How do you process your reactions to the people you consider beautiful or ugly?

I am a bit weird in that I find beauty in everyone. Of course I notice “whack in the face beauty” but in every person I see something. If I meet a person that is deformed or has some illness that has made them commercially less attractive my heart gets sore.

I like @Just_Justine‘s answer. I usually don’t have much trouble finding something to like about nearly everyone I meet, even if I’m not physically attracted to the person (which would be, for example, every man that I’ve ever met).

So I try to discount physical attractiveness (and lack of that) before forming an opinion. Sometimes, I’ll admit, I fall into the old trap of being “whacked in the face” thanks, @Just_Justine with a woman’s beauty and thinking that she must (therefore) be a goddess. But that usually passes; it just takes longer some times than others.

I don’t think that I know any really fugly people, but I do know some who are incredibly good-looking.

When someone is amazingly beautiful I notice, and sometimes tell the person, depending on the situation. I don’t really assume anything about them, just notice their beauty. If someone is ugly it does not really have any significant meaning at all to me. I would not say I “react” in a specific way.

Its really weird…no matter what men look like I treat them the same, and I dont think better or worse if they are super hot or average or have been hit the with ugly stick…I dont really SEE it.

But I notice beautiful women ALL the time. And I guess I am nicer to more attractive women, and think about them more when I’m talking to them without really meaning to, its just automatic.

I am bi-sexual…so obviously I am attracted to both sexes. I just find it interesting that I dont think differently of men, but I do with women. It makes me feel like a bit of a traitor actually. But beautiful women really do have some kind of magic I swear…...

I have learned to turn it off.

If I don’t “get a vibe” I don’t pay attention.

I like interesting faces – ones that show character. Smiles that make it all the way to the eyes, for instance. Physical beauty – really just an accident of birth – is usually just symmetry. Both sides of the face are as identical as possible. It’s not very interesting. I find less classically beautiful faces much more interesting. I’m not sure I can remember the last face I thought of as ugly. If you watch, you can find the beauty.

I have eventually been able to put “golden colored glasses” over my eyes, everyone is beautiful to me in their own way and you would be hard pressed to find me call someone ugly.

However, these “glasses” do fall off ever now and again, though politeness would govern me not to show it.

There was a time that, when I saw a beautiful woman, I would have a rather un-pc reaction. I would think: She’s beautiful. Look at those breasts! She’s wearing a shirt that let me see more of them. As she’d walk by, I would look to see where she was looking. If she was ignoring my gaze, then I’d drop my eyes to see how much of her breasts she was showing.

Then I’d think, ‘have I gone far enough that I can turn around and it won’t be completely obvious to anyone who is watching? Ok, I’ll turn around now. Oh my God, her ass is swaying from side to side in that wonderful roll women have. I wish I could fuck her (or, ‘I wouldn’t kick her out of bed’). Oh why do I think that? I’ll never see her again, and I’ll never have a chance to get to know her, and even if I did, she’d never want me, anyway.

My reaction these days has changed. For some reason the thinking about getting into bed with her has gone away. Instead it’s thinking, ‘isn’t she beautiful? Let me look as much as I can without being too obvious.’ I’ll still do the checking out as much as I can, but the thoughts about sex and inadequacy are gone, for the most part. And even when I do think them, I think I could have a chance if I did try. Not that I ever would.

Funny thing. I think, for the first time in my life, I noticed a woman checking me out! I saw her eyes slide to the side as we passed, trying to track me as long as she could. That was pretty gratifying. I thought, ‘I must be looking good today. Maybe I shouldn’t comb my hair before it dries more often.’

I agree with @Just_Justine and @netgrrl. Everyone has something that is beautiful, even if it isn’t right there screaming at you. The closer one has to look, I feel, the more striking it is when you see it. I also am struck constantly by faces that are “interesting” in some way.
My main focus is generally on the nose. I see that first and I find an attractive nose something that will make me look twice. For instance, Michelle Pfeiffer, Gillian Anderson, and David bowie all strike me as having very attractive noses.

@wundayatta that was really fun to read :)

@j0ey I liked @wundayatta‘s description, too. I just don’t have the heart to tell him that… she probably wasn’t looking at him, but through him. Guys our age are invisible. I see those women at Stop and Shop all the time, and while it would be terribly tacky, rude and obvious—even for an invisible man—to just stop, gawk and stare, I know that those women never even see me. I simply don’t register, as long as I don’t act like too obvious a sex maniac or pervert. (And you’re considered a pervert, it seems, if you’re older than a whole number multiple of ‘her’ years and still interested in a sexual way.)

