Is it healthy to occasionally not have communication with each other for a day or two in a relationship?

I can’t imagine texting back and forth all day or even frequently. I think the relationship you describes sounds just fine. I wouldn’t worry about it.

I’m reminded of the old saying Familiarity breeds contempt.That can be the case sometimes.

I know exactly how you feel. I have a girlfriend who’s the same way….super-loving, attentive, fun to be with and the whole nine while we’re together – but then slacks tremendously in the communication department.

It bothered me a lot at first, but in time I realized that texting just wasn’t her thing. And I accepted it. We have plenty good times together, so I got over it. Now we occasionally text, sometimes just once a day, even skipping days like you mentioned…and it’s cool with me.

So, to answer your question. Sure, I’d say it’s healthy. Maybe irritating right now, but healthy nonetheless. You guys still have a great time together so don’t let it bother you too much.

My man and I text each other constantly/ communicate through IMs or facebook when we are not together. For us, not communicating for an entire day wouldn’t be good. If you’re fine with your relationship the way it is, great. If not, say something to your partner. You have to speak up or nothing will change.

Sounds pretty normal to me! ;) and MarcoNJ is right, maby texting is just not his thing.

Sometimes people need a break from each other but they should at least text them to let them know that they are or need to. Texting is so effortless and IMO to not just just say “Hi how are you” seems awfully inconsiderate or your feelings.

Yes. That’s perfectly fine. I think it shows that you’re not totally obsessed over the person and that you trust them enough to not know what they’re constantly doing.

Mmmmhh I think it depends on the intensity of the relationship initially. I’ve been in relationships were texting and seeing each other was frequent or where texting was never a strong point and the person worked shifts etc…where seeing each other was limited.

So depending on the intensity of the communication initially I think it leads to expectation that that level of communication etc…will continue. I have this strong notion that I would not like complacency to set in and to be took for granted.

So if patterns of behaviour changed or my partner I felt was becoming complacent that would be the time to communicate my thoughts to him.

thank you for all the responses. Perhaps I should simply mention to him that I would appreciate more communication when we are apart. Because I have always made the pattern of not texting him first, it could be that he assumes I’m not into texting much. Its not that I require running updates of his life, but it is nice to have that occasional good morning or how are you doing message.

I will continue to not text him today, to see if he eventually will (which I do suspect he will), if not then maybe it is time to tell him that this does bother me to some extent.

It’s actually very healthy and even a requirement for a working long-term relationship.

Thank you Matt that is encouraging, I do know both of us have ideas for this to be a long-term relationship. Maybe it is best to accept this behavior, and remind myself of the old “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. I do know for myself the saying definitely does apply.

There becomes a point when there is nothing left to talk about without having a boring conversation. Sometimes you may need to take a break to prevent an argument from happening.

@sarahjane90….Like you I have always had the same notion that I won’t text 1st but admittedly have started to give in…but getting that 1st token of communication in the morning via text when my partner isn’t seeing me, knowing I’m in his thoughts….puts a smile on my face.

But as they say ‘whats good for the goose is good for the gander’ so maybe surprising my partner with a text 1st puts a big smile on his face too :)

Nothing wrong with it. It happens. My wife and I have, because of random schedules, at times gone a few days without even seeing each other much less having a chance to have a back and forth conversation. I’m not particularly needy in the sense of needing consistent communication. I’m perfectly happy to wait till we have time together and can talk face to face. For as horrible as it might sound it’s something of an out of sight out of mind thing, I need to focus on the tasks at hand, though of course it’s in no way a reflection on our relationship, simply the way I focus on what’s in front of me. I’ve also found it just makes the time together that much more meaningful and when you do get those random txt’s, they’re that much more welcome. And, you know, sometimes it’s even nice to be able to “catch-up” with someone you are so close to.

Nothing wrong with it at all. I would even say it is more healthy than a couple who HAS to remain in contact with each other several times a day. That is just clingy and controlling and personally, I find it disgusting.

