When you end a relationship, is it best to just walk away or remain friends?

I say walk away, and then only be friends when both parties are ready/ comfortable with it.

I guess it depends on how and why the relationship ended.
If you can continue to be friends, then go for it.
If it causes too much pain and distress, then walk away.
If you provide us with more details about the split, it would help.

I think it depends on whether or not she want to get over him….
If she does, then it’s got to be a clean break, get rid of the things that remind her of him, stop hanging out at the same places, delete his phone numbers, email, everything!
If however, she wants to hold onto the feelings for a while, possibly get in a horrible mess when one or other of them is having a weak moment, then by all means, stay friends.
Once enough time has passed they can be friends again, but it just wont work if they try it immediately.

Just walk away. Let the future decide the rest.

Thanks all. Hope she reads this.

I walk away. It’s too much to deal with someone you had strong feelings for then go to being friends. Some people can do it, but I can’t. Usually the people I have dated I only can be with them in an intimate relationship, otherwise I would have been friends with them in the first place. But that’s me….

Best to walk away. Friendship can be difficult unless sufficient healing time has passed I.e. Time enough where neither party fees bitterness or jealousy towards the other person or their choices.

I personally prefer an even break,,,at best maybe,,,No Harm,No Foul !!
I have a crazy middle aged aunt who is single,,she meets men through dating websites in which she loves to portrait herself in an angelic manner,when in truth she has the lifestyle of a rock groupie,,,she always ends up hurting this men and they break up with her but for some reason she always insists on remaining friends with them,I guess in an desperate attempt to clear her conscience !

Who broke up with whom? If she broke up with him, but still likes him as a friend, she ain’t doin’ him any favors. In fact, it’s probably torture for him. Very cruel. It just keeps him hoping for a reunification.

If he broke up with her, then she can beg and try to remain friends, but it’s kind of up to him. In any case, it is difficult to make that transition, and she could be putting herself in a position where she is in torture.

I recommend a clean break, no matter what.

I’ve always seen it as a matter of circumstance. Why did they break up? Many times the reasons are sufficient to where dragging out the relationship will just make matters dramatically worse for both parties in which case ending it cleanly is likely the best solutions. If that’s the case it’s usually pretty easy to see from the outside, just remember she won’t necessarily be able to see it so well, so give her a heads up.

Other times, things just don’t work out when the people involved become so close (the little things just sort of get in the gears as it were) but the distance “just friends” creates allows for the friendship to continue and even grow. My closest and deepest friendship developed from just such a situation and flourishes to this day, in fact it’s hard to even imagine her not being in my life.

With that said, tell her to step back, take a deep breath and give it some time. If he’s really her friend, he’ll still be there when she’s ready and he likely needs a little time for himself as well.

@wundayatta It was sort of over after he was mean to her. He said some horrible things to her and then told her to leave and not to contact him again. But he has phoned her since and said he wants to be friends, and then changed his mind and said he didn’t and to keep away.

When it’s over it’s over! I’ve had too many awkward moments in the past with Ex’s still being on the scene, my preference is walk away & stay away, it can be difficult if you share the same friends but life goes on…… :-/

Just so long as everyone understands & is adult about everything then there should be no problems… if only life was soooooooo simple…Lol….

@Dibley As I said, I don’t think she’s doing herself any favors if she tries to be friends with him. Unless she likes romantic torture and longing.

@Dibley ahhhh~ ok, yeah, it’s over. break it clean (something to the effect of, “I offered, and I meant it, but you know what, without a serious attitude adjustment, you’re not worth my effort.”), cry it out, and move on.

@wundayatta Thanks, I know she is reading this

@wonderingwhy Thanks.

he was mean? and said horrible things? ...girl needs to work up her righteous indignation and turn her nose up at this jerk.

life’s too short to waste good lovin’ on a bad apple.

depends…some you can and some you can’t! (that is, remain friends) my ex and i are not friends! she lives in her state and i live in mine…works real well!

That’s an incongruity. She broke up with him but is still in love with him?

I didn’t really have relationships with women until I was somewhat mature. In every instance, the relationship ended because one of us fell out of love. Sometimes it was her, sometimes it was me. You’re with a person for a while, then the fireworks are over, and there’s nothing left that you want to hang on to. One person wants out and the other one doesn’t, usually, and there is always some pain involved. A lot of pain sometimes. Very hard to be friends with someone under those circumstances.

I think your friend has some maturing to do.

A clean break is the best thing to do.

i agree, a clean break at first is the best idea. if you’re always hanging around the person, the feelings are going to linger and then it’s going to hurt longer. if you want to be friends later when no one is bitter or sad about the situation, then do it, but not at first.

Thanks everyone.. GA’s for all of you. And GQ for Dibley.. Thanks Hun..
I’ll just leave him alone. And let it be, let the whole situation cool down for a bit.
You guys are right I’d only hurt myself if try to be friends with him now.. It’s only been 4 days. Thanks for the good advice, as always.
Idk what I’d do without you ppl, probably fuck things up even worse for myself.
And I didn’t know how to handle this situation bc it’s my first time breaking up with someone. I guess I do have some maturing to do.

It sounds as though he is playing with her emotions.
If she is strong enough then she should attempt to walk away.
I know it isn’t always easy.

@partyparty I’m not a very stong person. I’m hoping this experience’ll make me stonger.
And hell yes, it isn’t easy.
@deni You’re right and I don’t want this pain to last that long. Maby I can be friends with him in the future, but not yet.
@JeffVader You’re right, thanks. I don’t want things to get more messier then they already are.
@Ponderer983 Good point.

