If your child committed murder, would you take the rap?
Accidentally, or intentionally, my friend says that he would take the rap for any crime committed by his son. He would go to prison and even face the death penalty if necessary.
I told him that I would not go to prison for my son, but I would accept the death penalty in his place. I feel, as his father, that one of my responsibilities is to allow my child to face the responsibilities of his own actions. He would not otherwise be capable of learning and growing emotionally. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.
My friend says that in all cases, that he would choose to take the responsibility for his son’s mistakes, and likewise endure any punishment to prevent his son from suffering unnecessarily. If he raised the child, then he is ultimately responsible for the choices of the child.
I told him that some suffering is absolutely necessary, and without a certain degree of personal suffering, that much greater suffering would ultimately be endured by many others.
We found no reconciliation in our different views. What says you?
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47 Answers
No.
Would still love my child.
What would be the value of throwing yourself in front of the train also.
No I wouldn’t. Each of us is responsible for our own actions good or bad.
It would depend on why he killed the person. If he was a violent killer, then no…he deserves the punishment. If it was a crime of passion, then I might. Definitely would go by circumstance.
No.
Part of parenting is teaching that there are consequences for every action. Whether they are positive or negative depends on your action. Kids need to learn that lesson.
@ChazMaz “Would still love my child.”
Some would argue that “love” is the ultimate act of sacrifice. So to what degree is the love that you speak of?
Wayne Dyer defines love as:
“The ability and willingness to let those that you care for do what they want without any insistence that they satisfy you”.
Erroneous Zones
Probably not. As much as I love my son, I believe that if it were an accident, something that involved no malice on his part, I would do whatever it took to make sure that he was well represented so the real story could come across and his name could be cleared (if that were even necessary). Hopefully the facts would be as such that it was clear it was an accident, but if there was doubt on the part of the justice system, I would put my life on hold and throw everything I could into his defense and would not rest until the truth was known.
However, if he murdered someone purposely, then even though I would still love him, I would believe that he is not above the law and should follow the rules of society like everyone else. I would be gravely disappointed and would want to see him pay for his crimes and get the help he needed. I’d always love him, but the whole point is, I’m trying to raise a successful adult who would never kill or lie. If he did, I would have failed, and the path to redemption sure as hell isn’t me setting another bad example by lying for him. Hopefully the experience would build that which was missing from his character, but even if it did not, I would have to accept that if society needs to be protected FROM my child, then I can still love my child, but my ultimate duty is to the greater good, not his or my self interest.
@Taciturnu “Kids need to learn that lesson.”
How will that lesson be learned if he is executed?
If I take his place, then my execution may indeed teach him that lesson.
@dalepetrie “I’m trying to raise a successful adult who would never kill or lie. If he did, I would have failed”
If you are the one who fails, then why aren’t you the one who goes to jail?
@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Gotta love Wayne Dyer!
Believe me, someone would learn that there is a consequence to their actions if they spent all the time in prison leading up to an execution. The question is whether or not they would do it again knowing that.
If I spend their time in prison, they may never learn that lesson, or perhaps would kill someone else. Then we’re both in jail. What good would that do?
I’m not siding against you. I’m just presenting arguments from my friend.
It would depend on the circumstances, But most likley yes.
@slick44
So you, as parent, would offer grace?
I would not hesitate to give my life to save the life of my child…rotting in prison for his troubles would be a whole different kettle of fish!
My son did the crime
& now he’s doing time
It was he who pulled the trigger
who takes the blame go figure
I love him coz he’s kin
But he committed sin
When he’s out & free
He can come back to me
That rap enough for you? Add your own beat.
@Cruiser
What kind of fish do you fry in an electric chair?
“Some would argue that “love” is the ultimate act of sacrifice.”
The key word is “some.”
Don’t get being a Martyr and love mixed up.
Responsibility is not always an easy lesson to teach your child. But it is the most important.
“The ability and willingness to let those that you care for do what they want without any insistence that they satisfy you”.
