I have a 49 yr. old female gardner. She is a single mom of a 9 yr. I just found out she is a drug user. I don't know anything about drugs. Should I keep her working for me?

Suggest that she try to get some assisstance. or if your really worried about the boy call social services.

Call social services or terminate her. If she is hiding drugs on your property, you could be the one with the big legal bills.

i don’t understand “she needs to make up her last time so we can get even again.” does that mean she did not do the work to make up the first $30? then why would you give her more money if she still did not work off the first?

i would call DSS – if you talk to her about it she’s liable to do something spiteful.

what kind of drugs do you think she’s doing? what makes you think she’s doing drugs?

I really od feel for her at this moment. This is a tough decision, because the family ties could be lost, considering what the poor 9 year old could do, but drugs is a big deal. What drugs, and how do you have the proof? Before you call social workers and child support people, check out what’s really going on in this family before you get into the bigger actions. Good luck!

Depending on the proof you’ve got, meaning, hard evidence, I would do the right thing and call DFCS/CPS or whatever it’s called in your area. The child may be a polite young man right now, but that could easily change in a couple of years. So far, every single adult around him has failed him. Please don’t be one of those people.

How do you know she is on drugs?

It sounds like she is not doing the job you hired her for. That is reason to fire her, but you should stay out of her personal life.

If she can’t do her job well, let her go. If she can, let her stay. If you see her doing something illegal, tell her not to do it on your property. Her begging you on behalf of your boy is another matter entirely…

Honestly, if she’s just smoking a joint once in a while I wouldn’t care. If she’s doing something really addictive, like coke or heroin, I’d worry about theft.

@evandad Careful with that. Depending on where you live and/or what your job is, failure to report suspected child neglect/endangerment can be a felony.

If you notify DSS, they are supposed to do an investigation. It does not mean the boy will automatically get taken from his mother. Or that the mom will be busted for anything.

First of all, I think she thought I might be an easy hit. But, she found out I was not. She needs to work for the $30 I advanced her. I will not advance anymore.
As far as her caring for the boy. She appears to be a good mother, as she attends all of his baseball games and anything he is doing. She told me up front when we hired her, that her son comes first in her life. I have watched her react with him. She is quite strict especially with his manners.
As for the drugs, how do I know? Yesterday, she was saying something about stress for something and then said that would call for a drink. I jokingly said ” You little alcoholic you.” She laughed and said, I don’t drink anymore, well not much anyway. Then went on to say, I don’t do drugs anymore either. My drug of choice was marijuana. But, I haven’t done any of that since my boy was born.
My son came for a visit, he has rehabbed a number of people and knows the signs of using. It was his opinion that she is still using.

So you are assuming. Just fire her. Why are you asking? It seems you already have it all figured out.

Have you ever thought of the liability you have with letting her continue to work for you? now that you have knowledge of her drug useage, a drive-by shooting could occur and place you squarely into a civil lawsuit.

I think you knew the answer to your own question.

@tinyfaery No, I don’t have it all figured out. I really am a soft touch. As long as I think I see someone trying to do their job, I want to provide work for them. However, I do have a great deal of items in my garage that I sell for my small home business. My son said be very careful, because drug users will have their friends dropping by and sooner or later, an your house will be broken into and all of your stuff will be missing. I don’t want drugs on my property, I don’t want trouble with the law, and I certainly don’t want a robbery. Being a true Libra, I want to help her. I really feel torn.

@john65pennington Oh my gosh, what do you mean a drive by shooting? Why would that happen? I am 67 years old and ignorant to all of that kind of stuff. Please tell me, I am asking for opinions to help me make an informed decision. I am afraid I don’t know the liability either.
Boy am I stupid or what?

Fire her immediately and leave it at that. Your only responsibility to her is as an employer…her son is suffering but that is not something you can improve upon by keeping her employed which only allows her access to more drugs. Close your eyes and cut the cord and if you are so inclined send the kid anonymous gifts.

@Rangie

So you don’t actually know she is using drugs then. You should probably find out with certainty before taking action against her. You can’t just assume someone does drugs based on circumstantial evidence like your son’s hunch and an off comment. That’s absurd. I wouldn’t want to work for you.

Side note: I don’t really consider marijuana a drug. It’s the other stuff you need to beware of.

@ WestRiverrat Thanks for the legal advice, but I’m sticking with mind your own business.

@john65pennington LOL she has no knowledge of drug use. The title of this post was a total sham. She is assuming this person is a drug user because that’s what her son thinks and the worker made a comment about drinking alcohol and using marijuana in the past. Drive by shooting is a wild, baseless stretch based on the info provided by her.