My internal monologue doesn’t do much for people I don’t find that attractive. Maybe it sounds weird, but I just don’t notice them that much. People who are really ugly stand out, but again, I don’t think much of it. I certainly don’t think negative things about them, other than “wow, that person isn’t very attractive” and that lasts maybe less than a second. I know compared to some of these answers, me thinking someone is “ugly” seems evil, but keep in mind that that word describes only their physical appearance as compared to the scale that I judge physical appearance by. Other people’s “scales” vary and it doesn’t describe anything else about the person. Even then, there are many times when I find more quirky-looking people to be attractive instead of the usual “cute guy” that I’m drawn to.

When I see someone that I do find really attractive, it depends on how attractive they are, but yes, a whole bunch of thoughts run through my mind. It also depends on what kind of attractive they are, some guys are really “hot”, others are really “cute”. It’s the cute ones that draw me in more, because that is how I view my boyfriend. I think “wow, look at that guy, he has the perfect face, he’s so cute, his smile is adorable, he has a nice body” and then of course I do continue to look at him for a little while, but then it passes. (Of course, to be honest, that’s how I feel my boyfriend every time I see him).

And every now and then I am a bit blown away by someone who is incredibly attractive, but I think it’s lucky for me that these people I have only seen once in a blue moon, sometimes just once and will probably never see again. When you know that most of the guys you’re looking at are straight, it can be kind of discouraging. :(

@wundayatta somehow expected that reply loll @trillian yes noses are or can be very nice or not so nice, but then there are beautiful eyes. Or if none of those mannerisms or quirky speech, so many things! I think Coloma is beautiful! Her inspiration radiates

@CyanoticWasp I love you, too, man! (Glad I don’t have to reveal my interior dialog on that one!)

Everybody gets an equal shot with me. Looks are rarely deceiving but I do get fascinated by how people to present themselves and the choices that are made in their appearance and can accurately convey what I might expect next coming out of their mouths.

I have never met a physically ugly person. Met a few uglies who were ugly on the inside, but those I just shrug and walk on by…

So… what I’m hearing from everyone is that I’m the only one who tends to have immediate, strong reactions towards the looks of others and is quick to size them up in my internal monologue. Hm. I wonder what’s this about.

@prolificus Perhaps you are a tad shallow? Just sayin’

@davidbetterman – thanks for the assumption. I wouldn’t say I’m shallow. I have no desire to describe just how shallow I’m not. It wouldn’t matter.

I’m more concerned about other issues than superficial stuff. I sincerely want to know why my mind is quick to evaluate appearance. It’s interesting to me.

@prolificus JK…

You may have ingrained patterns of perceiving people from your parents, siblings, friends and/or teachers.

@davidbetterman – now that you mention it… My mom has often said critical things about my appearance—about my facial features, my body, my hairstyle, my clothes, my tatts…

As long as I can remember I have made gut decisions about people I encounter or notice. Yet, the categories I use have changed over time.

Beauty is certainly something that I have trained myself to look for and I can’t imagine ever reacting to someone as physically ugly. I think I have a “everybody’s beautiful in their own way” viewpoint but it is a learned gut reaction. I have had to work hard to deconstruct some narrow minded environmental and cultural views of what beauty and ugly are.

One of things that has dramatically changed how I categorize people is that I have stopped initially comparing them to myself or others. This has been a slow unfolding process, but it has definitely caused me to realize there is beauty and wonder everywhere. It has allowed me to find categories I never knew existed, categories that make beautiful and ugly sound like child’s play.

@prolificus Please accept my apologies for not reading your question correctly before.
My reactions to people are somewhat based on their looks, but not in the sense that I think you mean about beauty. Form just a moments information gathering I determine whether or not this is a person with whom I wish to hold a conversation. One can tell a great deal just by overhearing a cell phone conversation or what the person is saying to others.
I try to avoid loud or obnoxious seeming people. Also they person who seems on the brink of anger or who is complaining a lot. And whiners.
I process internally based on looks in the sense of how a person presents him or herself, not their physiognomy. I think that’s the right word. One can’t help having a not so nice nose. One can help what comes out of one’s mouth.

@prolificus I try so very hard not to judge people on their tatts…especially since I have somehow got it in my mind that this is an indication of criminals who have been in the big house…But I am constantly fighting that prejudice.

Over the years I’ve discovered I can manage quite nicely without my inner dialogue running rampant (see Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson). The greatest benefit you obtain from simply observing “mind chatter” is the realization that questions of this sort are (no disrespect intended)

irrelevant.

You’re no longer concerned with labels typically applied to people.

You practice not feeding thoughts energy.

You simply observe it.

You recognize it for what it is.
You allow it to dissipate without any active involvement on your part.

Soon you discover your reactions…and all the nonsense that go with it…
...simply no longer exist.

I’ve no poker face and do get caught off guard occasionally by someone I find “striking”. I assume they’re used to being looked at a second too long and I go back to doing whatever I was doing. I try not to smile unless they do first, don’t want to creep anyone out while I dab the drool from my chin.

When I see someone really beautiful, I always tell them.

I thank my brain’s reward center for the dopamine making me feel good.