Are you invited to too many functions, where a gift is expected?

You are obviously considered a good friend – why not go to all three? I’m not sure I see the problem with this picture.

I’m sorry, what’s the question here?

Let me clarify for you. The most prominent thing about the invitations was the Stores standing out in your face with each invitation. I would never do that, expecting a gift and telling people where to buy it.

Would you expect to be invited to any one but not the others? Maybe they regard you as more of a friend than you regard them.

The store “register” is common practice nowadays, and although perhaps a little disconcerting, quite sensible. It prevents a couple getting seventeen toasters and six irons. The suggested gifts don’t have price minimum, it is up to you how much to spend or to spend at all.

I guess I am a bit old fashioned. But these events all happened within 1½ months of each other. I thought it was a bit much. At least I would have left off the stores on the open house.

I’m really still not understanding what the question is. I get that you think it’s tacky that the couple seems to be unabashedly asking for gifts. I don’t get how that’s a question.

@DarkScribe At least with seventeen toasters and six irons, you can go back and get something really big that you would have not purchased on your own. I just felt overwhelmed. This was not just a friend, it was family of family.

It sounds like they are over estimating your fondness for them, and you should bag the housewarming.

I guess what I am asking is, would you feel comfortable inviting people that often, informing those people of the expectations of a gift.

@Rangie I just felt overwhelmed. This was not just a friend, it was family of family.

I agree that is seems – on the surface – to be a little“pushy” but it does make sense. Few people will attend a wedding without a gift. I find the wedding “Wishing Wells” a little over the top, but they are also becoming entrenched in wedding practice. The idea of having a prominent place to place a cheque is bit blatant.

@DarkScribe I am sorry, I am having a difficult time tonight expressing myself. But, you have the jest of what I am saying. I think the wedding shower and the wedding were acceptable, but when the open house came so quickly, I guess I felt I was being invited for a gift, rather than sharing in the excitement of their new home.

I didn’t go to the open house. I didn’t even know most of the people there. I knew the sister of the relative’s daughter. Would you have gone?

I agree with you; I would have felt it a bit presumptious to be invited to three gift bearing events from the same people within a month and a half. I probably would not have gone or sent a gift to the housewarming either.

I usually send a gift but don’t attend. Parties make me uncomfortable.

Just because you’re invited to something, doesn’t mean you HAVE to go.

Especially if these are not people with whom you are close or have any meaningful connection other than extended relative.

You can always decline politely to all three if you feel so strongly about this. Obviously you feel they are grubbing for gifts rather blatantly.

If it were me and I felt that strongly about it, I wouldn’t go to any of the three. Or, at the least, I’d go to the wedding with a gift and skip the other two.

You can always plead illness or a scheduling conflict depending upon circumstances. Or just politely send your regrets without details. If you aren’t close with them, why bother with the shower or housewarming?

Nobody has a gun to your head here. I don’t see why it’s that big a problem.

I would never have the nerve to beg gifts from anyone especially at three events within a one month period.HS!Maybe you should get her the want ads and circle some job prospects for her.LOL!

So buy a gift to the first party, and not the other two, problem solved.

You don’t have to go you know.

The open house expectation was a bit much. Why not just invite people to your new home without expecting a gift out of it? If I’m really close to one of the people I’d go to both the wedding shower and wedding, but otherwise, I wouldn’t feel overly obligated to attend both.

A traditional (Jewish) housewarming gift is a loaf of fresh bread and a container of kosher sea salt. Wrap them in a $3.00 dish towel, and you’re fine.

I would not have gone to the housewarming, or if I did, I would have taken a bottle of wine or a garden tool.

Sending a person three invitations where it’s customary to give a gift in less than a month is a bit over the top, but so is listing a registry for a housewarming party. While people tend to bring you a gift for a housewarming, it is entirely at the discretion of the guest. Registering for stuff for an open house smacks of a shake-down; if they can afford the house, they can afford their own drill, garden hose, ladder and fire pit. Or they can buy them for themselves.