@evandad Agreed.

@Rangie

You should stay out of her personal life. As a few others have said, if she does her job, fine. If she doesn’t, then you can consider termination. Just because she smoked a little marijuana in the past does not make her a drug user today.

God I hate drugs. I just went through this with someone who does Oxycontins. he stole so much crap from his Dad, i couldn’t even begin to name it all. most of it was in the garage and he pawned it. Then one of his loser friends stole a bunch of copper and took it to a scrap metal place. She is now in jail and looking at felony theft, and he’s worried that she’ll spill the beans that he stole some of it a different time.
Christ on a pony. Pot doesn’t do that to you, but this other shit makes you not care at all about anything. If she’s using that, she’ll take her last 30.00 and buy one pill. That’s what they cost. 30.00 for thirty milligrams. Yeah, I know way more about this than I ever wanted to. The person I know now also has Hepatitis C, courtesy of the stupid girl in jail. Nice. And he still talks about stealing stuff from his dad. Then he gets mad that no one will let him stay at their house. Apparently, we’re all mean jerks and he’s a wounded innocent, and ill-done-by.
Whatever. Lock your stuff up.

Look, you have no facts at this point and a lot of judgments. She may be a burn-out from past drug use, but she was so open with you that I don’t know, I feel like if she was smoking pot, she’d have said it. Lots of people are scatterbrained, by the way, it doesn’t mean they’re using drugs.

Secondly, lock your stuff up?? For a pot smoker? lolz. The pot smokers I know can barely get off their asses to get to the fridge, much less break into someone’s house.~

I can’t say if she is still using or would do anything wrong, because I’m not psychic.
If you decide to keep her employed, don’t pay her until she’s earned the money. If she comes at you with sob stories tell her to apply for food stamps, or go to a food pantry or charity.

Don’t get too worked up. Fire her if you catch her on smoking on your property or stealing. I wouldn’t worry about a drive by (or theft for that matter) over marijuana. If she needs $30 to feed her kid, maybe you should give her a raise.

@lilikoi Excuse me, but thank goodness you don’t work for me. If you read the message, it said, she told me that was her drug of choice. She did say she had used other drugs. I have no idea why she was telling me this, but she opened the can of worms, not me. Why do you think it is so funny, that Idon’t have the knowledge you apparently have about drugs? When she told me her choice drug was marijuana, she mention two other drugs. Coke and meth.
Perhaps you are right that I may be assuming, but I don’t really know what to look for and how to prove it.
I do want to be fair to her. But she did try to hit me up for another $50, and
hasn’t even worked off the $30. Yes, it was a sob story. I told her to go apply for food stamps and she said she couldn’t because she make too much from unemployment. I do not pay her cash. I write a check and label the check Gardening.
I resent you saying my post was a total sham. I did the best I could with my Question, sorry it didn’t suit your fancy. Perhaps you can do better, why don’t you give it a try?

@MissAnthrope I should not have answered this question. I have no objectivity whatsoever. I did say that pot does not do this to you, but oxycontin does. Then I just went off and projected onto this woman what she’d do if she were taking this drug. I have no facts, just my own still open wounds from dealing with this drug second hand.
You’re absolutely right. Pot will not make her steal anything but a sack of White Castles.

@MissAnthrope I have not made any judgments of her. I have only said what she herself told me. I like and and her son, I want to help her if she is what she purports to be. If not, then I don’t want any trouble in my life, because somebody can’t control theirs.

As sad as her life seems, from your post, she is taking advantage of you. Unfortunately, her son is involved—and you want to protect him. But the truth is that there must be hundreds of kids with parents like this, barely making it, barely having enough food much less enough money for drugs.

It sounds like she is trying to be a good mother, though, and I think having him taken away would be devastating for him and probably for her as well.

If you want to keep hiring her, just pay her for the work that she does. I think I would try that first. Don’t advance her money. If you think the son needs food, give him some. Ane then, if she doesn’t do the work to your specifications, fire her.

@MissAnthrope

Well said. GA.

@Rangie

First, I was laughing at John not at you. Nothing is funny about your presumption. Let us recap what you said:

As for the drugs, how do I know? Yesterday, she was saying something about stress for something and then said that would call for a drink. I jokingly said ” You little alcoholic you.” She laughed and said, I don’t drink anymore, well not much anyway. Then went on to say, I don’t do drugs anymore either. My drug of choice was marijuana. But, I haven’t done any of that since my boy was born. My son came for a visit, he has rehabbed a number of people and knows the signs of using. It was his opinion that she is still using.

