General Question
I feel like I missed out on something really great with him JUST LAST NIGHT,because I was too afraid, how do I deal with my feelings of regret?
This is a teensy bit long.. think of it like some really bad romance story. (not as bad as twilight..but uh yeah ahahaha)
I ended up late last night stranded in North London, as I had lost my bus pass, I had no money and my phone was conveniently dead.. the friends I had been with all night had left about 20 minutes before. I had no idea what to do, the one bus that actually turned up had an uptight bitch of a female driver (usually flirt like hell with the men and get a free ride)
about 34908340 million murderers, rapists and crackheads in that square mile ALONE.
1 of him.
Who was i more likely to run into?
Someone who I have wanted for so long, happened to live right around there, I’m not familiar with the area so there is no way I could have known, he just turned up shopping bags in hand and asked me what the bloody hell i was doing there.
it was a relief after standing out in the cold for so long to have some company and we got down to our usual flirting and banter, i told him what had happened. i asked him if i could borrow some money for a train ticket, he told me he couldn’t in his right mind let me go home on public transport that time of night. i asked him what WOULD he let me do, he offered me a lift home, which was really rather sweet (by the way i trust this man, he is gentleman and just, lovely, i know you could say that no one is as they seem, dont trust anyone you dont know very well, but you talk to him for 20 seconds and you know. you just know. good morals run in his veins)
i eventually accepted and he said he needed to put his groceries away and that i looked freezing, offered me a cup of tea etc.
he has this luxury apartment in this gorgeous building, i was taken aback to be honest. his parents paid for it of course as he is still a student. we sat there chatting, sipping tea, i told him how i probably had to be dropped at a friends for the night, because my parents wouldnt want me back this late. he told me he didnt understand why i had such trouble with life, that i was such a funny, beautiful, charming girl and that i’d go far. i told him my ego had hit the ceiling, laughed it off when he had clearly meant more by it. what i had always wanted from him.
nothing happened.
and i so wanted it to. but i was scared.
it was so wonderful from the moment he turned up to the moment he dropped me off.
including the drive home, it was a laugh. i felt content with him.
but i feel like i missed my window, at his apartment. like i could’ve gone for it, that i should have. even just a kiss. but everything was just an almost, like always.
so now that whole wonderful time is ruined by this feeling of loss.
it is really pushing me down, i’m not going to see him for a few weeks now. and i feel like we really got somewhere last night. that i was given my chance by some freak happening and i missed it. and that by the time i see him again he’ll have forgotten it, the heat of it will have faded and we will be right back where we started. how do i stop feeling hopeless?
also what do i do when i see him again? there is no chance i will ever get time like that alone with him again, life is just too difficult right now… trying to get into medicine.. just, too much right now.
what if he thinks im not interested and doesn’t bother anymore?!
i am just
god all over the place, i dont know any piece of advice would do i know this is quite an ambiguous question.
thanks in advance, especially if you read it all :)
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