Registries are for the convenience of the guests, and enables them to buy something they know the couple will want, and to get away from a couple getting 12 blenders and no china. You’re not required to buy from the registry. A shower should not be hosted by a family member for the bride, unless the guests are family members only, and then it should not be an immediate member of the family.

Be prepared for the baby shower invitation and registry…

@Buttonstc Never said it was a problem. Just looking for the most popular response, as to the etiquette of the situation.
Thank you

Ahhhh, it’s a real question now! So much better!

I wouldn’t really find it that surprising, but it does seem to say something about the couple!

LOOK! I am asking what would you do? I am not looking for advice, the events are already past. How do you feel about this as per etiquette?

@PandoraBoxx I’m still laughing. I never thought of the baby shower. I completely agree with everything you said. I would never go to a wedding or a shower without a gift. But, I felt like she should have sent out an email saying, “open house, don’t bother to come, just send gift” hehe. But, really that was my first impression.

@La_chica_gomela What do you expect, I am old. hehe. Sometimes it is difficult to express myself in writing, but I will keep trying. Thank you for prodding me on, to make it a real Q. That was my intention, it just wasn’t happening.

Ah. The question? I am at an age where most invitations come with a “Please, no gifts” attached.The events I consider de rigeur are baby showers and weddings. There is often an voluntary alternative such as “donate to this or that charity, if you wish.”

@gailcalled I am also at that age. We just had a surprise 80th birthday party for my husband. The invitation was sent with a “no gift” request, that could not be missed. It was a wonderful party, all had a great time. Cards with best wishes were left, which were the most fun reading.

In my family, for big birthdays for the old folks (like me) we often collect poems, comedic writings, old pictures, embarrassing memories and make a scrap-book.

Love Maxine, BTW.

I wouldn’t bring a present to all three anyway. Just get one, and mention all three events on the card.

@gailcalled , Yes, we did most of that. No poems, but we did have old pictures, old friends, all the way back to high school, and a microphone, so anybody could get up and tell a funny story. That was really enlightening.

@FionaMarieQueen That would be a great way to handle it, but the 3 invitations came one after each event. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a stingy person. I love giving gifts, but I love giving them on my terms the most. The type of gift giving these days, is overrated, too commercial, and looses it’s meaning.

@ again, loses, not looses. must be a mental block.

@Rangie: Remember that “loose” rhymes with “goose.” All you have to remember is how to spell “goose.”

Forget words like ooze, schmooze, and peruse. The language is simply odd. What use are rules?

@gailcalled Thanks gailcalled. Funny how some little things like that get caught up in our brain.

@gailcalled But how does that help the many people here who seem to confuse the meanings and usage of “loose” and “lose”?

As one notorious (and now long-gone) flutherer said, “Use your cerebullum.”

@gailcalled Use it or loose it?

Lose limps lips sink ships?

Isn’t it fun how one little word can bring fun things to happen. I love it. There are a lot of funny people here today. I am having more fun than I have all month. I wish I was funny, but I appreciate all of you anyway.

@Rangie: Hang around for a while. You’ll catch on (another odd English idiom).

Or is it another odd English idiot?

@gailcalled I didn’t know that word. I do now and I love all the saying that have come about. I wonder how many we could think of?

@Rangie: Which word?

@gailcalled idiom. I didn’t know what that meant. But now I know. It’s like “Pardon my French” right?

An idiom usually is a short and pithy saying that does not translate, word by word, into an other language. “Pardon my French” is one; so is “all ears.”

@gailcalled I always thought it meant ” I am about to swear” You mean I have been using it wrong all these years. oh my gosh.

No, chère, it does mean “I am about to swear ” or “I have just cursed.” You simply can’t say, in french, “Excusez-moi mon français.”

@gailcalled What country do you live in?

In the country of rural New York State. I also speak “Cow.”

@gailcalled I live in California, I thought we were the only state with talking cows. and singing and dancing grapes.