You said nothing about coke or meth or other drugs. No, it was not implied. “My drug of choice was marijuana” to me and everyone else here so far has translated to “I used marijuana” not “I used marijuana and coke and meth, but I preferred marijuana”. You also said she said she doesn’t do any drugs or drink anymore. So why, again, are you assuming that she’s an addict? If she doesn’t do her job, get rid of her. It doesn’t matter whether she is a user or not. If she is doing a decent job, I don’t see the problem here.

If you want to be fair, don’t make sweeping assumptions based on nearly zero information. You don’t have to front her money, and she can’t expect you to. Lay down the law. If you want to help her son, look into the requirements for food stamps or find extra work for her (or better yet her son, depending on how old he is) to do that justifies compensation. There are no handouts in life, and you advancing her money would just be doing you both a disservice. She needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet.

I said your post title was a sham, not your whole entire situation. You really must pay a bit more attention to detail here.

And, yes, you have made (quite bizarre) judgments of her. You have determined she is a druggie based on her contrary claims and your son’s opinion.

Whatever you do, pay no attention to all these people hiding behind the curtain…

So far all you have is the admission from her that she smoked some pot and drank alcohol…in the past.

Yeah…just fire her ass because she straightened up and no longer drinks or smokes..Put her out in the streets so she cannot care for her child and is forced back into drug use…That would really be cool…And everyone here who suggested you do so will be able to feel real proud of themselves for helping destroy a fellow human being without even hardly giving it a thought…

@davidbetterman I was trying to keep my post to a reasonable length. Apparently, I paid more attention to the length of the post, than I did to the content. I don’t care what MISS LILIKOI says, I am not making judgments on her, I am trying to find a way to help her, if that is possible. I could have go on and on with my post, such as: My neighbor knows her and told me she was a tweeker what ever that is. I know it has to do with drug use. My contractor has known her for 15 years, and said, yes she uses drugs, he didn’t say what kind, but he also said she has many problems and no help.
She appears to be working very hard, but like I said can not stay focused. After her work is done, I look around and it really looks like 1 hours worth of work instead of 4 hours. She can’t sit still for a second. She is skinny as a straw. She is busy, busy going nowhere. I find it hard to get a word in edgewise. I would like to get what I pay for, and yet, I like her and her son, and I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt. I was just trying to get a few suggestions so as to open my eyes to different points of view. So maybe I will not post anymore questions. Thank all of you for your positive input.

Feel free to post questions, that’s what this website is for.

@cockswain Thank you, but I am not the best composer around. What I think doesn’t always come out right on paper. That was kind of you to take the time to post that answer.

@cockswain Okay, I will keep posting. Who is lilikoi anyway? After reading her post, it looks like she might be a want a be everything.
So, as I always preach, I have control, and I choose not to let her control what I do and how I do it.

30$ buys a baloon, exactly. (drugs) . How did you find out it’s drugs?

Okay, I don’t know much about meth, but if she were using cocaine, I would expect your garden to look like you had at least two gardeners.. from my little experience with it, it made me more focused and energetic than usual, kind of like having 3 or 4 cups of strong coffee, and I was able to accomplish quite a bit of housecleaning.

The skinniness, hyperactivity, and talking a mile a minute could indicate drug use. Again, she could just be a burn-out from past use; if one has used a lot of drugs, your brain can be affected permanently and not function the way “normal” brains do. I think, also, that the body can be permanently affected, as well, depending on length/amount/type of drug use. I am not an expert on hard drugs, though, so I’m not sure.. I am just a pothead that don’t bother nobody.

As for the money issue, I agree with @lilikoi said. No one expects you to pay up front, and your saying no shouldn’t be an issue, especially if she hasn’t worked off the first advance. That is logical and reasonable. I’m sorry that she’s guilting you because of her son (intentionally or not), but aren’t there other community resources available? She may not qualify for food stamps, but what about food banks or other assistance programs?

@Rangie – Don’t get your knickers in a twist. @lilikoi is an awesome jelly. <3

after reading through, she sounds like more of an opportunist, flake. She doesn’t sound like a very good gardener or capable of running her own business, but the rest sounds pretty normal , not very drug user ish.

