(NSFW) Do you notice a shift in need; between older women and older men?

Older women go through something known as menopause. If you break down the word you find a pause in needing men.

Men, on the other hand, seem to need to be sexually active to justify living, and so you find them extremely needing of relationships as they age.

I can’t speak for all women (and none of the men) but for myself, it’s been true. In my 20’s & 30’s my life was certainly easier being married (until I was 36.) There was the security of 2 incomes, 2 parents present in the house, all of which helped me feel more secure about raising my children.

For me (and many other women) as we age, the reasons why we might stay in a less-than-ideal relationship fade. Children grow up. A woman’s income grows as her career advances. Her strength & maturity grows. Many insecurities she might have grown up with (body image, poor self esteem, the ravages of parental abuse) are discarded.

In short, I still want a relationship – a good relationship. But I don’t “need” one in the same ways I still thought I did when I was younger.

LOL @davidbetterman Most women don’t go through menopause until some point in their 50’s. (I haven’t yet at 51.) Trust me, the game changes for women long before the change hits.

@netgrrl I wish I could have given you 2 GA’s for that. I tend to agree. But also like to hear other points of view.

@davidbetterman females sexual appetite increases with age, you knew that right?!!

I’m not sure most men fully understand the drain child rearing places on women. Even in relationships where men are committed to being fully involved, studies show women carry the larger share of responsibility.

Once child care is done, or nearly so (late teen children or off to college) many women begin to feel, “Hey, this is my time. I’m free!”

@Just_Justine Yes, but the dang pausal stuff causes them to become erratic, gives them hot flashes, makes them more unstable than ever…and really just makes it very hard for a man to be with her for extended periods (like a half hour).
@netgrrl
Too bad they have to wait so long. This is why their men dump them for trophy wives before they reach that point.

@davidbetterman…” more unstable than ever…”?

Nice…...

@DrasticDreamer :)P

@davidbetterman Funny, many women tend to bloom in their 40’s and beyond. They return to school, start businesses, take on challenges they never considered before. Obviously it hasn’t affected them too much.

And careful what you say about trophy wives, they have a more difficult life – always being worried about being dumped for the newer model.

@davidbetterman then land up on dating sites pleading for a woman, any women? because the trophy wife found a younger guy who offered the same things! Just a thought. I have not yet hit the big “meno” so can’t comment, but I have heard it is tough. Not looking forward to that! Maybe women get hot flashes and shitty moods, and men get all itchy around the balls!!

I admit that I feel the most happy and content when my wife is around. When she has to be away for long periods, I feel at loose ends despite being fully capable of caring for myself in the domestic sense. Perhaps being prematurely retired due to disability plays a big role in this.

@netgrrl These women bloom in their 40’s because they have nothing else to do, having driven away their menfolk with the incredible nastiness asociated with menoause. Now they have all the time in the world to return to school, start a business and take on challenges…
@Just_Justine Those guys are the desperate ones (I don’t know about this itchy ball syndrome. But it is nice to have a girl around to scratch them if they should itch!)

@davidbetterman LOL Bitter much? I’m sorry. But again, the majority of women don’t go through menopause until their 50’s.

@davidbetterman we need to give men some name I mean we get called meno maniacs I need a good name for men! grumpy old farts?

@netgrrl I don’t know where you have been getting your info, but it is my experience that the majority of women begin menopause in their mid-40’s.
I am nopt bitter at all, and I thank God that I was lucky enough to be afforded the personal experiences and insights into the incredible changes women go through during their lives, including the menopause stuff.

@Just_Justine When my dad went through the change, I came to the front door one day and rang the bell (I no longer lived there). He answered the door in a pair of flowered underwear (g-string style). He was a boxers man all of his life, so this was quite the shock. Meno maniacs would work well for these guys, too!

@davidbetterman that must have been traumatic for you! I do believe peri menopause can start as early as late 30’s, However I would say it is safe to generalize and comment that most women hit it fully in their early 50’s. Most women I know in their 40’s and 50’s are rocking hot and put me to shame! however I do not underestimate menopause and its effects. I went through my mothers it was hell I think though that could be a different and very good question?

@davidbetterman Will you accept Mayo Clinics website as reference? http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/menopause/DS00119/DSECTION=symptoms

Not to mention the fact that only about ½ of all women even suffer the symptoms as far as hot flashes etc. Just as some women have real difficulty with PMS, there are some that blame far too much on events like menstruation & menopause.

@Just_Justine It would be an excellent question. Especially while all the young flutherers are out partying!
@netgrrl Now now netgirl. No need to get crazy about this. Let’s face it, with my great variety of experience, I am really only knowledgeable about maybe 25 women in this situation. Not very good odds when you consider that there are millions upon millions of women whom I have no experience with (but that doesn’t stop me from trying!).

@davidbetterman Good luck with that! :)

Reality check time?

Numerous researchers into aging and dating have reported a male “vacuum” in the over fifties. The company that I work for did an experiment last year. They ran several ads of a similar nature for both men and woman on several of the more prominent online dating sites.

They posted fictitious profiles of both men and women describing people who had their own house, who were divorced but no home, who were unemployed and those who had a good career. In every instance the responses to the male ads far outstripped the responses to the female ads by a huge margin. A factor of more than twenty-five to one. This supported the various reports over several years regarding male/female dating desirability when aged over fifty.

