Does my boyfriend want me?

You can’t force someone to do these things. If this is what you want so bad, do it with someone else. Your boyfriend is being rational, would you rather him do it just because you want it and have it be a disaster? It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you, or he wouldn’t have stayed with you for 7 years…..

No.

It depends on a lot of things, your age, his, maturity levels, what’s happening in both of your lives, are you financially able to take that step, etc.

@pinkgirl02: 7 years? You could have half a dozen kids by now. I don’t know how old you are but people who start having kids late don’t have as many and sometimes there is an increased risk of complications.

i am 26 and he is 40

7 years is a LONG time… I don’t think you’d fall into the “comitment-nazi girlfriend” status if you insisted that he made some decisions. I don’t think he get’s to use the term “doesn’t happen overnight” anymore. And I’m a single guy.

There was a woman who I was dating for a while and it kind of got to that point, and I realized that I didn’t think we would make a good married couple (for various reasons). I realized it wasn’t fair to prevent her from finding someone that would make her happy as a husband, and so I broke it off and moved on. It really sucked, but I think it was for the best.

Here is my advice quit seeing him, and see what happens, see what he has to say. You may be surprized.

its been off and on and every time we have had a row hes been the one whos kept coming back so i dont understand

Sorry but it’s time to move on. Do it before you invest any more in the guy. You’ve given enough.

i do love hom but i dont think he loves me anymore because he doesnt want to move forward with me

He’s 40, is it possible he doesn’t want kids and doesn’t see your relationship as serious? In my opinion on-off relationships almost always end up being permanently off. After 7 years if he isn’t ready to move forward it’s probable he never will be ready, at least with you

@hug_of_war It’s true just because a man is older doesnt mean he wants older man responsibilies. He could have issues with committment. In which case you may be better off with someone else who wants what you want. Try youtube thats how I met the love of my life. :) That would be my advice on finding someone nice. :)

he says he wants kids and get married and all that but hes all talk and no action

I think it may be time to step away from him.

but i love him and so its so hard

Tell him it’s time for you to move on, that you love him but you just can’t see any future between you anymore. I know it’s hard, but if you look back in another seven years and nothing has changed, how much harder will that be?

@pinkgirl02 there’s a VERY good chance that you’ll meet someone else who will likely be more compatible with what you want out of life, and is willing to respect you enough to not keep you hanging for 7 years.

the thing i dont get is when i ignore him when we row he always comes back and say he loves me and he wants us to be together and i now think he doesnt mean it its just false

he’s wasting the best years of your life.
you’ve heard that beyonce song, right?

@pinkgirl02 if he really meant it, then he would of done something about it by now—just my opinion.

i know i am probley wasting my time but i dont understand why he doesnt come out and tell me

40 and not ready to settle down? Something doesn’t seem right. Time to move on. Send me your CV if you like.

@pinkgirl02 you see? you already know it’s time to move on, you just don’t want to admit it. You don’t have faith in your relationship anymore because he has given you no reason to. Don’t wait for him, there’s no need to, do it yourself.

I would bet that this guy is already married and just wants to keep you “on the side.”

and when i said lets not use anything when we sleep together he said no and that i was stupid to suggest that so thats got to be him telling me something

If you don’t want to respect his decision then you can find someone else with the same idea with you.

but thats just it he hasnt told me

there is this saying, “why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?”.

i dont understand if he loves me why cant we move forward he keeps telling me he loves me

you’re answering your own question. i suspect the answer is hard to hear. listen to yourself. you know the score.

i keep telling myself not to answer his texts when we have a row and dont speak but i cant help it i keep going back all the time

Kick his ass to the curb. He’s 40 and not ready? That’s too old to not be ready. Especially after seven years. Drop him like a bag of dirt.
Oh, you can’t help it and keep going back? Well then. You’ve settled for what he wants. You can look forward to a lifetime of compromised desires and no wedding ring.
Enjoy.

he so adiment that we use protection all the time so that i cant have a baby with him he must really hate me

Why are you waiting for him to tell you what you already know?

because i want him i have been with him 4 7 years

@pinkgirl02 I don’t think he hates you, he just wants different things from life than you do. It sucks, but you’re going to be happier overall if you can find someone who shares the same goals in life that you do.