I read more about you hearing that she was a tweaker- let her go. sounds like other people know about it, the boy sounds ok for now, but if you only heard about it, the way not to get ripped off is to end the working relationship

@MissAnthrope I suggested she go to the proper authorities and apply for child support. Here in California, they will pay her and then go after him for what they pay her. She said he works under the table and would then go to jail, and then she wouldn’t get anything. I said, you are not getting anything now, and he will only stay in jail just so long. She doesn’t seem to want to file for child support. Maybe that would make him take care of his responsibilities. I also suggested she go to her Church and seek help, which she did, and gets some food as of yesterday. There is one thing that did irritate me when she picked up her food. She came by my house and was so excited to be getting the food, but, she brought some milk, spaghetti and jam into my house and gave it to me. I told her she needed to take it home and use it. She said she wanted to give it to me as a gift. I said that was very nice, but I would much prefer if she would use it to feed herself and her son. So I sent it with her. She keeps trying to give me little gifts and I don’t want her to do that. I do just fine and don’t need help from anyone, thank God. Someone earlier said stay out of her personal life. She keeps trying to bring me into it.

@MissAnthrope by the way, what is an awesome Jelly?

@trailsillustrated She was suppose to come to work this morning. But, she called and said her landlord is after her for her rent. She is about $1000 behind. Her lost dog came home this morning and she thought she should sit with him and take care of him, because he was missing for 4 days. So, she would not be able to come to work. She wanted to know if she could come by on the weekend, when my husband and I are out of town for Easter, and make up her time then. I said no. I didn’t want her working on weekends, but that she needs to spend that time with her son. I told her I would see her Monday to make up her time.

i would not want her getting in the habit of coming around when i was not home, if i were you. i think the bottom line is you should tell her you don’t want gifts, you want her to work off the money you lent her, the thirty dollars. i think, if it were me, even if she worked off the money i would not want her working for me, because she is getting you involved in her personal problems, looking for sympathy. in addition, she’s not that good of a gardener, you said it yourself. she seems to have excuses for the food stamp issue and the child support issue. the thing with your son assessing her and he’s not a professional, he’s just making an assumption – that’s not too valid, but the neighbors telling you the other stuff kind of gives it some weight, so i would say she seems like bad news, and if you continue to lend her money you’re getting further involved with her and throwing good money after bad. sometimes people like this are predatory, if you’re a little older and you are a sucker for a sob story, people like this see it and they latch on to you and they will take you for a ride. next thing she’ll be telling you she got evicted and can she just stay with you for a while till she gets on her feet.

My mother drives for medical transport and she has people like your gardner, too. They hit her up for money, food, and/or cigarettes (mom doesn’t smoke).

I can totally understand your feelings about this. Without the boy, you’d feel much more different. Lending an advance once is understandable. Hell, I’d do it, too. Do not loan her money again. No more advances or else she’ll think it’s okay and keep coming back.
It’s a sucky situtation. If you feel up to it, have a conversation with her. Talk to her about maybe getting food stamps. She needs to sort her stuff out.
It’s nice of you to help and to want to help, but she needs to do it. Ultimately, if she’s doing a poor job, she needs to go.

@py_sue : she did talk to gardener about getting food stamps and gardener said she makes too much from unemployment.

the best bet for the gardener is if there are food pantries in the area.

@Rangie I have to agree with @lilikoi‘s responses. Without the recently added information about how you came to your conclusion we could only assume that you came to your conclusion based on the information you provided us. It didn’t seem justifiable from the information you provided. From what you explained early on in the question it seemed that you were jumping to conclusions. This jumping to conclusions based on the little evidence you provided us would seem to us to be quite a judgement.

However, now that you’ve clarified the reasons you believe her to be a drug user it is much more clear that you have come to the conclusion by much more careful means.

You must be careful to provide enough information for people to understand why you are asking questions, otherwise people will misunderstand.

@MagicalMystery Oop, sorry. Must’ve cruised right past it. Thanks.
@Rangie I know a woman like your gardner as well. I just remembered. We had a class together. She lived in a group home. Very nice lady. She told me her stories and how she’d had relapses. I’m sure that she feels like she’s got a friend in you telling you these things. Maybe instead of giving her advances, make little foodie care packages. Couple cans of soup, ramen noodles. At least then you’d know that they are being fed.

@Shuttle128 yes, I already got that lecture from lilikoi, about clarifying things. I will do the best I can. Expressing myself through writing is not my forte.

@MagicalMystery you have really opened my eyes. I have some serious things to think about before I make a final decision. I am beginning to recall things that have happened over the past 2 weeks. Thank you so much for your input.

did she ask about moving in with you? is that what you mean?

@Rangie
If she is a tweeker, that changes everything. Thanks for clarifying a bit!

@MagicalMystery No, not yet, but I felt she was on the verge of that. She was going on about how comfortable she felt in our home, and all the things she could do to help me. But, didn’t quite come out and say it, yet.

