Is it really worth it to have friends?

Friends are a must have as they will be the ones that are there for you when you are dealing with your S/O, family or parents.

I suppose that depends on what you call a friend. For me that means I have about none.

@Cruiser I never really wanted any though. I’ve never felt a need.

Everybody should have friends. By friends I mean someone who is always there for you, through the good and bad times.
Equally you would be there for them, when needed.
We all have family, but friendships are different.

I think friends are an absolute essential….. I’ve certainly never been unhappier than when Ive been lonely & away from people who care. I think without them it is all too easy to become introverted & isolated from society, then, even when you have the chance to do something social, you just dont….

@JeffVader I don’t want to do anything social. I have absolutely no interest.

Judging from your comments, the answer to your question is “No”.

@Sophief Each to their own….. so long as it’s what you really want, & not a consequence of anything else.

Friends are good. Epically when you need your house painted.

@JeffVader It is, I’ve been like it since I was around 24. I went wild for about 4 years and then just totally lost interest.

Counting on only one person to meet all of your emotional needs can be very dangerous. In addition to my husband and sons, my close friends support me, nurture me and give me pleasure. Life without friends would be unthinkable to me.

@phillis I was just wondering what others thought.

Sounds like you got a bad group of friends.
Quality friends are there for you. Sounds like this crowd was more along the lines of acquaintances.

No worries. Should I still call you Dibley? What is your preference?

I’m not bothered, either is just fine.

@Sophief – You trying to say you don’t want to be my friend?

@ChazMaz No, of course I’m not, your one of the best on here. I meant in real life.

Fluther is not Real Life? :-)

@ChazMaz No, thankfully it isn’t. I like Fluther and you.

@Sophief: In both your former incarnation and your new one, you seem to be really obsessed with your highly charged relationship with your boy friend. It is wonderful to love someone but you need some independent and outside relationships and friendships.

He who binds to himself a joy
William Blake

“He who binds to himself a joy
Doth the winged life destroy.
He who kisses the joy as it flies,
Lives in eternity’s sunrise.”

make new friends…..but keep thee old…one is silver and the other gold.

Your friends are not good….find worthy folk. It is important to have good friends.

Absolutely have and make all the friends you possibly can. i did this all of my life and i have never regretted it. i passed this on to my children and their list of their friends is limitless.

We all have one or two people that we would trust with out lives and property and that is your BEST friend.

We all need ‘em and we all love ‘em. john

Friends, will come and go, you often get hurt. Maybe is better to just be alone.

For me personally, I tend to have many acquaintances and a handful of close, trusted friends. I’m closer to these friends than I am to most of my family in general. Over the years we have helped one another out through thick and thin, and learned from one another. I absolutely love my friends!

I’ve been feeling that way of late.

To answer the second part of your question, if I had to choose, I’d pick no friends.

I cherish the friendships that I form. I’ve had some very long lasting friendships, and some that ended but may be rekindled with renewed contact.
I would never put all my emotional eggs in one basket for one person to handle.

Friends always have been and always will be worth more than all the money in the world, in my opinion. As far as how many or how few friends someone is comfortable with having in their lives, I’m sure this is something that is unique to each and every one of us.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
Best friends listen to what you don’t say.

This is a bit indirect perhaps but here we go. The word “friend” implies something commonly recognized but the specific definition of what qualifies a friend to each of us tends to vary.

I’ve always found my closest relationships are much more akin to s/o’s than what I would call “friends”. In that very small group, we share our lives with each other not because we need to, but rather, because we want to. We are each interested in making the other happier, not because we have to or because of some expectation or social acknowledgement, but because we enjoy it and believe ourselves better for it; and because we care about each other. Even if we are doing nothing, if we are doing it together, I feel as though I’ve gained something and they likewise. I share their pain and grief, because I feel a true friend doesn’t offer a hand expecting something in return, they offer it hoping it will help.

Finally, I’m quite familiar with the friends you’ve described. I have, had, and lost many over the years. One thing I’ve learned, your relationship with them is worth what you believe it to be.

you are better off alone, even without a significant other or family, if those people drain you and add nothing to balance out the efforts you make. you can still have lots of casual friends on whom you rely to notice if you are simply not around—that is a good level to start, then slowly bring a few people into your circle of trust. just make sure there is parity in the relationship, and if you need a guideline, the watchwords are “boundaries” and “co-dependency.”

I suppose if that’s how you feel then yes, maybe you are better off without friends.

I beg to differ.I think friends are a key staple to socialization – or at least surviving socialization in our culture. Even if I were happily, madly in love with someone, I’d want to go out with friend(s) every now and then. There’s times when I could honestly say, I don’t know what I would do without some of my friends. The luxury of being able to talk to people free from judgment, about anything or even just spent time with people you love is something I’m not so sure I could do without in this society.

Without my friends I would be nothing.

Of course it’s worth it to have friends. My boyfriend started out as a friend.

I agree with @mowens on this one. I live for being with friends.

But I guess that’s what makes me an extrovert.

@DominicX I was told I was an introverted extrovert…. which I always thought was a hilarious term. I rarely talk to someone first, not because I am afraid to, just because thats the way I am. But if someone talks to me first, I am the life of the party… and I drag more people in.

