Do you think the quote "Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is? Treat a man as he can and should be, and he will become as he can and should be." is correct?

I think this quote will hold true for some, for those with the ambition and willingness to change. For others, not so much.

Sometimes. It depends on how stubborn he or she is.

I do think we catch more flies with honey than vinegar, no doubt. lol

But…while this may be true some of the time, like everything is, there are also times it would not be true.

Trying to change an addicts behavior through positive support or expectation probably won’t work.

Being complementary and friendly to the average person might enhance their response and ingratiate them.

Sometimes you can do everything in your power to support and help someone and treat them as ‘they should be’ but until they, themselves, lift a finger, nothing will happen (speaking from experience).

I have been known to fall into a particular type of behaviour depending on how others have treated me and yeah I think I am the type of person who is better with some pushing and prodding.

I think if you treat someone the way they can be then you can open their mind to new things…sometimes we need pointed in the right direction.

Of course it doesn’t apply to everyone though with the stubborn as a mule principal.

Do you think there is an optimum time in a persons development where they are more open to this?

I don’t know how to change another persons behavior. But I have found that when I change mine, they have to make adjustments.
I treat people how I want to be treated. I try to always be nice, even in the face of adversity, avoiding as much as possible any judgements. How can I possibly know what’s best for someone else when I have never walked in their shoes?
I am in favor of each and every adult person is their own authority. And they also have the right to destroy themselves too. Sometimes it’s the best way to learn things.

I know I am a firm believer in positive reinforcement. Maybe they are basicly the same concept? I continually told my kids they could be anything they wanted to be if they were willing to do what was necessary to achieve their goals. I did not try to tell them what they should do with their lives or how to live their lives. I tried to point out their behaviors from a positive perspective so they could learn to use every aspect of themselves toward becoming a better person, rather than tell them they were bad or if they kept doing this or that it would ruin their lives. A perceived flaw in ourselves, given the right direction, can be used in a positive way to improve our life. I firmly believe that.

It’s only as correct as the man in question wants it to be.

Do you feel yourself falling into expected patterns of behaviour; simply because you were treat a certain way?
I feel my routine is my routine because it works to the benefit of my overall happiness. To what extent others treatment of me has brought this about, I can’t really say, though I suspect more than I think yet significantly less than an equal influence. Of course on a level of basic social interaction certain actions and events are met with a standard response, I believe this is less an indicator of pattern based behavior reinforced by treatment and more of a tool to allow for easy and efficient social interaction.

Who then determines how he “can” and “should be”?
He decides that for himself I should hope.

Have you used this simple idea to change a person’s behaviour? If so how did it work for you? Usually, if I want someones behavior to change, I ask them to change it. I’ve found a direct (and respectful) approach tends to work as well as anything. Otherwise I try to treat them as I wish to be treated.

Every person has both dignity and depravity within themselves and they need to have their dignity affirmed and their depravity exposed. That’s step one. Then they need to identify their patterns of behavior, the motivations for their behavior and the goals they hope to achieve with that behavior. Only then can one understand the futility of of their self-reliant style of managing interpersonal relationships.

At a previous job, management would stomp their feet and shout at their employees that they needed to be professional. However, management had no qualms about treating the employees like lackeys and children, and I quite honestly fit that role.

My current job, I was treated like a professional right off the bat, and I find myself acting much more professionally because of it. No one had to ask me to act professionally, it just seems to come naturally because I’m treated like one.

Quite right in my opinion and experience.

My friends will challenge themselves at school and convince me that I’m smart enough to do it too. Without them convincing me, I wouldn’t have accomplished the things that I have. I think the quote will apply to the person that wants to succeed.

Just a paraphrasing of the “Nature or Nurture” argument. I always enjoy watching the movie Trading Places as an example of this.