@Rangie – Okay, now that all this other information has been revealed, I have to say that this lady seems like a mess. I would be really wary because I do not need any more drama in my life and certain people are black holes, in that they just keep sucking stuff (energy, money, etc.) out of whoever they can. I can only speak for myself, but my gut feeling would be to drop her like a hot potato. Just seems like an unnecessary mess to get involved in. I’m all about helping people, but you can’t help everyone (especially if they don’t even see they need to change).

A Jelly is a Fluther user. :)

@MissAnthrope thanks for the jelly clarification. The more I read from all of you the more I am coming to the same conclusion. The pieces are all fitting with what all of you are saying. I also just remembered my contractor said something the other day about her brother has helped her in the past. She told me she had no family at all. I don’t want to live and learn the hard way this time. I have been there and done that in the past trying to help people. I just want to make the right decision, that is why I posted this question. I would hate to throw someone and their child out with the bathwater without good cause. But things are becoming more clear as I read all of your opinions.
I have a home business, with many valuable items, including 1000’s of dollars worth of high end jewelry in my home safe. She knows all of this, as she walked into my home one day when my husband and I were going through the jewelry, checking all of the pieces.

@Rangie You certainly don’t want junkies with easy access to a home full of jewelry.

Sometimes it is better to cast off deadwood than to try to make a sculpture of it.

I learned a long time ago that I don’t have to play with every kid in the sand box.

@davidbetterman Again davidbetterman, you are full of good information. After all of the advice, I have decided to let her find her own way in life. Her son knows where I live and I will let him know he can always come if he has no place to go. I think I am too old to play in the sand box anymore anyway. Love the scenario though.

@Rangie I think that’s a good way to go.

@Rangie I agree with @py_sue… And don’t worry about the tweeking 49 yr. old female gardner… she was making out okay before she stumbled upon you.

You have to protect yourself.

@davidbetterman and @py_sue Thank you for your support. You are right davidbetterman, she didn’t get to be 49 years old from know me. After all I have only known her for 2 weeks. And, yes at my age and my husband is 80, we do have to protect ourselves. Leaving to go out of town Saturday and she knows it. So, I will be taking all of the jewelry with us. I also have a really great neighbor across the street. She watches everything that goes on in the neighborhood. In fact she has the phone number of the police dept. memorized. I am also putting up some wireless surveillance equipment.

@Rangie Good for you. Be careful traveling with all that jewelry.

Where are you staying, by the way? Just Kidding!

@davidbetterman hehe, at my daughters house. I also have two dogs that travel with us. Thank you davidbetterman for helping me to make my decision without reservations.

@Rangie My pleasure…

i would rent a safe deposit box at the bank for the jewelry, because if she’s predatorial or if she gets desperate in the future, you can bet she’ll be telling her friends that she knows where there’s a bunch of jewelry and where it’s hidden. can’t hurt to put it at the bank vault. good luck and keep us posted on the details.

bank vault is a great idea. better safe than sorry. i am patting myself on the back for the guess about wanting to move in with you.

i am thinking she would not be thinking about taking that jewelry just yet because she wants to see how things play out with you in a friendly way. i think if things between you go bad, then watch out. she will have nothing to lose then.

@jca @MagicalMystery Thanks to both of you. I think you are right about the safe deposit box. I will find a friendly way to let her know I have moved the jewelry to a vault. I shudder to run into any of her friends. I will keep you posted. I have decided to run out of yard work for her to do. I don’t want to create any animosity, nor do I want to hurt her feelings. But, that is my decision and I am sticking to it.

@Rangie You’re damn skippy you’d better find a safe place for your gear. I think I was right in my original assessment and what I said in my other post. As I was reading a bunch of bells were going off and flags were popping up. She is friendly now but the minute she figures out that you’re not going to play and give her what she wants she’ll start with verbal abuse, calling you names and how you’re not being fair to her, then she’ll try to rip you off. I’d even consider adding some additional security like a Brinks system. Don’t allow her to get you alone either. I hate to say that I know how people like this are. I wish that I didn’t. She could hurt you.

@Trillian The first time I saw her I thought she was a boy. She is skinny and muscles all over her arms, with big veins up and down her arms. I would venture to say she could knock the Crap out of me with one blow.
My husband is installing wireless security cameras around our property. I never answer my door when my husband is not home. Which is rare. We are almost always together.
I am sorry you have to know people like her, I don’t want to know people like her. Boy, my eyes are really open now. I had no idea I was so naive at my age. thanks for your input Trillian

Roger.

great advice to just try to keep it friendly but running out of work for her is an excellent idea. then you can be less and less available.

Call cps