Why do I come off as neutral?

“I thought women are attracted to guys who don’t care… who are an “asshole” so to speak.”

Why in the world would you think that women like assholes? Women are not aliens from some other planet. Women are human beings, people, just like you. Do you want to date an asshole?
Well, neither do we.

So, to answer your question, I’m sure there’s probably a number of reasons you don’t have a girlfriend, but I can tell you that’s problem number one.

@La_chica_gomela

Well being nice didn;t work either. I have tried many of different personalities… none have worked yet.

Every fucking thing I read tells me women like assholes. I observe my friends who fuck them over and it works….. I try showing them no attention and well…. I just get none back.

Honestly most just view me as neutral. Like in class for example, I get along with and share some stories\laugh with some of the girls, but thats just about it. We are on the level of co-workers. Personal\friendly but not that much

Frankly, it sounds like you are an asshole, so I’m not really surprised that women aren’t falling all over you.

Personally I like a guy who’s nice because he’s nice, not because he’s trying to get in my pants. I like a guy who has a personality because it’s who he is, not because he’s “trying” it out.

It’s difficult to find a good match at ANY age..you sound young, take comfort that you will be in this posistion for oh, another 35 years or so I’d say. lol

I am sure you will have plenty of girlfriends in time, maybe even a marriage or two and ultimately may come full circle, back to not caring. hahaha

@Coloma

No I won;t man Women just don’t come to me at ALL. I am just there. I’m not a nerd either. I have a good group of friends. I have tried to notice body language, but I notice none is projected at me (I try to observe). I am litterally neutral. There or not, it dosn’t matter.

Or, maybe your pheremones are off and you need some of that attraction perfume. lol
If you apply liberally and stand under a porch light you might attract a lot of girls like moths. haha

Honestly I just don’t get it.

I am not the most engaged person at parties, but I am semi-engaged. I chat with my friends and the people they are chatting with. I am just average… neutral.. at the 50th percentile.

There are a LOT nerdier, lamer, more ordinary people than me… but they fucking have girlfirends. I don’t. How can the most average person at or even bellow the 50th percentile have a gf or even get action but I can’t! I consider myself to be at the 50th percentile as well.

Maybe you should try actually asking a few out….Girls are not mind readers, If you are acting in a neutral way, we will see you as neutral.

Show some interest, make a few compliments, AND ask a few girls out.

If you act like a friend, you will end up in the friend basket, guaranteed.

There is nothing wrong with you at all….maybe you just don’t give off the “I like you” vibe….and you can give off this vibe by being yourself…don’t TRY and be nice or TRY and be an asshole.

Yes, when you spot a girl thats attractive to you just go for it!
Be solicitious, bring her a drink, chat her up, ask her to dance or whatever you guys do at the party.

Ask her to lunch the next day, a movie…be BOLD!

@j0ey
but they don’t even see me as a friend. I am not in the friend zone. They just see me as on the level of a co-worker. Very very impersonal….... Just there…. no judgement either way…. lke nor dislike…. you understand?

I think you need to change your self perception…act as if…fake it till you make it!

@TrickyZZZZ….are you trying to mind read though? Maybe you don’t pick up when they do like you because you automatically think they don’t care, because that is what you believe.

Do you have any close girl friends, as in mates? If you do, ask to hang out with them a bit more and meet some of their friends…just an idea.

And going places by yourself sometimes makes you more approachable too. I know some of my friends are hesitant to approach a guy when he is with mates…..you know what I mean.

Also, ask the girls you know LOTS of questions. Remember what they say, and ask them about things you have already talked about in your next conversation. It is really impressive and flattering when men actually listen to what you are saying and care about it.

@j0ey

Nope…. none at all. I have a few I talk to in class at a very impersonal level. They tell me little details about their life\relationship. I do the same. We talk about class. We cheat on tests. We part ways… thats all. Very cold and “buisnesslike.” After class is over for the summer I will never talk to hem again

I have had some “girlfriends” (friends who are girls), in highschool. We broke contact after I went to college.

@TrickyZZZZ…...it sounds like you are “friends” with those girls in your classes….ask them to have coffee with you one day. I would definitely say they think of you as a friend if you chat a lot.

You have to find out what do you have to offer to a girfriend (and what you want)...some guys a jocks, other rich, some funny, others are fixer-uppers. Maybe its a blessing not to have a girlfriend at this time.

You sound angry, rather than neutral. Try making the conversation about the girl, rather than about yourself.

im kinda confused here, what exactly do you want? do you want an actual relationship? Or just to get laid?

You are obviously not meeting the right girl.

I would say try being more of a gentlemen. Try toning down on the cussing, at least the f one. Opening doors for girls and all that good stuff helps too. What I think a girl needs to see is that you are treating them way more special than everyone else. Also a lot of girls like when a guy goes up to them in a genuinely friendly matter and asks them questions about themselves. You can’t really fake being nice, you can be seen as being too nice and fake or a pushover; However you can still be respectful and polite.