I don’t know why people, especially women, find such behaviour ‘cute’ and go ‘he must really care for me’. All he is doing (or her for that matter) is checking up on you and that is not healthy.

I sense a problem. before my wife and i married each other, we could not get enough of each other. we had no cellphones in the 60s, but we did have landlines and we wore it out. i wanted to be with her every minute. she wanted to be with me every minute. i never really had any downtime, since i was a musician in a rock and roll band. she would accompany me on just about every show i played. she was my best friend, my best critic and i flat fell in love with her.

If you two not are feeling what we felt, then there is something wrong in your relationship. john

Unlike @john65pennington I see absolutely no problem whatsoever. This is the way some guys are: excited and happy to be with you, but also 100% committed to whatever else they get involved with. During the course of a 20+ year marriage (and 100% faithful and committed on my part), I often had to travel for business and would be incommunicado for up to a week at a time. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her or didn’t care, and not even that I couldn’t find the time or a phone. It’s hard to put into words exactly why I would choose to not call—I’ve been sitting here for a couple of minutes with no good “reasons why” I would have done that. Sometimes (looking back) it would almost be a break in concentration from finishing a day’s work and planning the next day, and sometimes it was because the day’s work spilled into the evening’s dinner and socializing with team members that would ensure future success.

Maybe it’s just because I’m a man and can’t work and “carry a relationship” at the same time—and I do know that there were times when being 3000 miles away and hearing her complain about her day or something the kids did—or even just that she was sad because she missed me—would ruin an evening for me, since there was nothing that I could “do” to fix those things. And a ruined evening could turn into a sleepless night and hell the next day.

I don’t know why girls want to be in contact with you all days of the week. We both have our lives, why do we have to set aside an hour a day for each other? In the big scheme of things, the % of time we spend with you is far more than anything else we do.

He spends the weekend with you, but after work, maybe a few hours on his hobbies? Does it really bother you that much that he isn’t always think of you, but comes to you first as soon as Friday starts?

When I first started to date my current girlfriend – she told me – I need you to call me once a day. I flatly say no – but she still expects it. Here’s my reasoning: I want to call you because I want to talk to you, not because I have to. Would you rather me call you for the sake of calling you? Would it make you feel better if I’m calling just to ‘check’ in? I don’t think so. So you won’t be happy, I won’t be happy – you’re caging me in, putting cuffs on me.

So why not step back – and find something else to occupy your time till the weekends? Also – while I’m at it – text him if you miss him. You guys are in a relationship – it’s not time to play mind games. That was for month 2, this is month 5. If you miss him, text him. Something like “I miss your smile.” will brighten his day. Skip that “what are you doing now” discussions – they are really pointless. You can make plans to keep communication – “Say – this weekend, let’s take a walk at Dyker Park and have a picnic during sunset.”

Don’t purposely not text him because it feels like he’s not talking to you.

I see nothing wrong with it.

Your relationship may be entering its “long-term” phase. If his interest is still there when you’re together and there are no signs of cheating, don’t worry. This is probably his normal communication pattern.

I was deployed overseas less than two years after we were married, but had been together for seven years. We both knew that we could trust each other totally. I tried to call or e-mail daily, but in the field commo is not always possible. We both knew that our relationship was strong, even with communication disrupted. When we were together it was like another honeymoon.

You have to decide whether or not to trust. Five months is a bit early to have to decide this. At that point, we were still in the infatuation and “need” phase. If things are right, you’ll grow into the knowledge that the relationship is strong and doesn’t need to be reaffirmed by constant texting.

I believe every relationship functions differently and there is no right or wrong. Providing it works for you, you are both happy and their are no trust issues then I see no reason why you should have contact everyday. My boyfriend and I are fairly long distance and, whilst we talk most days, on the occassion that we don’t it’s not a problem. I know that if I need to speak to him I can call and he knows the same.