Abuse that, ” do what they want without any insistence that they satisfy you” and watch that “willingness” fly out the window.
@ucme
But what of those who raised em?
Shouldn’t that have phased em?
If you’d have done your job,
He wouldn’t join the mob
Response-a-bila-tay’
Is not just what we say
It’s more about our deed
And eating what we seed
@ChazMaz
Well a Martyr dies for a known cause. Taking the rap for my child would have to be quite secretive.
No, why would anyone do that? His logic is a little off, he’s assuming he controls his son’s actions just because he raised him.
“Taking the rap for my child would have to be quite secretive.”
But still a “known cause” to you.
NO… I have other responsibilities beyond his own being.
If I take the rap, then my child is free to kill again. If he does, then I’m responsible for 2 murders.
No dice.
Did he or she commit the crime? Then, no, I wouldn’t take the fall for my child. We must take full responsibility for our behaviours to the extent that we are capable.
I’m not going to tap the rap – for one thing, that would be perjury on top of everything else. No one benefits by this!
I’d assist in any I could, but we all have to take the consequences of our actions.
No, of course not. Aren’t we supposed to teach our children to think before they act because the consequences could be severe? I would support them through such a difficult time. But I wouldn’t put myself behind bars for their mistakes.
No, I would not. People must be taught the difference between right and wrong, no matter how extreme the situation.
You are also denying the friends and family of the victim true closure if you lie about the death.
No, I believe in personal responsibility, and that everything has a price. It is not my job to pay that price for my adult child, and it is a detriment to their growth to know I will put myself in the line of fire every time they screw up. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them. But also practically I think your perjury would very likely be found out and then you’ll both have consequences.
Why would you take the rap for murder? To protect them? Once you’re gone who will protect them then? What of the acts they commit afterwards? Do you take responsibility for every other act your child commits good and bad? Do they deserve no credit for their actions are they merely an unthinking extension of you?
I’m sorry, but unless you’ve taught them that random murder is acceptable and right and given them the tools and/or opportunity to commit it, how can you bear responsibility?
I believe your friend’s core mistake may be seeing the suffering as unnecessary. I may be willing to bear your suffering but if it is at the expense of my ability to do so in the future I am trusting you, from this point forward, to make only those choices that do not lead to suffering. By shielding you from the effects of your actions I have likewise shielded you from the knowledge necessary to make such decisions. Therefore by suffering for your actions I have only increased my own suffering and helped to ensure yours after I am gone. I can certainly help you with your burden, I may even teach you how to avoid carrying it, or how to ease it on your own, but to take it from you does you a disservice in knowledge and experience that can only be gained by managing it yourself.
Taking in account that i don’t have children i can not definitely say whether i would do his/her time.
But something else…,don’t want to spoil the question here but is it even possible to take over someone’s punishment?
I should think not.
I cant speak for the rest of you, but when i decided to have children. I took on a great responsibility. And i love them unconditionaly. Im not saying people should not be responsible for their actions, my kids included. But as a parent,I feel i would do whatever it took to keep them from suffering at all if i could. Anyways like i said it would depend on the circumstances.I am 100% into my kids and giving them the best life i can, even if it means ruining my own.
No. I have always stressed individual responsibility and accountability for my children. In the event they murdered someone, I would get the very best defense attorneys for them, but I would expect them to be mature enough to accept resposibility for what they had done and to accept whatever punishment the law determined was warranted.
Those who are saying their child would learn a lesson by seeing their parent serving time or being executed are counting on guilt to teach that lesson. Depending on their crime, guilt may not be the most effective approach.
I am honestly not sure. I can find reasons to go either way, but I would not truly know how I would act unless (god forbid) actually placed in that situation.
Would not take the rap, but whether I would help him cover it up would depend on the circumstances.
If he was a violent person and straight up murdered someone, then hell no, I wouldn’t take the rap for him. What kind of person would I be to allow a killer to run loose? If he swore to me that it was more like manslaughter, accidental or self-defense, but was being tried for murder, I’d take it.