Wow that’s quite a mouthful of a quote.Speaking as a man i’m quite partial to an occasional treat of any kind.Keeps me contented.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I agree, also from personal experience. Unless a person is willing to make that first step themselves to improve their circumstances, no amount of encouragement, kind words, money or material things will remotely help. A friend lives (still to this day) a very harsh life and I really did do everything I could to help her but rather than taking that first step, she would “mooch” off me constantly, and even when I gave her everything from clothes to money, it wasn’t enough and she would steal from me. It really is down to the individual to change their own fate. Some are happy to be helped, others really are just users who don’t see a friend trying to help, just a “mug” they can con. As I said, from personal experience.
hugs honeys xx

I myself would love to know who decides how someone else should ’‘be’’.

I don’t really agree with this quote as a whole, since a lot of people have faced adversity and all odds and have bettered or worsened themselves, all that without confirming to the opinions of others, and sometimes spitting on said opinions deliberately.

Of course, there is also influence which plays a great role, and if you keep telling someone they’re useless and weak, they might come to believe it, especially younger people…but someday they’ll snap and defenestrate this quote, even if it’s not intentional haha.

@Symbeline We’re talking about helping a person, not forcing them to conform to our standards. Yeah, some hard-hearted people will slap your hand away and spit on you for it—happens to me enough. That’s what they invented handkerchiefs for. Humans are relational creatures and as such, the way you treat them will impact their behavior.

You, and you alone decide.

@slick44 True enough but our past experiences and the way we’ve been treated will color our perception and can cause us to adopt behaviors for reasons we are unaware of.

@Storms , this is true.

The quote is very true. But its also a generalization.

It reminds me of children, and how if we over-coddle and over-protect them, they’ll grow up to be needy (the “that offends me!” culture)

And one of the reasons prisoners in America act like thugs, is that we have thuglike system that encompasses them. There are some Dutch prisoners, living on a beautiful prison island, who are treated humanely, and they act like normal, gentle people over there after being shown some love for awhile. They don’t even escape, even though they could. They don’t want to. They learned through the example shown to them that their attitudes used to be wrong.

It is absolutely true and it is a mistake to think otherwise. My kids can do anything because I taught them to be unafraid to try things and provided every opportunity I could for them to try new things. I will never forget my son in 3rd grade had a classmate come over who happened to be a full on Mensa genius who already was doing high school classwork at 8 years old but the kid did not know how to play…never been in a tree fort never played catch!! I felt so bad for the kid and the anguish in his face over of his inabilities was masked by the smile and joy over his new experiences.

I work in a school setting. Not directly with the kids, but I have observed that the teachers that push the kids hard generally have better results than the teachers that teach to the lowest common denominator.

If you let people know they are expected to succeed, not just asked, they can do more than they thought they could. And sometimes even mort than the teachers expected.

@Just_Justine I’d say that for a normal person without underlying psych issues it can be true. you open up and elevate a person to his higher self and he will move into the experience with you. Let’s talk!

Probably true for about 70% of people otherwise not hindered by mental illness, disease, addiction, etc.

I think it’s true, generally speaking. Mostly because many were never given the tools it takes to find their own strength. The responsibility for this is a two-way street, lest there be doubt. We have a responsibility to be cordial, or say nothing, and most of us fall into that trap on occasion by running our own traps. All we can do is dust ourselves off and try again. This is where sincere apologies and mercy come into play. And maybe a little empathy, too, as long as I’m dreaming.

i believe in saying ..hey stupid…. grow up..or i`m out of here… im not here to change you ..but i`m not sticking around with a stupid person

@doctiresquire
Wow, that’s not exactly how I said it but yeah, you nailed it!

Depends on the man (or woman)

Really good question. I treat my man with the love and respect he deserves. Any less than that and I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend. I treat any other person I meet, how they are and how they treat me.

It depends, doesn’t it, on your ability to perceive “how that man is”. I’m continually astonished to learn of people’s perceptions of me, for example. Some people think I’m mean! What a laugh.