, I had a sex drive, but I just don’t see the value in casual sex. To me, if a person has sex outside of a committed relationship, they are just being had. And before Aris, I never found anyone that interested me enough, that was interested in me enough, to have a relationship.

If I can’t see spending the rest of my life with someone, the commitment is not there.

No vd and not missing too many body parts.

What would the point be? Another orgasm? Your capacity for orgasms, self-generated or otherwise is virtually unlimited. What else could it do for you? Are you that experience starved? I find all sexual activity outside the context of a loving, committed relationship to be a crashing bore. (I have no moral objections at all, who cares what people do with their own bodies in a consensual situation?)

I think what the female contingent is trying to say is that we have a sex drive but are not ruled by it. If I’m so horny that i can’t sleep, well, I have options that do not include casual sex with a stranger and losing my self respect. Because yes actually, I do have respect for myself and knowingly giving my body to a man who doesn’t love me would diminish that.
The fact that I’ve been fooled, lied to, and tricked into giving myself away to a man who holds me in no value or esteem hurts badly enough.

Does a FWB count as a “direct offer of sex”?

It’s still mind-boggling how different men and women are…....We know how we are different, but it’s still so hard to fathom lol.

I’d have to want them. And I’d have to talk to Alex about it. That’s pretty much it.

I put no importance of sex whatsoever to me it’s all overrated.

“It’s still mind-boggling how different men and women are”

How so? THe man cant get a booty call without a woman. For this example.

SO the woman is also doing it.

@timchazmazendrew Oh yes of course, it was just a general comment. It’s hard to understand how one can take sex so seriously is all. I understand wanting to respect yourself at all, but I get the notion that some feel sex is degrading almost unless you have an emotional attachment? I don’t have a problem with it, it’s a great idea, but I’m personally having trouble grasping the concept at the same time.

It is one of those outside looking in things. :-)

You have to be in it or close to it. To grasp it.

That is why a lot of important issues get pushed aside.

@anchazmazimen Yes I think that is why. And your last sentence makes a lot of sense too.

@chazmaz What is FWB? I know I’m going to regret asking this.

Friends With Benefits.

@dpworkin : Yes. Yes I am that experience-starved, actually.

If a girl wanted to have sex with me after meeting me twice, I’d figure there was something wrong with her. Most likely she’s a bit crazy and unstable. I’d figure there would be complications if I did sleep with her.

Anyway, I’m not interested in anonymous sex. I’m interested in love. Sex in the context of being in love or falling in love is amazing. It says something about each other. Sex for sex’ sake is about a contentless orgasm.

@anfenrisimen Get yourself some AstroGlide, a kleenex and a copy of Maxim.

That’s actually a pretty tough call for me. On one hand, I love the feel of a woman’s body in my arms. If she offerred to make out with me, but no sex, I’m there in an instant. I put a lot of importance in a connection before sex, so I’d have to feel something towards her. I don’t think I would take her up on the offer if I didn’t feel a connection. I would have to play it by ear and go with my gut.

I would accept only if it would be saving the lives of a train, plane, bus, or large room full of children.

I would turn down any and everyone but this guy, as long as I was breathing air, and the sky was a shade of blue or grey.

@anadirondackwannabeimen “Play it by ear and go with my gut” – Too many mixed metaphors there, my tall friend.

@anwundayattaen I’ve slept with people after meeting them once – it was good times and there is nothing wrong me.

@anjanbben I realized how corny that sounded as I composed it. What can I say, I ‘m a product of public schools.

@timadirondackwannabeenew S’okay. You are forgiven.

Why not just masturbate? Self gratification and you’re not worried about STD’s.

Hey, now there’s an idea.

Wonder who thought if it first?

Turn it down if I didn’t find him particularly attractive or I felt threatened in someway.
Accept if I’ve at least met them before and feel comfortable in the situation. alcohol helps too..

“Why not just masturbate? ”

It is great. But it gets old. If you do it long enough. You start dating your hand.
Metaphorically speaking.

My “rules” are quite complicated and I don’t think I could easily define them. But yes I would do it, and have done it several times, as a one time thing.

“and have done it several times, as a one time thing.”

LOL!!!

@benchazmazim well… I meant on several occasions, with different people…

I can’t see breaking my vows… especially at this point in my life.

chemistry…..makes me wanna go wild.

Turn downs- I do it a lot because I’m not interested in casual sex.

Prior to marriage, I probably should have had some higher standards. I would never accept an offer while married.

If we’ve spoken, I feel an attraction, get a sense he knows how to work and use what he has, he isn’t married, engaged or has an SO (not always verifiable), I’m not in a relationship? Yep, quick as lightning.

@casheroo

I’m in agreement with that. Thinking back between serious relationships, I can’t think of any sexual partner who wasn’t disappointing in comparison to the outstanding sex I’ve had with an exclusive partner. I seriously think that’s why I’m a serial monogamist, the sex is just too good.