Edit: I thought about it a little more and decided I’d only take it if it was in self defense.
What about the people who would unnecesssarily suffer because the father traded places with his son? His son is still free to live his life terrorizing everbody else. This is okay with the father?
No, I would not trade places with my child, the possible exception of her being horribly punished for a crime she did not commit. I might take her long prison sentence, life sentence, or her death sentence. Before I made that decision I would very carefully weight the benefits and harm to everyone who would be affected by that decision. These events have far-reaching effects on the lives of many people. Whichever one outweighed the other, that’s the one I would go with.
If she commited the crime, it would break my heart. But I’ve lived my life. During the course of this life I have taken on more than my share of other people’s problems they insisted on forcing upon me. My debt has been paid in full. I don’t owe anybody anything anymore, save for the smaller mistakes every human makes. I won’t be taking on anyone else’s problems as my own anymore. She has her debts to repay, too.
No. You say that you would take the blame for his mistakes. Will you also take credit for his achievements? If he wins the Nobel Prize, will you insist on having your name placed on the award?
You teach them as best you can, then you have to let go and allow them to live their own lives and make their own mistakes. By taking responsibility after a child reaches adulthood, you are teaching him that he does not need to be responsible and can commit any act that he wants without consequences. Is this really what love means to you?
No, I wouldn’t and I wouldn’t take the death sentence either. At a point, a child starts to choose to build on their upbringing and character, I’d have to let them live by their choices and actions.
@RealEyesRealizeRealLies – my actual point was that though you CAN do everything right, and still fail, if you’re dealing with a child who has become something he shouldn’t despite your best efforts and intentions, the LAST thing you’d want to do is reinforce undesirable behaviors. I do think that parents who are grossly incompetent, who have either encouraged anti-social/illegal behavior, or simply were negligent in that they made no attempts to correct the behavior, SHOULD be held liable (up to a certain point) for the behavior of their kids. If you’ve failed your kids as parents and as a result they kill someone, then certainly you share some blame. I don’t raise my child to believe that violence is ever a solution, and if he reacts to something violently, I take corrective action swiftly. So I’m saying there’s no way I would be an incompetent or negligent parent, but if nonetheless, despite my best efforts and intentions, something inside my child was inherently broken, evil or whatever you want to call it, I think as a parent who cares about his child, MY responsibility should be to attempt to resolve whatever makes him this way if at all possible, not to try to cover up for it. If he can’t face responsibility for his actions (if he is really the responsible party, and not me indirectly because of negligence in raising him), then it doesn’t serve me, it doesn’t serve him and it doesn’t serve society to take the blame for his criminal actions.
Probably not. If he murdered someone, he will probably do it again, and end up in jail anyway.
However, if the murder was justifiable (say, someone who was threatening to kill a child), and I didn’t think he would do it again, yes.
Nope. Excepting self defense. If he has fallen so far that murdering is an option in his life, he is lost to the world anyway. My death won’t fix that for anyone.
I should also qualify my position a little bit. If my child were accused of a crime he did not commit, and I were 100% convinced of his innocence, and I did everything in my power to keep him from being convicted for something he did not do and it still looked like he was about to be convicted, then I would sacrifice myself, I would be the one to stand up and say, “I can prove he’s not guilty…I did it.” I’d confess, I’d take the rap to save him. The most important thing to me is the lesson….self sacrifice to right a great wrong is a worthy value to instill, as is honest and personal responsibility, which means that in order to distill those lessons, I’d make him face the consequence if he did the crime, and protect him from those consequences if he didn’t…it would just be the right thing to do, and that’s the kind of parent I want to be.
never not in a million years. I taught them better than that. I would be behind her when she turned herself in. Nothing could force me to abandon my girls.
If he killed someone on accident, yes. If he killed someone to protect himself, yes. If he murdered someone, no.
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