Why is there a dichotomy between being pretty and being smart (for women)

Adults can be both. My girlfriend is hot and educated and I’m still surprised I found a woman like her.

GQ. If you read up on Victorian history, you’ll find some interesting information about the source of the beauty/intelligence dichotomy in women. Back then, people thought that intellectual activities, such as reading, cut off the supply of blood to the uterus and gave her masculine secondary sex characteristics (The Physician and Sexuality in Victorian America by Haller and Haller has some good info on this, but is out of print, so you may have to do a little hunting to find it if you’re seriously interested in the subject). Intellectual activity was the province of men, not women. To some extent, that stereotype still lingers.

As for the issue of not being taken seriously as a girl, some women disavow feminine things because it really does make a difference in how they’re perceived. For instance, I notice that male coworkers and service personnel are less likely to treat me seriously if I wear a traditionally feminine color like pink. If I wear a gender-neutral color like blue or green, they are nicer and less dismissive of me. So I’ll happily stop wearing pink if it means I get treated more respectfully. Sad but true.

I guess it’s the belief people have that no one can have it all. They think it wouldn’t be fair if someone had both looks and brains. Of course, many very attractive people are also very smart, but perhaps some choose to overlook these examples. Instead they emphasize the nerdy prototype of an intelligent, socially/physically awkward person.

There’s also the possibility that society conditions exceptionally attractive people to avoid being smart. They could be used to getting attention, instant gratification, etc., which would make working hard to earn good grades less appealing. It could make them have more superficial pursuits. They simply may not want to be labeled nerdy, so they don’t apply themselves as much as they could. In short, it’s possible that being very attractive corrupts you.

Obviously, there are people out there who are both, but I think part of the problem is people ASSUME this stereotype and it becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. You don’t expect “pretty” people to be funny, therefore you don’t engage them in any activity that shows you that they are smart as well. And vice versa. I am blonde, so this doesn’t help, but I like to think I am pretty and smart.

There is also the aspect that “pretty” people don’t have to work at being smart because they get things off of their looks. They can marry a rich man cause she looks good, guys can charm women into giving them money and the like. They have done studies that have shown that people who are “pretty” to the general populace do better in the work force (earn more that is).

@Blackberry good for you! you must be one of the lucky ones :)

@lonelydragon—thanks for the historical context. I have (unfortunately) been in similar situations where I felt I had to downplay my girliness to be considered competent.

I do think that the expectations society have might condition people into certain behaviors…if you’re a guy who likes x, you must also like y and act like z, and the same for girls.

As @Ponderer983 mentioned many women are both. Maybe if people are pretty in their youth, they worry less about education because they are able to rely on their looks. Maybe men are better able to focus on a woman’s intelligence if they are dressed conservatively…that men have created the environment that women have to desex themselves to not be treated as a sex object.

It is simply a matter of percentages. There are only four possibilities. Pretty, and not smart. Not pretty, and smart. Not pretty, not smart. And finally, pretty, and smart. There is only a one in four chance to get the combination in the first place.

@josie I like the statistical analysis.

there is an old saying… Tell a smart woman she’s beautiful….. Tell a beautiful woman she’s smart…...

HAHAHAHAHA everyone should look at THIS…...it is truly hilarious.

Trust me you will definitely get a giggle out of it.

Of course, if you look at the research (I feel like a broken record now, I’ve said this so many times), you’ll find that beauty is highly correlated with intelligence. I’ve cited the studies showing this so many times in the past that I’ll leave it someone else to look them up this time.

The dichotomy between beauty and intelligence is pure fiction. It is a chimera. It appears in the media because it makes a good story, but the story is a lie.

In a way, it’s unfortunate, because all those sayings we have about beauty being only skin deep, and those stories about the dowdy girl getting the man because she is interesting and the pretty girl is vapid—things that ugly people hold dear in their hearts—aren’t true. The things we say to comfort ourselves that looks aren’t everything… well, it’s true of course, but looks also point to intelligence, it turns out. How unfair is that?!?

You find someone smart and odds are they are pleasing to the eye. You find someone beautiful, and odds are they are intelligent, too. Of course there is a lot of variation, but on average, this is the case. The world is playing a cruel trick on us all, and fantasy is used to perpetuate the myth. While many myths contain truth, this one doesn’t.

Just for the record, I happen to know some dumb uggos and some beautiful geniouses!

Anywho, part of the problem could be that the beauty may be distracting from the intelligence. For example, when a man sees a lovely lady he is not usually going to be thinking “WOW! She must be smart!” Whereas a not so attractive girl will feel the need to beef up her mental status in order to recieve any attention at all. I should know. I’ve been on both sides of this playing field.

No it’s actually just the glasses. I mean we’ve all seen how just taking them off makes the extremely introverted homely girl into a hottie.
She was really ugly before she got a makeover.~

I think it’s the media the exaggerated this concept.
I’m with @Blackberry, I’m lucky to have found an attractive and smart girlfriend.

I don’t know the answer to your question, but I sure wish I did. I wonder about this a lot, especially your point about how being overly girly is considered a bad thing/an indicator of low intelligence. Liking to shop does not make you dumb. Being a cheerleader does not make you dumb. (This is why I can’t stand most Taylor Swift songs.)

Also, doesn’t it seem that stereotypical “girly” activities always have much more negative connotations than stereotypical “manly” activities? When a girl is a tomboy, it’s completely acceptable, maybe even moreso than if she’s overly girly, but when a guy has feminine traits it’s usually a negative thing. It’s as though we’ve decided that boyish behavior is more acceptable from anyone than girlish behavior is. Do not like.