Sad as it might be, it seems that a fifty plus woman has a far more difficult time finding a mate than her male equivalent.

If any have doubts – try the same experiment. Set up two similar profiles – one male one female and see what happens. You might get a shock.

One of my acquaintances was saying the same thing about her husband the other day (that he is more clingy now that they’re older). Your theory about the role of declining testosterone is an interesting one. Someone should test that.

@DarkScribe Sad, but true (though I wonder if the unemployed males still got more responses than the employed females). Maybe that’s part of the reason why middle aged and older women are content without a relationship—they know that ageism will limit their dating prospects. If I am single when I get to that age, I will probably not go out of my way to seek a relationship.

@DarkScribe you may have a point, I think though current societal stress’s like affirmative action for example may influence result. In my country white males are practically unemployable. Males over forty are just dumped like rubbish on the side of the road. Less and less women are finding white males over forty an attractive bet. The dating game is tough but sadly in the end (maybe) it’s still the same old story, women want men with some money, men want women with a youthful complexion.

@lonelydragon I continue to be inspired by people much older than I. I was out the other day and saw an exquisite (obviously older woman) chatting at a table near me. She was really beautiful but in a natural way with striking blue eyes. Black hair. I commented to my friend and she knew the woman. This lady was with her husband who was 30 (odd) and she was 60. I was shocked but could see why. She has a special something about her. Cut a long story short they had been together 10 years!!!! She is an art teacher and she was his pupil. I guess in more ways than one loll.

I really doubt that declining testosterone is a general issue among fit men. I am fifty-six (almost) and as sexually active as when in my teens. I have no decline in muscle strength, log term endurance (sports, not just sex ;) ), or any of the other indicators of lowered testosterone. Nor do most of my similar aged peers. In fact a common complaint among most men I know of a similar age is regarding a decline is sexual responsiveness of their wives and partners. My father is in his nineties and keeping a wife (who is far younger than me) pretty busy.

I’m in the category of being open to a relationship, but NOT ‘needing’, nor wanting to make much ‘sacrifice’ for said relationship.

I am very content, secure within, happy and confident in who I am, relationship thats easy, in the flow, but no longer willing to ‘work’ at much of anything.

If it’s ‘work’...I’ll pass.

Life is good! :-)

I agree…most healthy ‘mature’ women are perfectly okay, infact THRILLED, to be free of stifling relationships and the responsability of kids.

Relationship is just not that important to me anymore.

@Coloma Amen!

@netgrrl

:-) High 5 sister!

@Coloma Indeed. I value my peace and quiet and eating cereal at 3am if I feel like it. I think as females we are often bombarded with responsibility and the sad thing is, I think all men think we like it. I can think of 3000 things I would much rather be doing than making hubby a cup of tea.

@Just_Justine

I so agree.

Yep…I love being queen of my own castle these days….the only loyal ‘subjects’ I really care to ‘serve’ are my pets!

Yes….takes most of us girls a few decades to put down the ash can and pick up the glass slippers! I for one am never going to be carrying the slippers to the Lazy Boy ever again! lol

My personal opinion: women become more liberated around middle age, both socially and sexually. Menopause kicks in and there is less worry about accidental pregnancy. The children, if they have any, have moved out of the home. Men’s sex drives drop (with their testosterone levels), and even though their kids move out as well, not much else changes for them. They notice the women becoming more liberated and feel threatened (if they are in a relationship) that their woman is going to become so liberated that they will move on. A man’s testosterone drops when he’s older, so they might feel less sexual motivation and more emotional motivation, combined with their aging (and possible loss of autonomy).

So basically what I am saying is women become less needing of emotionality, and men become less needing of sexuality, and therefore for each gender the other becomes increasingly important.

I think YOU are right on the money.

They need support when older, we needed it when younger

I try not to think about how it sort of sucks lol

HEXR g r e a t last comment

Yes, I remember being in marriage counseling with my husband of 22 years, this was about 8 years ago, right before I divorced him. lol

He was the classic narcissistic, neglectful and unfaithful type for years, ( until I found out ) that suddenly realized how much he had neglected his marriage and was desperate to make things work, loved me sooo much, wanted to grow old with me, would do anything to ‘make it up’ to me. Blah, blah, blah, ad nauseum.

We were in session with our therapists and he was putting on the most pathetic, ‘poor me, I’m such a great guy and she just won’t forgive me for my mistakes’ routine. He said ’ I just want to grow old with you.”

My reply, that the therapists couldn’t help trying to conceal their laughter at was…” Yes, you just want someone to hold your hand when you have a triple bypass.’ haha

They say married men live, on average 10 years longer than their unmarried counterparts.
I’d say that unmarried women live, on average, about 30 years longer than those that are married. lol

My ex just remarried and I am still joyfully single, infact, a good clue to my integration and happiness came last summer when I pulled into my garage one afternoon and saw a pair of mens work boots next to the washer & dryer. My handyman/gardener buddy had left them after doing some work for me.

I am not kidding, the sight of a mans workboots in my garage, literally had my heart racing, it was sheer, unadulterated TERROR! I had to laugh at my reaction!

Bad visual, baaaad! hahahaha