At this point i think it would be best for both parties to walk away. That way no further harm can come. And if it were ment to be, then it will eventually be.

@whyigottajoin I think it helps to vent—talk about your feelings or describe them for people. It helps you make sense of what is going on inside you, and it gives people a chance to sympathize. Some will try to offer advice too, but you can ignore that. It’s just about feelings. Maybe Dibley will ask what it feels like to break up.

I think that the more you feel what you feel, while retaining enough whatever it takes to get through the day, the faster it will go. You process the feelings and begin to let them go, and begin to have an easier time taking an active interest in life and the world again.

I think the best thing for her to do is walk away from him.. Especially if she is still in love with him.. She will always be hoping that he will fall in love with her again.. She needs time to grieve..Love is so powerful and it makes someone feel like they are walking on air but when the feelings arent mutual it hurts like hell..

I broke up with my ex. We are still pretty much best friends.

I attribute this to the fact that our break up was an understanding that we weren’t right for each other. It wasn’t because someone cheated, or was mean to the other.

I fully support friendship after relationship, because there is a piece of you with that other person, and it isn’t like you can stop caring for them. If you could – then you never really loved them.

I still care for my ex deeply, and she does the same for me. We keep in touch, and have dinners once in a while to catch up. I’ve spent too much time loving her to just let her go to abstractness.

As to whether your friend should be friends with the ex – if he was mean to her – it probably isn’t in her best interest.

Oh and for the above @Emt3225 that is def true. I had to take a 5 month break from my ex before I could talk to her again and be friends. But I took the break knowing I’d be back – and I recognized I needed time to get over her properly.

Hope that help.

Walk away, if its yours to keep trust me they will come back. Im living proof of that.

@Dibley, tell your friend, a greasy pig almost always gets away. She should not waste her energy, time and emotions.

Unless the relationship produced children then you(general) should just walk away. It’s hard to be friends with an ex, especially when they start to date again. It hurts and it’s painful to watch.

Well, the dilemma seems to have been mostly resolved, but for posterity, the short answer is: it depends.

Long answer: all the following factors should be considered. In general I’d say that it’s hard, and usually both people need some time apart to grieve properly, readjust, and work things out before they can fall back into a friendship.

a) Were they friends before becoming involved romantically? It’s easy to fall back into being friends if there was already a preexisting rapport.
b) Was the breakup messy? The bitterness can hang around for a good long while and make it difficult to slide back into a casual friendship.
c) Do her continued feelings for him cause her pain? Friends can be casual with each other; friends can talk about a new girl they’re dating or a guy they’re interested in. If she’s still in love it may be worse for her if she has to be around him and stifle her feelings.

Sex with the ex is often great though, but like a lot of things it’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.

I’ve remained friends with most of my ex’s. A lot of times there are children involved and that changes the dynamic of separating. If they weren’t good people the relationship wouldn’t have lasted long enough to worry about it.

Since they’ve been involved romantically, I would say walk away. But I’ve heard of a number of divorced couples that remain friends.

I have always tried to remain friends, and mostly have been sucessfull. Mostly.
A few ex’s have felt I treated them unfairly, and we have lost touch, but most of my wife’s friends are shocked by how many of my ex-gf’s I still keep in touch with.

@kyanblue a) We weren’t friends before we got involved romanticly. Our relationship went from just sex to falling in love with eachother to loving eachother.
b) The break up was very messy. Neither of us cheated or anything but he can be extremely agressive. He comes from such an environment, he was born in Kazachstan, lived there for 12 years, and then moved to the most agressive part of Berlin, and lived there for 11 years. I’ve called the cops twice on him in our relationship, I’ve been bruised up a few times, and he pulled my hair twice. When I left, it was bc he threatned me again, after coming home at 4AM with one of his friends, with “draging me down the hallway by my hair and beating the teath out my parents mouth, wait untill tomorrow morning blabla” so I’d say there’s alot of bitterness.. If you ask him then he’ll tell you that I couldn’t do anything right, and start naming my mistakes. But the only thing I can do is yell, I can’t defend myself against a 27 year-old child. He should have never hit me. His excuse on that will be that he didn’t use his fist and that he left my face alone, if he wanted to beat me up he would have used his fists and go for my face. But I didn’t want to hang around and wait for that to happen.
c) Somehow I still love him. I’m no longer in love with him, but there’s still that sweet part of him I knew @ the beginning, and he was my first serious, long-term relationship. Even tho part of me hates him. I wouldn’t be able to see him even talking with a smile to another girl. Bc there’s still that part of me that loves him. And idk if that will ever go away.

@beautifulbobby193 And he’s hurt me enough times, I’ve shed too many tears, the sex with him wouldn’t be worth me putting myself up to being vulnerable again, and thus giving him the chance to hurt me again.

And there are no children involved thank god.

@whyigottajoin

Sounds like you really need to move away from this guy, I’m not familiar with the culture in Kazakhstan but I guess it’s lot like most eastern European countries where they are brought up to think women are inferior to men!, Just watch your step with this guy!! My advice, stay well away….. :-/

@Scooby He grew up with muslims. :/ ‘Nough said. Not that I’m rasicst or anything. And I’m working on that.. Thanks =)

@whyigottajoin

Thank you too ;-)
I’m no racist either but I’ve been witness to some strong cultural differences among some of my friends & their chosen partners who hail from abroad… :-/

@whyigottajoin the part where you love him will never go away. Why should it – you should always have to good times in your heart.

Moving on is hard – but best you don’t see him again. Maybe in a few years?