Who, knows, maybe prince charming is already in your life, but you’ve been unable to see him because of your relationship?

why do you want him?

You two just want totally different things. He’s comfortable with how things are, you want more. Do yourself a favor and take some off from the relationship and really think about things. You deserve what you want out of life, just as he does. He’s 40. He may change his mind, but I gotta tell ya, I’m 39. I’m pretty set on where I am in my life.

It doesn’t make him a bad guy, just probably not “Mr. Right.”

If he is 40 and still single I would guess that you are not the first person he has said these things to. If he made it this long without getting hitched and continues to string you along, he just might be a confirmed bachelor.

@pinkgirl02 Why did you ask this question? Seriously. Every time anyone tells you to leave him, you say ‘but I love him’ or something else, basically saying you are not leaving him. So why bother asking our opinion when you flat out are not taking our advice? Go back to him, accept that he will never marry you, and stop asking strangers for advice you flat out will not follow.

I’d stand up for myself and ask him why he doesn’t want to have a child/marry. Get details, is it money? Is he scared? I’m sorry to break the news to you hun, but you can’t make a good mother if won’t even stand up for yourself.

He must be a strong willed man to insist on protection when you’re game ball to go ahead without it.

@pinkgirl02: I wouldn’t marry a girl I was with off and on with. This sounds like a possible divorce waiting to happen. I wouldn’t have kids with someone I didn’t want to marry.

26 and 40 is a big gap. If you guys haven’t figured it out after seven years, it’s time to pull the plug. He’s going to be 54 and you’re going to be 40 and still asking us if you should stick around. Stop wasting your time and get real with yourself.

i just wanted some advice because i didnt know if i was the bad person or not

I don’t think you are “the bad person.”
I does seem like you might be the wrong person for him and vice versa.

i just cant believe its taken him 7 years to find that out im such a stupid desperate sad cow

You’re being very negative on yourself, the problem is him, not you. Pick your head up, and start looking around. You’ll probably find lots of guys who might be interested in you.

He obviously doesn’t want the same thing. The age difference is key.

Wow most of the relationship questions are tricky but this one is very straightforward.

Off and on relationships suck and you can do better.

If you think the best you can do is someone who only loves you sometimes then your expectations are far too low.

Seven years should be long enough for him to decide—that’s just my opinion.

@pinkgirl02 Yeah, you’re not a stupid desperate sad cow. That’s really harsh. You’re just stuck in a bad situation. You deserve better! Life goes on and I think it’s time you searched for greener pastures – not to be too corny. :)

i just cant believe its taken him 7 years to find that out im such a stupid desperate sad cow
There’s your answer. You don’t believe your worth more. But you’re correct in that it’s not anyone’s fault. You are both complicit. If I were you I’d get comfortable with being alone for a bit and doing some inner work and start attracting what you want rather than what you imagine you have to settle for.

7 years is a long time and it’ll be tough getting over someone after that long. You’ll need a good support group (family, friends, etc.) But trust me when I say, “you can feel that way about someone else.” You just have to want to. :)

I really want a baby with him even though our relationship is far from normal i just love him so much

Well if you ever want to have sex with this man, intimating that you want his baby will more than likely send this 40 year old man running for the hills.

he knows how i feel, he said he wants the same but he is not as desperate as i am.

Well if he feels the same way, well…there’s a method to accomplish this goal and from what you’ve said this hasn’t happened yet. Do you really think that you’re ready for a kid anyway?

yes i really want a baby with him i think it would bring us closer together

It probably won’t bring you closer together.
The stress of having a child could end this already shaky relationship.
Is that fair to do to a child?

If a woman ever deliberately trapped me with a baby by being deceptive about birth control, I would love the child, but hate that woman with every fiber of my being for the rest of my life. I can’t speak for your boyfriend, but I know many other men who also share my belief here.

As I’ve said earlier, I think it’s best if you let go and move on. There are lots of guys out there who are looking for the same things in life that you are. I think you’re selling yourself short.

i am not on birth control so i can not trap him but,i would not do that to him

@pinkgirl02
You can’t even formulate more than one question and you want a kid? God help the child.

i will just trick my boyfriend when we have sex. Then he will want it anyway.

Ok it’s official- TROLL

yep