Should I apologize for something I didn't mean to do?

Oh, and my friend is now switching sides saying “Ohh he didn’t mean it” or “Well, what you said was offensive….kind of” even though SHE told me it was hilarious and he’d get a laugh out of it too! So now I’m the bad guy

I think he shoulda laughed at it too.

He should have laughed. I wouldn’t apologize. I think it hilarious myself when I see white friends get their panties in an uproar when a friend and I joke- her making fun of my NA heritage and me making fun of her Asian heritage. It is clearly a joke and not meant in a mean racist way. I love it when the ridiculous white guilt starts rearing its ugly head.

I admit to the double standard, I wouldn’t take to kindly to white friends mocking my heritage, but it doesn’t take a moron to figure out when someone is joking or being a racist asshole.

I don’t get how he made fun of it but when I did it he insulted me. Who does this guy think he is? Great, now it’s going to be awkward when I see him. He’s not a good guy anyways, he sleeps around, does drugs, and when I see him with my friend he tries to manipulate things in order for things to go HIS way when we have plans. When he f***s up he tries to sweet talk her and all of a sudden he’s the greatest guy ever again.

he sounds like a total chode

My point of view is that if I feel like I should apologize, or I think about it, I always do—regardless of whether or not I was at blame.

If you want to apologize, make sure you are clear on what you are apologizing for.
You aren’t responsible for how someone else interprets something. If that were the case, you’ll be spending the rest of your life apologizing for everybody else’s problems. I think your bf is overreacting, and your friend has no spine because she’s caving under pressure and sacrificing YOU to do it. It was funny! But even if it wasn’t funny to me, the intent of humor is still readily apparent.

@Rarebear has a good point. If you are bothered about it and even slightly consider that you need to apologize, apologize. That way it isn’t weighing on your conscience. Then I would lose that friend. He doesn’t seem much of a friend.

I didn’t feel the need to apologize but a few other people told me I was a jerk for doing that. I then began to think if everyone else felt like I was a jerk maybe I should go apologize, but honestly I don’t think he deserves one.

Then don’t give one if that is how you feel :)

This is what happens when you discuss all your business with everyone you know. You’re not a jerk, because you’re Asian and it’s generally okay to crack on your own ethnicity, but you are rather clueless to think that someone might find that comment funny or attractive. And really, you were making a crack about him and his taste in girls.

Apologize for having a poor sense of humor.

Don’t apologize. You’re not responsible for the actions of other facebook people.

I don’t think you need to apologize.

Facebook drama? Really? Come on… really?

I don’t think you need to apologize either. He over reacted and you were trying for humour. FWIW, sarcasm is really hard to “do” over the Internet, or in print. You are missing the all important smile that follows the statement.

You got caught in your own game. Them’s the breaks.

”My friend said I should do it and he’d find it hilarious. I did….and later he ended up calling me a self hating, hater, that’s really bitter!”

He’s a jerk. no apologies necessary.

How is he a jerk because he didn’t play along with her scheme to make him look bad? It seems to me he just reacted to her and she didn’t like his reaction. And he wasn’t even reacting to her, he was reacting to a figment of her imagination. The entire basis of the issue was her dishonesty in the first place.

Dishonesty? I thought it was a joke.

She was being deceptive. That’s dishonest whether or not it was a joke. He wasn’t in on it. He was just the set up.

So then according to your criteria all those people who pull pranks are being dishonest?

Rat tail him with a wet towel and tell him to get a sense of humor even though making fun of people because of their race is generally not a cool thing to do unless of course you are of the same race which you were so it should all be cool. Make faces at him if he persists at being a tad pole over this issue until he wises up.

@tranquilsea
Well yes but not that there’s any judgment in it. But if I drop a bucket of water on a sleeping friend and he punches me in the face that’s life. Sometimes you play and sometimes you pay for play.

I laughed. He should of, too.

@SeventhSense She said, ””My friend said I should do it and he’d find it hilarious.”

The guy told her to do it..and then gives her a hard time. He’s a jerk.

Her friend said she should do it to her boyfriend.
Actually the guy’s girlfriend is also an asshole.

You should apologize that you offended him, but make sure it’s clear that you are not a hater and that it was simply a light racial joke. If he can’t handle small racial jokes, I’m concerned as to how he functions at all.

@SeventhSense I do see your point. I think the word dishonest is a little strong in these kinds of situations. It would be like me swatting a guy for telling a dumb joke and him loudly declaring I had assaulted him.

@tranquilsea
It’s not about right or wrong.
And it’s not just a joke. It’s a person being the unwitting butt of a joke. It’s more like being duped. It’s like you swatting a guy after taking a bite of a sandwich that he put sand in.

Here’s a weird story and I’m not comparing this to her story by degree in any form but just about surprises in general that sometimes reveal things that one does not want to know or to have occur. Years ago there was an episode of Jeny Craig(kind of like Maury Povich crossed with Oprah) and they set a guy up to have a secret admirer. He went on national television and was introduced to his secret admirer who was a gay guy. The guy later went ont to shoot the guy dead with a shotgun because he felt so humiliated. Now that’s extreme and that guy had some serious issues, but the point is when you trick someone you really have no idea how they are going to react.
Maybe this guy is just sick of all the Asian love and maybe he already suspects people of playing games and so he just says WTF? You don’t know. But either way it’s not one’s job to give somebody an object lesson unless you’re a guru and the student is asking. And if the girlfriend really doesn’t like the guy or feels he’s a racist she should just break up with him. I really take issue with people and it’s usually women who feel some overwhelming compulsion to change someone. It’s bullshit. She should address her own jealousy of Asian women or jealousy in general.

Ok, we’ll just have to disagree with what the intent was. When I read what she posted on his FB wall it seemed like teasing to me. He wasn’t set up. His girlfriend encouraged her to post it thinking he would find it funny. He didn’t.

Ya I guess so. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. But I think she should apologize since she created the situation regardless.

jokes on you.. ...get over it.

“My friend’s ‘boyfriend’ or whatever they are to each other, has his Facebook wall flooded with a bunch of Asian girls flirting with him. My friend says that he makes fun of all those girls who are mostly Asian want him and he makes fun of how needy they are to him.”

This guy is really flirting with these girls and doesn’t want to commit to your friend. His denial that these girls mean anything to him is a little too strong, you know? Whenever people have a guilty conscience, they jump to deny that they’re doing anything wrong. If he really wasn’t flirting with these girls or attracted to them, he’d probably talk about them in a less defensive way, like, “Oh, that’s a chick from my art class,” or “She’s my friend’s sister, I met her once or twice,” or something casual like that. Another thing that makes me think he’s flirting is that if this guy is really a lady magnet, all kinds of girls would be posting on his facebook page. Nobody gets unwanted attention from just Asian women by just minding their own business. He’s probably purposely seeking them out.

Your friend either didn’t pick up on this or wanted to kind of passive-aggressively call him out for flirting. The guy knew that he was being called out, but instead of being a jerk to his girlfriend about it, he acted like a jerk to you. That couple… kind of has issues, but this whole thing isn’t your fault. There’s no way you need to apologize to that jerk. >: (

What is done is done. I personally feel he should have apologized to you and this would have all been resolved, but he obviously won’t because seems he is really mad at you for bringing the attention to what he really is doing behind your friends back. Your friend needs to move on to another. I have had men like this and it is best to let them go early on and not wait around till you catch them red handed. If your friend doesn’t want to listen..ask her to send him a pic of her and him to post on his page. Lol. I am sure he won’t do it. Other than that, I would forget about the whole mess and focus on your life knowing you tried to help a friend out but that you fell upon deaf ears.