What do you do when you fall in love with a pen pal?

He doesn’t compare because you only see the one side of him and that is the on-line side. When he is in a mood or whatever you can switch off the computer. You may enjoy the friendship and share a lot. But the only way you can love someone is if you meet the person and see how it goes.

Tread very softly. the web is full of perverts, child molesters and serial killers. before i fell head over heels in love with this person, i would check him out.

My daughter was in the same situation as you. this guy flew into our town and was met by my daughter at the airport. she would not tell us his name or where he lived. she knew i would run a record check on this person. i attempted to tell my daughter, exactly what i am telling you, to go slow.

My daugher married this jerk and they were divorced one year later.

The percentage of internet surviving relationships has got to be very small.

In your case, use your head not your heart, at least at this point in your life with an unknown person.

@john…..thank you for that. I can definitely see where you are coming from. Maybe he is just a jerk that can write well :( ....so true.

I believe the internet opens more doors for relationships, no longer are we bound to just meet “the right person” in our own city. It makes the world smaller. I have a friend that lives in NYC and met a woman online that lives in Australia, they did the usual things. Chatting online, sending emails. Then it got a bit more serisou they exchanged phone numbers and literally talked on the phone every day. They dated online for 2 years, he flew to Australia to meet her during that two years a couple times and now just got married this past October and she moved up to NYC. Yes there are perverts online and dangerous people. Just like anywhere, use inuition and your best judgement. If you meet up, let people know you are meeting and where, meet in a public place…youknow common sense stuff. Not everyone on the net is out to get you, just most people have this fear of the unknown but meeting someone online and carrrying on a relationship can be just as good as meeting someone in real life. I met my girlfriend online, we were playing a game called Secondlife and met there 2½ years ago, we talked for 2 years on the phone, on skype, whatever. We finally met, and now she moved down here to Texas and we live together now….and no she and I aren’t some big ugly trolls that couldnt find people in real life…in fact we are very active peolpe, we just happened to meet online, we have pretty much the same interests…now we do our most favorite thing to do…Scuba diving!! Well anyways take it or leave it, intenet can be good and bad, don’t let people deter you into thinking it’s all bad….just be wise.

@earthduzt that gives me a bit of hope :) thanks.

I’d go with it, but be careful as @john65pennington said. It’s too easy to maintain a mask online and where love is concerned it becomes ungodly simple to miss what’s right in front of you or for someone else to intentionally hide it. Also, with pen pals it’s easy to envision the other person. You’re mind takes whats written and ascribes context, filling in blanks, and creating imagery that can easily make the person into something they, in reality, aren’t or can’t live up to. Often that happens without even realizing it which can make the heartbreak all the worse if it doesn’t work.

But again, love is all too wonderful, in my opinion to not take a chance and it tends to appear when you least expect it so I’d go with it. Just use your head before following your heart, always be safe, and most of all good luck! :D

Meet him at a neutral public location like a beach. Bring a blanket just in case you want to lay down together and get to know each other for real! ;)

On line love can happen. I have 3 friends that have met their spouses on the internet and have been married for several years. Love isn’t always going to be found in your home town. But, as everyone else has said, be careful about meeting the other person in public and let your family or friends know who you are meeting, where you are meeting and when.

I don’t even know how to bring up the fact that I have feelings. Or even if I should. I figure that if we are still chatting on a regular basis in another 3 months or so I will say something….

Meeting someone in real life gives a relationship a whole different dimension and I don’t think you can really judge whether it is true love until you do meet…

I’ve got involved with a couple of people over the internet/ phone but it’s fallen apart after meeting, but that is not to say it can’t happen because I know people that it has worked out for. I hope it works out for you xx

Your intellectual connection with your pen pal won’t translate into real life the way you think it will. It’s better to meet someone in person.

