why did he cheat and then come back?

Because now he knows he can cheat in the future and come back? It is like having the best of both worlds. He can fuck whoever he wants and someone back home will do the laundry to remove the perfume from his clothes..

I would suggest moving on if you can.

Because you made the unwise decision to let him?

he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Dump him. Embarrass him too, just for fun!

Just kidding. About the embarrass part.

squirbel is wrong.. Embarrass him as much a possible. It might not make you feel better but it will make me feel better.

Because he wants the security of a relationship (emotional support, easy sex) and the adventure of a one-night stand (exciting sex).

The more important question is, why did you take him back?

do u think if you cheated he would take you back? Just a question

Even after an 8 year relationship?

@Bigblack: it’s possible he wants out and doesn’t want out at the same time, and is cheating to force the issue.

IMO… Sorry IMHO 8 years is too long for boyfriend/girlfriend.

I am the guy who cheated. I honestly think I did because I really have never seriously dated anyone for this long. And we finally got serious about getting married, and I needed to see if that is what I really wanted. I’m not justifying what I did by any means. I just need advice. Because I really do love her.

No you don’t.

Do her a favor. Leave her alone.

“I really have never seriously dated anyone for this long.”

8 years, come on how long does it take to make up your mind. You will never make this a marriage based on this work.

I agree with Poser, GO AWAY, leave her alone, she deserves someone who can make a decision!

i dated someone for 5 years and she cheated on me. Her excuse was because we were too comfortable with each other that she ventured without me. it was unfortunate and she regretted it but trust was not there anymore so I could not take her back regardless of what she said or did only after she had her cake she wanted “us” back to the way it was. Coming back because at the end of it all it was not worth it and missing that comfort.

eh. some people have open relationships; i’m not going to judge what is right and wrong for two people in a relationship. it has been my experience that honesty is usually best.

lying isn’t cool. forgiveness is.

8 years should’ve been long enough to determine if this is what you want or not. And cheating on her doesn’t seem like a good way to figure it out either. I’m not bashing you dude; we are all human and no one is perfect. But you should try to do some soul searching to figure out if you
really want a committed relationship right now.

@Bigblack: I suspect that if you thought cheating might be a good idea, that getting married is a very very bad one.

@aaronblohowiak: generally, people in open relationships define “cheating” as “having sex with someone else outside the boundaries we’ve set”—i.e., in an open relationship where the rule is that you have to clear the sex partner with your life partner, it’s not cheating if you ask permission and get it, but it is cheating if you don’t ask or you have sex anyway without permission.

@cwilbur. i concur and hope that my post did not imply otherwise. I hope people take your quip as a clarification of what i was saying.

the heart of the issue is why he cheated? Was it a one time event when he was drunk or was it something that has been occuring for a long time? This doesn’t justify what he did but might bring some insight to the while thing. Then you have to ask yourself if you are willing to take a chance that he will more than likely cheat on you again when you guys are married and have kids.

On that note I took back my girlfriend twice when she cheated on me but in the end we ended breaking up. After being cheated on twice I found myself becoming a person I never liked. Controlling, posseive, and domineering. The trust isn’t there so you question everything even misunderstanding of a surprise birthday for cheating. Those were the dark days. It taken me over two years just to find myself again. So you may have to ask yourself if you really want to go through all that if you take him back.