Personally, I think that this is an outmoded question. Although some faint shadow of it remains, it is nothing like it was when I came to maturity, almost 40 years ago.

An example of a current well-known woman who is perceived by many as intelligent and is undeniably a lovely woman is . . . . Wait! Before I say the name I want to ask you politically correct flutherites to listen to what I am saying and not give a knee jerk reaction. I said “perceived by many as intelligent”. The point is not whether you think she is smart, but, rather, that many millions of Americans do. This is relevant because the question as posted refers to prejudice and sterotypes, which are all about perceptions, not reality. Now, I know that the person I am about to name is unpopular with many of you, but, again, millions think she is smart and I don’t know anyone who thinks she is not pretty – glasses or not. I am, of course, talking about Sarah Palin.

Her looks almost make me green with envy.

I think it’s because there’s still this stereotype of smart women being physically ugly. Shows like “Ugly Betty” don’t help either.

I used to be both pretty and smart. Now I am simply smart. That is just fine.
i

But @josie, a one in four chance would mean that you think half the female population is “smart” and half is “pretty” and that half of each of those groups neatly overlaps. Seems unlikely, doesn’t it? In reality I think the “smart” and “pretty” designations represent a much smaller fraction than 50%; they’re a bit further out there on the bell curve, don’t you think, realistically?

Sadly, the world won’t let us have everything T~T

Decide who you want to be, and then BE that. The hell with what “people” say or think. There are enough people out there who will admire you to more than make up for it.

@le_inferno

Very GA

Oh, I hate the prettier-after-contacts trope. It’s never worked for me. I look exactly the same. Oh, but to the point:

@semblance Perhaps. But then again I saw a man commenting on a blog post once who noted his extreme surprise that a “typical college girl” (in a sorority, fairly pretty, fairly social) in his computer science classes was actually genuinely interested in the subject. It’s a very internalized mindset…for me, at least, it’s been kind of the eternal question that haunted my childhood years.

I got f***ing sick of having my head patted…. IQ over 140 and making tea for a pack of wannabes….... being told to be a ‘good girl’... and ‘don’t think so much’???? they’re lucky I just resigned——- fine…. a 24 inch waist…. and smile and make up for a head cheerleader….. it’s all built up… and I’m gonna write a book…. just you wait….

@Mariah
None of Taylor Swift’s songs imply cheerleaders are dumb. Even the ONE song she mentions cheerleaders in, “You Belong With Me,” doesn’t send that message. “She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers” simply sets up the contrast between the girl and Taylor: someone who is prominent and in the spotlight vs. being overlooked and lost in the crowd. She’s not necessarily saying “She’s dumb and I’m smart.” She’s just saying, “Pay attention to me, I’ve been here all along.” /swiftdefense

@kyanblue

There will always be at least some men who are misogynists on one level or another. I just think that, to the extent that the phenomenon you describe ever was an ingrained stereotype it has faded away so that now it is more anecdotal than anything else. Your own description of the blog poster fits that. So, there are at least a few men who are troglodytes out there – and even some women who think like them – but the majority of the population knows that the assumption that brains and looks cannot be combined in one woman is simply not true.

@wundayatta That actually makes sense to me. I think that maybe people refer to the packaging more than anything. A pretty enough girl, if she gets a great hair cut, can afford some really nice clothing, puts on a heal, and some touches of make-up, comes off very pretty. That same girl if she does nothing with her hair, and wears dowdy clothing, does not appear to be as pretty. I think the assumption pretty does not equal smart is actually about the final touches and not the natural beauty. When a relative of mine was trying to get a job as a legal secretary her girlfriend told her to get a hair cut, that she looked too “pretty” and not serious. My relative was very upset about that, the idea that it matters. The fact is no matter what she is pretty, but the hair and clothing can make a difference. I think her friend was being practical.

@JLeslie
If you put on a heal are you all better?

@SeventhSense What do you mean all better? Or, are you referring to how I worded it? Should have been put on heals.

Yes. A play on words again. Jesus put on heals.
You my love put on heels.

Haha. I missed the typo. Gawd my spelling has been just awful lately. Thank you. :)

@JLeslie
That’s one reason I love the Firefox browser. Instant Spell check on forms and blogs-right click choices. Although it wouldn’t have caught that.

I have heard of this firefox. Is there any negative to it? How do I get it?

Clicky here————> ‹(•¿•)›
I’ve tried Internet Explorer, Netscape, Chrome and without a doubt it’s the best browser out there in my opinion.

Lonelydragon, great answer. color worn my men and women have different effects on other people. maybe, this is why police uniforms are not bright colors, like red. most are dark blue, dark green or tan.

One of the reasons for the drab tones of uniforms is to make sure they do not stand out. And given the hardware that police and security and some of the military carry, it would be hard to mis ID them.

There is also the issue of laundering. Navy and dark green show far fewer spots than peach, lime, ocean and white.

I have a gorgeous and smart daughter and two nieces. It never occurred to any of the women in my family (including me) to dumb ourselves down.

I can say that I believe a lot of very attractive women DO ride on their looks and can be underdeveloped in many ways, especially when their looks start to fade in middle age.

I am an attractive woman but my inner qualities and intelligence, humor, are much more important to me than my physical presence.

Right now I have a friend who has always been a stunning woman, and while smart enough she is suffering a major depression and is on a cosmetic surgery jag as she has so over identified with her looks her whole life.
She is terrified that she doesn;t have enough charm to comp. the aging process and to still attract a man.

She doesn’t need a facelift and a breast lift she needs therapy.

It is sad and quite pathetic to witness.