Was this a good reaction?

No, if someone upsets you the best thing to do is to let them know, firmly but politely that you do not agree and discuss it immediately. This, in my opinion is particularly true for families when emotions are easy hurt. Tell your grandmother how you felt, maybe she’ll be more considerate next time.

@asmonet I appreciate your advice but everytime I try to talk to her or stand up for myself she will either call me by mothers name or she will fly off the handle at me. I don’t know what to say any more or not to say.

Baby, stand by your honesty. Dont bottle it up. confront her with love and your heart.

Your poor granny has started some dysfunction in your fam. Be a leader, not a follower.

Your grandmother is not likely to change her ways just because you tell her. It is likely she remembers a time when you were younger (possibly much younger?) when you did tell whoppers, so that’s the way she thinks of you now. That’s unfortunate, but that’s also how folks tend to be.

If you can tell her what you think without disrespecting her, and without losing your temper, then go ahead and tell her. If you can do this properly, it will help you stick up for yourself.

If you don’t think you’re up to talking to her respectfully on both sides, it’s better to drop it.

@snowberry I am afraid to talk to her, I think I will just say nothing like I have been doing so far. :(

@MorenoMelissa1: If you think you might ‘set her off’ try to never use the word ‘you’ or any variation of it. ‘I feel’ is how every single one of your sentences start. Practice it before you approach her if you think you might slip.

Yes, you did the right thing. Granny was probably confusing you with your brother or sister. But you didn’t bottle it up and cried it out.

Remember, Grannies are old and subject to mental lapses.

Is it possible she is confusing you with your mother? She may be in the early stages of alzheimers.

@WestRiverrat No she calls me by my mothers name to be mean. My mother passed away in 2006.

@MorenoMelissa1 Hey, if you can get to the point where you can laugh about it, it’s much better.

I’m an only child, and after my mother died, my father used to introduce me as his wife!!!?! It was all by accident of course, but still crazy. This happened pretty often. I learned to laugh it off, or sometimes I’d gently correct him in front of his friends or my friends, depending on my mood and the circumstances.

No. If you feel that she called you a liar without justification, a conversation is needed.

Label your grandma as an “unreasonable” and try to put her influence and opinions to your outer circle. If she becomes suspicious when you don’t engage her or don’t react as she anticipates then tell her as calmly as possible how you are hurt by her choice of words and that you don’t feel she is correct in her examples. It’s like someone saying, “you’re pissed off and nagging at me” when you’re actually frustrated and inquisitive, a reasonable person will talk it out with you but your grama will most likely huff and find ways to feel justified in her attacks. See her coming, deflect and find other people to be around.

No , let her no how badly she hurt you.only then will you begin to feel better.

Maybe she is still grieving over your mother as well. Sometimes we take out our frustrations on those nearest to us, only because they are there. Just tell yourself, just because you say it, doesn’t make it true.

She’s probably right. Almost ALL of us tell lil “white” lies almost every day. I realize that no one likes to hear this, but I think you did the right thing. Now… when you get a chance, go back to her and bring the subject up again. Ask her if she can recall times when you told a fib.

I would confront her. Ask her to to give examples of the lies you supposedly told. If they were lies, then your grandmother was justified. If they were not lies, then you should stand up for yourself.

It would not be important enough to me to broach the subject again. If you go looking for trouble, you most likely will find it. Who would benefit from confronting her? You probably already know what she would say anyway. Take the high road and put the issue to bed. There is another way to handle things like this. I have done it myself. 90% of the time it works. Kill them with kindness.

I would NOT recommend “confrontation.” Just ask an honest questoin: “Can you remember times when I have lied?” Then discuss, calmly and rationally each example she brings up. Go easy. She is, after all, your grandmother.

@CaptainHarley She can’t discuss it calmly and rationally. She said her grandmother calls her by her mother’s name or she will fly of the handle at her.
This might be one of those time when you have to say “it is what it is” and then spend your time on more important issues.
If she didn’t tell whoppers, she knows she didn’t. Therefore, she doesn’t need to prove anything to anybody.

It sounds as if her grandmother may have a touch of Alzheimers.

@CaptainHarley that could be so, and you can’t hold someone responsible for what they might say if they are ill. Sometimes an eye to eye look at the person, with a smile is all that is necessary.

No, you didnt do the right thing. Firstly, you have to accept that old people are often insensitive to the point of rudeness. No idea if its down to dementia, upbringing, or just the fact that they’ve heard it all before & are bored second time round. However, she did have a point. All adults lie about everything all the time. In a way, you lied to her right away by leaving in order to cry. The honest thing to do would have been to show how she made you feel….. but thats not how we taught to behave in the west.

Good point, @JeffVader

Some people just don’t benefit from you standing up to them.

I can cry in front of my mother all day long and she ignores me. Some people just don’t give a shit about another person’s feelings.

@MorenoMelissa1 It’s interesting that your grandmother very effectively derailed the conversation by making it about you! It started out about a show you had seen, and suddenly YOU are the liar?

This is typical passive-aggressive behavior. You can’t reason with someone like this. Unless you choose to be very neutral around your grandmother, understand she’s likely going to do this again sooner or later.

Suggest you strengthen yourself, take care of and love yourself, and heal. Don’t take yourself too seriously either. It helps.

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. You know you have not told any whoppers but she believe you have. You don’t have to tell her how hurtful it is that she said it but I am with the captain as soon as she brings it up I would ask when and what? If she brings up an incident I would tell her there was a reason if she cared to hear it and if she didn’t I would tell her then I guess it wasn’t that real to begin with and leave it as that, you would be proven more correct due to the fact she could not support her claim.