No lengthy rap sheets, priests (The Thornbirds, anyone?), married/engaged, stalker-type mentality, poor manners, slovenly, egotistical, sadistic, masochistic.

Minimum requirements: A mutual attraction, clean, carries himself well, respectful, responsible, friends, not a stranger.

I take it pretty dang seriously. I’m afraid of being drugged or killed by a stranger, so they’re out. A girlfriend of mine had her drink laed with Rohipnol in a dance club we used to frequent. That scared me to death. I can’t have sex without an emotional bond of some sort. I feel like I might as well be paid if the person is a stranger. On rare occasion, I’ve had sex with a friend.

These things would apply if I weren’t married. I won’t break my vows.

I have a weakness for strong dominant women! :-/ so I’m pretty vacant!!!

@an-Scooby-im Poor Scooby! We don’t like vacancies, either. We can hear the echos when whispering sweet nothings into your ear :)

Huh! :-/
most people I know prefer to talk to themselves! ;-) in the mirror!

Bahahaha!!

@an-phillis-im

S’true! ;-)

Accept an offer?

She must have a pulse.

As a young adult, I had a few casual encounters, in between commited relationships, but always felt very dissatisfied afterwards. I grew up very religious and felt I should be married to have sex. I found myself divorced later in life and decided not to jump back into a relationship, but to enjoy my freedom. I was single for 5 years and enjoyed every minute of it. I had no regrets and no guilt. I did get to know someone first, no sex on the first date. I just dated them until I felt comfortable enough to proceed to a sexual experience. I made it clear, I was only dating and not ready for a serious relationship and found it interesting how many men were not interested in casual sex. It was a great experience. Now I am happily married and would never have sex outside my commentment. I can say I have never had sex outside of a commited relationship.

…...12 months ago:
“Helllll yeah! You’re kinda hot, lets have meaningless, awkward, usually no orgasm for me sex!!!”

…....Now:
“Unless you are a Dave Grohl look a like, who will wine and dine me for a least a month after and give me multiple orgasms….I am keeping my lady garden out of bounds”

You live and you learn…..

Lady garden?

Did you want to plant seeds, or just till the soil?

It surprises me that women consider having sex with a man without a committment, being used. Maybe I’m outside the norm, but I have yearnings and desires and want sex just like a man does and I don’t see how sex between two willing adults can be one-sided. I did not want to be married until I found someone that was right for me and I did not intend to go without sex until that happened.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir If I were to meet you, and you wanted to sleep with me on the first date, I’d wonder what was wrong with you. No one has ever done this to me, so it’s all theoretical, anyway.

If I met a guy that I connected with on a certain level & knew I wasn’t going to be bumping into him every five minutes, then I might consider sleeping with him. It’d depend on the level of attraction, etc. I’m obviously talking about more than physical appearances here.

I can’t imagine turning down a romp with a member of the opposite sex for any reason other than, say, they’re a zombie dripping limbs as they shuffle along…

—Hungry Guy

I experimented a couple of time with casual sex before I met my current husband, but it turned out to be totally boring.

Well, at least you had the experience once or twice :-)

@wundayatta oh so this is more about your low self-esteem…I get that…I don’t know if I were to meet you what would happen

I consider it very serious. I haven’t always. I had my share of one night stands in my younger days that I would probably account on my drinking and low self esteem. Not necessarily the case for all people though and just because someone doesn’t see sex as more than just the physical act of getting off with one night stands or strangers doesn’t mean they have low self esteem or a substance problem. It all depends on the person.

I wouldn’t have a one night stand now or sleep with someone I am not in a relationship. Now, for me it is more than just getting off, I prefer a deeper connection (not to say there are times when I just want to fuck, but I want it to be with someone whom I have a deeper connection with).

Y’all all seem to like discussing it just fine!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir If we were on a first date, and you said lets go for it, I’d say wow.

@Adirondackwannabe that is sweet, thank you

And, @Adirondackwannabe you would be one lucky bastard!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I guess it is about my self esteem. I guess I need to trust someone before I sleep with them, and to trust someone I have to feel like I know things about them—important things. That generally can’t be done in one date.

As to meeting me, I’m pretty sure that you’d enjoy hanging out with me, although it would probably be a bit contentious. We don’t seem to see things much the same way, and sometimes you don’t get my humor, which is never a positive sign. I don’t think you would feel any burning desire for anything besides a beer at the pub. Or wherever you people in Brooklyn hang out these days.

In my present mental state, I would decline any offer, not that any are likely to be forthcoming. In my previous life I was utterly loyal to my lady. We would sometimes do menage a trois, but only at her initiation and participation. To this old dinosaur, the sex act is inextricably tied to love, or at least a deep affection. When I was young and (more) stupid, I went with a few pros, but always felt terrible afterward, having used a person as a object.

@j0ey Hahahahahaha….... ladygarden :)

Sure i mean if i was man or woman and they were cute go have fun dont tie yourself down im a good woman but i like to have fun and if the guy is hot he can buy me drinks and kiss him id maybe go home with him