The downside to cyber connections is that all you know about this person is what he chooses to share with you online. You have no idea if any of what he says is even true. It’s easy to present yourself as anything you choose online. This means you are in love with the image you have in your mind of who this person is. Since all you have are his words, the image you are in love with is the fantasy you have created. Be realistic. Is there even a chance you would ever meet? If he lives somewhere far away, would you really want to give up everything to be with someone you don’t really know? All relationships start with an idealic image and once reality sets in (as it eventually will) it is a challange and hard work to navigate through the differences you discover. It won’t be any different with an online relationship and even harder to accomplish. It’s nice to image that your knight in shining armor is out there somewhere, but keep a level head and think it through before you disrupt your life for the unknown.

The internet is an instant gateway for emotional bondings, a place where you can connect with other people and express what you feel are more sides of yourself not given opportunity or not ventured with an irl person right in front of you. The internet gives you more control over timing, more time to organize thoughts and conversations so you feel the quality of what you’re sharing is more intense, direct, deep, etc.

It’s happened to me and I’ve met some people irl following up on that connection only to find when ftc, we didn’t have the timing to communicate the same and it was awkward. More socially finessed people might be able to take it off the page better, I was not. There are examples of successful pairings all the time otherwise the popularity of dating sites and social forums wouldn’t be so strong. Just be cautious, check things out as others have suggested and don’t be too hard on yourself if suddenly the connection doesn’t hold as you imagined it would.

Imagination is a powerful thing. The person you’ve created in your mind may not exist. Be very cautious and don’t take foolish risks.

Your feelings are real. They are what they are. And being careful doesn’t mean denying all possibility. But the odds are against having reality pan out as you are wishing.

Even people in their 40’s (and beyond) can become dazzled by that feeling of “connection” and place too much trust in the unknown. Repeat: be careful, and when you meet for the first time, choose a public place that you can get home from easily and safely by yourself.

Are you absolutely sure that this is really the person who you assume it to be? There was a girl who had been unhappy with her family/ school life at home, and she met this man online who seemed to comfort her. Once she felt so in need of her comforting “friend” she met him,and never came home afterwards. I think that if you absolutely know who this man is, and have living evidence that this is the man you know, talked to, and who is real, then you may go for it, but I warn you with my whole life! BE CAREFUL!

I met the person who understands me the best online. I met her once because I was attending a conference in her home town. She offered to pick me up at the airport. I was somewhat anxious thinking that it might all be a scam to relieve me of…. whatever.

I had been writing to her for a couple of months, and like you, we had much in common—particularly our political views. We would have other things in common later, be we didn’t know that then.

I decided that I would think about everything I knew about her and check it to see if it was a consistent story. I was looking for things that didn’t make sense with other things she said; a series of unanswered questions; dissimulation around some issues.

I decided I didn’t see any obvious problems, so I met her. We spent three days together, seeing each other when I didn’t have to be at the conference. It was delightful. A few months later when I found out I was bipolar, she was the one who steered me through my worst depressions. It turned out that she, too, suffered from depression. It was that bond that has kept us together, talking once or twice a week on the phone, to this day. There is not any other person in the world whose advice I trust as much as hers.

Yep, I am with @Captain_Fantasy

Much of what people think is ‘love’ online is nothing more than writing romance novels in your head.

I can speak from experience, it happened once and only once to me. lol

The person was well writtien, we seemed to have tons in common, he was very expressive, a gentleman, no proverbial pervy shoe dropping, UNTIL…we met in person.

He was painfully shy and stiff, very socially self conscious, moody, flakey, the list goes on…in other words, NOTHING like he presented himself online.

I on the other hand am very authentic and while he was happily surprised by me, eh…not so much on this side. haha

I havn’t been into the online dating scene for quite awhile now,( although I have met some very nice people ) BUT….the rule should ALWAYS be….stop any fantasy thinking until you meet someone face to face.

If that’s an impossibility then keep your imaginative novel writing parts in check. lol

If not, meet the person ASAP within the first few weeks of correspondance.