I’m a guy, these are things I learned the hard way

I’ve found that women are quite turned off by false people…. perhaps, if you are trying to act like a asshole they are just seeing through your act. Either that or perhaps you are simply coming accross as an arsehole & nothing else…. Yes, women do seem to like the moody & brooding types who seem a little dangerous. However thats not being an arsehole, women seem to think it indicates depth, a tortured soul they can save.

@JeffVader younger women I think kind of like the assholes, I think as we get older we like the nice, treat us well kind.

@Sophief Hehehe, yeh….. in my teens I certainly played up to the troublemaker image, & I agree, it really did work :)

Your problem is clearly something you described in phrasing this question.

“Try to be nice…”

As Yoda said – there is no try.

Be someone who people – including girls – will like. Don’t try or pretend. Girls aren’t silly or naive, they can see through fakery.

Maybe you’re just trying too hard to be noticed, people can get a little intolerant of persistent arseholes!
Maybe time to take a step back from your current crowd & branch out to some new social groups where common interest is the focal point, maybe it’s not you who has the personality problem, maybe the people you hang with are the arseholes , in any case, don’t try too hard to impress you’ll just end up looking needy! :-/

How about you drop the profanity? Girls might be less offended.

@TrickyZZZZ….Maybe it your mouth, clean it up a bit and see what happens.

@mattbrowne…sorry didnt see what you had wrote. But yes i am agreeing with you totaly.

Well one thing that I learned that women are attracted to most of all is confidence. I am seeing none here. Be more confident and see what happens.

work on your self.finde a mistakes and fix them.I have no girl friend as well as you and I dont see this as a problem.Finde some people who have fun regulary than join them{if}and the rest should come it self.

Hmm it’s kind of hard to describe. I am not acting like I want to be noticed. IRL the phrase that describes me is “I don’t need a girlfriend. I’ll find one eventually. W\e.” Everyone tells me (even on here) to have that attitude, yet when I do… I get no action. I have barely gotten shit all my life. N yes I do want some sort of relationship, not just to smash. Sex to me implies some level of caring.

I never seen profanity as bad. Thats the way I am. I would say that I am actually pretty smart, so it kind of makes up for it. Despite what I say here I am actually decently respectful (hold doors sometimes, please\thankyou, etc.). That kind of makes up for it as well. Lets just say english was never my thing…. I never thought I need to be “fake” around women. I thought your suposed to be real. I tried the fake thing before (being really assholeish). I never thought profanity was a turn off, but I guess it is??

My everyday convos:
Like I don’t use the word sex, I use the word fuck instead. Stuff is repaced by shit. I don’t care is replaced y “Fuck that shit.\fuck it” Stupid person is replaced by “dumb ass\jack ass” Rude woman is replaced by bitch. Excuse me I have to go to the bathroom is replaced by “Damn I gotta piss”

On and on…

No, girls do not like assholes. They like nice guys who have a little bit of a wild side. They also like funny guys. And duh you should care. Becasue if your not willing to make an effort to have a relationship, the other person won’t either.

Ok, look. Stop being such a pessimist. Stop whining. Once you can stop that, you can work on a few things:

Be assertive, not agressive. Girls like a guy who isn’t afraid to approach them. But don’t be needy or forceful with what you say. Maybe give her a compliment such as “Wow, you look great :)” A smile will help :D Ask her for her number after chatting for a while and getting to know her. It’s okay to be shy, but don’t let it get the best of you.

If you get a response from a girl, don’t overwhelm her with a text every 5 minutes even when she doesn’t respond… maybe text or call to say hey once in a while. Wait til she responds, then answer back. If she doesn’t respond, move on.

Don’t “try personalities”. Use the one you already have. If you act like you don’t care, she will act the same way. If you act like an ass, she will avoid you if she’s smart. If you act like “the nice guy”, she will respond IF you don’t cling to her and shadow her. This comes off as needy. NO GOOD! Be who you already are, don’t copy your friends.That’s a bad idea.

Try not to be rude. I don’t know if this is true of 100% of females, but if you cursed at me in the way you’ve responded to some posters, I’d be pissed and would not talk to you. So tone down the offensive approach and realize that not every girl will be attracted to you.

Also, you better only be asking this advice because you genuinely want a girlfriend, not a fuck buddy or a one-night stand. Mkay?? Because that’s the number one way to make girls hate you. Don’t mess with our emotions.

I hope this helps, good luck :)

Even if you don’t clean up your language, at leat use correct grammar and spelling. Also don’t hate on the nerds, I am what people would call a nerd and I’m proud of it.You can’t just want to be in a relationship to get one. You have to figure out who the right girl is and you have to make sure she likes you. I will agree that some girls like assholes, at least the guys are assholes to some people. Don’t try to act too nice because that makes other guys think of you as a douche.

its like this girls dont really want the “nice” guy, they want a man. that means you should be nice, and caring, but at the same time be able to hold your ground (not be an asshole). acting one way or another wont work, so its best to just be yourself, because when you do act, your going to attract the wrong kind of girl for your self.