@mowens

That’s how my boyfriend is (he used to be even more extreme). I called him a “shy extrovert”. Meaning that all throughout high school and everything, he would never talk first or instigate something; he would wait to be invited to things, but once he was, then he was lively and he really enjoyed it. I think that term makes sense in many ways.

For me, yes. Living my life alongside friends makes me feel it is ‘real’, there are witnesses and my memories aren’t alone to warp over time. Friends have been my main support since I left home very young, they’ve been there with me through all the big events and the greatest experiences I have, I think of sharing with them.

@Bluefreedom Such a lovely answer :-)

@DominicX See, thats just the thing!!! If I am in my comfort zone, when I get a base of good friends wherever I move… be it a new job, new school or whatever…. that is when I flourish. I need friends in order to be outgoing to new people. Does that make any sense?

I am 26, and in my life I have made 3 huge moves.

1. The first high school I went to, (that I later was kicked out of…) took me across town. Instead of going to school with everyone I grew up with and lived in the same neighborhood as, my parents sent me to a Catholic school across town. One of the advantages of being from a well off family I guess. It took a while, but I built a group of core friends, then everything shot off like a wild fire.

2. Moved for college. I moved to an entirely different city for college. And at first, I didn’t want friends. I had too many, and I was too busy! I didn’t have enough time for anything one on one. So I just made a few close friends. After having been down in this city for 8 years, I have decided it is time to move. I want a fresh start again, I enjoy meeting new people and I love challenges. I think I am going to try Austin, Texas.

3. Job switches. Every time I switch jobs, it is bitter sweet. I grow to love the people I work with, but I get bored when I master a job! I have to move or my mind will rot. This last job switch was tough. It was like being paid to hang out with my friends, and it felt like a break up. I really enjoyed working there.

But life continues. Each time I come out on top, and in awe of the amazing people I have met. I will miss my old friends, but I want to meet more! I have only seen the tip of the iceberg.

Your question made me think of this one, with its pertinent answers.

If you’re talking about the constantly-texting-to-make-sure-youre-updated-and-what’s-going-on type of friend, then yeah… I’d rather have none.

Or the circles of friends who all have constant emergencies and are codependent upon each other to constantly rescue each other…. leave me out of that, too.

But there’s so many types of people. My friends fit in my life.
Its legitimate to not want friends outside your family, if you are already almost totally content.

Perhaps your type of friend, if you were to want one, would be someone trustworthy, drama-free, and who only calls occasionally and never drops by suddenly. Someone who likes you but has no need for you.

Mates are a waste of time. All they’re good for is bringing you down to their same level of intellectual, social and sexual mediocrity.
’‘Sick Boy’’ Simon Williamson

I often heard that friendships ultimately are meant to cater to one’s personal needs and nothing more, illustrated through mutual reciprocation and the like…you know, bumming games and money off one another, or having a serviceable source of outer confirmation for how awesome you are.

Seems plausible to me, but while I don’t have many friends and really can’t be arsed with most people I meet, I do value my few friends in a very different way than the biological or psychological circumstances might suggest.

Maybe it’s all subconscious, I mean nobody wants to use their friends…so I don’t know. Of course I don’t mind having friends.
To me, I don’t owe anyone anything, nor does anyone owe me anything. My friends and I understand this, as I don’t seem to get together with people who view friendship with a mentality suggesting that we’re forced to give if we receive and vice versa…it seems to be a rather prominent subject, and one almost confirmed through generality.
I don’t agree with the best friend syndrome, to me friends are people you just seem fated to get along and have a good time with. If you see it as a chore, of course it’s gonna get depressing.

Whether friendship is based on self preservation or not, I have no idea if I want more friends or less friends, I’m happy with the ones I have now.

As for grief and pain, well no matter what one does in life, we’ll never be free of it, wherever it comes from.

And you’re hearing this from an angry Goth.

It’s not something I go looking for, but when I meet someone that I feel comfortable with and we have similar interests, I’m welcome them into my life. To me the definition of a friend is someone who can come into my house without calling ahead, help herself to my food, and we can talk about anything without getting mad.

Another definition is being willing to remove a tick from under your friends chin, along with a few whiskers; in return he gives me a haircut.

edit: friend’s

I like to have friends and it is definitely worth it. Maybe friends aren’t for you, it’s understandable to not like society. Sure people can hurt you, but friends, at least true friends, (not acquaintances) are people you can rely on, they uplift and contribute back to your life and vice versa in some way or another and I don’t mean carnally. I make all sorts of friends, like @john65pennington said with pretty much anybody, there are intrinsic human qualities that can with friendship bring the whole of humanity together. Sounds idealistic, I know, but friendship is akin to peace and what the world needs is peaceful communication. Communication Is Key to a better society.
There are some people out there that just need a freind, that’s what I’m there for. With my best friends and I, it’s not biological or psychological dependency or whatever, it goes much deeper than that, its more like destiny that me and my best friends were brought together. I know a saying that says something like family are people you have to love cause your stuck with them at birth, friends are cherished because they choose you and you choose them.