I wouldn’t worry about this if it’s his regular pattern. I would bug me if someone was full on with communicating everyday and then suddenly there was nothing… or reluctant communication. That would worry me more.

It doesn’t sound “unhealthy” but I know what you mean.

Perhaps what’s impeding this is the “I’m going to wait for the other person to text me first” mentality – if both people have this attitude, it becomes a stand-off between who’s going to text who first. There really isn’t anything to be ashamed about – you want to talk to your boyfriend, that’s good! If you want to hear from him, try texting/calling him when you know he isn’t working or busy just to say “Hi” or before you go to bed to say “Goodnight”. Maybe he’ll gradually start doing the same.

I dont think the situation calls for a discussion but if you do decide to discuss it with him I’d suggest not using too serious of a tone – he might get the wrong idea.

I was in your place a few months ago. It made me question so many things in the relationship. I got scared. I voiced my worries to my boyfriend, and he assured me that he’d be more conscious of it. Now, communication is better.

But what’s helped me through it is my own acceptance of how he operates. He gets busy and distracted and simply doesn’t contact me. I thought this meant that he didn’t think of me, that he didn’t want me. But he explained that he just doesn’t think of texting me or calling me. I told him that I wanted him to. We’ve found middle ground. We more frequently update each other on our lives while we’re away. We email each other cool links we’ve found. But I understand when he doesn’t contact me for a couple days.

I guess I just realized that my time away from him would be better spent taking care of my own stuff, not worrying about things. It’s so much more healthy.

It’s neither healhy or non-healthy in the abstract. As in all relationships, what will make a healthy relationship is a pattern that satisfies each of your needs. If you want more communication, speak to him about it and see what you can discover about his feelings. Maybe you can negotiate a pattern that works for both or you, or maybe one of you will give more in this regard for reassurance or space in another area. I wouldn’t play games; you can ask him how he feels if you text him first.

This works with the genders switched around, as well. Some people need more communication than others. Being a person who needs a lot of communication with everyone except my wife, I tend to assume that if someone is not contacting me, they aren’t thinking about me and that means they are thinking about someone or something else. It makes me insecure.

I tend to communicate via email, mostly. I’ll start writing someone new, and it’ll be fine for a few days, and then it’ll stop. What happened? Am I chopped liver, now? To date, I have only met one person who could keep up with me, email for email.

I know it’s about self-esteem. I figure that people barely tolerate me and are easily bored or just don’t care about me any more. In many cases, that’s not a problem, because it doesn’t matter if they like me or not, and after they haven’t written in a while, I start forgetting who they are. Not maliciously. It’s just that I need constant contact to be able to keep what I know about a person in my head.

Sometimes a person will contact me after a long while, and I’ll be thinking, ‘are you this person with this history, or that one with that? Are you the one with children, or are you the one who was abused? Do you have bipolar or ADD?’

I need constant contact or I’ll feel like the person doesn’t like me any more. I know other people aren’t like this, and they get bothered when someone contacts them too much, so I’ve learned to hold back my anxiety. What will be, will be. I can’t control how they think about me. I just have to have faith that they will be back, or that I can deal with it if they don’t come back.

Edit: “a patttern that works for both of you”

I would like to suggest that you not think of this issue in terms of health, but in terms of communication. My educated guess is that he needs a little autonomy, not that he is feeling, or wants to feel, distanced from you.

If you are worried about what his silences may mean, I think you should ask him in a calm way, and find out what it means to him.

I wish you the best of luck.

I think everyone and every relationship is different. If you spend weekends together I can see letting some week days go by without talking. If you saw him only infrequently, it might be different.

i think it is ok.

I have just recently gotten out of a long-term relationship. It lasted almost three years and yeah, occasionally we would go a day or two without communication. I think ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. We even have an 18 month old daughter together. I think your relationship is perfectly healthy.