What is proper bar ettiquete?
Ok I went out to the local college bar and took time to really observe. I noticed that the guys were slowly finding girls to dance with. The guys would approach them, or sometimes just start grinding up on them at the dance floor. I could not tell if these guys had previously known the women before.
Another thing I noticed was that the women who were dancing gave me no “signals” whatsoever. I have read girls who are intrested will look at you, smile, then look away. I got none. They were just doing their own thing dancing. I would think out of the many girls there, one would show intrest.
Now many of times a guy who dosen’t know a girl there (at least seemingly) just starts grinding on a girl who shows ZERO signs of interest whatsoever. She however accepts, and they start dancing.
Is it “legal” to just grind on a girl at the dance floor? Should I ask (Hey, you’re cute. Wana dance?)? Also do most guys “know” the women they are hitting on at the bar (have been aquainted with)? How does this system work?
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
31 Answers
Whatever you feel most comfortable doing. You can’t pretend to be a ladies’ man if you aren’t one. But I would recommend a couple of drinks to help alleviate your inhibition or shyness.
@MarcoNJ
Never worked for me. I just get more drunk, antisocial, and want to pass out lol. I keep drinking under 5 drinks usually.
I don’t want to be a ladies man, I just want to know what I am allowed to do and what not. Obviouslly grabbing a girls ass who you don’t know is grounds to get slapped, drinked, or thrown out of the bar…. yet for some wierd reason I see this going on… Just wanna figure out how this all works if you know what I mean.
You can’t just grind on the first girl you see. You have to establish familiarty.
There’s one cardinal rule at bars: Dont be creepy.
@Captain_Fantasy
I understand that. My group of friends and I know a few other people there. Most are guys, so it’s up to us to find our own girls in the wild. The problem is doing this. It seems do be done by dancing.
After chilling near a group of girls dancing (by the bar), is it ok to ask one to dance even though I dont know them?
I seem to have seen this going on, but I am not sure if the guys previously knew the girls or not.
Dancing with a girl and grinding all over her are two different things.There’s nothing wrong with asking someone to dance,just don’t inflict yourself on them.no matter what the trend is
and sometimes women/girls/females are there just for the music and to dance.
and the dollar beers (or whatever cheap drinks)
Every time I’ve been out to a bar/club with my girl friends, most men just come up behind us and start dancing with us. I don’t particularly like it. Half the time I don’t even know what the guy looks like! But a few times we have been approached at the bar by guys who will strike up a conversation first and then ask us to dance. So I guess there’s no written rule but as a woman, I prefer when a guy talks to me first before throwing himself on top of me.
If a man does,that he better hope she does not have a huge boyfriend, he’s not there and within punching distance !
I didn’t think I was that old. I guess I am. Thanks for the enlightement. I sure am glad I’m off the market!
I don’t know, but it makes me glad that I’m not college age.
Could you maybe just attempt a little eye contact yourself? A slight nod of your head towards the dance floor? I’d come to a dead stop if a guy just started “grinding”. Could you maybe dance without “grinding”? Grinding, to me, implies you have certain expectations that a girl is a certain…let’s say “easy”.
I once had a guy come up to me and say very earnestly; “I’ve been watching you. I’d really like it if you would dance with me.” I danced. Not many women could resist such an honest, open invitation to dance.
@Trillian that’s the best dance offer I’ve heard
@Flutherite When my wife hits the lounges with her crew on girl’s night…she tells me about the dudes that start grinding behind them out of nowhere. Trust, she doesn’t appreciate it nor do her friends. I hear the stories. So I recommend….‘No grind’.
College bar. That seems to just be the method of dancing there. Thats how everyone dances. Its got loud club\top40 music.
I see, so ask first.
If a girl starts dancing in your area, coming almost toward you, is that an invitation to start dancing, or still ask first?
@Flutherite
“If a girl starts dancing in your area, coming almost toward you, is that an invitation to start dancing, or still ask first?”
It might not be a direct invitation, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t start dancing in your place and let her approach you.
If she continues to where she’s dancing right in front of you, then I’d say that was an invitation.
If she doesn’t continue dancing toward you, then ask.
Get drunk !! Fall down!! end of!! :-)
keep it simple: act how you would want someone else to act towards you.
What does “grinding on” mean? It can’t mean what it sounds like.
well most likely you were at a bar where everyone was somewhat familiar with one another. After all it was at a college bar. Most of the time people like people who are dancing because it makes the ones who want to dance but are too timid to start dancing to dance. Once the drinks are flowing almost anything goes
Whenever I go to clubs or bars with my friends, if a guy comes up right behind us trying to grind or dance, we always move away. IMO, you should always ask or make some sort of nonverbal communication. If you just go up to the girl and start doing your thing, you’ll most likely be labeled creepy. I agree completely with @Trillian‘s answer.
@Judi @Jeruba Grinding and How to Grind
@flutherite: “Is it “legal” to just grind on a girl at the dance floor?”
Let me be the first to just outright say: NO. Grinding your crotch against a girls body without any sort of permission is NOT acceptable behavior and just because you see other assholes doing it doesn’t mean it’s okay to do, ever. Seriously, the world would be a slightly better place if every douchebag frat kid at a college bar recognized this.
“Should I ask?”
Yes.
“just grind on a girl at the dance floor?”
NO.
@Jeruba see “Dirty Dancing”...the movie
@OneMoreMinute, I have (good movie)—I just couldn’t believe anyone actually would think it was okay to take such liberties with a stranger, or in fact with anyone who didn’t expect and welcome that degree of familiarity. So I thought it had to mean something else in current slang. Considering how creepy it’s possible to be even from a distance, creepy and close-close-close has to be outrageous.
@Jeruba It’s mostly the younger college/university bars and dance clubs, and in the hip part of the city.
I don’t even go to loud bars, only from lack of interest!
You’d more often find me grinding on a cutting edge book about quantum thinking or organic stuff, or just following my cat around the house than in a grindhouse nightclub.
But now, a nice quiet mature piano bar, with dark wood and leather booths…now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! ....and a smoooth martini! ...uh huh! ...yuh!
Men who do that are “creepy”, “assholes”, and “douchebags”, as said above. However, the one arguably attractive quality they have is confidence. Misguided, misplaced, pigheaded, egotistical, and chauvinistic confidence, but confidence, nonetheless. If you never ask, if you never approach, if you never take a risk, then nothing is going to happen. You will continue to sit and observe while feeling your frustration and confusion build.
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Approach.
Ask them to dance. (Try to work your name into it so you aren’t random guy X.)
Women are people. They find sincere attention (assuming it isn’t objectifying) just as flattering as you do.
Just know if she walks away, your being either being creepy or she doesn’t like you at all. So stop what your are doing or saying.
And if you ask her to dance and she says no. She means no and move on to the next girl.
Answer this question 
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.
Composing members:
0
